


For a Girl

by parkrstark



Category: Castle
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Cunnilingus, Dream Sex, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Genderswap, Human Trafficking, Insecure Kevin, Kevin gets turned into a girl, Kidnapping, Menstruation, Mentions of Lockwood, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Pregnancy, Rule 63, Semi-Public Sex, Soul Bond, Torture, Undercover, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Fingering, Witches, kind of?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:49:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 95,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9253478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: Written for the 2k16 Rysposito Secret Santa Fic Exchange:"Genderswap one and how they deal with it/how it affects their relationship."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have a few things to say before this starts:
> 
> 1) I've been toying with this idea for a while and this prompt gave me an excuse to polish it up on my drive and finish it.  
> 2) This case is probably going to be bs, the main focus on this is Ryan now being a woman and all that fun stuff.  
> 3) The witches part was inspired by Firestar385's The Spellbound Affair so I hope you don't think I'm ripping off your story! Hers is a million times better than mine and actually happens to be my favorite fic. (There's a little easter egg in here for her fic, lmk if you find it:) )  
> 4) This fic is really just an excuse for me to write Kevin as a girl and all that fun stuff that comes with it. There will be laughs and smiles, but there will also be angst and whump and drama so prepare for a ride!

Beckett had to keep for rolling her eyes as Castle entered the apartment with her. He was jumping with excitement. You'd think after over en years of investigating murders, he'd be able to control himself a little better.

But this time, it was a little different. Castle had gotten the text not because he was a private investigator who could lend his opinion, but as a friend who Ryan could fanboy with. About what, God only knew.

She walked in and saw Esposito talking to a uniformed officer. Beckett waited for Esposito finish his conversation before she said, "Thanks for the text."

"What text?" Esposito asked Beckett. He looked at her in confusion, she rarely showed up at crime scenes now that she was Captain.

"Castle, you're here! Come look!" Ryan's voice filled the room before Beckett could answer and Esposito sighed. Of course, why didn't he think of his partner…

Castle grinned and hurried over to where Ryan was standing in their vic's bedroom doorway. Once they were gone, Esposito turned to Beckett and said, "Captain, please excuse my partner."

Beckett just shook her head with a smile. "Just tell me what we have here so this trip isn't a complete waste."

"What, seeing me didn't brighten up your day?" Esposito teased before leading her to where Castle and Castle Jr. disappeared to. "Vic is a 24-year-old girl. Nellie Summers. Found dead on her bedroom floor this morning by the landlord. Repairman was knocking on her door for an hour and no answer."

Beckett pulled on her gloves as she took a look around the well kept apartment. "Any sign of breaking in?"

Esposito shook his head. "That's the thing. There's no sign at all of anyone forcing themselves inside."

"So she knew her killer," Beckett guessed.

"If there was a killer."

Beckett stopped walked and stared dumbly at Esposito. "What are you talking about?"

"There's no GSW or stab wound or noticeable head trauma. Nothing. Lanie has no clue what killed her."

"Okay, maybe it was natural causes or maybe something below the skin," Beckett said reasonably.

Esposito nodded quickly. "Believe me, Captain, I know it's something explainable. But my partner that follows your husband around like a lost puppy? He had other ideas because of the bedroom...decor and all."

Beckett's eyebrows furrowed. "Decor?"

Esposito sighed. "Just follow me." He led Beckett into the vic's bedroom where Lanie was kneeling over the body. But Beckett's attention was dragged to the small table by the bed where the vic had an interesting set up.

Castle noticed the two had joined them and he said to his wife, "After this, I think Ryan deserves a raise. He solved this case all in no more than five minutes." Ryan smiled proudly at the writer as he clapped him on the back.

"Oh, not this again," Esposito mumbled.

Beckett narrowed her eyes between her three boys and said, "Okay, what's going on?"

"Ryan, and it seems now writer-boy, think Summers killed herself." Esposito crossed his arms over his chest.

Beckett looked over at the body, not knowing what was so odd about that. "And?"

"I wasn't finished. They think she killed herself with witchcraft." Esposito finished, looking embarrassed on behalf of his partner.

There it was. Beckett rolled her eyes and turned to her two most imaginative boys. "So, witchcraft?"

Castle nudged Ryan's arm. "Tell her, Kev."

Kevin nodded and with a smile, he explained, "There are no signs of any outsiders involved in this. Her windows and doors were locked. No one was seen entering her apartment all night. And her body shows no signs of a typical murder. So the only other solution is that she killed herself, but she did not commit suicide."

Beckett raised her eyebrows. "You lost me."

"Our vic was a witch. She was in the middle of a spell when she killed herself.

Esposito just shook his head. "I know, that doesn't help explain it either."

"What's hard to understand?" Castle asked. "She was messing around with a spell and it went wrong. Instead of killing her intended target, it killed her."

"We haven't figured out _how_ yet, but we will figure that part out," Ryan added quickly.

"And while those two play Scooby-Doo, I'll be the one actually _solving_ the _murder._ " Esposito rolled his eyes. "I already found a card with a woman's name and number. I'll give her a call." He handed the card to Beckett.

"Callie Barnes," Beckett read out loud as Castle read over her shoulder.

"Looks witchy to me," he said.

Beckett handed the card back to Esposito. "Check her out."

* * *

Castle, Esposito, and Ryan walked into Callie Barnes' apartment after she opened the door. Esposito ignored everything around them, but Ryan and Castle stared openly at her apartment. It looked like an honest to God, witch's lair.

"What can I help you with, detectives?" She asked, leading them to her living room. "Sit." She gestured to the couch. The boys sat side by side on the small loveseat while she sat across from them in an armchair.

Ryan and Castle finally stopped staring around to focus on the woman.

"Can I get you anything to drink? I have some freshly made lemonade in the kitchen," she offered.

Ryan shook his head. "No thanks, ma'am. We just had a few questions for you about a woman named Nellie Summers."

Callie furrowed her brow. "I can't say I know whom you're talking about, I'm afraid."

Esposito pulled out a picture they had of their vic and handed it to her. "She was found in her apartment this morning."

Callie raised her eyebrows, a moment of recognition passed through her eyes. "Oh, what happened?"

"We don't know yet-."

"Do you know if she was involved in _extracurricular_ activities?" castle asked, causing Esposito to roll his eyes.

"Like what?" She responded calmly

Castle stared right back at her and didn't say a word. Ryan spoke up next to him, "The usual, cooking, bowling, golf... _witchcraft_."

Esposito groaned and was embarrassed to be sitting on the same couch as those two. Before Esposito could apologize for their toddler-like behavior, Callie was laughing out loud. " _Her_? Puh-lease." She waved her hand. "She wouldn't know witchcraft if it hit her upside the head."

Esposito turned to Castle and Ryan. " _See_? I told you-."

"Though she claims to know what she's doing."

Castle grinned. "So she _does_ do all that witchy stuff."

Callie shrugged her shoulders. "She tries. But she could never keep up."

"So why did she have your contact card?" Esposito questioned.

"I'm one of the best in the community in the five boroughs. They all come to me for help."

"Other witches?" Ryan asked.

"Obviously," she said with a snort.

Ryan turned to his partner with a proud grin. Then he turned back to Callie. "Do you know of anyone that may have wanted to sabotage one of her spells?"

"Sabotage?"

"Could a spell performed by her kill her? Maybe without her knowing the consequences?" Ryan asked, leaning forward, looking too excited to be discussing a murder.

"With someone as careless as her? Entirely possible."

Esposito put a hand on Ryan's arm and pulled him back. "But you still didn't answer his question. Do you know of _anybody_ that would want to hurt her."

"Of course not, I barely know the girl." Callie rolled her eyes. "Will that be all?"

Esposito eyed her for a moment before standing up. Ryan and Castle followed behind him. "We'll be in touch if something comes up. Don't think about going anywhere."

"The guilty run."

"So I guess we won't have a problem then." Esposito waited a moment before walking toward the door. A second later, there was a small crash behind him. He turned around to see Callie grabbing onto Ryan's waist as if she just fell.

Esposito readied to take her down, but she quickly straightened up and chuckled. "I apologize. I am so clumsy sometimes."

Esposito looked over to Ryan and they had a silent conversation. Once he knew Ryan was okay and Callie hadn't tripped on purpose to hurt him, he jerked his head towards the door. "C'mon, Ryan."

Callie watched the two with interest as Esposito waited for Ryan to stand in front of him. "I'm happy I could help, detectives. Good luck with _everything_."

Esposito didn't like how she said that, but he wanted to get the hell out of there so he pushed Ryan forward with a hand to the small of his back. Ryan looked at Esposito in confusion before he nodded goodbye to Callie. Castle made sure he said goodbye as well because there was no way he was pissing off a with.

The moment they were out f the apartment, Esposito turned to Ryan. "What was that about?" His eyes trailed over Ryn to find something wrong.

Ryan rolled his eyes and started walking so Esposito couldn't stare at him. "I'm fine. She just tripped and I caught her."

Esposito huffed and followed behind him. Castle was grinning right next to them "Okay, but, we just met a _witch_! I can't wait to tell Beckett, 'I told you so'."

* * *

"A witch? Are you serious?" Beckett asked as they stood in front of the murder board.

"Hey, Ryan and I called it from the first minute," Castle boasted jokingly.

Speaking of Ryan, Esposito looked over to his partner. He'd been uncharacteristically quiet ever since they left Barnes' apartment He also looked much paler than usual. He was no longer happy about finding a "real witch". He actually looked pained...or constipated.

Beckett continued to talk to Castle about all the things they figured out while the boys were interviewing Barnes, but Esposito didn't hear because he was too focused on his partner. Esposito watched Ryan bring a hand to his stomach and Esposito was about to ask him if he was okay, but Ryan stood up from the desk he was leaning on. "Excuse me," he said, before rushing towards the back of the precinct where the restrooms were.

Esposito's eyes followed him as he disappeared. Neither Castle nor Beckett seemed to notice. Castle continued to talk about witches and Beckett continued to tell him to shut up.

Esposito wasn't about to go chasing his partner into the bathroom, maybe he just had to go. Maybe he went to that shady place on the corner of 54th that Esposito told him not to go back to the _last_ time he got food poisoning.

He was arguing with himself for a few moments until Beckett got his attention. "Espo, are you even listening to us?"

Esposito shook his head. "What? Oh, um, I'll be right back." He turned to go follow Ryan, but then Ryan was making his way back to the desk, looking a little better.

He made his way back to the group slowly. "Sorry," he apologized. "Where are we?"

Good thing Castle was paying attention because there was no way Esposito knew what had happened. "Beckett says we can't go back to Callie."

Ryan furrowed his brow and turned to their captain. "What? Why not?"

Castle rolled his eyes. "She's not really a witch, she's just crazy and we can't get caught up in whatever she's doing, blah, blah-."

"I don't want you two chasing around a witch instead of solving this case." Beckett looked sternly between Castle and Ryan.

Ryan actually pouted. "Beckett, but-."

"Am I clear, Detective?" Beckett rarely pulled the "Captain" card, but when she did it was serious.

Ryan didn't take it too personally. "Yeah, crystal."

"Good. I've got to get to meeting at 1PP, so I'm leaving you three to finish the case." She turned to Esposito. "Keep an eye on them," she said before walking into her office.

* * *

An hour later, the boys were sitting at their desks snacking on a bag of chips. All they had from Lanie was that she couldn't find anything wrong with the body except that her heart just seemed to stop.

"So when Beckett was talking to us before, you both heard her _tell_ us to go back to Callie's apartment and spy on her, right?" Castle said, popping a chip into his mouth.

Esposito rolled his eyes. "We can't _spy_ on her, Castle. But there was something sketchy about her I didn't like. I think she's definitely more involved than she's letting on." He turned around to Ryan. "What do you think, partner?"

Ryan wasn't paying attention again. He was back to looking pale and clammy in his chair. Esposito was really starting to get worried. Maybe he was coming down with something. "Kev, you okay?" Esposito put a hand on Ryan's leg.

Ryan jerked up and nodded his head quickly. "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine."

"Ryan, don't you lie-."

The ringing of Ryan's phone cut Esposito off and he quickly picked it up. "Ryan. Uh-huh...really...okay, thanks."

Esposito sighed, he didn't want Ryan to get off the hook so easily. "Ryan-."

"That was CSU. They got fingerprints back on Summer's witchy things. Besides for Summers, guess who else's?"

Castle grinned and sat up straighter. "Callie Barnes?" Ryan nodded. "Great! Then that gives us a reason to go see Callie!"

Esposito eyed Ryan carefully and then turned to Castle. "I don't know, man. Beckett wanted us to stay away and she's not back from her meeting yet." He was only trying to keep them in the precinct because he didn't really think Ryan could handle the moving around and commotion when he looked so pale and sick.

"I know you want to arrest her just as much as I want to take down a witch, Espo." Castle didn't seem to notice his partner's odd behavior.

Ryan seemed to know why Esposito was hesitating and sat up straighter. "C'mon, Espo, we need to solve the case. Barnes probably has the answers we need." He didn't wait for Esposito to shoot him down before Ryan stood up from his desk. His knuckles were white as he held onto the desk.

"Ryan,-."

"I'm fine," Ryan said in a clipped voice. He didn't wait before he was leading them to the elevator. Castle followed him with a smile and Esposito grudgingly followed the two. If Beckett didn't those two when they got back, Esposito surely would.

It didn't take more than fifteen minutes for them to reach Callie's apartment. The entire time, Esposito kept a close eye on Ryan using the rearview mirror. Ryan was pouting in the back because Castle called shotgun.

"So her prints were all of Summers' witchy stuff. I mean, how much juicier can this get." He paused. "Although, I'm not too excited to be pissing off a witch that can turn me into a frog."

"Or maybe she'll turn half of you into a frog. That would stink." Esposito chuckled as he pulled up in front of Callie's place.

Castle gasped and his hands flew to his crotch. "As long as it's not my bottom have because I doubt frogs have their manly goods."

"They don't," Ryan confirmed.

Esposito's eyes flickered to the back seat because why the hell did Ryan just know that? Honestly, some of the things he said really, _really_ alarmed Esposito.

"Oh, God, I'd be scaly, and slimy, and have no penis!" Castle was wailing on with his melodramatics.

Esposito rolled his eyes, told him to shut up and started to get out of the car. He waited for Ryan to leave the car and kept an eye on him. He didn't look too pale, but he was moving sluggishly. Hopefully, this would be a 1-2-3 thing and they'd be back in the precinct before Beckett new they were gone.

Castle was complaining about something that Esposito chose to ignore as they went up to her door. He should have left the writer home. Esposito knocked on her door and waited a few seconds before knocking again. Thankfully, this time she opened the door and didn't look a bit surprised to see them.

"Oh, hello, boys. How are you?" She made no move to let them back in her apartment.

"We need to speak with you. We can do it here or we can bring you to the precinct. Your choice." Esposito raised his eyebrows.

She smiled in a way that made Esposito's stomach churn and stepped to the side. "Of course, come in."

As they stepped through her doorway, Esposito didn't like the way her eyes focused and followed Ryan. He cleared his throat, eager to get the attention away from his partner. "If you didn't know our vic, then why were your fingerprints all over her stuff?"

"She came to me for help, doesn't mean I know the girl." She huffed impatiently.

"Well, excuse us for not believing you," Esposito sneered.

Callie raised hands, looking undisturbed. "Really, I am being honest. She needed help with a spell, I gave her what she needed and then we were done."

"What spell?" Castle asked.

"Wouldn't tell me. But from what she was asking for, it was something more advanced. Something she wasn't ready for. And judging from her now being dead, I was right." Callie shook her head. "Spellwork takes skill and patience and energy. It's not just some joke."

"You just let her do this when you knew it would hurt her?" Ryan finally spoke up and Callie grinned as she turned to face him. She completely ignored his question.

"Tell me, Detective, how have you been feeling today?" Callie crooned. Now that Esposito really looked, he could tell his partner looked worse than he did in the car.

"Bite me," Ryan growled with narrowed eyes.

Callie just ignored him again and said, "Upset stomach, pounding headaches, drowsiness."

Ryan fidgeted and rolled his jaw. Esposito could clearly see that Callie had hit his symptoms on the head. "I'm just fine."

"No, you're not. You're not fooling a soul here, my dear."

Esposito raised his gun. "What did you do to him?"

Callie barely blinked at the weapon aimed at her and she replied to Ryan, "Check your pocket."

Hesitantly, Ryan slipped a hand into his pocket and a second later, he pulled out a small cloth bag. He held it in his hand like it was more fragile than glass and inspected the strange markings on the bag.

Ryan was silent so Esposito spoke up for him. His voice was harsh, "What is that?"

"I've told you. He knows," she replied smugly.

Castle shouted over to Ryan, "Drop it!"

Callie laughed as Ryan turned his wide eyes to her. "You can drop it, sweetie, but that won't do you any good. He's already started the spell by holding that with him. Now it's my turn." She closed her eyes and started chanting in Latin.

Immediately, Ryan fell to his knees with a gasp of pain. His head was bowed and he curled in on himself. The more Callie chanted, the worse Ryan got. Esposito lowered his arms and was by Ryan's side in no more than a second.

He grabbed Ryan's shoulders to try and pull him into an upright position, but he refused to budge. "Come on, just look at me, man." Ryan just hissed in pain.

"That's not gonna work, you gotta take out the source," Castle said to Esposito. Behind them, Callie continued to chant on. She was speaking fast and loud now. Ryan was shaking uncontrollably in Esposito's arms.

Castle made the quick decision to charge at Callie and tackle her to the ground. They hit the floor with a thud. She finally stopped speaking and Castle snapped his head over to the boys. Ryan no longer looked in immense pain. He was on all fours, shaking slightly as he attempted to push himself up again.

"I stopped her!" He shouted over to them but didn't pick himself up from her.

A low chuckle brought Castle's attention to Callie. She was lying limp underneath him close to unconsciousness. A slow trickle of blood was leaving her nose. "You didn't stop me. I _finished_ the spell."

Castle scoffed. "Looks like you finished yourself too."

"Everyone needs a legacy," she said with a soft cough.

Castle didn't feel the need to stay over her because she wasn't getting anywhere in her shape. He got to his feet and hurried over to the boys' sides. He watched Esposito speak softly to Ryan, but couldn't hear what he was saying. "She's down over there," Castle said. "You're gonna need to cuff her, but I don't think she's going anywhere."

It took Esposito an extra second to rip his attention off of his partner. "What happened to her?"

Castle kneeled low by Ryan and held onto to his arm to help keep his balance. "Too strong of a spell she's working. She used just about all her stamina."

Esposito huffed and Castle narrowed his eyes. "You can't honestly still tell me witches aren't real. After you saw _this_."

Esposito made sure Ryan was stable with Castle before he began to stand up. "I don't know what the hell is going on right now, Castle. But I do know that her ass is being thrown in jail and Ryan is going to Lanie for a check-up."

"I'm fine-," Ryan started to say but then cut himself off when he shoved Castle off him and threw up by Esposito's feet. There wasn't much for him to spit up, but then that just left him dry heaving until he fell to his side.

"Oh, yeah, you're fine, Ryan." Esposito was not happy.

Castle grabbed Ryan's arm and lifted him carefully. Once he was away from the vomit and Castle had a hold on the slightly shaking Irishman, he said, "You're not winning this battle, Ry," Castle said. "Espo will probably drag you down to the morgue by your ear."

"Beckett will know then. I'm fine," Ryan repeated, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I don't give a shit if Beckett finds out. She's going to know anyway now that we're bringing in Callie." Esposito turned to Castle and said, "Sit with him while I get the bitch."

"I'm not a child." Ryan huffed.

"Well, then stop acting like one. You're going to Lanie whether you like it or not." Esposito stood up and his words were final.

Castle rubbed Ryan's back in sympathy because of his overprotective partner. "We'll get to the car."

Esposito nodded and went over to where Callie was still lying on the ground, moments from passing out. Unlike with Ryan, he roughly pulled her up to her feet. "C'mon, you've got a cell with your name on it waiting for you."

* * *

"What do I owe you boys the pleasure of visiting me?" Lanie asked as she watched the three slowly make their way into the morgue. But, when she saw Ryan being supported by the other two, her mood grew serious. She rushed over to them and asked, "What happened?"

Esposito scoffed. "You wouldn't believe us if we told you."

Lanie just brushed his answer off and said, "Bring him to my table. You're lucky I don't have a body right now."

Castle and Espo followed her over and helped Ryan up on the examining table. He wobbled slightly as Castle and Esposito let go of him. Esposito's hands shot back to steady him, but Ryan shoved him away. "I'm fine, just a little tired."

Esposito caught Lanie's eyes and gave her a look. "Don't listen to this stubborn idiot."

Lanie pushed Esposito and Castle away from the table. "Give me some space." She turned back to Ryan and looked him over. He looked pale and clammy. She gingerly brushed her hand over his cheek. She could feel the thin covering of sweat over his skin. "What happened?"

Ryan and Castle both answered with, "Witch."

Lanie paused and raised her eyebrows. "Okay," she said hesitantly, "Now, you two have that same active imagination, but what about you?" She turned back to Javier.

For a moment, he didn't speak as he tried to wrap his mind around what happened. He knew what he had seen, but how was that even possible. In the end, he settled for only knowing what happened, not how. "A witch."

Lanie laughed when Esposito spoke. "You three almost got me good. Especially you, Ryan, I don't know how you got yourself to look this sick, but it's completely believable. You had me until Javier Esposito said it was a witch." Her laughter died down when the other three weren't speaking. "It is a joke, right?"

"She said some sort of spell. It hurt." Ryan sagged his shoulders and Lanie's attention was brought back to him.

She didn't care what hurt him, no matter how unrealistic, Ryan was hurt and he needed her help. "Where does it hurt?"

"It doesn't hurt anymore. Just kinda...sore," Ryan admitted.

Ryan, just like all of them, was never quick to say he was in pain, so to hear him even mention being sore, Lanie knew it was serious. "Where are you sore?"

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "All of my muscles. I just feel tired, like I could sleep for years."

"Can you just take off your shirt? I'm going to give you a check-up." Lanie didn't use her bag of medical instruments for the living often, but she always kept it close by just in case a time like this ever happened.

She placed in next to Ryan as he pulled off his button down shirt. She let him keep on his white t-shirt. She checked all of his vitals and didn't see anything out of the norm. "I don't see anything too alarming. Your temperature is a little high, but hopefully, the fever will break. Just keep an eye on that. But you may want to go to an _actual_ doctor to make sure."

"I'll be fine, I just need to rest up. I'll just tell Beckett I'm feeling sick and hopefully, she'll let me go home."

"Wait a minute, Beckett doesn't know what's going on?" Lanie scoffed. "You boys are unbelievable. Especially, you Castle. How could you hide this from your wife?"

"We're not hiding it from her...we just weren't supposed to go see the girl," Castle admitted. "We'd rather not get in trouble."

"You're crazy if you think you're going to get away with this." Lanie turned back to Ryan to check on him.

"Oh, come on, Beckett will never find out."

"Beckett will never find out what? That you three went behind my back to go get a suspect when I told you not to?"

Castle jumped and hid behind Esposito. "Hey, honey, we were just visiting Lanie."

Beckett rolled her eyes. "Save it, _dear_. I saw LT and he told me you had him put Callie in holding."

Esposito cursed under his breath. "Damnit."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Now, would you lie to tell me what happened?"

Castle knew they weren't getting out of this one, unless...they could pull the sympathy card. Ryan was the baby in the group even if he was thirty-four years old. "Beckett, we just needed Ryan to get checked out."

Beckett's arms dropped and her eyes widened. "Ryan? What's wrong with Ryan?" She walked around Castle over to Lanie at the table with Ryan still sitting there.

Ryan knew exactly what card they were trying to pull and put on his 'pain' face. Beckett put a hand on his arm. "What happened?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out myself," Lanie mumbled.

"It was Callie with her witchy powers," Castle said. "She started mumbling all of this Latin and then Ryan was on the ground."

Beckett just shook her head. "Castle, I really don't have time for your stories right now. Not only did you go after a suspect after I told you not to, but one of my detectives got hurt because of it."

"He was going to get hurt anyway. She had a hex bag in his pocket. She was just finishing the job."

"Castle," Beckett said with an edge of warning in her tone.

Castle stared at Ryan and Ryan quickly made an attempt to catch Beckett's attention. He coughed weakly. Castle smiled at him when Beckett stopped giving him the look.

"That's it, you're going home."

Ryan shook his head. "Just let me stay until the end of shift. I want to be here when she gets hauled away."

Beckett sighed. "Ryan, I would really feel more comfortable if you went home…"

Ryan looked up at her with his big eyes and asked again, "Please, Beckett. I'll be fine and the moment I need to, I will go home. I promise."

"Fine, but you're not going inside. You're watching with Castle as Espo and I crack her." Beckett was leaving no room to argue.

* * *

"Ms. Barnes, it's nice to see you again," Beckett said, taking a seat from across Callie.

Callie was slumped in her seat and she looked as fatigued as Ryan did. "I don't have much time left, so let's cut to the chase, huh?"

Beckett raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

Callie scoffed. "Please, you can't really be that dumb." She waved her hand at Esposito. "I'm sure, he's told you what happened with your partners."

"I heard, but I can honestly tell you I don't believe a word of it."

"Neither did he," Callie challenged. "Now ask him. I'm sure he believes."

"I believe you're a bitch," Esposito growled.

Callie rolled her eyes. "You'll be thanking me tomorrow. Just you wait."

Esposito leaned forward. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Callie rolled her eyes. "It's not that difficult to understand. You, humans, do the same thing. You invent things, cure diseases, all for what? You want to be remembered."

Beckett and Esposito stayed quiet as Callie continued on.

"Witches want the same thing. We want to be recognized for our work. And I've been working with my spell for a few years now. I had to get it perfect."

"What spell?" Esposito urged her to answer him. He needed to know _exactly_ what was wrong with his partner.

Calli ignored him. "A few months ago, I went to the doctor. Turns out I have cancer and he gave me no more than six months. I'm almost out of time. But I needed to leave my mark in the witchcraft world."

"This is where I find you hard to believe. You're a witch with all these powers, but you can't cure cancer?"

Callie narrowed her eyes. "We're not gods."

"Maybe if you weren't such a hag, I'd feel bad," Esposito said. "Now, tell me, what did you do to Kevin?"

Callie grinned. "Kevin? Oh, your partner will be fine. In fact, he'll be more than fine." Beckett grabbed Esposito's arm before he could flip out on her. "What I can tell you is that I didn't kill Summers. Your two little Sherlocks figured that one out already. She did it herself with a little faulty spellwork. Amature work, really."

"Why would you tell us?" Beckett asked. "And how do you know?"

"I've been doing this for a while, sweetie. I've seen it before with someone like her. It didn't come as a surprise." She shrugged her shoulders. "What I left for my kind took a lot out of me, so I know I'm not lasting much longer. And letting myself go down as the murderer of another witch will not do me well."

Beckett and Esposito stared at her. "You're not going to tell us, are you?"

Callie smiled as she let her eye drift close. "You'll find out soon enough."

* * *

"You're sleeping in my bed."

Ryan laughed. "Javier Esposito, if iI didn't know any better, I'd say you were flirting with me."

Esposito rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself. I just want you to sleep somewhere comfortable." He watched as Ryan walked into his living room with his eyes already drooping. "But, it looks like you'd fall asleep on my wood floor right now if I let you."

At that, Ryan tried to make it look as if he wasn't exhausted, but it wasn't working well. "I'm fine. I'll be back to myself after a good night of rest."

"Oh, so tomorrow you'll be highly annoying and unbearable?" Esposito laughed at Ryan as he stuck out his tongue. "I'm kidding, just go throw on comfortable clothes and go to bed before you drop dead."

Ryan didn't even argue and walked slowly towards Esposito's bedroom. Esposito followed slowly behind him to make sure he got to his room without falling over. "Do you always have to be so irritating."

"What?" Esposito feigned innocence.

Ryan just ignored him and walked into Esposito's room. He stopped and turned around to face his partner with a grin. "I'm going to get changed in private. Unless you want to see that too." He shut the door on Esposito.

"Just don't fall over and crack your skull open," Esposito said to the now shut door.

Ryan's voice came back muffled "No promises." Esposito rolled his eyes and left Ryan alone while he did what he needed to do in the bathroom. By the time, he finished, Ryan would be done with his changing and then he could get a turn in the bathroom.

A few minutes later, Esposito took his time so Ryan would have the chance to get ready. He stepped out and walked back to his bedroom door. He knocked twice and said, "Ryan, you done yet?" There was no answer and he started to get worried. No matter how much he insisted he was fine, Esposito couldn't get the image of what happened earlier that day out of his mind. Something horrible could happen to Ryan at any moment. Esposito had to keep his eye on him. A little more frantically, Esposito knocked on the door harder. "Ryan, you okay?" Ryan didn't answer so Esposito yelled, maybe a little too loudly, "You better be decent because I'm coming in."

He shoved open his door and his eyes immediately went to the floor where he Esposito feared Ryan fell. But his floor was clean, besides for Ryan's suit he had left thrown on the floor by the foot of the bed. Which just showed how exhausted his partner truly was because he would never throw his suit on the floor.

His eyes traveled to his bed next and Esposito was relieved to see Ryan lying in bed. And it wasn't a position he could have passed out in, but he was curled on his side around Esposito's pillow. Esposito took a moment to calm his breathing before he walked to Ryan's side.

He looked at him for a few long seconds just to make sure his chest was rising and falling at a normal rate. "Christ, Kevin, you scared the shit out of me," he said even though he knew he wouldn't be heard.

Esposito sighed heavily and pulled his blankets out from underneath Ryan so he could cover him. If anyone could see him now, tucking in his 34-year-old partner, he would bury himself in a hole of embarrassment and never come out.

But snuggled under the blankets, wearing his a little too big sweats and t-shirt, Ryan looked kind of cute.

Wait, what?

Esposito dropped the blanket in his hand so it settled on Ryan and he took a huge step back. There was no way he just called his partner cute. That was not happening. Not because he didn't think it, but because he _couldn't_. He wasn't about to ruin their partnership because Esposito failed to keep his girly emotions in check.

Esposito sighed once more before grabbing a change of clothes. He looked back at Ryan to make sure he was really sleeping before he pulled off clothes. He tried to keep him off his mind as he got ready for the night, but Kevin refused to leave him alone.

Before he left the room, he used the back of his hand to brush across Ryan's forehead and check his temperature. He still felt hot under his touch, but Esposito hoped he got better in the morning. With one last glance at Ryan, Esposito shut the light off and left the room. He'd have no problem with sleeping on the couch. As long as Ryan was comfortable.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoy this next chapter<3

The next morning, Esposito was woken up by his alarm early. Esposito groaned as he rolled off the couch. His old couch wasn't the worst thing he had ever slept on, but it definitely wasn't as good as his bed.

Esposito knew that Ryan definitely needed his rest after yesterday, but he was anxious to go see how he was feeling. He took his time getting up and at least starting the coffee machine for Ryan before he woke up.

A few minutes later, he was making his way down the hallway and to his bedroom. He knew Ryan wouldn't answer a knock at the door if he were sleeping, so he opened the door and walked in. Sure enough, there was a lump under the blankets where Ryan was still sound asleep.

Esposito walked over and put his hand where he assumed Ryan's shoulder was. "Ryan, get up." He shook him softly, so if he still wasn't feeling well, he wouldn't make him more nauseous.

Ryan let out a soft groan that made Esposito pause. His voice sounded different. Maybe he really was feeling sick. He pulled the blanket off Ryan's head. "Kev, I just want-." The sight in front of him stopped him short.

Whoever was in his bed was not Ryan. This person in his bed was a woman with long brown hair. Her face was buried in the pillow so he couldn't get a good look at her. Who the hell was she? Where was Ryan? Esposito had so many thoughts running through his mind, but all he could think to say was, "What the fuck?"

His booming voice seemed to have roused Sleeping Beauty from her rest and she rolled over. She did not look happy to be woken as she glared up at Esposito. "What the hell, Espo?" She looked towards the window that showed the sky with no sun up yet. "What time is it?"

Esposito stared at her wide eyed and took a step back. "Who are you?" He looked around the room searching for Ryan. "Where is the guy that was in this bed? Blue eyes, brown hair, wearing a Yankees…" Esposito trailed off when he got a better look at this girl. From her brown hair to her blue eyes, to her Yankees t-shirt. "Holy shit."

The woman scrunched up her nose and if Esposito was doubting it a second ago, he wasn't anymore. This girl lying on his bed was his partner?

"Javi, are you on drugs?" She-he?- finally realized the difference in his voice and cleared his throat. "I sound like a 12-year-old boy before puberty."

Any other time, Esposito would have had a clever comeback for that, but he was still in shock of what he was seeing. Maybe it was a dream. Maybe he'd wake up and Ryan would be back to normal.

Esposito squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them back up to see her staring back up at him in concern. "Seriously, Javi, are you okay?"

That's when it seemed to click in Ryan's head that he was now a she. His eyes widened, looking huge on his face. Then he looked down at himself and realized this was not the body he fell asleep with.

He jumped out of the bed with a loud shout. The sweats fell to her ankles, but thankfully the t-shirt covered her to her mid-thigh. "Don't look!" She screeched as she quickly bent down to pull her sweats back up.

Esposito was trying to figure out if he should actually be looking away. In the end, he decided he really didn't need to. "Ryan, is that you?"

He nodded furiously and his brown hair bounced against his shoulder. "Yes! I mean, it was...but now I have long hair, a high-pitched voice, and boobs!"

"Maybe I am on drugs," Esposito mumbled under his breath.

"Javi!" Ryan yelled desperately, his voice cracking in a way that pained Esposito's heart.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Esposito took a step closer and rubbed Ryan's arm. Esposito had comforted his partner like this many times before, but this was the first time his arm felt small and soft under his touch. "We'll figure out what's going on. Let's just calm down."

"It was her. Callie. Yesterday when she put that spell on me, this was it!"

Esposito paused. Visions of her bragging about a spell that would go down in history popped in his mind. She knew she was turning Ryan into a girl. "Oh, my God, that bitch."

"I can't believe this is happening," Ryan said, his voice finally not yelling. "What am I going to do?"

Esposito kept his hand on Ryan's arm to keep him steady. "Well, I'll tell you what _we're_ gonna do. We're going to find something better to fit you and we're going to call Castle and Beckett-."

"No!" Ryan shouted. Esposito stopped and waited for Ryan to continue. "It's embarrassing," he admitted in a low voice. "I'm not supposed to be a girl...It's...I don't want them to know."

Seeing boy-Ryan crying hurt Esposito like hell, but watching girl-Ryan get teary eyed was even worse in a way. Esposito wanted to pull him in for a hug, but he wasn't really sure how Ran would feel about that right now so he settled on rubbing his arm. "Hey, it'll be fine. They're not going to make fun of you. I'm not laughing."

Ryan ran a hand through his hair like he always did when stressed, but that only made it worse when his fingers ran through his now long locks. He fell to the bed and said, "You're different."

Esposito sat next to him. "C'mon, br-Kevin," he corrected himself because he wasn't sure if Ryan could still be called 'bro'. "They're our family. And we've gone through a lot of crazy shit together. They can help."

"Okay, okay, fine." Ryan nodded, hugging himself tightly with his arms. "Just, let's get this over with. I'm already starting to miss...some things."

Esposito laughed. "Don't worry, before you know it, you'll be back to yourself. No more little-Ryan." Esposito paused. "Well, actually, little-Ryan would be gone, but Little Ryan will be back."

Ryan glared at him through his dark lashes. "Really?"

Esposito tried to keep a straight face. "I'm sorry, Kev, but you were short as a dude, but now you're like up to my nose. You're probably up to Castle's waist."

Ryan shoved Esposito hard, but not hard enough to push him over. "I hate you so much," he claimed, but there was a smile on his face.

"See, we'll get through this." Esposito knew they would as long as he could keep a smile on Ryan's face.

* * *

"Did he say what was wrong?" Castle asked Beckett as they rushed down the hall to Esposito's apartment door.

"No, Castle, he just said we needed to get here as quickly as we could."

"Do you think something's wrong with Ryan?"

"I don't know, Castle," Beckett quickened her pace even more. She had a bad feeling Castle's suspicions were right. "Let's just get there and find out, okay?" She knocked loudly on Esposito's door. It was opened no more than a moment later.

Esposito stepped back to let them in and the moment she stepped foot in his apartment, Beckett was looking around for Ryan. "What's wrong? Is Ryan okay?"

"Uh, he's alive and well…" Esposito said, nervously.

Beckett furrowed her eyebrows. Castle spoke up, "What happened? Something witchy?"

Beckett huffed and shoved his shoulder. How could he joke when Ryan was possibly not okay. But then again, with Castle, he probably wasn't joking. " _Castle-,_ " she started with a warning tone but was cut off by Esposito.

"Yes. Definitely witchy."

Beckett turned back to Esposito, a look of surprise clearly on her face. "What?"

Esposito didn't answer her. Instead, he turned to the hallway and called out, "Ryan, come on." They all stood to wait for Ryan to enter the living room, but he never did. Esposito huffed. "Ryan, seriously, no one is going to laugh. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can fix you."

 _Fix him?_ What the hell was going on?

Her silent question was answered a few moments later when a woman came walking out of the hall. Apparently, this mess involved a strange woman? Her head was down, so Beckett couldn't see her face, but she didn't think she recognized her from anywhere.

But Castle did.

"Ryan?!" His voice went up an octave.

The girl, that couldn't possibly be Ryan because that was insane, looked up finally. When Beckett saw her face, it looked so obvious. This woman was Ryan.

The now female Ryan smiled nervously and it was clear to Beckett this wasn't a joke. Not even his sisters looked this similar to Ryan.

"Yeah, it's me."

His voice, though now much softer and higher in pitch, was still obviously Ryan's. Beckett looked Ryan up and down. His female body lost a few inches and Beckett would have to look down on him even if she wasn't wearing heels. Ryan must have borrowed Esposito's clothes because the large sweatshirt fell past his waist and the bottom of his sweats bagged around his feet. He had beautiful brown wavy hair that even Beckett was a little jealous of.

His entire persona just looked innocent and even more baby-faced that he was a male.

"You're a woman?" Beckett asked. "How did this happen?"

"Look's like Callie's little experiment went as planned," Castle noted. "She wanted to go down in history."

"How do we change you back?" Beckett took a step closer but didn't take her eyes off of him.

"We were hoping you two would be able to help," Esposito said from his spot next to Ryan. "We could-."

"Do you have...the female parts too?"

Everyone turned to look at the writer. "Castle!" Beckett slapped his arm as Ryan's face grew red in embarrassment.

"I'm just saying: if I were turned into a girl, I know the first thing I'd do."

"Grow up, Castle." Beckett rolled her eyes.

Castle laughed. "I'm joking, I'm joking." Then he turned to the boys and whispered loudly, "I'm not joking."

"I'm too busy freaking out about being a girl to enjoy it, I'm sorry." Ryan fidgeted as he pulled at his sweatshirt sleeves.

"Stop embarrassing my partner, Castle."

"You're right. You're an embarrassment enough," Castle said to Esposito.

Esposito opened his mouth to argue back, but Beckett interrupted. "Can we please focus on the real problem here, boys?" She raised her eyebrows at them before continuing, "Our best bet is to talk to Callie before she's gone.

"What if someone recognizes me at the precinct?" Ryan asked uncertainly.

"No, you're going to the morgue with Castle. You're getting another check up from Lanie. Espo and I will crack Callie."

"What?" Esposito said, alarm lacing his tone.

"He'll be fine, Espo. I need your help in the box and Castle needs to stay with Ryan in case he starts feeling bad. We meet back at the loft." Beckett's voice was all business.

Reluctantly, Esposito nodded. "Fine, but I'm not promising I won't punch this witch across the face."

"Noted," Beckett said.

Esposito turned back to Ryan. "You'll be okay?" He asked in a low voice. He had to fight the urge to brush the hair from his eyes.

"Yeah, go, I'm fine," Ryan said, although he looked anything but fine.

Esposito didn't believe it, but a second later, Castle had his arm around Ryan's shoulder. "We're fine, Papa Bear. Go do your job."

If Ryan looked small in Esposito's clothes, he looked even smaller under Castle's arm. He looked kind of ridiculous in the getup, but it wasn't like he had a closet of women's clothes that would fit Ryan's female body.

Beckett knew Esposito wasn't going to leave without a push, so she nodded her head towards the front door. "Come on, Espo, let's get this done and then we can figure out what's up with Ryan."

Esposito looked over at Ryan, asking him one more time if he was really okay before following Beckett out the door. Once they were gone, Castle turned to Ryan and grinned widely. "Now it's time for Castle and Castle Jr. to have some fun."

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah, a lot of fun."

"Don't be such a downer. It'll be fun, you'll see."

"I seriously doubt that." Ryan crossed his arms over his chest and then quickly dropped them when they rested on something he wasn't used to. He blushed and said, "I don't even have shoes."

"You have socks."

"It's December. Socks aren't warm enough."

"So borrow Espo's. We can pick you up a pair on the way home from your check-up." Castle reasoned.

"I'm not going shopping for girls' clothes," Ryan said stubbornly. "There's no way in hell."

"I don't really think you have a choice, Ry. Unless you want to parade around in clothes that are 5 sizes too big," Castle said apologetically.

Ryan sighed, knowing he wasn't going to win that argument. Or he just didn't _want_ to argue. "Fine, but no dresses or pink."

"You wore pink as a man."

"That's different."

"Sorry, I'm not caught up on the male-to-female rules."

"Can we just get this over with? I'm still kinda tired," Ryan admitted.

"Are you okay?" Castle asked in concern. "Does something hurt?"

Ryan sighed and started walking towards the front door. "I finally got Javi to leave. Now not you."

"Listen, I promised to keep an eye on how you were feeling. If Javier finds out I dragged you through the city when you were feeling sick, he'd kill me." Castle followed Ryan.

"I'm not his responsibility."

"Like that'll stop his mother-henning." Castel scoffed as they left the apartment. "It's inevitable."

"What are you talking about?" Ryan paused his walking in the hallway to stare up at Castle.

Castle furrowed his eyebrows. "What? You never noticed it? I mean, you had to have." Castle stared down at Ryan, but he didn't show any sign of knowing what Castle was talking about. "Oh, my God, you don't."

Ryan frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"So when you told Espo you hurt your back just so you didn't have to carry all those boxes...were you surprised that he carried it all for you and continued to make sure you didn't lift a thing for the rest of the day?"

Ryan didn't respond and Castle laughed. "You really don't see how whipped he is! Man, and now that you're temporarily a girl it's going to be even better."

Quickly walking again, Ryan said, "I'm glad my suffering gives you joy."

"This is going to be great." Castle was completely ignoring Ryan. "Just you wait."

* * *

Esposito didn't wait for Beckett to take the lead like she wanted to. He was going to take care of this himself because no one hurt his partner and got away with it.

He pounded on her holding cell, making her jump on her bench. She looked even paler and sicker than yesterday. Esposito knew she wasn't lying about being close to dying or maybe that spell had taken all of her energy. It could possibly be both.

"Hey, Barnes, get up," he shouted.

She grinned up at him. "Back so soon, detective?" She struggled to sit up without shaking.

"Do you think this is a joke?" He narrowed his eyes and behind him vaguely heard Beckett walking in.

"I think it's a success." She looked from Esposito to Beckett. "And by the looks on your faces, I'm right."

"Callie, you're only hurting yourself by dragging this on." Beckett's voice was calm but firm.

"I'm already a goner, Captain. And I left my legacy so I am fine with whatever happens now." She paused before saying, "Your partner on the other, he may have some trouble adjusting. Oh, I'm sorry, _she_ will have some trouble adjusting."

In a flash, Esposito grabbed the collar of her shirt and pulled her against the bars. "Change him back."

Callie laughed bitterly. "Oh, sweetie, I can't." She shrugged her shoulders. "Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Didn't really figure that far into my spell and I don't have the energy anymore."

Esposito shook her roughly. "Stop lying to me!"

Callie rolled her eyes. "You can believe whatever you want. But nothing you do will change the fact that there is no way back."

Esposito let go of her and she fell off the bench. She didn't move to pick herself up because she didn't have the strength. Beckett put a hand on Esposito to urge him to back up. She took his spot and looked down at Callie. Just because she wasn't going to be as rough as Esposito, didn't mean she was going to be nicer.

"If you don't tell us what you did, I can promise you will regret it."

Callie rolled her eyes. "You people really don't get it, do you? The rate I'm going, I won't be here another week. You can't do anything to me."

"Why? It worked, congratulations, now why not change him back? You have your glory." Beckett gripped the ebar tightly to restrain herself from grabbing this woman like Esposito had.

"Why ruin something so perfect?" Callie asked. "And if you really want to find out, use your detective skills. Go on and save your partner. She's waiting."

* * *

Lanie was not supposed to be in for work another hour so whatever Castle called her in for better be important. When she walked through the lab doors, she saw Castle was already sitting in the chair waiting for her.

"Castle, what has you so…" she trailed off when she noticed a woman that wasn't Beckett sitting next to him. Lanie looked between the two of them. She noticed many similarities like their blue eyes and their brunette hair. With pursed lips and narrowed eyes, she said, "Castle, I may be a doctor, but I don't do paternity tests."

Castle raised his eyebrows and exchanged a look with the young woman sitting next to him. She was the one speak up, "No, Lanie, it's me."

Like _that_ cleared things up.

"And if I were Castle's kid, God help me, he would have been ten when he had me."

"Hey, I'm not that old." Castle pouted.

Lanie narrowed her eyes, looking from one to the other. The girl looked familiar, but Lanie couldn't place her finger on why. "Castle, please, just tell me what is going on. I thought you called because Ryan was hurt."

There was silence until the woman chuckled. "Well, I'm not _hurt_."

Lanie turned wide-eyed to face her. "You're not... _Ryan_?"

She, no _he,_ smiled nervously and that's how she knew it was Ryan. "In the flesh." He paused. "Well, sort of."

Lanie looked Ryan's female body up and down before whipping her head to Castle and glaring at him. "What the hell did you do?"

"Me? Why do you assume _I_ did something?" Castle challenged. "I'm trying to help! I already called Alexis on the way here to look into the witch community."

Lanie shook her head and looked over to Ryan and in a much softer voice said, "Get over here and let's get you checked over. I'll make sure nothing has changed and make sure everything is okay after this little transformation."

Ryan nodded and hopped off the chair. She tried not to stare at how crazy he looked in the clothes that obviously belonged to Javier. He lifted himself up to sit on the same table he'd been on yesterday but now he looked much better. Besides for the obvious.

"Anything feel off?"

Ryan shook his head. "I mean, I don't know how being a girl is supposed to feel but I don't think anything's wrong."

Lanie checked his heartbeat, his reflexes, and his other vitals before declaring he was healthy. "If I didn't know you were you, I would not think for a moment you were once a man. More detailed testing may prove otherwise, but I doubt it."

Ryan sighed, looking relieved.

Lanie cleared her throat as her eyes fell to Ryan's chest. "Now, I'm assuming you woke up with the other surprises."

Ryan blushed and he shrunk in on himself again. "Why is everyone so interested in my boobs?"

Lanie raised her hands. "I was just going to ask if anything looked off or if they were sore."

Ryan hesitated. "I don't know. I haven't had a chance to really soak all this in. Javi woke me up and then I was dragged here."

Lanie gestured to Ryan's large sweatshirt. "May I?"

After a long moment, Ryan nodded. "Fine, just get it over with. And don't tell Javi." He grabbed the hem of his sweatshirt and lifted it above his head. Once his chest was bare, he refused to make eye contact with Lanie.

Carefully, Lanie dragged her fingers over Ryan's ribs. His female body was obviously different from his male body so that involved his bones shifting (probably, assuming that's how the witch's spell worked). He didn't flinch and she didn't feel anything out of place so she knew his ribs were all okay.

She looked at Ryan's new formed breasts as well. Thankfully, she didn't notice any bruises or lumps that could cause concern. "I'm just going to feel them for one second. Castle, your eyes still better be closed."

Ryan remained silent so Lanie went on and softly touched Ryan's breasts, collarbone and under his arms. He didn't flinch at that either and there were no suspicious lumps so hopefully, they weren't sore and he wasn't lying about she was done, happy that his female body was perfectly healthy.

"You can throw that sweatshirt back on." And Ryan quickly did so. While he was pulling it back over his head, Lanie said, "If it makes you feel any better, a lot of girls would kill to have boobs like you."

This only made Ryan blush even more and Lanie laughed. Castle was probably dying in his seat, but she knew him well enough to know he gave Ryan his privacy. "Coming from a girl with large girls, I'd kill to have 'em smaller and perky."

"So is that it?" Ryan asked, trying to change the subject. "Because now I get to go shopping."

Lanie laughed at Ryan's flat tone. "Sounds like fun, just don't exert yourself. Take it easy until you have all your strength back."

"I wish I could sleep until this was all over." Ryan sighed.

Lanie rubbed his arm. "Brighten up. It could've been worse. You could have been turned into a goat or a fish. Instead, you're a pretty girl. Maybe you'll even enjoy it." She winked.

Ryan jumped off the table and huffed. "I highly doubt it."

"You never know. Being a girl does have its perks."

"You're right because who doesn't love blood pouring out of their vagina for a week straight."

For a moment, the room was silent. Whenever Ryan was upset, he used his dry sarcasm to try and lighten the mood and sometimes, he surprised everyone with the words that came out of his mouth.

Castle and Lanie both then cracked up and even Ryan had a small smile on his face now. "With a sense of humor like that," Lanie said, "you'll be fine."

* * *

"I am _not_ going in there." Ryan scoffed as he and Castle stood outside the door to Victoria's Secret.

"Newsflash, Ryan, you need underwear." Castle could be just as stubborn as the Irishman.

"Then we can pick some up at WalMart or something." Ryan tried to turn away from the store front, but Castle grabbed his arm.

"Nu-uh. Now go before I go in and buy only thongs and lace." Castle shoved Ryan towards the door and since he still wasn't used to his new center of gravity, he was easily shoved forward.

His face was an interesting shade of red, Castle noticed, as they walked inside. There were hundreds of pairs of underwear in dozens of different styles. Castle didn't think Ryan wanted to be too traumatized so he led Ryan past all the fancy lingerie.

In the back, there was a table of basic boy short panties in black, white and nude. Castle took what looked to be Ryan's size and handed them to him. "Let's go find someone to help measure you."

Ryan stopped. "Wait, what?"

"One of the ladies here can help with your perfect size for your, uh, chest area." Castle's eyes fell to Ryan's said chest and Ryan covered them with his arms.

"No, I'll just take one that looks like it fits." He grabbed a random bra off the shelf as he said this.

Castle didn't argue and only guided Ryan to the back. He found an open fitting room and left him there. "I'm going to find a sports bra, I'll be right back."

Before Ryan knew it, Castle was gone and Ryan was alone in the fitting room with a handful of panties and one bra. Maybe soon Ryan would wake up from this nightmare. He dropped all the underwear on the bench and looked at himself nervously in the mirror. He hadn't had a chance to since the change.

He was a pretty girl, not to sound conceited, but he definitely was not bad looking. His skin was a lighter shade and so the dusting of freckles was easy to see if you squinted (no doubt they'd pop if he went in the sun), his eyes were still just as blue and looked a little bigger on his now rounder face. His hair was long and it fell down his back just below his shoulder blades and it was slightly wavy at the bottom.

Good thing he grew up doing his sisters' hair and would be able to pull this back.

He couldn't see his figure under Esposito's too large clothes, but he wasn't really sure he wanted to see that yet. Trying on this underwear would be the first time he actually saw his new self naked. He wasn't as excited as he usually was at the chance to see boobs.

By the time he was finished staring at himself in the mirror, Castle was already back knocking at the door. "Are you decent? I have something for you."

Ryan rolled his eyes and opened the stall door. "Castle, can't you-." He stopped short when a smiling sales attendant was staring right back at him.

"Hello, ma'am, your boyfriend said you needed some help?" She was smiling way too big. Ryan wasn't sure what disturbed him more: the measuring tape in her hand or the fact that Castle was now his boyfriend.

"Um, no-."

"There's no need to be embarrassed. Trust me, once you get your perfect size, you'll feel so much better." She walked forward into the stall. "It'll take two minutes."

Ryan realized he wasn't going to win this argument because Castle ambushed him. He glared at the smirking writer over the woman's shoulder.

For the second time that day, someone had their hands on Ryan's chest. She only took a minute to measure across his chest and his shoulders. She checked her measurements and said, "34B."

Ryan just blushed and stammered out a thank you. Anything to get her out of here. She didn't get the hint. "So what are you looking for today? Something with lace? Push up? Something nice to surprise your handsome man." She winked.

Ryan blushed even harder. "I'm okay, really, but thanks. I'm just looking for comfort."

"Well, I've got the perfect thing for you!" She was off to the racks again without giving Ryan a chance to tell her that he was okay.

Once it was just Castle and Ryan, Ryan turned a hard glare at him. "Why did you get her?"

"C'mon, Ryan, neither of us had a clue." Castle rubbed Ryan's arm. "She'll get us what we need."

"Fine," Ryan grumbled. "But lunch is on you."

Castle laughed. "You got it, Ry. Now go try on the underwear so we can get outta here."

Ryan huffed and walked back into the stall. He took a deep breath and pulled down his pants. There was no time to be hesitant. The boxers fell to his ankles the moment there were no sweats to keep them up. Ryan grabbed the first pair of panties on the bench and pulled them up.

He was not expecting them to be so comfortable. He enjoyed the freedom of his boxers more, but these were nice to wear. He pulled up the sweatshirt to his stomach so he could see how they looked. They were just simple black boy shorts, but they looked good. Ryan smiled faintly.

"Delivery!" Castle said and stuck his hand over the top of the door. In his hand were a few different bras. Ryan had to go on his tippy-toes to grab the hangars from Castle's hand. "She dropped those off and left so we're good."

Ryan shook his head and pulled off his sweatshirt and t-shirt. He stared in the mirror at his B-cup bras. Of course, his boobs would be small. But they didn't look small on his body so Ryan wasn't too upset.

 _Wait, it doesn't even matter._ Soon he would be a guy again.

Ryan wasn't completely hopeless, so he knew to put the bra on backward first and then twist it around. It took a few tries to get it perfect, but soon Ryan had the bra on right and he wasn't really sure how he felt about it. The black bra he was wearing wasn't uncomfortable, but Ryan would prefer to just let his boobs hang free. He didn't like the feeling of constraint the bra brought.

 _But it doesn't matter._ He won't have to deal with it long.

He looked in the mirror one last time and liked what he saw. The small smile was back as he turned around to look at his behind. If he were a guy, he would not be disappointed in his female body.

Castle's knock interrupted his thoughts. "You done, Barbie? Or do you need another size?"

Ryan turned away from the mirror like it burned him even though Castle couldn't see him. "Yeah, I'm just pulling on my clothes again." He got dressed and looked over to the pile of bras the woman had brought over. "If you buy anything with lace, consider yourself dead."

Castle laughed outside the stall. "Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it."

Ryan let out a small laugh as well. "You can wear all the lace you want. I'm sure Beckett will be thrilled, _but_ I don't plan on wearing it."

Castle didn't answer so Ryan finished getting changed and opened the stall door. Castle took the things he decided on keeping and Ryan placed the things he wasn't getting in a bin. He kept on the pairs he tried on, so Castle handed the cashier the tags to pay.

Ryan kept an eye on everything being bagged so nothing was snuck in. Once they left, Ryan had never been so happy to be out of a store. They went to a few different clothing stores next to pick up clothes for Ryan to wear. Not a lot, but just enough for a few days. He couldn't show up to work in Esposito's clothes.

True to his word, Castle paid for their lunch in the food court. Their table was surrounded by shopping bags. Ryan sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I never want to go shopping again."

Nodding his head in agreement, Castle said, "It's brutal."

Ryan shook his head as he stuck a ketchup covered fry in his mouth. "I don't know how girls do this all the time."

Castle just watched in amusement as Ryan ate his entire lunch before Castle finished his. "You hungry?"

Ryan sighed. "After that witchy spell I was exhausted and now I'm just starving."

"Your body is probably just building itself back up." Castle eyed him closely. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Ryan nodded. "I'm fine."

"You better hope so because if you're not and Esposito finds out, he will kill me," Castle warned him, sliding over his basket of unfinished fries.

Ryan's eyes flickered down at the fries and he asked, "Are you sure?"

"Go ahead."

Ryan smiled and dug into Castle's fries. Once he was finished, he leaned back in his chair and said, "Thanks, didn't eat much yesterday and whatever I did, I threw up."

Castle laughed. "Don't mention it. If you're still hungry, I've got plenty at the loft. Speaking of which, we better head back soon before Espo and Beckett start wondering where we are."

* * *

Ryan and Castle walked through the loft door only an hour or so after Beckett and Esposito, but he was still freaking out. He hadn't from his partner all morning.

Esposito stood up, ready to give them the third degree but stopped short when he saw Ryan. He was no longer wearing the large clothes. He must have picked up new clothes after his check up with Lanie. He was wearing skinny jeans and a plain black sweatshirt. It looked good on him.

Both of then had a bag in each hand. Esposito pointedly ignored the Victoria's Secret bag and tried to push back the jealousy that Castle was the one to take him shopping.

Beckett laughed. "Did you girls have fun?"

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "It wasn't funny when I was a guy and now it's definitely not funny when I'm a girl."

Beckett smiled. "How was is? Looks like your clothes aren't falling off of you."

"Lots of fun. I was only felt up twice."

Esposito shot up from his seat. "Wait, what?"

Castle walked by Esposito laughing loudly. "Calm down. It was all consensual."

Ryan huffed angrily. "That last one is questionable." He stomped over to the couch and fell to the cushion. Glaring at the wall, he crossed his arms over his chest. They fell to his side when they landed on his breasts. Just for one minute, he wanted to forget he was a woman.

Esposito looked from Ryan to Castle and then back to Ryan. He took a seat next to him. They sat next to each other quietly. Esposito looked up pleadingly at Castle and Beckett.

"Oh, I'm going to call Alexis and see if she's found anything." He quickly walked to the kitchen after he made his excuse. Beckett followed close behind, claiming she had a few questions to ask the young woman as well.

Once they were alone, Esposito turned to Ryan. "So how did your first day."

Ryan didn't even turn his head.

Esposito sighed. "I know it's not ideal, but for now, you're going to have to make do as best as you can."

Ryan turns around to face Esposito, still glaring. "Once Castle takes you bra shopping, tell me how your day goes."

Esposito knew it was serious and Ryan was definitely not joing, but there was something about that sentence that made it hard for Esposito to hide a grin. He just made it worse as he imagined the scene in his head. He couldn't help the low chuckle.

"Stop laughing," Ryan said, but he waS having trouble himself.

"I'm sorry, you're right, not funny." Esposito and Ryan both held eye contact for a short moment before they both were cracking up.

They shared a laugh and once it died down, Esposito smile at Ryan. "See, your day wasn't completely horrible. Before you know it, we'll both be laughing at _this_."

"Hey, guys," Castle said coming back into the room with a big smile on his face. "Alexis found someone who might be able to help."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, please let me know what you think! and if there are any situations you want to see girl!kevin in, let me know and I'll do my best to fit it in my fic! This was supposed to just fufill all the never ending possibilities of Kevin as a girl, but as I was planning this fic, some drama/actual plot came in so be prepared for not only Kevin discovering life as a girl but some actual story so yeah. 
> 
> please comment below!
> 
> until next time,


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a short chapter, but i wanted to get something up. i haven't had a lot of time to write recently.

"Are you sure this is the place?" Ryan asked in a low voice as they stared up at a rundown building on an even more rundown street.

Castle double checked the address on his phone. "Yup."

Ryan fidgeted on his feet, but said, "Fine, let's just get this over with. He led the way through the door and up the stairs where Jay Raymond's office was. Jay Raymond was a witch that Alexis had found online. He claimed to know a lot of Barnes' spellwork and could help them with their problem.

Castle's foot hit the top stair and made a sound like it was about to break. He jumped to the floor and turned to Esposito. "Tell me I'm not the only one that thinks this is more than a little sketchy."

"It can't hurt to try." Ryan tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. The other three knew Ryan was desperate if he was willing to come to a place like this.

"Hey, at least I brought my gun with me." Esposito patted his waistband.

Ryan huffed and walked through the door to a small waiting room. There was one couch in the middle of the room and no more than three feet to the side was a door made of beads.

"Hello?" Beckett called, looking around the dingy room.

"Coming!" A gravely voice called from the other room. A few seconds later, he was walking through the beaded doorway. The man was just an inch shorter than Castle but his appearance was nowhere as neat. His face was unshaven and his long red greasy hair was pulled back in a ponytail. He smiled widely at them all, his eyes resting on Beckett and Ryan. "So which of you lovely ladies is in need of my help?"

Ryan hesitated and Esposito was about to grab his hand and run away from this place, but in the end, he stepped forward. "That would be me."

Raymond's eyes swept over Ryan and he nodded. "Ah yes, Barnes' work is alway so immaculate."

"Can you turn me back?" Ryan asked as he pulled on the sleeve to his sweatshirt.

"I'll have to look you over and see how deep the spell is wound before I can know for sure."

"What does that require?" Esposito took a protective step in front of Ryan.

"I can mostly tell by his aurora, but I'd have to ask if he comes in the back room. Here, there are too many presences."

"Hell no!"

"Of course."

Ryan and Esposito both glared at one another.

"Ryan, are you crazy? We don't know who this dude is!" Esposito didn't care if Raymond could hear. He wanted him to know he was a creep.

"Alexis ran his name, remember? He checked out." Ryan stood his ground.

"So what?"

"So I want to be normal again. I'm doing this. There is no door. You can hear every sound, so just please let me do this." Ryan was starting to see what Castle meant by overbearing.

Esposito looked pained to give in, but he did. "Fine." Then he turned to Raymond. "I have a gun."

Raymond rolled his eyes. "And I have my magic. Now, if you'll please hurry. I don't have all day."

Ryan nodded and followed Raymond behind into the other room. Esposito turned to Castle and Beckett. "Tell me, I'm not the only sane one here."

Becket rubbed Esposito's arm and said, "He'll be fine, Espo. Don't worry."

"But-."

"No, just sit down and relax. Ryan will be back soon."

Esposito huffed. "Okay, but I don't like-."

Just as Beckett said that there was a grunt from the other room and Ryan was yelling. Esposito shot up to his feet and would have run into the room if Ryan hadn't stormed out. Other than his beat red face, either from embarrassment or anger, he looked perfectly fine.

"Ryan, what the hell?"

Ryan may have only been barely 5'4 and petite, but when he was angry, he was definitely a force to be scared of. "I'll tell you what the hell. Mr. Perv thought I was born fucking yesterday."

Esposito looked towards the room where Raymond still hadn't come out from.

"He tried telling me my clothes were disrupting my 'aura'." He faced the doorway and screamed, "Turns out that fucker just wanted to get to second base with someone besides for his doll."

Esposito furrowed his eyebrows. "He what?"

"Don't worry, Espo, I kicked him in the don't need to shoot him."

Esposito just blinked.

"I know I've got boobs and a vagina now, but that doesn't mean I can't defend myself against some asshole."

Esposito let out a nervous chuckle. Of course, Ryan would be fine. This was his partner. He survived undercover in the Irish mob, he survived torture after torture and perp after perp. He wasn't going to let a small thing like his gender from kicking ass.

* * *

"So, that was a bust," Castle said as they all sat around a Castle's living room at the end of the night.

"I thought I actually had a chance." Ryan sighed from his corner on the couch. He was curled up in on himself.

Becket reached over and grabbed his hand in hers. "Don't worry, Ry, that was our first try. We'll find someone to help you."

Esposito stared at his partner for a second and asked the group, "Was he even the real deal? Or was he a just perv?"

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "When we first walked in, he said again how amazing Barnes' work was so I assume he is familiar with the community. Obviously not as trained as her. Maybe just some obsessed fan?"

"Alexis said she would keep looking and she's incredibly sorry."

Ryan smiled at Castle, but it didn't reach his eyes. "It's fine. Wasn't her fault. I was so anxious to get changed back that I ran in there blind."

"Well, whatever license he claimed to have, he's losing. Don't worry," Beckett said.

"It's only been a day. We'll figure something out and before you know it, everything will be back to normal." Castle smiled hopefully.

Esposito sighed, stealing a glance over at Ryan. Ryan was just as beautiful as a woman as he was a male. But he didn't want to go back to "normal". He wanted Ryan and hiding his feelings was a norm he never wanted to do again.

Esposito was so busy staring at Ryan that he didn't notice when Ryan started to nod off or when Beckett and Castle realized Esposito was not paying any attention to the conversation. Esposito blinked and looked at the time. He must have blacked every out for a good fifteen minutes.

"Are you back with us?" Castle asked with a smirk.

Esposito nodded. "Yeah, sorry, long day."

"I just asked if you wanted to take Ryan home tonight." Beckett looked over to their partner who was sleeping soundly. "I don't want to leave him alone until he feels 100%."

"Yeah, of course." Esposito paused. "But what about tomorrow? Is he coming to work?"

Beckett bit her lip. "I really don't want him out right now, but I really don't think we'll be able to stop him."

"He got clothes for 'work' when we went shopping today," Castle said. "He was a little hesitant, but I think he wants to go back to work."

"He's pretty insecure about the whole 'I'm a girl' thing. I don't think he's walking into the precinct tomorrow."

"Speaking of work tomorrow, we've got a lot to do with Callie so I suggest we all get some rest," Beckett said, looking over to Ryan.

"I'll wake him up and we'll head to my apartment." Esposito sighed and pulled himself off the couch. He turned to face Ryan and hesitated as he stared down at him. After a moment, he reached out and shook Ryan slightly.

His gender didn't change his grumpiness when being woken up, so he groaned and tried to hide his head in the couch. "Leave me 'lone."

"Nope, come on. I'm tired too and I'm not sleeping on Castle's couch. Not all of us can curl up and fit on one cushion." Esposito said with a smile.

Ryan grumbled under his breath but pulled himself off the couch. He glared at Esposito in the same way male-Ryan would and just like always, it wasn't threatening. It was maybe even cuter if that was possible.

Esposito laughed and put a hand on the small of his back. "C'mon, Cranky." He turned to Castle and Beckett. "We'll see you guys tomorrow."

Esposito led Ryan out of Castle's loft and down to the lobby. Ryan seemed to wake up enough to carry his own weight, but he didn't hold up a conversation. Esposito also had to hold all his shopping bags.

He threw them in the back of their Charger and Ryan took the passenger seat. Still, he remained quiet. Esposito tried to lighten the mood. "You know, soon this will all be a joke we're looking back on and laughing at."

Ryan sighed but didn't say a word.

Esposito frowned. He didn't really blame Ryan for his foul mood. If it were him that had a gender swap, he'd be extremely pissed. Ryan was handling this well considering the circumstances. So he didn't say another word until they were back at Esposito's apartment.

More often than not, Ryan would crash at Esposito's place or vice versa, so Esposito didn't think he'd mind staying with him. He grabbed the bags from the car before Ryan could and once they were inside, he put them right into his room.

"You can sleep in my room. I'll take the couch." Esposito was already leaving the room when Ryan grabbed his arm. Ryan's hand didn't completely wrap Esposito's bicep but it still stopped him.

"No, Javi. If you really insist on me staying in your apartment until this whole curse is over, I'm not kicking you from your bed."

"But-."

"This isn't some cheesy chick flick. We can share the same bed without it being weird." Ryan raised his eyebrows.

Esposito nodded. Of course, it wouldn't be weird. He'd fallen asleep on the couch next to Ryan plenty of times before. Why did this have to be any different? He went into the bathroom and tried to keep his mind clear of his partner.

He got dressed as quickly as he could so he could get back to his room. Maybe talking to Ryan would keep his mind clear of all the confusing thoughts running through his mind. But once he was outside of his door he realized he couldn't just walk in like he always did. Ryan didn't have a guy's body anymore so he wasn't allowed to barge in when he wasn't decent.

But was there really a difference when he was a male if Esposito enjoyed the view just as much as he would right now?

Esposito shook his head. No. He worked too hard to hide his feelings only to blow it all in a day because Ryan made a pretty girl.

He knocked on the door. "You decent?"

Ryan laughed softly from the other side. "Yeah, Javi. I'm decent."

Esposito waited an extra second _just in case_ before he opened the door and walked into his room. Ryan was standing in a new pair of pajamas he must have picked up. He wore flannel pants with a Marvel t-shirt. It was something Ryan would have worn as a guy, but it looked cute on him as a girl too.

"Bathroom's good to go," he said stupidly because what else was he supposed to say? 'Cute pajamas'?

Ryan tucked a strand of his loose hair behind his ear. "Thanks." He looked like he wanted to say more but he quickly left the room in a moment.

Esposito blinked and stood there for a moment. It was a few minutes and Ryan still didn't return so Esposito just climbed into bed and stayed on the far right side so Ryan could come in and have a spot. Though, with his size, he wouldn't need much room.

Esposito laid still for a few moments and let his eyes drop shut when Ryan still hadn't come back. It seemed like hours later when the door opening caused Esposito to crack an eye open in the dark room. He didn't move so Ryan would think he was still sleeping.

Ryan didn't turn on the light; he was able to get to the bed in the dark. Esposito felt the blanket lift and there was Ryan sliding into bed next to him. "Javi?" He whispered.

Esposito held his breath.

After a moment, Ryan gave up and laid down. "Good night," he said softly.

Esposito fell asleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually hate this chapter so i understand if you do as well. but ryan needs to show he's not a weak little woman. he can still kick ass lmao 
> 
> thank you for your reviews!
> 
> until next time,


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven't updated in a while, i've had writer's block lately. but please enjoy this next chapter :)

Ryan blinked his eyes open. He had never been so grateful to wake up from a nightmare. 

The scary part wasn't that he was a woman...it was the fact he was starting to actually _enjoy_ it. He _liked_ the way his female body was able to make Esposito stare.

Maybe one day he would look at his male body like that.

Ryan sighed and now he was definitely awake. The miserable feeling in his stomach was back when he thought of what he and Javier could be.

He was so upset he almost missed the fact that he had a piece of hair stuck in his mouth. Almost. Ryan frowned and pulled the long blonde hair from his lip, wondering where it came from. Hs heart stuttered when he pulled and felt a sharp pain on his skull.

That's when he realized it wasn't a dream. He shot up in bed, _Esposito's bed,_ he remembered. He ran a hand through his messy hair and sighed. So he was actually living through this right now…

He sat up and let his shoulders drop. He wasn't sure why he wasn't upset to wake up and still be a woman. It wasn't like this would change anything with Javier.

Or maybe he could. Maybe _-no-_ Ryan quickly shook his head. There was no way Esposito could ever _like_ him. He was just distracted by his pretty female body.

Ryan looked over at the empty side of the bed where Esposito was no longer laying. It was a little after 7 and their shift started at 8:30, so Esposito was probably up and making himself breakfast already. Ryan always preferred to sleep in.

Ryan got out of bed and was going to join Esposito in the kitchen, but he passed by the bathroom door and paused. He knew it was only Esposito out there and there plenty of times that Esposito had seen Ryan less than decent. Esposito frequently liked to comment about his bed head every time they crashed at each other's places. But this was different.

He found himself in front of the mirror doing his best to straighten his messy hair. He had picked up a package of hair ties when he went to the stores with Castle and he thankfully had one around his wrist so he pulled his hair back into a ponytail like he done so many times for his sister.

Once he was satisfied with his appearance, he left the bathroom and just like Ryan expected, Esposito was standing by the counter brewing his morning coffee. "Good morning," Ryan said.

Esposito turned around with a playful grin. "You finally decide to wake up?"

Ryan rolled his eyes as he walked to the cabinets. "You know I'm not a morning person, Espo." He opened the cabinet door and saw his favorite cereal sitting at the top shelf. As a man, he'd easily been able to reach up and grab it. But now, Ryan was going to need to stretch to reach.

Esposito was saying something, but Ryan wasn't listening to a word coming out of his mouth. He was too busy balancing on his toes to reach the top shelf. He was about to grab it when the box disappeared.

Following the direction of its path, Ryan was face to face with Espo and one of his shit eating grins. "Having trouble?"

Ryan didn't like that he had to look up just to meet Esposito;s eyes. "Ha ha, now give me my cereal."

"Your cereal? It's in _my_ cabinet, _my_ hand, _my_ cereal," he taunted as he raised the box above their heads.

Ryan frowned. There was no way he was jumping for it like a puppy. "Give it."

Humming happily, Esposito turned to face the cabinets. "Actually, I think I'll make myself a bowl."

While Esposito was reaching for a bowl, Ryan used the distraction to his advantage and jumped. Ryan clung to his back like a koala bear. He kept one arm wrapped around Esposito's neck and used the other to reach for the box.

"Javi, give it to me!"

Esposito laughed and couldn't say anything. He took a moment to catch his breath. "Ryan, you're crazy."

"No, I'm hungry." Ryan managed to grab the box from Esposito's hand but he didn't let go of Esposito. Esposito didn't try to take it back.

"If you fall and break something, I'm not getting blamed for it," Esposito warned with a smile.

"Fine," Ryan said as he let go and fell to the floor. He landed on his feet, only slightly wavering. He then went to the table and sat down. "Hey, can you get me some milk?" Ryan asked, already filling his bowl.

Nodding, Esposito pulled the carton from the fridge and set it on the table next to Ryan. He also brought over a mug full of coffee and the can of sugar. "Here's some coffee to go with your sugar."

Ryan poured a decent amount of sugar into his coffee before taking a sip. He moaned softly and praised his partner, "Perfect, as always."

Esposito laughed softly and took his seat across from Ryan. He had his own cup of much darker coffee. He thankfully let Ryan take a few minutes to wake up before he started drilling him with questions.

"You still feeling okay?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Are you sure?"

" _Javi_."

Esposito shook his head. "I'm sorry." He cleared his throat and asked, "So, what are you and Castle up to today?"

Ryan frowned. "Castle's coming to the precinct?"

"You're definitely not."

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

With a small huff, Esposito said, "You're not going back into work yet. Look at you."

"I'm feeling much better, Javi." Ryan squeezed his spoon tightly in his fist. "You're not the boss of me."

"Very mature, Ryan. But you're not going in. We don't know what's going on." Esposito thought he'd won and took a sip from his coffee.

"I'm perfectly capable of going into the 12th and working. I'm not going to start tackling perps but I can help with the case. I can grill Barnes myself and maybe she'll give me something."

Esposito eyed Ryan over the brim of his mug and took his time setting it down. "What happened to not wanting anybody to see you like this? I mean, you do realize everyone in the precinct will recognize you, right?"

Ryan looked down at his mushy cereal and rolled his jaw. Of course, he didn't want anyone to know but they probably already found out. Ryan couldn't just sit at home when he was physically and mentally capable of fixing himself.

Looking back up at Esposito, he held his gaze and said, "I'm going in, whether it's with you or I wait until you leave."

Esposito raised his eyebrows but didn't argue with him. He mumbled something under his breath about "stubborn Irishman" but Ryan didn't care because he won.

Castle was right: Esposito could never say no to Ryan.

Which was why, an hour later, the two were walking into the precinct together. Ryan had changed into a pair of dark jeans and a black button-up blouse. He wanted to look as professional as possible.

The moment he stepped off the elevator, he wanted to run right back inside. It was like every detective on the homicide floor knew Ryan was coming in today and was waiting for him to walk in. He tried to ignore the stares and whispers by staring down at his feet.

Esposito, on the other hand, was glaring at every and anyone that stared too long. He growled a few times too. Ryan wasn't sure whether to be flattered or creeped out. He went with the former.

He fell into his seat and booted up his computer to distract him from everyone around them. The 12th was close but he didn't trust them all as much as he did with his small family of three. So he wasn't sure if they would all be as understanding.

"Callie is still in her cell, but I don't think she has much time left. If you wanna talk with her, I'd do that first."

Ryan nodded, still unable to look even Esposito in the eye.

"Ryan," Esposito said, but Ryan couldn't answer him. He was too busy trying not to freak out. "Hey, Kevin," he said, more softly as he came over to Ryan's chair. "We can leave right now if you want. I don't blame you."

Ryan shook his head. "No, no, I'm fine. Really." He tried to reassure Esposito with a smile but he only made it worse.

"Kevin, I-."

"Ryan? What the hell are you two doing here?" A voice disrupted their quiet conversation.

Esposito cursed under his breath and hesitated before turning around to face their Captain. "Ryan wanted to see Barnes for himself."

"Are you sure?" She didn't wait for Ryan's nod before continuing, "Because I'm not sure that I am. This woman purposely did this to you. I can't say that I want her near you ever again."

"She's behind bars, Beckett. And Esposito will be right by my side the entire time. Please. Maybe she'll feel bad for what she did to me and change me back."

"Or you'll just give her the satisfaction of seeing the aftermath of her work," Beckett retorted.

Ryan couldn't say that he hadn't thought of that, but he needed to try. She would be gone soon anyway, according to Esposito. "Please."

After a few long moments, Beckett sighed heavily. "Fine, but Espo comes in with you and I want LT standing guard."

Ryan nodded his head, tucking back a strand of hair that fell into his face.

"Go. You've got a lot of paperwork to fill out when you're done."

Smiling, Ryan stood up from his chair. "Thanks, Captain!" He turned to Esposito and nodded his head towards the holding cells.

He could feel eyes following him but he focused on Esposito's soothing voice beside him. "She's really freakin' arrogant so don't give her anything to be happy about."

"What if she doesn't help?" Ryan asked once they were in the privacy of the hallway. "And I'm stuck like this?"

Esposito stopped walking and so did Ryan. He turned to Ryan and said seriously, "We're going to figure this out. With or without her help." He laughed and added, "And if we don't, then I guess I better start bringing my gun every time we go out to chase all the guys away that'll want you."

Ryan found himself laughing. "Why can't I just pepper spray them myself?"

Esposito grinned. "When have you ever been against me having your back in bar fights."

"I'm a _lady_ now, Esposito. Ladies don't get in bar fights." Ryan really tried to keep a straight face. Esposito's look of complete disbelief made him laugh and then Esposito joined in.

They quieted down and Esposito said, "Your laugh. It's the same."

Ryan looked up at him and asked, "Is that a good thing?"

Esposito nodded and after a moment of hesitation, he spoke, "I'd miss your laugh."

Feeling his cheeks heat up, he smiled softly at Esposito. "Thanks," he mumbled. They just stared at each other for a few minutes. Ryan wasn't sure what was going on but it was starting to feel awkward.

Esposito seemed to agree because he cleared his throat loudly and took a large step away from Ryan. "We better get in there before Beckett comes looking for us."

"Yeah, you're right." Ryan nodded his head and watched as Esposito walked into the room of holding cells. Ryan sighed deeply before following him inside.

LT was waiting by the door and nodded to both Ryan and Esposito. He didn't even give Ryan a second look. Ryan was grateful for LT's ability to respect his privacy. "Detectives, she's in the back. Not sure how much you'll get out of her, though."

"Thanks, LT. We'll call if we need anything," Esposito said as they walked into holding.

There wasn't anyone else in holding, save for a drunk woman sleeping in the first cell and a guy in the next one that cat called as Ryan walked past. Esposito slammed his fist against the bars, effectively silencing him.

All the way in the back, Callie Barnes was sitting her own cell. It was more like leaning up against the bars but she was still upright. She didn't lift her head up even at the sound of their feet. Esposito kicked her cell door and yelled, "Barnes."

She slowly looked up with a smile. Her eyes skipped over Esposito and went straight to Ryan. Ryan shifted uncomfortably as she stared at him. "I knew you were coming."

"You did this to me," Ryan stated, suddenly not knowing what else to say to her.

Callie chuckled weakly. "Yes, I did. I was afraid you weren't going to come and I would never see my art."

"My partner is not your _art_ ," Esposito growled.

Callie's eyes flicked over to Esposito for a moment before she turned her attention back to Ryan. "I did do quite a good job, didn't I?"

"No. I'm here for you to change me back." Ryan had to be the one with control in this conversation.

"Maybe I'd think about it if that's what you really wanted," she returned quickly.

"You think I _want_ to be a girl?" Ryan asked with narrowed eyes.

"Did I stutter?"

"That's it," Esposito muttered. "I don't know how you did this to him, but you're changing him back or else."

"When I fell," she said.

"What?"

She sighed impatiently. "I slipped the hex bag in his pocket when I tripped and he caught me. Wasn't very hard."

Ryan rolled his jaw, angry with her and himself for not checking himself after her little stunt. It had definitely set alarms off in his head and when she had suddenly fallen but Ryan didn't think there'd be a hex bag in his pocket.

"Why are you doing this?" Ryan asked because he just wanted to understand. "Why won't you change me back?"

Callie rolled her eyes. "You are not getting it, but soon you will. And what is the point of doing all of this only to fix it all in the end?"

"To be a decent human being, maybe?" Esposito scoffed.

Callie let her eyes fall shut. "My answer will not change. You may bother me all you wish but it will get you nowhere. And I'd prefer to spend my last few days, if not hours, in peace."

"Then, I guess we all aren't getting what we want today because we're bringing in a group of guys that are still loud and drunk from their party last night." Esposito looks around the almost empty room. "It looks like only the cells close to you are empty."

Callie growled and opened her eyes to glare at them.

Esposito smirked. "Well, if that's everything, we'll be leaving. Esposito turned quickly and Ryan followed close behind.

Esposito waited before they were out of holding before turning to Ryan. "I'm sorry it didn't work."

Ryan smiled softly at his partner. "It's okay. It's not your fault." Ryan tried to look optimistic. "We'll just have to keep looking."

Esposito nodded and after a moment of hesitation, he asked, "Do you wanna head back now? Beckett and I have everything covered here."

Ryan huffed. "The case isn't closed yet, is it?"

"It pretty much is. Beckett said we've got the girl. It's going to be hard to convince a jury she did it to herself."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, we did our job. Cleared everything...although, part of me wants to unclear Callie."

"Same here, bro." Esposito turned to look at Ryan as they started walking back to their desks but he didn't say another word.

Ryan guessed what was bothering Espo and said, "This isn't your fault."

"Kevin…"

"I mean it. You couldn't have stopped this."

"I'm your partner. I'm supposed to have your back."

Ryan laughed at that and Esposito looked at him with a weird look. "Javi, you couldn't have known what she was up to. I wasn't in danger."

"I knew something was up when she fell on you." Esposito mumbled.

"So you think I should be mad at you because you didn't check my pockets for hex bags."

"It's not that," Esposito said.

Ryan stopped walked and grabbed Esposito's arm him as well. "Tell me what it's about then."

Esposito sighed and Ryan was pretty sure his cheeks were flushed under his tan complexion. "Remember when you...took that bullet for me?"

Ryan nodded and rubbed Esposito's arm softly. He knew this was a hard topic for his partner.

"You _jumped in front of a bullet_ for _me._ I can't even stop some crazy witch from turning you into a woman."

For the first time since his change, Ryan liked that he was so much smaller than Esposito. Because he was trying to avoid Ryan's eyes and was staring down at his feet, Ryan easily walked in front of him, underneath his gaze and looked up to meet Esposito's eyes.

"Do you even hear yourself?" Ryan held Esposito's wrist in his hand. "I don't blame you for not stopping stopping a witch from cursing me."

"And when your Ma asks why you're hurt I have to say that it was because I didn't have your back even after you took a bullet for me." Esposito turned his head so Ryan could no longer meet his eyes.

"First of all, no one blames you for this. Second, of all, my mother is not finding out about this unless she needs to, okay?" Ryan chuckled. "And my Dad still doesn't want anything to do with me, so you don't have to worry about that."

Esposito smiled back. "Your dad doesn't scare me." He scoffed. "Hell, I don't even think Castle is scared of him."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "That's just because you're all too protective. I'm a grown man, I can take care of myself."

Esposito raised his eyebrows and laughed. "You're a grown man? Have you looked in the mirror?"

Pinching his arm, Ryan warned, "Shut up. I'll hurt you."

"Sure, you will."

Ryan laughed. "Oh, is that a challenge?" He pinched Esposito's arm in a quick second.

"Ow," Esposito whined as he rubbed his bicep. "I didn't mean to seriously hurt me."

With a grin, Ryan said, "I know. I just had to show you I still could."

"Oh, you better sleep with one eye open tonight. Because I will be preparing for revenge," Esposito promised. "I know how to jiggle the lock my room and you will be sorry."

"Maybe I'll just leave the door open for you," Ryan joked with a wink. But the moment the words came out of his mouth, they both paused. He didn't know how different their bantering was now that he was in a woman's body and caught extra attention from Esposito.

He didn't mind it but he was afraid of something finally happening and then losing it all when he was a guy again. He couldn't handle pain like that. He took a step back from Esposito and tried to change the subject. "And maybe I'll just go back to my apartment. You can't get me there."

"You do realize I have a key, right?"

"I'll change my locks," Ryan retorted as he started walking back to the bullpen.

Esposito was quiet for a moment before he asked hesitantly, "Are you serious about going back to your apartment."

Ryan's eyes flickered to see Esposito's face before he answered. "I don't know. I'm not sick, I don't need constant watching."

Esposito shrugged his shoulders. "I know but it doesn't hurt to be careful, right?"

"If you're planning your revenge it does," Ryan laughed.

The smile was back on Esposito's face. "I'll get my revenge back when I kick your ass in Madden tonight."

Ryan narrowed his eyes in determination. "You're on." He held his hand out.

Esposito took his hand and shook it firmly. "Get ready to cry, princess."

Yet another thing Esposito always said to Ryan as a male that had an entirely different meaning now that he was a girl. And Ryan knew that Esposito knew it. "I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Loser buys dinner?"

"Winner chooses where from."

"You better get your wallet ready, Ryan. We're having a lot of chile con queso tonight."

"You wish," Ryan said with a roll of his eyes. Because even if he did lose, all he had to do was mention how the chile never settled right in his stomach and Esposito will immediately change his mind.

If he had a whipped partner, then he was going to take advantage of it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I don't update this as much as I should. Life is really stressful right now. I was accepted into my top college but now I have to figure out how to pay for it...

"So what did Callie say?" Beckett asked Ryan and Esposito once they were finally back at their desks. They were gone longer than she'd liked. Who knows what other damage Barne could do, even behind bars.

"Nothing new," Esposito grumbled. The smile he had on his face when talking just seconds ago with Ryan was gone.

"Not one thing?" Beckett asked, but her heart sunk because she already knew the answer.

"Well, we found out she got away with it because I'm a shitty partner."

Beckett frowned and looked over at Ryan. He just shrugged his shoulders. Beckett knew that when one of her boys got hurt, the other blamed himself but how could Esposito possibly blame himself for this?

"Javi, not again."

"I know, I know," Esposito sighed. "But now that we're getting jack from Callie, how are we going to turn you back? I don't think it'll just wear off."

"Castle called, Alexis is still looking into something."

Esposito rolled his eyes. "Oh great, another pervert."

"Calm down, Javi." Ryan narrowed his eyes. "It wasn't Alexis' fault and I wasn't hurt."

"Oh, so next time we're just supposed to _wait_ for you to get hurt?" Esposito scoffed.

Ryan rolled his eyes and turned to Beckett. "Ignore my partner, Captain. He's feeling a little moody today."

Beckett didn't have time for one of their melodrama breakdowns. "Well, tell Mr. Moody Pants to put a smile on his face until he leaves. I don't want to see him pouting every time I look out the office."

"Thank you for your care, Captain," Esposito replied.

"No problem. Now get to work. I want the paperwork for this case done today." Beckett handed Ryan a few papers. "I have a few other cases, but I can give them to other teams if you want. I completely understand."

"Just because I went through a gender change doesn't mean I'm incompetent." Ryan actually sounded pissed off even as a woman.

She didn't want to deal with their attitudes so until they solved whatever problem they were having, she would steer clear. "Before I go, Castle wanted me to tell you that we're going to his place after work today. Alexis wanted to apologize and show you what she found."

Ryan and Esposito both looked at each other. "Rain check?" Ryan asked, probably for one of their X-Box dates. Esposito nodded.

Beckett raised her eyebrows. "Just get to work." She dropped the file on Ryan's desk and walked away, listening to them reschedule an X-Box game and their chile con queso dinner.

* * *

Castle opened the door to his loft to let the four of them inside. "As usual, make yourself at home."

"Pizza or Chinese?" Esposito asked once they were all inside.

"Ray's isn't as busy on weekdays." Beckett reasoned, taking her coat off.

"Pizza it is," Esposito said, already dialing his phone to place their order. He gave their usual order and then paused to ask Castle, "Is your mother home too?"

Just as Esposito asked that Alexis came bounding down the steps, laptop in one hand and her cell phone in the other. When she saw she had company, she paused. "Gram's at her studio tonight."

Once she came down the stairs, she said her hellos. Although she tried not to stare, her eyes stopped on Ryan. Ryan waited for the shock and the comments and for the big deal because this was the first time Alexis had seen him since his transformation (that word sounded too witchy). But instead of, "Oh, my God, you're actually a girl!", Alexis said, "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, Ryan! I didn't know that guy was such a pig. Really. I'm so sorry."

Ryan blinked and was silent, unsure of what to say. Should he thank her for not making a big deal about his predicament or should he assure her that he wasn't upset with her? He decided on the latter when he saw how worried and regretful she looked. He laughed softly and said, "I'm fine, Alexis. I've been in worse situations. No harm done."

She nodded, although she still looked unsure. "I'm still looking for something. I promise this time I'll be much more careful."

Ryan laughed again. "Don't stress yourself. Next time, we'll just send Javi in first." His eyes flickered over to where his partner just finished their order and was hanging up the phone. He turned around to come back to the group and noticed Ryan's staring. He paused but then smiled softly back. Ryan felt a blush burn his cheeks as he quickly turned to look back at Alexis.

"I don't mind looking. It's actually pretty interesting to read about all of these different witches and stuff. I mean, most of the stuff I knew, I just, you know, assumed it was all fiction." Her eyes finally trailed down Ryan's new body. "I guess not, huh?"

Castle came up beside Ryan and slung an arm around Ryan's shoulder. Ryan was starting to hate that because it made him feel even smaller. "He's having a great time. Don't listen to his whining."

"I hate you."

Castle let out a loud laugh and brought his knuckles up to Ryan's head to give him a noogie. "No, you don't, Kevlyn. Ha, get it? Devlyn, Kevlyn. Or does Kevvie sound like a better female name for Kevin?"

"No, no, no," Ryan said shaking his head. "My name is not being changed."

"Doesn't need to," Beckett joined in on the teasing with a smile. "Ryan happens to be gender neutral."

"Really, Beckett?" Ryan asked. She rarely joined in when Castle and Esposito picked on Ryan, but when she did, he knew he wasn't winning.

She just shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just saying."

"Why don't we ever make fun of Javi or Castle?" He whined.

Beckett laughed and pinched Ryan's cheek softly. "Because they don't look adorable when they get all flustered."

Ryan's cheeks burned as he swatted Beckett's hand away. "Leave me alone."

"Actually, Kevin, while you're here, I want to show you something," Alexis said. Ryan was thankful for the distraction.

He nodded and followed her to the island in the kitchen. She set open her laptop and said, "I've been looking for other, safer, witches to help out and have found a few forums inside an actual witches site. I just had to run a program to 'hack' into it."

Ryan smiled as he looked at the computer. He had been the one to teach her how to use different 'hacking' programs to help during difficult cases. Castle had begged Ryan for days afterward for him to teach him but Ryan refused.

"There's a few home remedies to undo spells. But I don't know how well they'd work, if at all, with a spell like this. They're actually pretty dangerous too."

"Nope. Nothing dangerous," Esposito said, walking behind them to read over Alexis' shoulder.

Ryan rolled his eyes.

"We can't do them anyway. Unless you remember the words she chanted to activate the spell." She looked expectantly at Ryan, Esposito, and Castle.

"It was Latin. But I don't remember what exactly. I was too busy worrying about Ryan during his seizure." Castle frowned, looking apologetic.

Esposito nodded. "I didn't catch it either."

Alexis waved her hand. "It's okay. I didn't expect you to. We'll just have to find someone, someone legit, who can check Kevin out and see what we can do."

"Have you found anyone yet?" Beckett asked as she started to take out dishes for dinner. She was the only one not crowding around Alexis and her laptop.

"I've found a few. Now I'm just checking them and seeing if they're trustworthy." Alexis looked at Ryan and apologized again. "I'm really sorry. This time, I'll triple check."

"Alexis, I'm fine."

She nodded her head. "I found a woman that lives in Manhattan, Vanessa Moran. She looks to be pretty powerful and I can't find anything negative about her." Alexis scrolled through the page on her screen.

"Did you call her?"

Alexis shook her head. "I'm not positive about her yet. I have to keep looking."

"We'll figure all that out later. There's no rush right now. Dinner'll be here soon," Esposito said, helping Beckett set the kitchen table.

"Before dinner, I'm just going to run to the restroom. I've been holding it in all day because I'm not sure which to use at the precinct." Ryan said with a sheepish look.

"Of course," Castle said.

Once he was gone, Esposito said almost hesitantly, "What if this doesn't work?"

"I'll find something," Alexis said, quickly. "I just have to keep looking."

Esposito shook his head. "No, it's not your fault. You're doing your best...but what if there's no cure at all? Like no matter how hard we try, we won't be able to find one because there is none."

"We don't know that Espo," Beckett said, although Esposito knew she was thinking it too.

"Just because Barnes gave us nothing, doesn't mean there isn't anything out there," Castle piped in.

"How do we know, though?" Esposito sighed. "It could be months or years."

"Well," Castle said, looking between Beckett and Alexis. Usually, he had Ryan on his side to raise the optimism. "Witches have to have enemies inside the witch community. Or at least someone who sorta doesn't like them." Castle nodded, now more confident in what he was saying. "We just have to find a witch that doesn't like Barnes' and they'll want to help us undo the spell."

"Assuming there is a way to undo it," Esposito mumbled.

"Javi," Beckett said softly, rubbing his arm. "We'll figure this out."

"He asked me." Esposito took a calming breath. "He asked me what does he do if he doesn't turn back. He sounded worried. Usually, when he's like that, I can tell him it'll be okay. Usually, I can make it better. But now…" He shrugged his shoulders. "This is out of my hands."

The room went quiet after that because no one knew what to say to that. They were all equally in the dark about this. They couldn't confidently assure each other it would get better.

"You know," Alexis said, finally. "Even if he does stay a she, I think he'll be okay. With a family like this, I don't see how he couldn't be okay." She smiled softly at them all.

Castle pulled her in for a hug and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "I have the smartest daughter in the world."

"Wow, Castle, don't say that to my ma." Ryan came back into the room and took a seat next to Esposito. "I happen to be pretty smart, you know."

It took a moment for the four to realize Ryan was making a joke. Although, it didn't surprise Esposito. His partner always seemed to crack a joke when he was in a tight situation.

Castle was the first to laugh. "Pretty, I'll give you. You're pushing it with smart, though."

Ryan smiled and laughed along with Castle while Esposito said, "Hey, my partner is prettier and smarter than you could ever hope to be." It was meant as a joke, but he felt himself blush as Ryan stared at him.

Thankfully, before Castle could start any trouble, the doorbell rang. Castle Esposito. "You're safe this time."

Castle left the room to go answer the door and pay for dinner. Alexis closed her laptop and said, "Don't worry, Kevin, I'll keep looking after dinner."

"Don't worry about it.'

Esposito knew by the shakiness of Ryan's voice that he wasn't perfectly fine with his situation right now but he also knew his partner would do a lot of harm to himself before he made someone like Alexis worry over him.

Castle came back over with two boxes of pizza. He set them on the counter and announced, "Dig in."

With all of the commotion the past day or two, Esposito realized they hadn't had a chance to sit down and have anything to eat. His stomach growled loudly to let the others know as well.

"Same here, man," Ryan said as he reached in and grabbed a piece of pizza. He held the pizza over his mouth and grabbed the string of cheese with his teeth. He sucked it between his lips until there was none hanging.

He didn't realize he was staring until Castle elbowed him. Esposito blinked and looked at the writer. Castle was wiggling his eyebrows. Esposito narrowed his eyes and shoved Castle hard enough to push him into the chair and it fell over with a bang.

They both looked up and saw Beckett staring unimpressed at them. "Can't you two behave for two minutes?"

"Espo pushed me," Castle said quickly and pointed at him.

Esposito slapped Castle's finger away. "He started it."

"Hey," Ryan said around a mouthful of pizza. "If you two don't hurry up, I will eat this all by myself."

"Gained boobs _and_ an appetite."

Ryan threw a plastic cup at Castle for that one and then another at Esposito when he laughed. It was worth it. "I hate you two."

"No, you don't." Esposito grinned.

Castle turned to Esposito and whispered loudly, "Don't listen to him. He's probably just very hormonal right now. It could be his time of the month."

"Too far. That is _nothing_ to joke about. I swear…" Ryan trailed off, glaring at the two of them.

"C'mon, guys, don't be mean," Beckett said.

Ryan smiled at her. "Thank you, Beckett, for being the mature one."

Beckett ignored him. "She's going through a lot right now. Her body's changing, she's got boobs now, her voice is cracking and there are so many new thoughts in her head. It's a rough time for her."

Ryan's smile disappeared. "I take it back. I hate you, too." Ryan turned to the redhead sitting across from him. "Alexis, you're my only friend."

The others just laughed at him while Alexis gave him a sympathetic smile. But he got his payback later when Esposito asked for the last slice of pizza and Ryan gave it to him but not before licking it.

* * *

Esposito and Ryan finally got a chance to raincheck their Madden game a few days later. Ryan was still just as good at the game as he was when he was a guy. But this night, they weren't so focused on the game.

It had been a few days since Ryan had changed and they were no closer to finding a solution. Barnes was barely hanging on in holding, Alexis was still looking for somebody to help and Ryan was still a girl.

Things weren't back to normal either. New things surprised Ryan every day of being a girl. He was still holed up in Esposito's apartment and wasn't allowed to leave the precinct during work. Esposito knew he was starting to get stir crazy.

It had been a little under a week and Esposito was still trying to figure out what was going on in Ryan's mind. He could make pretty accurate guesses but he couldn't be positive. He had never seen Ryan in a situation like this.

In a pause in their game, Esposito asked, half jokingly, "So, how is life as a girl so far? Everything you've ever dreamed of?"

Esposito expected a quick retort or a sarcastic comment. He wasn't expecting for Ryan to take the question seriously.

"I'm getting used to it…" He answered slowly. "I don't get stuck in my bra anymore at least."

Esposito surprised himself with a laugh. "That's good."

"Still don't like wearing them but I'm not sure when I'm allowed to _not_ wear it." Ryan pulled at said bra under his shirt as he spoke.

Esposito tried not to let his eyes fall to his partner's chest but he couldn't help it. "I mean, as long as you're not in public"

"Or if I wear a loose enough sweatshirt." Ryan tucked his hair behind his ear. "I'm getting used to the hair too. At least I always did Gwen's hair when she was younger so it's easy to pull mine back." He paused. "My center of gravity isn't as awkward anymore; it's easier to stay balanced."

"Can't push you over anymore?"

Ryan laughed. "I'd probably still fall. I don't like my height," he said and his laugh died down.

"You'll be less short soon. Still not as tall as me, though."

"I'm not that much shorter than you, Javi."

"Maybe then you weren't, but now you are." Esposito smirked. "But, look on the bright side, at least you didn't lose any of your manliness."

Ryan glared at him. "I can still take you on."

"Whatever you say, Kevlyn."

Ryan flicked Esposito in the ear. "You're so mean to me."

"No, I'm not." Esposito smiled, thankful that Ryan was smiling as well. He knew Ryan was having a rough time but if Esposito could keep him happy most times, they'd be okay.

After a few moments later and they settled down, Esposito cleared his throat. "You know, I tease you but if you ever want to talk - _seriously-_ I'm here." Esposito wanted Ryan to come to him when he was feeling upset about this. He wanted him to know that he could trust him to have talks like this all the time if he needed to.

Rya smiled softly. "I know, Javi, thank you." He leaned into Esposito's side and gave him a half hug.

Esposito tried not to focus on the warmth radiating from Ryan or how perfectly his head rested on his shoulder. Because if he did, he would never want Ryan to let go.

Esposito sighed. He was in trouble.

* * *

"Guys! Guys! Guys!" Alexis called, out of breath as she ran into the bullpen. She was hardly out of the elevator before she was yelling.

Ryan and Esposito both looked up to see the red head running and coming to a stop in front of their desks. She was wearing a wide smile and her eyes were glowing. "Guys!" She said again. "Guess what?"

Esposito couldn't help when he smiled back. "What?"

Alexis sighed."It's no fun if you don't guess. But, I'll tell you anyway." She turned to Ryan and took in a deep breath. "I think I found someone that can help us. Seriously this time."

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," she confirmed. "I found her a few days ago but I wasn't sure...but now...I really think we have a chance."

Esposito was glad that Alexis found a lead but he was still hesitant. "Who is she?"

"Cynthia Roberts. She lives like right here in Manhattan. She can meet with us this weekend." Alexis pulled out a piece of paper from her purse and handed it to Esposito. It was like she expected him to question her finding.

He read over the papers as Alexis explained, "Those are just some reviews of her in the biography she had on her profile. I have a really good feeling about her. I looked up her office and personally talked to some people that she worked with."

Esposito nodded his head. "I'm not convinced until I meet the girl but there's no cop sense telling me it's sketchy. Nice job, 'Lexis."

"The Partner Approval. I am in the clear," she joked with a smile.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Esposito asked after Ryan joined in on the laughing.

Ryan rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Javi, We all know after that fun time with that guy, you don't want any of us going near a witch for help. Especially me." He grinned.

"That was not fun," Esposito snapped back.

Ryan and Alexis shared a grin. "I was joking, Javi. I'll be fine. If you really want to, you can send Castle in first."

"Don't think I won't," Esposito challenged.

"Make Castle do what first?" Castle asked, walking over to their desks. He gave his daughter a kiss before turning back to Ryan.

"Your daughter found someone that could maybe change me back."

Castle smiled proudly down at Alexis. "I knew you'd do it."

Alexis raised her hands. "Wait, I don't want anyone to get their hopes up just yet. I didn't even tell her what the spell was so we didn't find a sicko like last time."

"Maybe not but this is the closest we've gotten so thank you, Alexis. Even if it doesn't work," Ryan said.

Alexis smiled. "You're welcome."

"So when can we meet this girl?" Esposito asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Friday night at 7. She's going to meet us at Dad's office." Alexis chuckled nervously. "I didn't really want to give out our address to her just yet."

Esposito shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head towards Ryan. "Sounds good to me. We'll just keep her in one piece until Friday."

"Call me a she again and you'll be the one not making it to Friday," Ryan warned.

Esposito ignored his partner's threat because at best, he looked like a kicked puppy. Not very frightening. "Now we just have to wait and hope for the best...how hard could it be?"

Esposito was going to eat his own words three days later because nothing ever goes perfectly when you plan it to.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't even know if this is good. i have been stressed beyond belief these past weeks and even right now i know i have so many other things to do. ugh i hope it's still good.

"Detective Esposito, I need you to go pick up a suspect for me," Beckett said as she walked up to his desk.

'Detective Esposito' meant all business so Esposito nodded his head. "You got it, Cap."

Ryan was standing up next to him. "I'll come too."

Esposito looked desperately at Beckett to get her to make him stay at his desk. Espo knew his partner didn't want to be benched but it was for the best. And it would also be for the best if Beckett was the one to make him.

"Did you finish up the financials I asked you to look through?" Beckett asked Ryan.

He nodded his head, already pulling his jacket on. "Yup."

Esposito sighed when he knew there was no way he was going to be able to keep Ryan at the precinct. He knew if he were in Ryan's shoes, he would be wanting the same thing. "Fine, let's go."

Esposito didn't miss the bright smile on Ryan's face as he stood up.

Beckett just shook her head and said, "Louis Dren, he should be working his shift at the McDonald's down on 54th. I sent a picture of him to your phone."

Esposito nodded and they started walking towards the elevator.

"Boys," Beckett called out, out of habit. "Be careful, he's dangerous."

Ryan laughed and asked, "Please, Beckett when aren't we careful?"

Esposito could write a book about all the times they weren't careful but partners were supposed to have each other's backs so he wasn't going to argue with him.

"Espo and I will be fine."

Beckett eyed them closely and Esposito smiled weakly in return. He quickly followed Ryan into the elevator and warned, "Don't try to be a hero today, Kevin. Let me take care of this guy."

"Why? You don't think I'm tough enough?" Ryan asked, his smile now gone.

Esposito bit his lip, looking Ryan's small body up and down. He really didn't look strong enough to take on one of their usual perps without any training or even knowledge of how his new body works. But he wasn't about to start anything with him.

"I just don't want you hurt."

"I won't be hurt." Ryan crossed his arms over his chest.

And when they first found their guy and started to take him into custody, Esposito really thought maybe they'd get back to the precinct without any issues.

Until Louis started to resist Esposito. He was struggling to put the cuffs behind his back after shoving Esposito. Louis caught him off guard and shoved Esposito back into the wall.

He tried to make a run for it but Ryan immediately took chase. He caught up to him and grabbed him by the collar. Ryan was able to pull him back but his upper hand didn't last too long.

Esposito felt nauseous watching as Louis picked Ryan up like a rag doll and threw him across the pavement towards the street. Esposito was thankful there was a parked van there so Ryan didn't go flying into oncoming traffic. He still hit the side of the van pretty hard.

Esposito saw red as he ran towards Louis. The perp was staring down at Ryan, waiting for him to get back up so he didn't see Esposito before it was too late. He slammed into the man and they went crashing into the cement.

"Ow, my arm!" Louis cried out.

Esposito only pushed him harder. "Shut the fuck up."

He picked himself up and grabbed one of Louis' arms and pinned it to his back. He then grabbed the other, electing a shout of pain, and locked the cuffs on his back.

Once he had their perp taken care of, Esposito turned his attention to where Ryan was picking himself up off the ground. He was moving slowly and Esposito knew he was in pain. He was trying to hide it, though.

Esposito stood up quickly and took Louis with him. He ignored the man's shouts of, "Ow, man, watch my arm!" That only made him push even harder.

Ryan staggered over to them, trying to fix his hair and get the brown locks off his face. "Nice, you caught the dickwad."

Esposito wanted to start assessing the damage and see where Ryan was hurting but not in front of Louis, so he knew he'd have to wait. "You okay?" was all he asked.

Ryan nodded quickly, of course, he would. "I'm fine. Let's bring him back to the precinct."

Esposito waited for Ryan to started walking towards their Charger so he could keep an eye on him. When he shoved Louis in the backseat, he made sure to put all the pressure on his wounded arm. It didn't look broken, but it could be fractured. Hopefully.

The drive back to the 12th was silent. Their perp was in the back, moaning a few times about police brutality. Ryan snapped and fed him a few choice words that Louis had probably never heard out of a lady's mouth. Then he was quiet the rest of the ride.

Esposito watched as Ryan sat in the passenger seat with his eyes closed. He noticed how one hand came up to stomach every time the car hit a bump. Great, another trip to see Lanie. And if it turned out to be anything serious, Esposito was going to kill Louis.

He was also going to kill Beckett for handing him this run and not even forcing Ryan to stay at his desk. It wasn't even their case! Esposito had no clue why they were picking this dick up. But it better be good enough to have Ryan hurt.

Esposito didn't even hide his mirth when he took a sharp left turn and Louis went smashing into the back door on the side of his bad arm.

"Whoops," Esposito said. "Didn't mean to do that."

Louis grunted and kicked the back of Esposito's seat hard. Esposito was fine with ignoring the punk because, in the end, they won, but Ryan wasn't. He whirled around in his seat and narrowed his eyes. "Hey, buddy, you better knock it the hell off or else you're paying to have our car cleaned inside and out. Or the next time some dirtbag decides to use the seat you're sitting on as a toilet we'll actually clean it up, using your tongue."

Esposito smiled because he knew Louis was probably terrified right now. Ryan had a lot of patience but when it was gone, he was kinda scary. As a woman, his voice wasn't as loud when he yelled but it was still loud enough coming from such a small body to shut Louis up. Esposito stole a glance in the rearview mirror to smirk at the slightly scared look on Louis' face.

Ryan huffed and turned around to face the front of the car. He flipped on the radio and heard a familiar song playing. He turned around and asked, "You like country?"

Louis hesitated but when he answered, he still seemed put off. "Um, no."

"Good," Ryan said and turned back around. He cranked up the volume before leaning back in his chair.

Esposito laughed loudly at that. This was going to be a fun ride.

* * *

"Put him in the first box," Esposito said to LT, shoving him into the uniformed officer. LT grabbed onto the bad arm and Esposito laughed at Louis' yelp.

Once they were out of sight, Esposito turned to Ryan. "Where are you hurt?"

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "I'm fine. A little sore, but nothing is broken."

"Do you want to run to Lanie and see if she can check you out." His eyes went down to Ryan's waist. "What if your ribs are bruised?"

"I've had broken, fractured and bruised ribs plenty of times before. This definitely isn't that." Ryan ran a hand lightly up his side. "I probably just hit my side a little too hard."

"And bruised your ribs." Esposito raised his eyebrows. "You couldn't make it to the weekend without getting yourself in trouble, could you?"

"I'm alive, right?"

"Beckett had you behind the desk for a reason, Kevin."

Ryan scoffed, growing angry. "Oh, I'm sorry. That's right: she put me behind my desk because I'm a weak little girl and I can't handle myself on the streets anymore."

Esposito frowned. "Ryan, you know I don't think that. _No one_ thinks that. It has nothing to do with whatever strength you may or may not have, It has to do with the fact that you're still not used to this body and it's easy for a perp like Louis to come along and catch you by surprise." Esposito tried to meet Ryan's eyes but he kept looking away. "We're not doing this to hurt you."

Ryan rolled his jaw. "I know. I'm sorry."

Esposito may not have known much about female Ryan's giveaways but there were some things that didn't change with the gender. So Esposito knew exactly how his partner was feeling. "C'mon, our part is done. Let's go get some coffee."

Ryan nodded his head and followed Esposito into the breakroom. The door was shut and locked behind them. Ryan let out a deep breath as he took a seat on the couch. Esposito went to the counter and started to make two cups of coffee. One dark as the night and the other sweeter than any candy he's tasted.

He let Ryan have the few moments of silence to think. Then he walked over and sat next to Ryan, handing him his cup. He took it with a quiet thanks.

"So," Esposito spoke, finally breaking the silence. "What's wrong?" Ryan opened his mouth and Esposito said quickly, "And don't try to waste your time lying to me."

Ryan's mouth snapped shut and he glared at Esposito. It took a few extra moments but finally, Ryan said softly, "I'm scared."

The way Ryan's voice broke as he admitted that made Esposito want to pull him into a hug.

"Tonight, Cynthia is coming...and what if she can't find a way to fix me?" Ryan asked, looking up at Esposito with watery eyes. At that sight, Esposito had to take a moment to regain his composure before speaking again.

"I'm not going to lie and promise you that's not going to happen. But if it does, I'm also not lying when I tell you that no matter what happens, you won't be alone. Alexis will be there, Beckett will be there, Castle will be there, _I will be there_." He took Ryan's small hands in his and squeezed them lightly. "We'll figure it out together, as a family."

Ryan nodded his head and then pulled one hand away to wipe at his eyes. "I'm sorry. I can't control these stupid emotions. I tried not to cry."

Esposito smiled softly and used one hand to cup Ryan's cheek while he used the other to wipe away his tears. "Cry as much as you need."

"I used to make fun of my sisters for getting so emotional about everything but now I guess it wasn't their fault, huh?" He chuckled as he ducked his head out of Esposito's grasp. He used the back of his hand to wipe the tears from his own eyes.

"You stay in here as long as you need to. I have to go start the papers to file assault charges against Louis." Esposito caressed Ryan's hands softly. He really didn't want to pull away but he wasn't sure how longer he would be able to control himself before he pulled Ryan into a hug. And that definitely would do nothing to help Ryan's sense of masculinity.

Ryan shook his head. "I'll come out and help you. I still need to finish filing other things Beckett asked me to do this morning." He wiped at his eyes and sniffled softly. "I don't want to be in here alone. In case someone comes in, it's just awkward."

"You can't avoid everyone forever."

"Just until I'm a guy again," Ryan said.

Esposito rolled his eyes fondly. "Let's go. If we finish by lunch, maybe the Captain will let us out."

"Lucky us."

"No one will know you're actually a guy in a restaurant, Kev." He crossed his arms. "I'm not letting you eat another bagged lunch."

Ryan sighed. "Fine, but we better get going on that paperwork if you want to eat before our shift ends."

Esposito and Ryan both stood up in unison like always. Esposito was so used to turning and seeing Ryan's eyes level with his, it surprised him a little to remember to look down a few inches. "You know what I do when I don't want to finish all my paperwork?"

"Hmm?" Ryan hummed as they exited the break room, coffee mug still in hand.

"I hide it in your stack," Esposito said with a smirk.

Ryan raised his eyebrows, a look of shock on his face. But then he was silent for a moment and slowly his shock turned into understanding. "I _knew_ someone was adding to my pile!"

Esposito laughed. "Don't think just because I told you I do it, I'm going to stop."

"We'll see if actually do it." Ryan sat down and pulled out a folder.

"You say that but we all know you will. Even after you know it's mine."

"Why am I such a perfect partner?"

Esposito laughed. "I ask myself that every night."

Ryan caught his eyes and smiled. "Flattering will get you nowhere."

"Sure, it won't-."

"Are we flirting or working?" Beckett asked, dropping yet another folder to Ryan's desk. "No lunch if this isn't done."

"Yes, mom." Ryan sang only to be rewarded with a slap to the back of his head.

Esposito laughed and then got his own slap.

* * *

"She'll be here in a few minutes," Alexis said, checking the time on her phone.

They were all waiting in Castle's PI Office after work. Their new witch, Cynthia, was scheduled to be meeting them at 7 sharp. Ryan was sitting on one of Castle's chairs, tapping his foot nervously.

Castle patted his shoulder as he walked by. "You'll be okay, Ry. I looked into this girl too and I think she's good."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Ryan mumbled under his breath.

"We should have picked up dinner beforehand," Esposito commented once they were all in the office and just waiting.

"Remy's will be open when we're finished." Beckett sat down on the chair.

"I could maybe order in before she gets here," Esposito offered just as there was a knock on the door.

"That's her." Castle and Esposito shared a glance before they approached the door. Esposito reached it a second before Castle and opened the door. On the other side was a woman, just an inch shorter than Esposito in her heels. She wore dark makeup around her hazel eyes and a dark red lipstick that matched her fiery red hair.

She smiled at the two but neither smiled back; they were still wary of her. "I'm Cynthia. I was called by a young woman interested in some assitance."

Esposito stepped to the side but still kept a distance between Ryan and her. "Yes, we were all looking for you help."

The minute Cynthia stepped into the room, she took a step back with a disgruntled look on her face. She looked around Esposito right at Ryan. "I'm guessing you're the one that called?"

Alexis stepped forward but Castle kept a hand on her arm. "That was actually me. I'm Alexis."

Cynthia nodded but never looked away from Ryan. "But she's the one that needs the help."

Esposito didn't try to hide the fact that was putting himself in front of Ryan to protect him. "How do you know that?"

Cynthia scrunched her nose. "I can smell the black magic on her. Very strong black magic."

Esposito furrowed his eyebrows. "What is black magic?"

Cynthia tried to peek over Esposito's shoulder at Ryan. "Dark magic." When Esposito still didn't understand, she said, " _Bad_ magic." She sniffed again. "I've never smelt dark magic like that. What did it do to her?"

"Can you undo it?" Castle asked before anyone could answer her.

"Depending on how deep the spell is and how strong binding it is…" She kept staring at Ryan who shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I have to see."

"How are you going to see?" Esposito narrowed his eyes. "No more spells."

Cynthia turned away from Ryan finally to look at Esposito. "Well, hardly. Nothing harmful or lasting. She'll need to be unconscious while I try to sense the magic used."

Alexis furrowed her brow. "You never mentioned anything about that to me on the phone."

Cynthia frowned over at the redhead. "I didn't think it was of import," she replied.

Alexis crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, it is."

"If that changes your mind, then tell me now so I don't waste my time." Cynthia sounded almost bored.

"Are all witches this bitchy?" Castle whispered loudly to Esposito.

"No, we're fine," Ryan said, glaring at the other four if they dared to disagree. "As long as they can stay in the room with me."

Cynthia's face scrunched in confusion. "I don't care where they are as long as they let me do my work."

Ryan visibly relaxed. "Then I'm good."

Cynthia nodded. "Just tell me what exactly happened." She looked Ryan up and down. "You must have really pissed someone off, huh?"

"I'm not a she," Ryan said slowly. "I was a he until this case."

The bored look on Cynthia's face dissolved into shock. "What?" She asked in a small voice.

"One day, I had male parts and then the next day I woke up to female parts."

"Who did this to you?" Cynthia took a step closer and so did Esposito.

"Some bitch," Esposito answered. "Her name is Callie Barnes."

Cynthia's eyes widened. "Callie"

Castle noticed her change in her attitude. "Do you know her?"

"Of course," she replied quickly. "Who doesn't know that bitch?"

Castle and Beckett exchanged a quick look. If Cynthia hated her too, she would be happy to help.

"She wants to go down in history," Beckett said. "She needed someone to be her lab rat."

Cynthia sighed. "This'll definitely go down. Not that she deserves it."

"So help us undo it."

She shook her head. "I would love to...but I'm not as skilled as her. And then add to the fact she uses dark magic...it's next to impossible."

"But you won't know until you try, right?" Ryan asked, hopefully. She didn't respond and Ryan added in a small voice, "Please."

She raised her hands and said, "Fine, I will do my best."

Ryan smiled and jumped to his feet. "Thank you so much!"

"No promises." She turned to inspect the room. "Is there a bed she can lay down on? Maybe somewhere more private?"

Castle hesitated before walking towards his secret door. "Through here."

Esposito waited for Ryan to walk through first and then put himself between him and Cynthia even though she'd have to get close to him soon enough. Ryan walked to the couch and sat down.

"How are you going to put him under?" Esposito asked.

"Simple spell."

"Will it hurt him? Will another spell make the one he's under now harder to undo?" Esposito asked.

"Possibly. But not a spell like this."

"What-?"

"Espo," Beckett said, interrupting him.

Esposito turned to looked at Beckett. She nodded her head towards Ryan where he was lying down on the couch. Castle was kneeling next to him and letting Ryan squeeze his hand tightly.

_Oh._

Beckett came up next to Esposito. "Go see him. I'll take care of this."

Esposito nodded and came up to Ryan. He smiled softly down at him. "Nervous?"

Ryan chuckled softly. "Only a little."

"You'll be fine. I don't think she would try anything." Esposito kneeled next to Castle.

Ryan's eyes followed him. "Yeah, I just don't think the outcome looks too good right now."

"I'm gonna go see if she needs anything else before starting," Castle said.

Ryan quickly let go of Castle's hand he had been gripping. "Sorry."

"No problem." Castle rubbed Ryan's arm slightly before he stood up. Esposito looked up and mouthed a thank you. Castle winked.

Esposito watched Ryan clench and unclench his fist by his side. Esposito paused before taking Ryan's hand in his. For such a small hand, he had a tight grip. "You'll be okay," Esposito promised. "And remember what I said. If she can't find anything, we're not going to leave you."

Ryan nodded. "I know. I know."

Esposito knew he knew but he also knew Ryan needed to hear it again.

"This will take just a minute to fall asleep and then another few minutes to try and sense what's going on." Her voice was much softer now. "It won't hurt."

Ryan nodded, his fingers squeezing Esposito tighter. He didn't blame him since the last time he was under magic influence he felt like crap and woke up without a dick.

Before she could start her spell, Ryan turned to Esposito. "Please don't leave after I fall asleep."

"I won't leave your side until you're awake and okay." Esposito covered their hands with his free hand. Esposito smiled down at him to try and calm his nerves.

Then, Cynthia started to chant Latin and slowly Ryan's eyes grew heavy and he blinked them closed. Esposito felt his hand grow lax in his but he didn't let go.

The room went silent as they listened to Ryan's soft snores fill the room. Esposito waited an extra minute just staring at Ryan before he turned up to Cynthia. "Now what?"

"This part doesn't require a spell as long as I'm able to pick up on it. He needed to be sleeping because awake, his conscious was interfering too much."

"Can I stay here?"

Cynthia hesitated, staring down at their joined hands. "As long as you remain calm and I don't confuse your auras."

Esposito nodded, moving back as far as he could without letting go of Ryan's hand.

She took a step forward and for the next few moments, she walked around Ryan's body slowly. Her hands extending close enough to touch but never making contact. Esposito tried to watch her face too look for the frustration or hope. She remained impassive though.

She finally pulled her hands away after what seemed like hours. She didn't say a word which made everyone in the room more than worried.

"So?" Esposito finally asked, now moving closer to Ryan.

Cynthia took a moment to answer. "I wasn't wrong when I said it was the strongest magic I've seen used. It must have taken a lot out of Callie."

"She was dying," Castle said. "She used whatever she had left."

She raised her eyebrows. "Calie was dying? Is that why she wanted to go down in history?"

Beckett nodded her head. "She said even if she could change Ryan back, she wouldn't because she wants to be remembered."

"I wish I could stop that from happening but this is big. There's never been a transformation like this that didn't kill the person in the process." Cynthia shook her head.

"She could have killed Ryan?" Esposito almost shouted.

"She's a conniving bitch," Cynthia replied curtly. "I'm sorry. I should remain professional."

"Hey, we're all thinking it," Castle said with a laugh.

"The only thing I'm thinking is is Ryan going to be okay?" Esposito asked, squeezing Ryan's hand.

Cynthia frowned sympathetically down at him. "He's healthy. The spell didn't harm him in any way that you should be worried about."

"But?"

"But, I don't see an easy way out of this," she said slowly. "From what I could tell, this is permanent."

Esposito sucked in quick breath.

"There may be a dark magic spell that could _maybe_ do it but I don't think it exists. And I wouldn't trust any witch capable of dark magic to ask."

"Why? What's the difference between your magic and dark magic?" Alexis asked.

"Many things but basically, it's where you power is coming from," Cynthia explained. "Dark magic requires getting power from dark entities. Which is strong but when the time comes to pay them back, you better be ready to pay the price no matter what."

"Where do your powers come from?"

"The natural world. So not as powerful but safer. It's usually enough for what I perform."

"So Ryan is stuck like this? There's nothing you can do to change him back?" Esposito still couldn't wrap his mind around it.

"I can keep looking but right now, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do."

"Can I help you?" Alexis asked.

"What?"

"Could I help you figure something out? I'm good at research and could help out. We want Ryan back and you want to stop Callie. If you think she's going down in history for doing this, imagine your fame if you undo it. Without black magic."

Cynthia smiled. "I could use some help." She paused and looked around at everyone. "I also want to apologize for how rude I was earlier. You'd be surprised at how many calls I get for my services and most times, it's for something ridiculous."

Alexis handed her a card from her purse. "You can show you're sorry by really trying to solve this." She handed her the card. "That's my number. I'll keep in touch if you just let me know what to look into."

Cynthia nodded. "We can work something out. I'll go home and look into dark magic books. Tomorrow, I'll let you know what our next step is."

"Wait!" Esposito said suddenly. "Before you go, uh, do you mind checking to see if he bruised any ribs. I don't know if you can do that stuff."

Cynthia smiled softly. "Of course."

Esposito nodded and stood up, without letting go of Ryan's hand. "We're cops and a perp threw him into a bus today. He wouldn't get it checked out."

WIth a laugh, she asked, "Stubborn, huh?"

"You have no idea." Esposito rolled his eyes and lifted Ryan's shirt just where his ribs were hurt on the one side. Already, there was a large green and yellowish bruise forming.

Once again, Cynthia stepped forward and started to work her magic, literally. She held a raised hand an inch above Ryan's colored skin. She pulled her hand back and Esposito covered Ryan's skin again.

"Nothing bad, just a bruise on his skin." Cynthia confirmed.

"You know he bruises like a peach," Castle said with a laugh. Poor Ryan couldn't avoid the teasing even in unconsciousness.

"He'll be fine. By tomorrow it won't even bother him as much." She turned to Castle. "Unless one of you purposely hit him in the side."

Castle acted scandalized. "I would never do such a thing." He shrugged his shoulders. "Now if it were Esposito, that's a completely different story."

"If you even tried, I'd have you flat on your ass in a second, bro."

"That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."

"Don't get used to it," Esposito retorted.

"And you wonder why Ryan is my favorite."

"Are you two done now?" Beckett asked before Esposito could said anything else. "I'm sure Cynthia wants to go home."

Castle glared at Esposito one last time before he handed Cynthia a check with her payment written in.

Cynthia looked almost hesitant to take it. "I'm sorry I couldn't help."

"Thank you for trying. It means a lot to him."

Cynthia looked down at Ryan. "Him," she said, tasting the word on her mouth. "I like him." She smiled, almost fondly. "There was something about him when I was sensing him that just makes you feel relaxed. He has a pure soul." She laughed and looked back at the others. "Almost like a child."

Castle grinned. "Don't we know it."

"You better not bust Ryan's chops, Castle," Beckett warned. "That goes for you too, Espo."

"Well, if Ryan is a kid on the inside that makes Esposito a pedophile, doesn't it?" Castle's eye fell to their hands.

"Hey, you were holding his hand too."

"Boys." Beckett eyed them before she looked at Cynthia and nodded for her to continue.

"He'll be up in a few minutes. No side effects." Cynthia nodded. "I'm sorry I couldn't help more."

"Thanks for trying."

"And not being a perv about it," Castle added.

"Don't ask," Beckett said quickly.

Cynthia nodded. "Okay," she said, dragging out the a. "I'll keep in touch and let him know I hope he's okay." She nodded and said her goodbyes as she stepped out of the room with Alexis. They continued to talk about researching more about the dark magic used.

Castle hoped Alexis wasn't interested enough in the topic to even think about practicing it. Even if it was natural magic.

Once they were all alone in the back room again, Castle turned to Ryan. "So who's gonna break the news to him?" And immediately after the words left his mouth, he tapped his nose and shouted, "Not it!"

"I'll tell him when he wakes up." Esposito rolled his eyes. "He's not going to like it but he has to know. If this is permanent, we have to start talking about what we're gonna do." He turned to Beckett. "You can't keep him at the desk for the rest of his career."

"I know. But we saw what happened today. I just don't think he's ready to go out there in his new body. He doesn't know his balance or his strength or what he is and isn't capable of." Beckett reasoned. "I just don't want to see him hurt. Or worse."

Esposito nodded because he knew. He just didn't want to be the one to keep Ryan back.

"You've also got a female partner now. Perps are gonna go after _her_ because it's easier to get a little thing like her than a guy like you."

"No one will touch her if I can help it," Esposito said quickly before correcting himself, " _Him_."

"Better watch the pronouns in front of _him_ ," Castle said with a laugh.

"Now that he's permanently a she, it's going to get very confusing."

"What?"

Esposito turned wide eyed to Ryan, who was now awake and sitting up. "Shit," he cursed under his breath. There goes breaking it to him easy.

"I'm a she forever?" Ryan asked, his voice low as he stared at Esposito.

"Ryan,-."

"Esposito."

Esposito sighed and said again, "Ryan, she tried her best. It's a dark magic that she can't unbind from you."

"Is she going to even _try_?" Ryan asked.

"Of course. She's outside talking with Alexis right now. She's on our side, Ry," Castle tried to take some heat off of Esposito.

"What are my chances of being _me_ again?"

Nobody said a word.

Falling back down on the couch, Ryan moaned. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Esposito rubbed Ryan's arm softly. "Deep breaths, Kev. You'll be okay."

Ryan's head whipped to face Esposito. "Okay? I have boobs and a vagina, I don't know how to even put on a bra in less than fifteen minutes, I need more clothes, I'm way too short, I lost any muscle I had, I don't know when to expect my monthly fuck you from mother nature and the hormones are driving me crazy. That's only a tip of the iceberg, so _please_ tell me how I'm going to be okay!" He ended in a slight screech.

Esposito blinked a few times, trying to take all of that in. Nobody else said anything either.

After a few deep breaths, Ryan said, "I'm sorry." He shook his head and shrunk in on himself. "I'm sorry."

"You survived the past few days, right? And Beckett's been doing it for years. You just have to get used to it." Esposito laughed. "And any feminine questions you have, I'm sure Castle would be more than happy to answer them."

Castle eyed Esposito. "That better be referring to me having a daughter and not myself."

"What do you think, bud?"

They turned to Ryan, hoping for a smile or any positive reaction but he continued to lay down with his eyes shut.

Esposito softened his voice and squeezed Ryan's hand again. "One step at a time, Kevin. It'll get easier and we're not going anywhere."

Ryan finally peeked an eye open and saw his friends looking down at him. He opened his eyes and sat up, noticing everyone's attention directed at him. He cleared his throat and wiped at his eye even though not a tear had fallen. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"Stop apologizing. This isn't your fault."

Ryan barely glanced at Castle. "I know but I overreacted. You're all doing the best that you can."

"We're not giving up."

FInally meeting Castle's eyes, he said, "Everything can't always be fixed. I just have to... _get used to it_ …"

Castle put a hand on her shoulder and he practically engulfed her. "We can figure all of that out tomorrow. Tonight, why don't we all just go out for something to eat."

Looking back down at his lap, Ryan muttered, "I'm not really that hungry."

Esposito crossed his arms over his chest. "You've barely been eating the past few days, Ryan. You need to eat something. You may not have appetite but you definitely have hunger."

Ryan glared up at Esposito through his lashes but didn't say a word.

"I know, you hate me."

"I don't hate you," Ryan corrected. "I hate that witch."

"So does that mean you're going to dinner with us?" Castle tried.

Ryan shook his head. "Sorry, Castle. I'm just gonna go home and get some rest. This is a lot to process."

"Of course," Beckett said. "Take the night to yourself. Don't worry, everything will be okay."

"But-." Castle started but Beckett elbowed him. "Raincheck, then."

Ryan nodded. "Definitely."

"If you want, you can stay here as long as you'd like. If you want, I can bring in something," Castle offered.

"No thanks, not in the mood to eat anything right now."

"I'll bring him home. I've got stuff in the fridge if he wants, don't worry." Esposito stepped up and held out a hand to Ryan. He took it and Esposito easily pulled him up. He still wasn't used to the dramatic difference in weight.

The four of them exited the secret room and saw Alexis and Cynthia by the office door. Cynthia looked over at Ryan and said, "Oh, you're up."

Ryan nodded and after a moment of hesitation, he said, "Thanks for trying. I appreciate it."

"I'm sorry I can't do more."

Ryan waved his hand. "Not your fault. Next time I'll be careful around witches."

"The bad ones," Cynthia said.

"The bad ones," Ryan agreed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short and bad but I haven't had time to write at all lately with all this stress from school and colleges and life so I just wanted to get something up this weekend. I hope you enjoy it all the same.

"So, have you decided what you're going to do?" Castle asked Beckett as they watched Ryan and Esposito walk into the bullpen.

She turned to stare at him in slight confusion. "What?"

Castle raised his eyebrows. "Are you keeping Ryan on the street?"

Beckett sighed. "I'm not going to hold him back just because he's a girl now. In my career, I was never held back."

"Yeah, but you also were a girl your entire life."

Beckett looked up from her paperwork and asked, "What are you getting at, Castle?"

"I'm just imagining if Alexis were on the force. I've been out there, Beckett. I see how big these guys are that Ryan and Espo usually take on. I wouldn't let her out there, fighting them even if she had a hundred layers of Kevlar. And Ryan is even smaller."

Beckett looked up at Castle. "So you want me to keep him at his desk. After 15 years of being out on the street, you want me to shackle him to the desk? I can't."

Castle bit at his lip. "Can't you promote him? Give him a position where he does his work at his desk. I mean, you went from Detective to Captain."

"It's not that simple, Castle. And we can't even bring this up to 1PP right now. One of their detectives in now suddenly a girl? They're going to start asking questions I don't think we want to answer."

"Beckett, I'm not trying to be difficult. I just don't want to see him hurt."

"I can't bench him. You know Ryan will not take well to that. He will _freak_ out."

Castle nodded. "I know," he said but still didn't look convinced.

"We'll have to work with him. Teach him that he can't rely on the muscle against these guys anymore. I mean it wasn't like he was made of muscle before this. You just have to try to understand his point of view. One day he suddenly wakes up a girl? That's gotta be rough."

Castle sighed. "I don't want him hurt," he repeated.

"And neither do I. And neither does Javier." Beckett smiled softly at her husband. "It'll just take some time to get back into the groove of things. I knew I was put off when I went through puberty and that was after I spent all my life as a girl. Poor Ryan is getting hit with it all at once."

"I still don't like seeing him on the streets. Yesterday was proof enough."

"Don't bring it up to him, please. He will not be happy to know what you're thinking." Beckett warned.

Castle sighed but didn't argue his point further. "Fine. I'm gonna go say hi and see how Ryan is feeling."

"Tell them I really need that paperwork."

Castle scoffed. "I'm not going to be the party pooper." He didn't wait before leaving Beckett's office. Ryan noticed him coming first and gave him a smile. Castle found it hard to be mad at him for wanting to get back out when he smiled like that.

"Hey, Castle."

Castle smiled back. "Hey, Ryan. Feeling better today?"

A faint blush colored his cheeks. "Yeah, just felt nauseous last night. Sorry for counting out of dinner."

"The offer still stands tonight."

Ryan seemed to think it over in his mind for a few seconds before he nodded. "Yeah, I think I will."

Castle's smile widened. "Nice!"

"I guess that means I'm coming along too," Esposito said.

"Don't act like you're not happy for the chance at free beers."

"Oh, you're paying," Esposito smirked. "Then I'm definitely coming along."

"Before any of you go anywhere, those reports from last week need to be filled out and on my desk by the end of shift." Beckett came up behind them.

"I didn't want to be the party pooper." Castle shrugged his shoulders.

"You were sitting at your desk today anyway, Ryan, now you have something to do." Beckett looked pointedly at his desk of papers.

Castle eyed Ryan as he sighed and took a seat carefully in his seat. His face pinched in pain slightly for a second before he relaxed somewhat. He noticed Castle's staring and cleared his throat, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. Castle noted that girl-Ryan seem to do that when he was nervous.

"Better to stay inside anyway," Castle commented. Ryan looked sharply at him and Castle said, "Nasty weather." He could feel Beckett's 'I told you so' look on him.

"Just get your work done. I'll kick Castle out if you three start fooling around before you're finished." Beckett eyed the three of them before she turned back to her office.

"Do you ever notice how she only has to come out to remind us to do our job?" Ryan asked once she was back in her office, but still eying them through her window.

"She was on this side once so she can't complain," Esposito said, smiling at Beckett so she stopped staring out at them. They couldn't avoid paperwork with their boss staring out at them.

"All you have to do is finish up paperwork, right? Maybe I can help out." Castle looked at the small stack on Ryan's desk.

"Wow, you're actually offering to help us with paperwork. What do you want from us?" Esposito asked in amusement.

"I can't help a few friends out?" Castle asked, already taking a seat next to Ryan.

"I don't want your pity help, Castle." Ryan put a firm hand on his papers. "It's my job and I'm capable of doing it."

Castle sighed. There goes trying to get on Ryan's good side and convince him to take a safer job. "Truth is, I'm bored. And I can't hang out with you two, my best friends if you're too busy working."

"As long as another case doesn't come up, we'll be done by lunch. Ryan just has to fill out the accident report." Esposito looked pointedly at his partner. "The one from last week _and_ yesterday."

Castle turned to Ryan, "You haven't finished the one from Callie?"

"I've been avoiding it...I was hoping maybe I'd be able to get it done _after_ I was changed back." He chuckled dryly. "I could laugh at it as I filled it out. But now that there's no hope of being a guy again..." He trailed off with a sigh.

"I'm sorry," Castle said softly after a moment. He knew it did nothing to help Ryan but he didn't know what else to say.

Ryan grabbed a pen from his desk and lifted it up. "It's okay. I'm just gonna get this done."

Esposito watched Ryan closely as he started to fill out his paper. "Castle, why don't you do us a favor and maybe make us a cup of coffee. Kev didn't have anything this morning. And he hardly got any sleep with his ribs."

Castle knew Ryan was probably feeling pretty down if he didn't even argue with Espo. He nodded, happy to do something to help. "You got it. And I think Burns brought in some doughnuts so I'll snatch a few of those."

Ryan turned his head up again and Castle knew exactly what he was going to say before he did. "Strawberry icing, I know."

He walked over to the break room and started making the boys coffee. Usually, he would protest to being their slave but he would do anything to make Ryan smile again. He had two mugs full and was in the middle of pouring more sugar than was probably healthy into Ryan's mug when he felt a bump on his back. He cringed as his perfect foam was ruined.

"So, Rick, my boy," the voice said.

Castle frowned and turned to face whoever was talking to him. He recognized him from around the precinct but he'd never had more than a ten-word conversation with him. "Uhh…"

"Just came to grab a snack." He grabbed the last strawberry donut before Castle could stop him.

"Actually," Castle started but was interrupted when he took a big bite and smirked.

"S'good."

Castle frowned sensing that this guy knew exactly which donut to take. "Can I help you?"

"What's up with your little friend?" He jerked his head to the bullpen, specifically where Esposito and Ryan were sitting at their desk.

"What?" Castle asked, turning back to his coffee. He grabbed a napkin to start wiping up what was spilled.

"We all know you're buddy-buddy with three detectives in this precinct. Beckett, Esposito and Ryan." As he said this, Castle started to feel his stomach churn. "And Ryan isn't here but there is a fine little woman sitting at his desk that looks exactly like him."

Castle was glad his head was down so his face couldn't be seen. He looked out to the precinct and saw Esposito look up as well. Esposito seemed to catch his look and mouthed in concern, "You okay?" Castle nodded his head smaller.

"What's your point here? My coffee's getting cold." Castle grabbed three donuts from the box and balanced the plate over one of the mugs.

The guy rolled his eyes. "C'mon, man, we all know something is going on."

Castle narrowed his eyes.

"We all knew something was off about him. The hair, the suits, the pinks, the whole thing he's got for his partner." He shrugged his shoulders, his face slightly scrunching in disgust. "We're just confused as to what he's doing about it."

Castle felt his face grow hot in anger and he squeezed his fist. "I'm not sure what you're getting at. But Ryan is my best friend so you better watch what you say." He took a small step forward.

"I'm just making observations. Nothing bad." He popped the last of Ryan's donut in his mouth before licking his fingers.

"Well, none of it is your business, so if you'd excuse me." Castle stepped around him and to the door.

"See, that's where you're wrong. I work with him, her, _it_. I mean, does the NYPD even know? Because if this were anyone but the Captain's favorite little Mick, his ass would be fired so quick." He paused and Castle rolled his jaw, not wanting to cause a scene.

"You're still here, so they obviously aren't very strict with who they keep." Castle said curtly before walking out of the break room over to the boys' desks. He didn't turn back and he really hoped that that guy wasn't following him out.

"What did Clint want?" Esposito asked before Castle even put down the coffee.

"What?" Castle asked, caught off guard by the question.

"That d-bag, Marcus Clint. What was he bothering you about?" Esposito crossed his arms over his chest.

 _So that was his name._ And apparently, he was a douchebag. Castle had already figured that one out himself, though.

Castle looked down at Ryan; his face curious but so carefree at the moment. There was no way he was going to upset Ryan when he was already so insecure about the change. He couldn't. "Just ticked that I was hogging the donuts."

Ryan nodded, buying it and Castle was relieved.

He put the plate of donuts down and sent an apologetic look to Ryan. "I'm sorry there was no strawberry."

Ryan smiled and it hurt Castle to see. "It's fine." He took the vanilla icing one happily. "I'm not picky."

"Yes, you are," Esposito replied as he grabbed his Boston cream.

Ryan ignored him in favor of taking a sip from his coffee. With a smile, he thanked Castle for getting it perfect.

"It's not hard to mix some coffee with a cup full of sugar." Esposito raised his eyebrows.

"Shut up and drink your poison. Leave me alone." Ryan curled his fingers around the mug.

"You shut up." Esposito paused. "And do your paperwork."

"Don't boss me around."

" _Don't boss me around_ ," Esposito mocked in a high voice. And while Esposito always mocked Ryan in a high voice, this time it was different. Ryan's mouth snapped shut and his shoulders sagged.

Castle's eyes darted from Ryan to Esposito. He gave Esposito a panicked look that said, _Do something!_

"Kev," Esposito started, his voice soft.

"No." Ryan cleared his throat and shook his head a few times. "It's fine. I just forgot my voice is a few octaves higher now." He chuckled, but Castle knew he didn't find any of it funny.

Obviously, Castle had to fix this himself. "Hey, no long faces. We're going out tonight. You can't be sad with a beer in one hand a burger in the other."

"So whenever I'm sad, I should just pick up a beer?" Ryan asked, his voice low like he purposely trying to sound less high pitched.

"Yup."

Esposito stared at Castle for a moment before saying, "Sounds like the beginning to alcoholism, bro."

"Ryan's a happy drunk. So if he's drunk all the time, he's happy all the time. Therefore, my theory is true." Castle shrugged his shoulders.

"Can't argue logic like that," Ryan agreed.

"Of course." Esposito shook his head. "But you're not getting drunk tonight."

Ryan fake pouted, sticking his lower lip out slightly. "Aw, why not?"

"Because I'm tired and if not me, who will be holding back your hair as you puke your guts up all night long?"

"Touche."

"Exactly. So finish up that paperwork or else you won't even be going out tonight." He ignored the face that Ryan was making as he stood up. He turned to Castle and attempted to fake a smile. "Hey, Castle, can you come with me for a second?"

Castle knew by the tone of Esposito's voice that he was not happy. Ryan, of course, picked up on it too.

"Where you guys going?"

"I'm taking Castle away from here for five minutes so you're not so distracted anymore."

Ryan looked like he didn't want to believe it but he didn't argue with Esposito. Grudgingly, he turned back to his paperwork. Which left Castle alone with Espo's bad mood. But it would only get worse if he avoided him so he followed the ex-special forces soldier into the break room.

Esposito shut the door behind them and cross his arms. He looked angry but not directly at Castle. The writer was thankful for small miracles.

"I'm going to ask you once and you're not going to lie," Esposito practically ordered and Castle nodded his head. "What was Clint saying to you in here. No lies."

Castle had to think for a quick second to remember Clint was that prick of a donut stealer. "Uh," Castle started but paused to clear his throat. "He just wanted to know what was up with Ryan."

Esposito cursed under his breath. His arms uncrossed so he could slam his fist against the counter.

"I didn't say anything. He assumed Ryan did this to himself." Castle said carefully not wanting to catch Esposito's temper. Though, he knew where Esposito's anger was coming from. Ryan was easy to be protective of.

Esposito came real close to Castle and waved a pointed finger slightly. "Ryan does not find out."

"Definitely not," Castle agreed.

Esposito nodded. "Good. And if I see that asshat near him, I will punch his teeth out. I don't care how long I'm suspended for."

Castle laughed nervously. "I can help you out with that. I don't work here to be suspended."

For a moment, the room was quiet. Esposito was glaring at the floor while Castle waited to calm him down in case he blew up again. Fortunately, he seemed to be calming down. "You know, maybe tonight will be good. Give Ryan a chance to act like things are normal again."

Castle smiled softly and took a step closer to Esposito. He rubbed his arm and said, "I think it'll do you some good too. Have a drink, wind down. If Ryan drinks too much, I'll take care of him. Don't worry."

"It's funny that you two think you're going out tonight when Ryan is the only one working." Castle and Esposito hadn't even noticed Beckett open the door but there she was, leaning against the doorframe.

"Captain,-."

"I don't want to hear it, Esposito." She jerked her head back to his desk. "Get to work."

"Kate, we-."

Beckett glared at her husband. "Do I really have to ban you from the precinct? Let them work."

"But-." Beckett's fiery stare stopped him short. He pushed past Esposito to hurry out of the break room. He'd have a better chance fighting off an angry ex-soldier than his angry wife.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter! Sorry for such a late update.

"We have work tomorrow, might I remind you. So no drinking." Beckett said as they walked into the pub/restaurant.

"Don't be such a mom, Kate. One beer won't hurt." Castle rolled his eyes as he walked to the hostess stand. "Table for four."

The hostess took four menus and led them to a small table in the back by the bar. "Your server will be here in a few moments."

Javier took his seat next to Kevin and looked to the bar. "They're tempting us to have a few drinks."

"One or two can't hurt," Castle agreed.

"It won't hurt anyone but Ryan." Beckett smirked at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kevin's face scrunched up in displeasure.

"Dude, you were a lightweight as a man. You can probably handle like half a beer as a girl." Esposito took the alcoholic beverage menu from his hands. "Have an iced tea."

"Just because I'm now a girl," died on Ryan's tongue as their waiter introduced himself suddenly behind him.

"My name is Craig and I'll be taking your orders tonight. Can I start you with some drinks?" He had his pen to his pad, looking expectantly at Esposto. Esposito looked from their waiter to his partner, who was purposely avoiding his eyes. After a moment of hesitation, he said, "I'll take a Coke."

Ryan looked up at Esposito with a smile that screamed. 'I knew you would give in.' Because if Ryan couldn't have any beer, than nehter was Esposito.

Castle sighed and ordered the same thing. Ryan smiled. Beckett laughed and got a sprite. When the attention was now on Ryan, the waiter seemed to see him for the first time. His polite smile turned into a flirtatious one.

"What can I get you, honey?"

It seemed to go right over Ryan's head but Esposito didn't miss it. His eyes flickered to Craig and back to Ryan.

"A raspberry iced tea, please." Ryan smiled up at him.

"Sure thing," he grinned right back.

Javier cleared his throat to gain Craig's attention. "Can we order our meal now?"

Craig nodded but he was still watching Ryan. Esposito felt his stomach churn. He started to ask random questions about the different meals just to get Craig's attention on him but it didn't work as well as he'd hoped. Soon, Esposito had his order done when Castle kicked him for taking too long. Craig got through Beckett and Castle's order so he was once again all for Ryan.

"And what can I get for you?" He pulled out a big smile for Ryan.

Ryan barely acknowledged the obvious flirting as he read from the large menu. "The Double Decker burger please with loaded waffle fries. On the burger, mayo, ketchup, lettuce, tomato and onions. Oh, bacon too."

Craig laughed softly. "A women that can eat her weight in dinner. I like it it."

Javier saw Castle openly smirking now and he grew angrier. How dare Craig look at his partner like he was a piece of meat.

"Yeah," Ryan said, his cheeks tinging. "My boss worked me through lunch so I take what I can get."

Craig finished writing down Ryan's order and said, "Next time, just bat your eyes. I doubt he'd say no to those baby blues."

Ryan finally seemed to realize that the guy was flirting with him. His face turned even redder and he stuttered, "Well, uh, my boss is woman."

"And sitting at this table," Beckett said, looking up with grin.

Esposito was thankful that Beckett opened her mouth and made the guy put his foot in his mouth. But he just brushed it off. "My apologies.

While his attention was on Beckett, Ryan stared down at the table to ignore him. Esposito saw Craig open his mouth again but he interrupted him, "Hey, we've got a movie to catch so…"

"Of course, sorry." Craig patted Ryan's shoulder his hand lingered a bit too long for Esposito's liking but he finally left.

Once he was gone, Castle laughed. "Dude, he was totally into you."

Ryan looked up at Castle through his lashes. "Please don't remind me."

"When he comes back if he bothers you I'll shut him up," Esposito offered.

"You'd be more than happy to," Castle mumbled under his breath.

Esposito's head snapped towards the writer. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That we all have eyes."

"Watch yourself, writer-boy."

"Can we change the subject please?" Ryan begged, his cheeks still tinged pink.

"How long did it take you to realize he was flirting with you?" Castle asked in amusement.

"Shut up."

"He was ready to take you home and you were building your own burger." Castle couldn't help his laughter.

"Are you laughing at my partner?"

Usually, Esposito's glare frightened Castle but now he only laughed harder. Beckett elbowed him but she was holding back a smile.

"C'mon, leave him alone," she said.

"Are you serious though? Did you really not know he was flirting with you?" Castle ignored Beckett.

Ryan's face burned redder and Esposito would have felt bad if he hadn't wanted to know himself. "I thought he was just being nice…"

"Being nice?" Esposito repeated with raised eyebrows.

Ryan let his head fall into his arms. He moaned, "I hate you guys."

And then wonder boy was back. "I hope you don't hate me." His hand rested on Ryan's back and Ryan shot up straight.

"Oh, uh, actually-," he stammered out and quickly started to brush strands of hair behind his ears.

"Do you mind? We're kinda waiting for our dinner here." Esposito stared at the hand on Ryan's back.

Craig pulled it off. "We're bringing that out in a few minutes." He lowered his other hand that was balancing a tray of drinks. He started to hand them out to everyone.

He placed Ryan's down last and laughed. "Is your friend always that cranky?"

Ryan stared at Esposito and said, "Javi's just hungry."

Esposito rolled his eyes and slurped loudly at his iced tea.

"Javi," Craig said. "And what about you? Can I have a name to go with your pretty face?"

Now he wasn't even trying to disguise the compliments. Esposito knew he shouldn't be getting this upset over this. Ryan obviously wasn't even interested. But he couldn't help it.

"I'm Ke...lly." Ryan fumbled over his name. Castle coughed on the soda he was drinking.

"I have your name, now all I need is your-."

"Hey, look. Our food's here!" Esposito interrupted Craig's attempt for a phone number probably.

Craig glared down at Esposito but stepped back to let the other waiters through. They placed the plates down in front of them all and head back into the kitchen.

Craig went to talk to Ryan again but Esposito asked, "Do you mind bringing out some mayo for my burger? Thanks."

Craig grumbled but didn't argue as he went into the kitchen to get what he ordered. Once gone, Ryan breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, how does your burger look, Kelly?"

Ryan glared at Castle. "I panicked."

"Ryan is a female name."

"I already started to say Kevin and I don't want him to know any part of my name." Ryan stole a glance towards the kitchen.

"Let's find another place for dinner next time," Beckett said.

"Definitely," Ryan agreed.

And just like that, order was restored. Sure Ryan was being crushed on by some creepy guy but he wasn't _enjoying_ it.

So Esposito could breathe easy again. Until Craig came back one last time before they were leaving.

He was holding a pitcher of water to refill his tables' glasses and when he was going to fill up Ryan's cup, he just happened to spill the water all over him.

Ryan pushed his chair back in a rush. "Shit," he cursed at the freezing temperature.

"That's my bad." Craig fell to his knees and pulled a towel out of his apron. He started to pad Ryan's now soaking shirt. He was trying to dry Ryan off but Esposito was sure that Ryan's chest was now dry after all Craig's toweling.

That's when Esposito realized that Craig had been balancing 8 plates on his tray with one hand the entire night.

Esposito jumped to his feet and grabbed Craig by the ear. "I think you've done enough. Get out of here before I get a manager."

Craig nodded his head, wincing slightly. "I'm so sorry, Kelly."

Esposito took over Craig's drying and tried to get as much water soaked up as he could. He was thankful that Ryan decided to wear a white bra so nothing showed through his pale green blouse.

"I think we're ready for the check," Castle stood up as well. Craig looked up at the writer and nodded his head quickly before he hurried off to the kitchen.

"You okay?" Esposito asked softly.

"Hold on," Ryan said before sticking his hand in his shirt. He fished out his hand and threw the ice cube to the floor. "Better now."

Esposito laughed. "We'll get you back to the apartment."

"I just wanted a night out." Ryan stood up and pulled at his clinging shirt.

"Never a dull moment with this crowd," Castle commented as he handed Ryan his dry napkin. "You two head out, Beckett and I will stay for the check."

"Are you sure?" Ryan asked.

Beckett rolled her eyes. "Yes, we're sure. Now go before _Craig_ comes back with a change of clothes."

Esposito put an arm on Ryan's back. "C'mon, let's go." He turned around to Castle and Beckett and mouthed, "Thank you."

Esposito followed Ryan out of the restaurant and they were immediately hit by the chilly air. This close to Christmas, Manhattan was definitely cold.

Esposito had a jacket on but Ryan didn't since on his little shopping spree with Castiel, he didn't find it necessary to buy a jacket. And adding the water soaked shirt, he was shivering three minutes into the walk.

The walk was only ten minutes to Esposito's apartment so there was no need to waste time and money on a taxi.

Mentally, Esposito was at war with himself whether he should give Ryan his jacket or not. It was cold and he was wet. There didn't have to be anything weird about it. Even if he were still a guy and Esposito wouldn't have thought about draping his jacket across Ryan's shoulders, he didn't have to know that.

So he shrugged his arms out of his jacket slowly and wrapped it around Ryan's shoulders. It looked huge on his small frame and Esposito felt warm at the sight of Ryan wearing _his_ jacket. He wanted to waltz right back to Craig and say, "Ha, he's mine." Or technically, "she's".

Ryan stopped walking and turned to face him. "What was that for?" He asked but didn't take the jacket off. In fact, he pulled it closer around himself.

"You looked cold," Esposito said. "You need to go out and get some actual clothes you can wear. You and Castle picked up like two outfits."

Ryan was quiet as they crossed the street and said, "Yeah, I guess permanent girl calls for some shopping."

Esposito laughed. "I think so."

"Not funny." Ryan shoved his softly with his shoulder.

"Why not? I think Craig would love to see you in a skimpy little dress," Esposito teased.

"I said _nothing_ about dresses."

"I give you a month." Ryan had said he was open minded and Esposito desperately wanted to see his partner in a baby blue sundress.

Ryan rolled his eyes and Esposito smiled, taking a small step closer to him.

"I have to figure out what I'm doing about everything in my apartment. I mean, right now, none of my old clothes can really help me but if Alexis and Cynthia happen to figure something out then I don't want to get rid of everything."

"One step at a time, Kev. You can stay at my place for a bit until you figure everything out." Esposito wasn't sure why Ryan needed to stay at his apartment but he hoped Ryan wouldn't argue.

"I'd can't hide there forever."

"Not forever. Just for now." Esposito reasoned. "And it's not hiding. You're just taking a break from the normal."

Ryan laughed. "Taking a break? I don't think normal will ever be an option again."

"You're right. Normal left the moment Castle walked into the precinct. And if we've dealt with Castle for the past 10 years, we can deal with this."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is so short but the next one is much longer and I'll it up sooner!

The next day at lunch, Beckett walked up to their desk clump wearing her workout clothes. She dropped a duffle bag in front of Ryan and said, "C'mon, Ry."

Ryan frowned. "Where are we going?"

"Do you wanna learn how to fight like a girl or not?" She asked with raised eyebrows.

Ryan looked at Esposito and he just shrugged his shoulders. Turning back to Beckett, he said, "Yeah, I do."

She grinned. "Then let's go. The gym is empty."

Ryan nodded and hopped up from his seat. "Sorry to cancel on you, Javi."

Esposito waved his hand. "It's fine, Kev. Have fun."

Ryan grabbed the bags and followed Beckett to the elevator. They went down to the gym and Beckett went straight to the women's locker room. Ryan paused outside the door. "Uh, Beckett…"

"Oh, Ryan, don't be such a prude. Come on, there's no one in here and we'll only be here for a minute or so."

It took a moment but Ryan sighed and walked through the door. He kept his head staring down at his feet.

"You can use my locker," Beckett offered as she stopped. "I picked you up some workout clothes that should be your size."

"Beckett …" Ryan sighed and stared at the duffel bag. He didn't want her to be spending money on him. He wasn't a charity case.

"My husband is a millionaire, Ryan. I can spare a few bucks to help out family." She unzipped the bag and pulled out black pants. "Here are yoga pants. Comfortable and great for exercising." She pulled out a shirt and a black bra. Ryan wasn't sure why because he was already wearing one.

Beckett must have read his mind because she said, "It's a sports bra. You can wear it over the one you're wearing. I don't know if you've tried even running since you grew boobs but it's hell."

Ryan didn't understand what wearing that would make a difference but Beckett was the _real_ girl so she obviously knew what she was talking about.

He realized Beckett was standing to wait for him to get changed. As a guy, he never really gave it a second thought when Esposito or Castle was there. They all had the same parts. So now, it didn't really matter that Beckett was right there. She knew what he had under his clothes. Better than he did.

He unbuttoned his blouse and folded it nicely. Beckett handed him the bra. "Just pull it over. You'll thank me."

Ryan liked this bra better than the others. He didn't have to twist it around and hook it backward just to put it on. It felt tighter than his other bras so he figured this would stop his boobs from moving too much during their work out.

He quickly pulled his t-shirt on over his underwear. Just because Beckett knew what was underneath didn't mean he wasn't self-conscious.

When he pulled off his dress pants and replaced it with his yoga pants, he was shocked at how comfortable it was. He looked up at Beckett and asked, "Why don't you wear this everyday?"

She laughed and said, "They're not very professional."

"You're the Captain. I think you can let it slide." Ryan rubbed his hand over his thighs. "Where did you get these? Because I want to live in them."

"I'll tell you after I kick your butt." Beckett smirked.

Ryan grinned. "You're on."

* * *

Castle took a seat next to Esposito and followed his gaze towards the elevator. "Who are you waiting for?"

Esposito quickly turned his head from the elevator and said, "No one."

"Really? Because this is the third day in a row that Ryan has left you to go sparring with my wife. And each day, you sit here waiting for him to come back like a lost puppy."

"I'm fine. Just could use some company during lunch," Esposito grumbled.

"Ahh, so you're not jealous Beckett gets to roll around with a sweaty, probably half dressed Ryan?"

"Are you?" Esposito shot back.

"If I didn't know Ryan was so head over heels for someone else maybe maybe I would be," Castle replied.

"What are you talking about?" Esposito whipped his head to glare at Castle. Ryan had never mentioned having his eyes on someone. He barely spoke to anyone besides for the three of them, especially since his transformation.

Castle rolled his eyes. "You two are idiots."

Before Esposito could grill Castle for more information, Ryan and Beckett came walking back.

And the worst part wasn't really the fact that for their only hour off during work, Ryan spent it with Beckett; it was when Ryan came back. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail and a few ringlets clung to his pink cheeks. He was always breathing a little heavier but still smiling.

Ryan refused to take a shower in girls' locker room so he came up looking like he had just walked out of the ring. Except he always changed back into his work clothes. Esposito was a little jealous he'd never had the chance to see Ryan in his workout liked to imagine what Ryan looked like though. He'd been in the ring before with Ryan and they'd been close Esposito was close to losing control no matter how hard he tried to avoid it.

He comes up next to Esposito and since Castle was in his chair, he stayed standing. "By the end of the week, I'll be back out again."

Esposito swallowed thickly. "It'll be good to have you back. Just no more getting thrown around by big guys, okay?"

Ryan laughed and Esposito hated how the sound gave him butterflies. "I promise, Javi."

"I hope so."

"Beckett's been showing me how to fight like a girl. She had some pretty good secrets. I'll have to show you tonight, okay?" Ryan looked excited and Esposito was feeling excited as well. He'd get a chance to wrestle around with a sweaty Ryan as well.

And the rest of that day, Esposito couldn't focus on any part of work. He could only count down the hours and minutes until finally, they'd be back at the apartment. After what felt like years, it was finally time to go home.

Once in the apartment, Ryan went straight to the fridge. "You wanna order in?"

"Sure," Esposito said, totally not enjoying the view of Ryan's ass in those pants.

"Chinese or burgers?" Ryan asked, straightening up again. "How about we flip for it."

"Or..." Esposito walked over to Ryan. "We wrestle for it. If I win, we get burgers. If you win, we get Chinese. I wanna see how well Beckett has taught you in three days."

Ryan grinned. "Oh, really? You think I won't be able to take you on?"

Esposito raised his eyebrows. "I guess we'll have to find out."

"I have to get changed but I'll be right out." Ryan grabbed the work out bag. Esposito planned to bring Ryan shopping and pick up another set of clothes for the gym so he wouldn't have to bring it home to wash every day. He probably wouldn't be using it daily after he felt more comfortable and his gym visits would go back to once a week.

While Ryan was getting changed, Esposito started to move the couch out of the way so they would have room. He pushed the coffee table to the side as well. By the time he was finished, Ryan was walking back into the living room.

Esposito's eyes widened slightly at how stunning he looked in even his workout clothes. The tank top hung on his shoulders perfectly and the pants showed off his beautiful curves that hadn't been there when he was a guy.

"Ready for an ass whooping?" Ryan asked with a smirk.

"I'm ready for a burger if that's what you mean." Esposito grinned right back as he walked into the now open space. Ryan followed slowly and stood a foot or two in front of him.

"Ready?" Esposito asked and waited for a nod. "Go."

They circled around one another for a few seconds until Esposito made the first move. He took a big step forward to try and tackle Ryan but he stepped out of the way.

"You're going to have to try harder."

Esposito just rolled his shoulders. "Careful what you wish for." He took a quicker step towards Ryan and instead of getting out of the way, Ryan rolled around Esposito and grabbed an arm behind his back. He was quick but Esposito got out of it.

That seemed to be the start they needed and they weren't dancing around the edges anymore. They were dodging punches and grabs. Esposito had to admit that Beckett had done a good job at getting Ryan more used to his change in weight and center of gravity.

Esposito was holding himself back because he wasn't going to hit Ryan with it at once but Ryan caught on. "Espo, I'm not a toothpick," he said after he grabbed Esposito's wrist. "I know you're not trying. Beckett was tougher and I doubt a female detective has the skills of a soldier trained by the US military."

"So, you just admitted that I'm better than you?" Esposito asked with a teasing grin.

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "We won't know if you don't actually try."

Esposito sighed. "Fine." He used a foot to kick the back of Ryan's leg and they both fell to the ground.

Esposito had him pinned underneath with a cocky grin one minute and then the next, Ryan had them both flipped over and with him on top. Esposito blinked in surprise and tried to get out of his grip but Ryan had him in.

Ryan smiled, breathing heavy above him. Esposito looked up at him and they were only inches apart. Esposito remembered why he hated wrestling with Ryan. Because in the end, they were always inches apart but he could never close the distance.

Esposito flipped them over and Ryan hit the ground with an "oomph". Esposito paused to make sure he was okay because they weren't messing around on the cushioned gym floor.

Ryan got up to his feet and Esposito followed. For the next few moments, they didn't say a word. They exchanged punched but none hit. Esposito was trying harder to catch Ryan off guard but Beckett really focused on him blocking any hits.

Ryan had him down on the ground again and Esposito used the break to catch his breath. Ryan was doing the same. Esposito tried not to stare as his chest rose and fell in rhythm. His cheeks were red and a strand of blonde hair fell in front of his eyes.

Esposito could have been imagining Ryan moving closer but he wasn't sure. "So," Ryan breathed. "Chinese it is."

Esposito could only nod and Ryan smiled. Esposito wished he didn't respond because a moment later, Ryan was gone.

Esposito lifted himself up on his elbows and watched Ryan cross his arms over his chest. "I think I can handle little scuffles with our perps."

"Just please be careful," Esposito pleaded. All they needed was a perp to catch Ryan off guard and they wouldn't be so lucky like the other day.

"I'll be okay, Javi." Ryan's smile softened. "And besides, you'll alway have my back out there. You wouldn't let anyone touch me."

And Esposito knew Ryan was right; he'd rather die than let someone hurt his partner.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a longer chapter like promised. It wasn't supposed to be this long but I just love torturing poor Kevin. He has it pretty rough this chapter and I think all the ladies will agree. Good thing he has Javi there for him ;)

Ryan knew it was all too good to be true. Everything seemed to be going well so, of course, around the corner, hell was waiting for him.

The cramps had made themselves known during dinnertime but Ryan could ignore them. It wasn't until a quarter to four in the morning when they really started to bother him. He was tossing and turning for a few minutes after waking when he had the sudden urge to use the bathroom.

He frowned and pushed the blankets off quietly so he didn't wake Javi. He wasn't positive how girls were supposed to feel all the time but he was sure something was definitely not right.

Since his change, he typically avoided looking at himself whenever he was nude but this time his eyes had to take a look. He immediately cursed under his breath when he saw his white underwear stained red. After he went, he saw his pee also tinged red. Another curse.

Of course, he had to experience every part of being female.

He wiped himself and the inside of his thighs before throwing his underwear in the sink. Luckily, he didn't bleed through to his pajama pants or hopefully, the sheets. Then he just sat there on the toilet, unsure of what to do.

He never heard _this_ talk from his mom. And he definitely slept during this lesson in health class. All he knew about his next week from hell were the bleeding and the cramps. The cramps he could deal with but the bleeding was an entire different thing.

How often would he bleed? Was it a lot of blood? How would he know when? Was he supposed to make it to the bathroom before or just sit in it?

Ryan ran a hand through his messy hair and hated how upset and lost he felt. He debated calling Beckett because she had been helpful since the change and insisted for him to ask her anything but this was a little weird.

He knew the only person he could go to just happened to be the guy asleep in the other room. He trusted his partner would know what to do. Hopefully.

For a few extra minutes, he sat and waited to see if he was going to bleed again but he didn't so deemed it safe enough to get up. He wasn't about to put his pajama shorts on again just in case, so he rolled up a wad of toilet paper, stuck it between his thighs and pulled his t-shirt down so it covered past his butt. Thankfully, he was wearing one of Javi's so it was already large and did its job of covering him. Ryan just wanted to make sure.

He slowly made his way out of the bathroom, afraid the slightest movement would upset something inside him. He walked over to the bed and started to shake Esposito's shoulder. Usually, he was easy to wake so it wasn't hard for Ryan to get him awake.

Blinking his eyes open, Esposito mumbled, "W't?"

"Javi," Ryan said softly. "I need your help."

That seemed to get his attention. He cracked an eye open and peeked up at Ryan. "Ry? S'wrong?

"I, uh, need you." Ryan could already feel his face burning up in embarrassment. "Please."

Esposito nodded his head and pushed himself up on one elbow. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, no, I mean, I don't know." Ryan played with his hair with one hand and pulled at his t-shirt with the other.

Esposito looked Ryan over and blinked a few times. Ryan was sure if he was fully awake Ryan wouldn't have had to explain it. But he sighed and said, "I'm bleeding."

With now wide eyes, Esposito gasped, "You're bleeding?" His eyes roamed Ryan's body again and then after a long moment, it seemed to click. "... _oh_."

Ryan nodded, wanting to cry for no real reason other than to cry. "I don't know what to do."

Esposito pushed the blankets off himself and sat up. "Don't worry, we'll figure it out." He eyes flickered to Ryan's bottom half and then back up. "I'm guessing your underwear is done."

"Sink." Ryan mumbled, fidgeting on his feet.

Esposito nodded a few times and stood up. "It's fine. We can wash those later for you. How bad is it?"

With a shrug of his shoulders, Ryan answered. "I don't know. It just started. Not too bad yet."

"Okay, good. I'm going to run to the store because no matter what Castle says, I do not have female hygiene products stocked up in my apartment." He put his hands on Ryan's shoulders. "Will you be okay?"

Ryan refused to look his partner in the eye. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Esposito pulled back the blankets and said, "Lay down until I get back. Maybe try to go back to bed."

Ryan shook his head feverently. "No, I can't. What if I stain your sheets?" He already felt the tissue between his legs ruined.

"Wait a sec." Esposito ran out of the room and came back with a towel. He spread it out on the bed and said, "Don't worry about this one. It's a rag that I've been meaning to throw away."

Ryan hesitated. "Are you sure?"

Esposito nodded. "Yes. Now lay down." He put a hand on Ryan's elbow to guide him closer to the bed.

"Fine." Ryan got into bed, careful to keep the t-shirt low so he didn't flash Javi. He curled up his legs and cringed as he felt another cramp. "Please hurry."

"Of course," Esposito said. "I'll be right back. Call me if you need anything."

Ryan watched Esposito rush out of the room and let his eyes close. Not because he thought he was going to be able to fall back asleep but because he wished he could wake up from this nightmare already.

* * *

Esposito made it to the nearest pharmacy in a little under five minutes. But now that he was there, he wasn't sure what he was even looking for. He couldn't dilly dally though because Ryan was waiting for him.

He hadn't really stopped to even think about the situation he was in- helping his grown ass partner through his first period. Esposito shivered. That was the last time he was wording it like that.

They kept the feminine hygiene things in the front probably for poor saps like him that had no clue what they were doing. He hurried over but slowed down when he saw another guy in the aisle. What a weird time for someone to be shopping since the sun was hardly even up. But then again, so was Esposito.

He nodded at the man and then started to look at everything around him. There were hundreds of different boxes of so many complicated things. Why couldn't there be a section for beginners or idiots like him?

The guy must have noticed how lost he was because he came up to him and said, "First time can be a little overwhelming."

Esposito turned to look at him with wide eyes. "What?"

"This is the first time she's sending you out for her, right?"

"Oh, uh, yeah." Esposito cleared his throat.

With a laugh, the man said, "It's alright, we've all been there." He looked at the boxes in front of them. "What did she send you to get?"

Esposito had no idea. "Um, she didn't say...something to stop the bleeding?"

That got another laugh from the man. "You can't stop it, but we can make it easier for her. What does she prefer, pads or tampons?"

Esposito was still speechless and this guy sounded like a freakin' seasoned pro. "What's the difference?"

Now he just looked like he pitied Esposito or whatever fool had chosen to send him out shopping. "Pads line the underwear and tampons go well up, you know…"

It took a moment but Esposito understood. Ryan definitely would not want to be sticking anything up himself. Well at least not right now (Esposito mentally fed the birds with himself). "Pads."

"This is the brand my wife uses. Depending on how heavy it is, you can get thick or thin ones." He gestured to a shelf.

Esposito nodded gratefully and grabbed a box of both sizes. "Thanks, man. You are a lifesaver."

The man patted his shoulder. "Don't sweat it. I've been in your shoes and my wife killed me when I came home with the wrong things. Don't need your wife killing you."

"Oh, she, uh, she's not my wife," Esposito stuttered.

The guy raised his eyebrows. "Wow. Must be serious if she's letting you buy this stuff."

Esposito smiled and said after a few seconds, "I hope."

"As long as you survive the mood swings, you'll be fine."

"Oh, like the PMSing?"

"And as long as you don't say _that_ to her, you'll be fine," he corrected himself. "But you'll get there. After the first few months, you'll get used to how she is and what she needs."

Esposito laughed. "She's a handful on a normal day so I can only imagine what this next week will be like."

The man shrugged his shoulders. "Good thing we love 'em, huh?"

Esposito nodded with a small smile. "Yeah, it's a good thing I love her."

"Well, I've gotta get going before Mel starts to look for me." He held out his hand for Espo to shake. "Jim."

"Javier," Esposito said, shaking his hand. "Thanks for the help again."

"Anytime. I'm sure we'll see each other here again in a few weeks." Jim nodded and walked out of the aisle towards the cash registers.

Esposito realized when he was gone, he should have asked for what else he'd need. But instead he'd have to ask the next best source: Google.

He brought up up a page on a website that was meant to help girls prepare for their first period. This would definitely be awkward explaining to anyone if they checked his browser history.

He read through what girls had to deal with and actually felt bad. He wasn't sure he'd be able to go through it every month without going insane.

After they told him what to to expect, they told him how he could relieve some of the cramps at least. So he started to fill his basket as quickly as he could with Advil and Ibuprofen. He also grabbed a banana and yogurt because the potassium helped as well. They had heat packs so he picked up a few of those and finally made his way back to the cash register.

He turned back just before reaching it to grab a bag of Hanes underwear. They weren't the fanciest or the most luxurious, but they would come in handy.

He finally reached the register to pay for everything and dropped the basket on the counter. The guy ringing him up took a look at all of the things he was buying and then stared at him strangely. Esposito narrowed his eyes and then looked at all the candy under the counter.

He thought he remembered somewhere saying that women on their period craved chocolate. Ryan wasn't really a big fan of chocolate but he liked fruity candy so maybe that would be good. He grabbed a stick of Starburst and dropped it on the counter.

"What?" Esposito asked. "Never seen a guy buy for his girl before?" The cashier cleared his throat and finally started to ring up his things. Esposito smiled tightly. "Thank you."

He grabbed his bags and hurried back out towards his apartment. When he finally walked through his door, he called out Ryan's name to let him know he was back. He noticed that his bedroom was empty so he walked towards the bathroom.

With a knock, he said, "Kev, I got you some stuff."

"Unlocked," Ryan's soft voice came back.

Esposito pulled out the two packages of pads and underwear but kept the rest outside the door. He screwed his eyes shut before opening the door and walking inside. "Here, pick your poison." He held out his hand towards where he hoped Ryan was.

"I'm covering myself you know," Ryan said.

"Just being careful." Esposito replied as he took another step closer and another until the packages were taken from his hand. "You okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." Esposito could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

"Alright, well, I'll be in the kitchen." He slowly started to walk back where the door was. He only bumped into the doorframe once before he was in the hallway again. He shut the door behind him and opened his eyes.

He set the bags on the kitchen table. He needed to put away the food and heat packs. He started to boil water for a hot cup of tea for Ryan as well.

Ryan came out a few minutes later, looking embarrassed. Esposito didn't really blame him because he would be mortified in his position. But he acted like nothing was wrong. "I picked some things up at the bodega down the street."

Ryan nodded timidly and took a seat at the kitchen table. He was still only wearing his long t-shirt, but Esposito didn't mind. It was kinda cute.

"Potassium will help with the cramps. So I got bananas, yogurt." Esposito was putting away the yogurt cups as he said this. "Heat also helps. So I picked up heat packs and I have tea in the cabinet. It's Mama's so I hope you don't mind the flavor. If none of that works, some good old fashioned Advil and Ibuprofen should help."

At that time, his tea pot started to whistle and he pulled it off the stove. He poured Kevin a cup of tea and put it in front of him. "Careful, it's hot."

Ryan leaned forward and wrapped a hand around the warm mug. "You really didn't have to do all of this."

Esposito shrugged his shoulders. "It was nothing."

Ryan finally looked back up at Esposito and said, "This is more than nothing. Without you during this whole thing, I would have gone crazy already."

"Whatever you need, know I'm here," Esposito said easily with a smile. He took a seat across from Ryan and pulled the candy from the bag. "It said girls usually crave chocolate but I thought you'd like Starburst better."

Ryan eyed the candy and a small smile grew on his lips. "Thank you, Javi."

"So," Esposito said softly. "Do you think you'll be okay this week?"

Ryan took a sip of his tea and when the hot liquid went down his body, he let out a small sigh. "I think so."

That lasted until the third day.

By the third day, Ryan was about to jump out Esposito's apartment window. He was moody and tired and hungry and suffering through cramps. Esposito tried everything to help but nothing was working.

Part of Esposito's heart broke when he walked into the kitchen to see Kevin sitting at the kitchen table clutching a heat pouch to his stomach with a steaming cup of tea in front of him. He was curled in on himself and Esposito hated that he'd have to disturb him.

He walked over slowly and put a hand on his shoulder. "Kev?"

Ryan only let out a whimper.

"We have to get to work now." Esposito rubbed his back softly.

"Why?"

"I'm sorry," was all Esposito could say. "Beckett is going to wonder why we're already a few minutes late."

"Oh, I'm sure she knows," Ryan said with a slight growl.

Esposito pulled back slightly but continued to rub Ryan's back. "You have desk duty. Even if we get a case, I'm sure Beckett will understand."

After a few silent seconds, Ryan admitted, "It's embarrassing."

"You'll be okay. If Clint or any other douchebag says anything to you, I'll bust their teeth in." Esposito pulled his hand back to start getting a small bag ready for Ryan. He packed a few extra pads, a heat pack, some Advil and a banana.

He grabbed a hot to go mug to put tea in it for Ryan as well. Everyone else could think he was having coffee. They didn't have to know it was Mama Esposito's favorite herbal tea.

"Let's just get this over with," Ryan mumbled as he pushed himself up. His face blanched the moment he was completely vertical. He squeezed his eyes shut and Esposito knew exactly what was wrong.

"Go, it'll take a few minutes to boil the water."

Ryan nodded miserably and slowly made his way to the bathroom. He came back just as Esposito was screwing the lid on his mug. He turned to face Ryan. "Better?"

With an empty look in his eyes, Ryan asked, "How much blood can I possibly lose before I pass out?"

Esposito couldn't help the small laugh that leaked out. Ryan's death glare got worse and Esposito cleared his throat. "Let's go. Quicker we get there, quicker we can leave." Esposito grabbed the lunch bag off the counter along with his mug and headed towards the door.

Ryan followed behind and meanly pointed out, "We leave at the same time. No matter if we get there on time or five hours late. Shift ends when shift ends."

"You try telling our Captain that, Mr. Grumpy pants," Esposito grumbled as they walked out of the apartment.

"I will," snapped Kevin.

Esposito raised his hands in defense. He was not getting in Ryan's way. He was not used to seeing the usual ray of sunshine that was his partner so moody and irritated. Esposito just wanted things back to the way they were before Ryan throws himself _or_ Esposito out the window.

* * *

Ryan didn't know what was so hard to understand about "leave me the fuck alone". He'd said it to at least 3 people that had came up to him already today and they just kept coming. Someone wanted phone history looked into, another wanted him to skim through surveillance tapes and one person actually had the audacity to ask him for one of the Starburst on his desk.

Rookie mistake. Esposito ushered the detective back to his desk before the growling turned to biting.

He was cringing over a particularly painful cramp that only had worse coming after it passed when Castle sat down next to him. "How're you feeling, Kev?" He asked with a quiet voice.

Ryan looked up at Castle's sympathetic gaze and slumped his shoulders. "Not good."

"Do you need anything? More tea?" Castle offered, looking at his mug.

Widening his eyes slightly, he asked, "How do you know it's tea?"

Castle rolled his eyes. "Please. Like you would drink coffee and get even more cramps."

Ryan deflated. "How'd you know?"

Castle furrowed his brow. "I told you... _oh_ about the other thing?" He rubbed the back of his neck. "It's obvious, I guess, for me at least. You forget I've always only lived with other women. I pick up on things."

"Is it always this bad?" Ryan asked desperately. Because if it was, he was going straight to Cynthia and Alexis and beg them to figure something out. He'd crawl if he had to.

Thankfully, Castle shook his head. "It's different every cycle for every girl. I just think you got the lucky chance of getting a bad month on your first time."

Ryan nodded holding a hand on his stomach. "I can't do this every month."

"You'll get through this. In the meantime, I'll refill your tea and get your another pack of Starburst." Castle gave Ryan a small smile that he returned.

"Thanks, Castle."

"It's no problem." Castle waved his hand and stood up. Ryan watched him walk over to the break room. Maybe if he stared at Castle and ignored everything else, he could forget the pain he was in.

Castle filled his cup quickly and walked towards the vending machine to get Ryan's candy. He could already feel his mouth watering. Castle was walking over slowly and for a brief second, Ryan thought he could actually see the light at the end of this dark, crappy tunnel in the form of fruity candy.

Of course, Esposito's favorite douchebag ruined that.

"Hey, _Ryan_ , how are we doing today?" Clint's annoyingly patronizing voice came from above him.

Ryan ignored him, keeping his eyes on Castle.

"What? I don't get a 'fuck you' like everyone else?" Clint leaned down, trying to meet Ryan's eyes.

Ryan kept his eyes focused on the break room and finally, Castle noticed Ryan's visitor. His eyes looked panicked for a quick second until they narrowed in a glare. Then he was marching straight to them, looking angry. Ryan smirked.

"What's got you smiling?" Clint asked, confusion clouding his eyes.

Ryan's eyes flicked to Clint's and he didn't say a word. He stared at him for a moment before turning his gaze over his shoulder where Castle was walking over. But someone else beat the writer to the punch. Well, not literally. Not yet.

"Do you have a problem?" Esposito asked with his arms crossed over his chest. Clint was only a few inches taller than him but when angry, Esposito seemed feet taller.

"Just wondering what's got Little Miss Moody's panties in a bunch." Clint straightened his posture, looking down on Esposito. Like his height was enough to win the argument.

"You better take a step back from my partner or you'll be the one in a mood." Esposito warned just as Castle fell in place behind him.

Clint rolled his eyes. "I can be wherever I want. Maybe if your _partner_ would grow some balls and say something, I'd leave you people alone." He laughed with an ugly snort. "I mean, what, is he PMSing or something?"

Nobody said anything and Clint took that as an affirmative answer. He laughed even louder and slapped his thigh. "Holy shit, he is!"

Ryan ducked his head to block out Clint's cackles that were only worsening his headache.

"If you want, pal, my teenage daughter has some tampons I could give you." His laughing was reaching a point where Ryan was close to punching him across his ugly smirk.

"If you don't leave him the fuck alone, I will rip your nuts off and feed them to you." Esposito took a step closer, his voice low but strong.

" _Detectives_ ," came a new voice. "Do we have an issue here that you feel the need to cause a scene in my precinct?"

Esposito didn't take a step back but he answered, "Of course not, Captain."

"Good," Beckett snipped. "Now get back to work."

With a grunt, Clint stalked away from the three of them and back towards his desk. It was across the floor but not far enough.

"Detective Ryan, may I speak to you in my office?"

Ryan looked up from the floor at Beckett. He nodded and stood up slowly. Still, gravity didn't care and Ryan sucked in a deep breath. He practically limped towards her office and didn't relax until he was inside and the door was shut.

Beckett pulled the blinds down and went to her desk. She was rummaging through her drawer and asked, "Do you need things? Why didn't you tell me you got your period?"

Ryan felt whatever blood was still in his body flush to his cheeks. "Because that would be incredibly awkward."

Beckett huffed as she pulled out a small bag. "Please, Ryan, I'm a girl. No shame here."

"But _I'm_ not." Ryan brought a hand to his stomach and pressed hard to where a cramp was building up.

"Right now you are, so buckle up." She opened the small cosmetic bag and pulled out some Advil and a tampon.

Ryan shook his head. "Javi already got everything for me. But thanks."

Beckett raised her eyebrows and smiled faintly. "Oh, really?

"I gotta tell you though, Beckett. You girls deserve way more credit. I couldn't do this every month," Ryan said with a scoff.

Beckett laughed. "It's not always bad. And you get used to it over time...kinda." She shrugged her shoulders. "We could live without it but we can live with it."

"And you run around like this chasing perps?" Ryan's eyes widened.

Beckett nodded her head, her laughter growing. Not meanly, but just amused. "Yes, Ryan. I can't just hole myself in my room for days at a time."

"I would," Ryan said seriously.

"I have a couch in here," she said.

Frowning, Ryan tried to figure out what her couch had to do with the conversation.

"And the door locks and the shades go down."

Finally understanding, Ryan's eyes fell to the couch and then he anxiously looked back up at Beckett. "Thanks, Beckett, but I have to work. If I come in and don't come out, people will start to wonder."

Beckett nodded in understanding. "But if you go follow a lead and it winds up taking longer, don't bother coming back."

Ryan smiled. "I'll keep that in mind, Captain."

"And don't let Clint push you around," she said, giving him a look.

"I won't." Ryan rolled his eyes. "Besides, I've got two body guards out there that don't let anyone even near me."

Beckett smiled softly. "They mean well. But get used to it around them. Just because you're a girl, they will feel the need to protect you from everything."

"Now I feel bad for glaring at any guy you went out with," Ryan grinned nervously.

"Is that why they never picked me up from the precinct after the first date?" She joked with raised eyebrows.

Ryan nodded. "Probably." She smiled and he smiled back. "Thanks," he said again. "And I'm sorry I didn't call you, it was enough to have to ask Javi."

Beckett laughed. "Don't worry about it. But really, anything, you can come to me."

"I know." He motioned towards the door. "I'm gonna go see what I can do to help out there. And make sure there isn't another battle of testosterone."

Beckett laughed. "Please. I don't need those three in here for fighting like a bunch of children."

He left her office, shutting the door behind him and made his way back to his desk. He could probably sit there miserably until their shift ended. He sat down and Castle and Esposito were waiting for him.

"You okay?" Esposito asked.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, Beckett was just trying to help out." He added, "She also wanted me to make sure you two didn't challenge Clint to fight in the middle of her precinct."

"No promises." Castle winked.

"It wouldn't be much of a fight anyway. Castle and I would take him down in the first 30 seconds." Esposito fed the birds with Castle.

"Just...behave," Ryan said, taking a deep breath. He didn't mind their joking around but he minded the cramps still twisting his insides.

He was trying to think just how long her had to wait until lunch. Then he could use the time to run home and use the bathroom because he had to go. But there was no way he was using either bathroom in the precinct. If he went in the girls' room, the girls would not want to see him in there. But if he went in the boys' bathroom, anyone that wasn't aware of his transformation would be wondering why there was a woman in the men's bathroom.

He hated sitting there and just waiting but he wasn't going to start another confrontation. He was going to sit there until Esposito opened his mouth. "Just go, Ryan."

Ryan's eyes moved from the bathroom doors to where Castle and Esposito were sitting across from him. Esposito looked a little pissed off while Castle was staring at him pitifully. "What're you talking about?"

Esposito lowered his voice, "The bathroom."

"No, Javi, I'm okay."

Esposito scoffed. "Bullshit. Just go. Use the girls', I'm sure they won't mind as long as you don't peek over the stalls."

Ryan felt his cheeks blush. "No. Everyone will see me going in."

Castle joined Esposito. "You're overthinking this. No one is going to stare. Anyone that sees you in there will either think you're a girl or won't care."

"And I don't want you in the guys'. Some over friendly guy sees you in there...no way."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "I can take of myself."

"I know," Esposito said, "but we've got people in here that don't know you and I don't want someone brought in for Interrogation going in just as you are."

Ryan hesitated. "Are you sure it's okay?"

Esposito nodded. "Now go before you pee yourself. Because I'm not helping you clean _that_ up."

Standing up and looking towards the bathroom, he realized just how bad he had to go. He walked towards the two bathrooms, not running even though he wanted to. He wanted to keep the attention to himself.

He slipped into the girls' room, hoping no one would follow him in or be inside already. Maybe he could get in and out without being disrupted.

Once inside and saw no one else, he hurried into the nearest stall. He went and was about to change his pad when the door opened. Ryan cursed and picked his feet up so they couldn't be seen underneath. Even though if someone tried to open his stall door, they'd know someone was here when it didn't open.

"Did you talk to him today?" That was Karpowski's voice.

"Of course not. The poor guy doesn't need anyone else bothering him," another voice answered.

"I know. I just wanted to give him a hug." Karpowski laughed.

Ryan had a feeling he knew whom they were talking about. He remained still as their feets walked over to the mirrors. One of them went into the stall next to him while the other stood outside the door.

"I can't believe Clint was actually giving him crap."

"I know," Karpowski agreed. "I thought Esposito was going to punch his ugly mug."

"It's a shame he didn't."

"At least Ryan's got his partner," Karpowski commented. "He's not going to leave him to deal with this mess by himself."

"Poor Esposito. He's so sweet on Ryan, I'm surprised he hasn't jumped his bones yet."

Karpowski stepped out of the stall as she responded. "Who knows? Maybe he prefers guy-Ryan."

"Please," the other women scoffed. "The way he stares at Ryan now _and before_ , he bats for both teams."

"Lucky for Ryan. Maybe they'll pull their heads outta their asses soon."

The conversation continued on as they stepped out of the restroom but Ryan didn't move until the door was shut and their voices were gone. He let his feet drop and tried to remain calm. Had he imagined that entire conversation or did Javier actually like him?

He had never seen Esposito give him a second look or act any different towards him. They were best friends, of course they were close with one another. That's why Esposito cared so much.

Ryan refused to get his hopes up for anything else other than best friends. Esposito was caring for him right now because they were best friends.

He finished up before someone else could come back in and he rushed out. Esposito and Castle were still waiting for him to return. He felt nervous and self conscious all of a sudden walking back towards them.

He hadn't even looked in the mirror the morning before coming to work. He probably looked like crap. Would Javier still like him then? Probably not.

But it didn't matter much because he didn't have the patience right now to figure out if Javier liked him or if he was just turning his head with his new body. He couldn't even believe Karpowski's conversation. There were no facts.

When he sat down back in his seat, Esposito gave him a grin like, _I told you so_. Ryan just rolled his eyes with a slight smile. He wouldn't believe it until he knew for a fact but there was a part of him that hoped maybe, just maybe, Javier felt the same way.

> Ryan looked back up at Esposito and felt his smile grow. Esposito looked up, a little confused but returned the smile anyway. Ryan felt the butterflies explode. He was in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was graced with my monthly gift in the midst of writing this chapter and thanks to my messed up polycystic ovaries life was hell for 2 weeks. I decided that if I was suffering, Kevin had to suffer as well.
> 
> Thanks for reading and reviewing!
> 
> Until next time,


	11. Chapter 11

A hard persistent shoving woke Esposito up a few days later. He groaned and peeked an eye open at Ryan. Usually, he was never the first one up this early, especially this past week, so whatever had him awake had to be important.

Noticing he had Esposito's attention, Ryan grinned widely. "Guess what?"

Esposito grunted, disinterested.

Ryan came closer to Esposito and put a hand on the other side of his head. He was leaning over him, his hair falling to one side of his shoulder and tickling Esposito's cheek. "Guess what?" He repeated.

"I don't know, Ryan," Esposito would have rolled over and gone back to sleep if Ryan's other hand wasn't blocking the other side of his pillow.

"I'm free," Ryan said with a giddy smile. "I mean yesterday wasn't that bad so I figured it had to be ending soon and it's finally gone!"

Realization dawned on Esposito. That explained why Ryan was so happy. No more cramps, no more blood, no more moody Ryan. Esposito definitely missed his partner's gummy smile.

"Congratulations. You survived."

"I could do a split or a cartwheel or both!" Ryan jumped back, off the bed. "I haven't had this much energy since I can't even remember when."

Esposito chuckled as he sat up slowly. "How many cups of coffee have you had?"

"Only one before my shower, oh and another after."

"Alright, I'm getting up. Your cheeriness has gotten me out of bed. Once I'm ready, we can go to work and you can tell everyone you're free."

As Esposito showered and dressed, Ryan went to the kitchen to probably make some breakfast. Esposito flinched when he heard a large bang just as he stepped into his work shoes. He slowly made his way down the hall and peeked into the kitchen. "Please tell me you have all limbs still."

Ryan huffed and put a plate of toast next to a bowl of cereal. "Javi, I'm not that incompetent. I can make a decent breakfast without burning down the kitchen or injuring myself."

Esposito asked, "Are you sure?"

"Eat and shut up."

Esposito looked down at his burnt toast and soggy Fruit Loops. "Oh, Ryan, you shouldn't have," he said sarcastically.

Ryan flicked his ear. "Damn right. I slave over your breakfast and I don't even get a thank you."

With a mouthful of milk and cereal, Esposito said, "Oh, Ryan, it's delicious. Thank you."

Ryan gave him a satisfied smile and took a seat next to him. "You're welcome, Javier."

They finished their breakfast quickly and head to the precinct. By the way, Ryan was smiling and chatting on and on about anything, Esposito knew things were back to normal. He had a feeling today was going to be a good day.

Ryan walked out of the elevator first and smiled and everyone he passed. Esposito walked a step behind and admired at how beautiful Ryan looked this happy. He wished he could always keep him in this mood.

"Good morning, Castle!" He said as he took a seat at his desk.

Castle paused his trip to Beckett's office with two mugs of coffee to look the detective up and down. "Okay, you either got laid last night or that time of the month is finally over."

Ryan winked at Castle. "Ding, ding, ding."

"About the second one," Esposito said quickly, "Not the first one…"

Castle gave Esposito an amused look and he turned away to turn the attention back to Ryan. Castle was still grinning at him though.

"Well, that's a relief. The vending machine was running out of Starburst."

Ryan laughed brightly and Esposito couldn't help when his head shot up. He knew that laugh, even if it was a little more feminine. He hadn't heard such a genuine laugh from his partner since the change. And sure enough, when Esposito looked at Ryan, his eyes were crinkling with laughter and his nose was scrunched as his lips stretched across his cheeks.

Esposito found himself softly smiling back.

That smile died when he heard a voice he was growing to hate.

"Hey, Ryan, you're looking a little better," came Clint's obnoxiously loud voice.

Ryan's laughter quieted as he turned to face their visitor. Esposito dared this dick to try anything with him and Castle right there, throwing daggers at him.

"You know," Ryan said with a smile still on his face. "I was having a great day. Up until about 10 seconds ago when you came over."

Clint blinked, surprised by the immediate retort. He composed himself swiftly and held out a package of tampons. "I knew you were having some trouble so I figured I'd help you out."

Esposito growled, about to leap up and destroy this prick but Ryan had himself covered. His sarcastic wit was on point as he accepted the gift meant to humiliate him. "Wow, that's really sweet of you, Clint." He stood up from his seat so Clint wasn't towering over him so much anymore. "I know I've been pretty bitchy to all of you these past few days. I mean, I have an excuse at least so I'm still trying to figure out what has you acting so meanly."

Esposito choked on laughter when Ryan lowered his voice in a theatrical whisper that everyone listening to their conversation could still hear. "I mean is it a size issue thing? Maybe you can't get it up like you used to? And you come into work to take out your frustration on me." Ryan patted Clint's shoulder.

Clint's face was bright red as he stood there too mortified to even say a word. But, Ryan wasn't done yet.

"Thanks for the gift by the way. You saved me 10 bucks the next time I need to buy more. That's thoughtful of you to pick up that tab for me." Ryan paused. "I wish I could return the favor. Maybe I could pick _you_ up a little blue pill so you're not too embarrassed by your tiny little issue." He looked down at the package in his hands. "And I'm not really sure how to use these. I mean I know the basics, you stick it in…" Ryan pretended to think. "But I'm sure your wife wouldn't mind showing me the details." He winked.

The bullpen was silent now. The background conversations died down when Ryan's and Clint's started. Now everyone was staring at the two detectives and Clint seemed to realize everyone's attention was on them.

Castle stood up next to Ryan and said, "I think that's your cue to get your ass outta here."

Clint wasn't even dignified enough to say anything before he stalked back to his desk, ignoring the whispers and chuckles directed at him.

Once he was gone, Esposito got up to his feet and stood beside Ryan. "Dude, you put him in his place better than any punch could."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders, his cheeks faintly tinged pink.

"Oh, _now_ you're shy?" Esposito said with a small laugh.

"I wish I had that on tape." Castle grinned. "I don't think he'll be bothering you again anytime soon."

"And you thought you'd have to knock the guy out for Ryan," Karpowski commented as she walked past. "He's no damsel in distress."

"It's cute though that he gets all protective, right?" Castle joined in with a mock cooing voice.

"Absolutely adorable." Karpowski grinned back.

Ryan was laughing at the two and Esposito could definitely get used to all this happiness. Too bad that never lasted.

"Detective Ryan and Detective Esposito, can I see you in my office please?" Beckett was standing stiffly in her doorway.

Karpowski looked over and then back at the boys. "Looks like you two are in trouble. Have fun in the principal's office, boys."

Esposito watched her walk away and then turned hesitantly towards Beckett. While she was their best friend, she was also their boss and their boss did not look happy.

"Can I join you three?" Castle asked Beckett carefully.

She pursed her lips and nodded. "If you're on my detectives' team, it would be best if you knew what was going on."

Castle turned to Esposito and shrugged his shoulders before the three of them walked into her office. They all stood in front of her desk, taking their places that they had stood so many times before. Except it wasn't a pissed off Gates or Montgomery staring back. It was their anxious looking friend.

Beckett cleared her throat. "I came into work this morning to see an interesting request on my desk."

Esposito bit the inside of his mouth. Why did she have to be so cryptic? She hated that when their past Captains did the same thing.

"A team of detectives from another floor asked for help from my best team of detectives."

Esposito wanted to relax because helping out other detectives didn't seem too bad but Beckett still looked like she was holding back bad news.

"What kind of help?" He asked.

"For the past few months, Robinson, Cash and their team have been working on taking down a human trafficking ring," she said slowly.

Esposito nodded his head. He knew their team. He'd gone out for drinks with them a few times. They were good cops and even better men.

"How can we help?" Ryan asked. Esposito knew that Beckett had already convinced his partner.

Beckett turned to Ryan and looked almost pained to tell him. "They have their undercover operation all set up and planned. I've read it over and it seems pretty good." She paused. "The only problem is they're men and they don't have any experience undercover."

Esposito finally caught on. Robinson and Cash needed a female with undercover experience to be their bait in a human slave ring. And that female they wanted was his partner.

Thankfully, he wasn't the only one that saw an issue with this plan.

"Wait a minute. Please tell me we're not actually considering this." Castle looked wide-eyed from Beckett to Ryan. They didn't answer and the writer turned his horrified gaze to Esposito. "Tell me you have my back here, Javier."

Esposito took a step forward. "We're not sending him in there."

Beckett raised her hands. "I never said I liked the idea. They don't even know I called you in. If you want, I can go right back to them and tell them I don't think Ryan's ready right now."

"That sounds like a good idea," Esposito said as he saw Castle nod his head from the corner of his eyes.

"Why is everyone but _me_ deciding what _I'm_ going to do?" Ryan spoke up. "Overall, this is _my_ decision to make."

"No, this is a _team_ decision," Javier corrected. "So, let's take a count. All in favor?" Ryan raised his hand with a glare. "And all against?" Castle and Esposito both raised their hands. Esposito grinned. "So I guess it's decided."

"It's not _decided_ ," Ryan spat, now sounding angry. "I'm not a baby."

Esposito turned to face him, he was not giving in without a fight. "I never said you were a baby. I just said I didn't want you getting set into something like that."

Ryan crossed his arms over his chest. If the anger wasn't directed at him, he'd find it kind of cute. Okay, really cute. Even if it was directed at him. "I've been undercover before, Esposito. In case you forgot, I was in the mob for 14 months. And then I went back in. I got The Bible. I survived."

"This is different and you know it."

"How?" Ryan asked incredulously.

Esposito frowned, starting to get pissed off. Ryan knew exactly why this was different. They didn't know anything about the case or whom they were dealing with. And Ryan was a girl now and whether he liked it or not, he was much more vulnerable.

"No answer, huh?"

Castle came to Esposito's rescue to try and deflect some of the Irishman's anger. "Hey. C'mon, Ryan, you know it's not like that. We would be worried about you either way."

"Uh-huh," Ryan scoffed in disbelief.

Esposito threw his hands in the air. He sometimes hated how stubborn his partner could be. Especially when he was against him.

"Don't act like you wouldn't be holding my hand through everything if I were a guy still." Ryan narrowed his eyes at Esposito.

"Of course, I would be."

Ryan's eyes twitched just the slightest. Then he let out a deep breath and said, "I became a cop to _help_ people. Not to pick and choose which cases I want to take."

"There's nothing wrong with not being able to handle every case though. You're not choosing." Esposito realized how wrong those words sounded _after_ they came out of his mouth.

Ryan's eyes widened slightly and then they hardened into a glare. "That's what this is about? You think I can't handle myself out there?"

Esposito heard Castle suck in a quick breath next to him. He could practically hear Castle saying, "Tread carefully, Espo."

"Ryan,-."

"Am I okay to handle myself in the precinct? Sitting behind a computer, chained to my desk all day where I belong, huh?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Might break a nail if I go outside and chase down some criminals."

"Ryan, can you just shut up for a second?" Esposito finally snapped. He _hated_ yelling at Ryan but he couldn't stand him standing here, thinking Esposito actually thought he was capable of nothing.

"I don't think you belong hidden away in the precinct. You know if I was up against the devil himself, you're the only one I would trust to have my back. Male or female." Esposito took a deep breath as he watched Ryan's face soften.

"But I don't know what Cash and Robinson want to stick you in. Human trafficking is serious and one slip up and you're gone. Not dead, just _gone_. So please don't think I'm doing this to hurt you. I can't willingly sit back and let you get into this trouble and still call myself your partner."

Beckett's office went silent and even Ryan's stand-off posture melted. After a few seconds, Ryan said softly, "Javi...I...thank you. But I need to do this. Not because I want to prove myself but because people need me. And I became a cop because I wanted to help these people that need me."

Esposito sighed and the small part of him that knew he was going to lose this argument from the beginning was screaming 'I told you so!'.

"How about you read over their plan and then we'll make an agreement," Beckett said diplomatically.

Esposito nodded his head slowly and turned to Ryan. "Fine," Ryan agreed.

Beckett handed them a manilla folder. "Here it is."

Ryan took it before Esposito could reach for it. He opened it up and shuffled through the papers. His eyes skimmed over the papers. "It's not a bad plan. I've seen and done worse during my years in Narc."

Esposito huffed. What good was that? Ryan didn't have Esposito as his partner then so, of course, he was thrown into half-assed plans. "Give me that."

He grabbed the folder and started to read it himself. The plan was basically Ryan giving himself up and they would be following him from a safe distance. Hopefully, Ryan's captor would lead them to the lion's den where all the other women were being held.

If everything went as planned, Ryan would be fine and save the day. The operative word being 'if'.

"I trust Cash, Robinson and their guys. And I trust you, Ryan. But that doesn't make this perfectly safe," Esposito tried to reason. "Don't they have anyone else that has better experience?"

"Experience?" Ryan scoffed. "Javi, I-."

"Irish mob, yeah I know," Esposito said quickly. "But you've been a girl for not even two weeks."

"Here we go again." Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Yes, _here we go again_. Because _you_ don't listen." Esposito crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not picking on you because you suddenly have one extra X chromosome. I'm stating facts."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. And the facts are that girls are easy to target. You've been a cop for how many years? And how many times do our perps pick a girl because she looks easy to get to?"

"So you're saying I'm an easy prey?" Ryan took a step closer to Esposito.

"No, I'm saying I don't want to take any chances." Esposito looked Ryan up and down. "And I"m sorry, you're not going to like it, but if I were looking for a victim that wouldn't be too hard to take down, you'd catch my eye."

Ryan gritted his teeth and said, "I'm not weak, Esposito."

"I never said you _would_ be an easy takedown. All I said is you look like one. You're a girl, you're 5 feet nothing and you've got this young naive look to you."

"Which will work in our favor," Ryan said, rolling his jaw.

Esposito narrowed his eyes. He knew Ryan wasn't giving up. It was the stupid Irish part of him showing like always. He was as stubborn as a mule. And it damn frustrating. "Fine. We'll go to them and see what they have to say."

Ryan's lips turned up in a smirk.

" _But_ ," Esposito started and his smirk faltered slightly. "The minute I don't like it, I'm dragging you out." He held out his hand. "Deal?"

Ryan eyed his hand and said, "No pulling me out without a legitimate reason."

"Sounds fair to me."

Ryan hesitated but grabbed Esposito's hand anyway to shake it. It wasn't as firm as his old handshakes and it kind of made Esposito miss guy-Ryan a little. He liked that Ryan used to be able to hold his own against Esposito's strength. Now, no matter how hard Ryan tried, if Esposito really wanted to, he could take him down.

Beckett cleared her throat. "Now that you ladies are done, how about we call Robinson and Cash up here?"

* * *

The minute that the men walked into the office, they were thanking Ryan and Esposito for saving their asses. They shook hands with Esposito and went straight to Ryan, not hesitating at his new appearance.

"Dude, we owe you like a million here." Cash shook his hand and held it with his other.

Robinson slapped him on the back lightly. "He's right. We were at a dead end."

"Don't worry about it. It's my job." Ryan smiled. It was nice to not have someone not second guess his ability to handle something just because of his sudden change in gender. They didn't even act like anything was different and for a moment, Ryan felt normal.

"We have everything in order as I'm sure you've read over, We just need you to go in so we can follow you back to the main spot where they're being held."

"And how do you know that's where he'll be brought to?" Esposito asked.

"We've been following this guy for the past few months. Ever since a young girl was kidnapped on her way to school," Cash answered. "We've done mini ops and taken down smaller branches of this ring but haven't been able to get to the heart of it yet."

"We got information from our last undercover op about the boss and how to reach him," Robinson continued for his partner. "He has a specific taste." He pulled out a small picture from the folder he held and handed it to Esposito.

Ryan looked at the picture of his shoulder. The girl looked to be around 16 years old with bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. Esposito looked from the picture to Ryan.

"When we were hurrying to find someone to fit the description, one of our detectives mentioned you and your current situation. We thought maybe you'd be able to help us."

"How safe is this?" Esposito asked, returning the picture.

"As long as everything goes right, there should be no harm done," Cash explained. We'll be tracking his phone and he'll be wearing a microphone. We'll be able to follow behind them without getting caught and he won't even take him out of the van before we're storming it and the spot he holes up in."

Esposito scoffed. "Sounds like a lot of room to go wrong."

Ryan sighed, his cheeks burning in embarrassment. "Please ignore my overbearing partner. He means well."

Robinson laughed. "Don't worry about it. He's your partner and it's his duty to look out for you. Can't say I wouldn't be doing the same if I were him."

"But, we do promise he is in good hands. And you can join us in the van so you'll be there every step of the way."

"Damn straight I will be." Esposito straightened his shoulders.

"What do I have to do?" Ryan asked, trying to keep Esposito from losing his temperature over something dumb.

"Play the part of a girl interested in him. Don't try anything in the car ride because he doesn't mind roughing up his girls when they don't behave," Cash warned.

Esposito scoffed behind him and Ryan snapped, "Like we didn't see that coming?"

Esposito just huffed and mumbled something under his breath.

"When are we doing this?" Ryan asked, turning his attention back to Robinson and Cash.

"If it's not too soon, Saturday night."

Ryan nodded. He was fine with it but of course just like he knew Esposito wouldn't be, he protested immediately, "It's already Thursday!"

"We can push it back," Cash said patiently. "But we'd like to get this girl back to her parents as soon as we can."

"And that's why we're doing it Saturday night," Ryan said as he looked at Esposito.

The detectives visibly relaxed. "Thank you so much, Ryan. You're a good guy."

Ryan just the brushed the compliment off. He knew Cash meant well but Ryan didn't need the reminder of the mess he was in. "What else do you need me doing beforehand?"

"We'll leave from the precinct at like midnight." Robinson's tanned cheeks were growing pink as he spoke, "You'll need to pick up an outfit. You know, one that'll get him interested."

Esposito chuckled and said sarcastically, "So, we need to go shopping for an outfit at Whores 'R' Us so Ryan can turn some perverts head."

"Javi," Ryn said through clenched teeth. "Going undercover usually requires a disguise of sorts."

"I don't want you half naked in a car with a pervert and his wandering hands."

Ryan really didn't want to start another argument in front of Cash and Robinson. They were already staring at them weirdly because Ryan and Espo were known as the best pair of partners the 12th has ever seen. It was definitely jarring to see them arguing.

"I can take care of myself. Remember legitimate reasons only."

Esposito sighed heavily but didn't say another word at the moment. Ryan considered it a small win.

"You'll be in the car with him as he drives you to wherever-."

"And what happens if that happens to be the nearest motel?" Esposito interrupted him because Ryan spoke too soon about him being quiet.

"We'll still be right there if Ryan can't get himself out of the situation," Cash answered, assuredly.

"Thank you. Finally, someone who doesn't doubt what I can do." Ryan gave Esposito the side eye.

"Ryan, don't start this again. You know I don't doubt you."

Ryan opened his mouth to argue back but Cash interrupted with a laugh. "Wow, you two really go at it like an old married couple, huh?"

Feeling his cheeks blush, Ryan turned back around to Cash and Robinson. He smiled apologetically. "Excuse my partner's childish behavior."

Cash just grinned and continued to explain what Ryan would be doing. "So, chances are he's going to bring you where they have all the other women. He'll be picking up other girls. That's why you need to get his attention. Make sure you talk to him, maybe get some information out of him."

"I can do that."

"We'll be following behind you at a distance so he doesn't see us in his rearview. And the second you're in danger, we'll know and you'll be fine." Robinson mostly directed this part to Esposito so he didn't have another hissy fit.

"So," Beckett stepped into the conversation. "Does this sound good?"

Ryan was the first to nod his head and agree. "I'm more than willing to help."

Robinson and Cash both waited for Esposito's deep sigh and, "If Ryan's in, then so am I." Both men smiled and thanked Ryan profusely.

"Don't thank me yet," he answered. "Not until we catch the bastard."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's where it starts to get good) or at least not as boring bc there's some action

Before he knew it, it was Saturday and Esposito was not in a good mood. They had spent the entire time at the mall to get Ryan what he needed. Esposito did his best not to look at the clothes he bought from stores that fathers would kill their daughter if they saw them shopping from.

It wasn't a complete mess since Ryan was able to pick up more clothes he could wear every day for work and when he was off just hanging around. Esposito tried to help out in Victoria's Secret but Beckett sent him and Castle to save spots at the food court and order their lunch.

Before now, he hadn't seen what Ryan chose to wear for this. Beckett wouldn't let him have a say in the shopping.

"Hey, Esposito," Cash said as he walked up to him. "I wanted to thank you for letting us borrow your partner for this."

"Don't let Ryan hear you thanking me like that. He'll have one of his tantrums," Esposito quipped.

"C'mon, I'm being serious," he said, even though there was a small smile on his face. "I know he's your partner and you want nothing happening to him. Trust me, neither do we. But he'll be fine. You know deep down that he'll be fine. Even if there's some trouble, he can take care of himself."

"Of course, I know that," Esposito muttered. It was just hard to send him in without him by his side.

"So it'll all be fine." Cash clapped him on the back as he walked back off to where Robinson was standing.

They were all waiting in the bullpen for Beckett and Ryan to come out of the bathroom. She was helping Ryan get into everything he needed for the getup. Castle was sitting next to him, thankfully staying quiet.

"Alright, here we come," Beckett suddenly announced as the bathroom door opened.

Esposito hated how his stomach did a quick twirl. He sat up and kept a close eye on the doorway. Beckett stepped out first and then a few seconds later, Ryan followed her out. Esposito hoped his eyes didn't bulge too wide. It made him feel a little better when he saw Castle's mouth drop open at the sight as well. But then he realized this was his partner and he slapped Castle on the arm.

Ryan made his way over to their desks slowly, taking his time in the heels he wore. The dress, if that little of cloth could still be called a dress, was tight fitting and black. It hugged his body and curves, coming to a stop just below the swell of his ass. Really if he bent over even an inch, he'd be flashing anyone behind him. The bra Beckett picked him out at Victoria's Secret must have been a special one because his breasts were pushed up and barely being held in the dress.

It didn't stop at his dress though. His long hair was combed and curled to it framed his face nicely. His face that now was covered in makeup. Not a lot, just enough to enhance his beauty even more. His lips were pinker and his lashes were darker with blue eye shadow to make the color of his eyes pop.

"Wow," Esposito couldn't help saying because he was absolutely stunning. Beckett grinned proudly and Ryan just blushed, looking down at his feet.

"Wow is definitely the right word," Castle commented, unable to take his eyes off Ryan.

"Watch yourself," Esposito warned the writer again. Not that he could blame him.

"Okay, we've established it's a good cover and it'll catch his eyes. Can we just go and get this done?" Ryan shifted on his feet, looking slightly uncomfortable being the center of attention.

"Here you go, Ryan." Robinson handed him a small purse. "Inside is a phone that has nothing in it but a GPS. We'll be tracking you using that so try to keep it on you and not draw any attention to it."

Cash started to put a locket necklace around his neck. "You're microphone is in here. You can't hear us but we can hear everything. If something goes wrong, just say, 'Do you mind if I roll down the window?'"

Ryan nodded as he fixed the necklace and held the wristlet purse in his hand. "So, I'm just going to walk around?"

"Yup. He watches ladies walking home, usually a little drunk, and offers them a ride home. So you'll be walking back from a party and he'll happen to find you."

"And how do we know he'll be there?"

"Saturdays are ladies' night at a club over on 71st. We've been keeping an eye on the street around this time for the past few weeks. We usually see his van drive by. Sometimes we find the girls he snatches and sometimes they get lost in the wind."

"But now I'll make sure we catch him," Ryan said with a nod of his head.

"Exactly." Cash smiled. "And then we capture his guys, interrogation starts and we find all the children and women they've taken."

"Then let's go before we miss him."

* * *

"You sure you're okay?" Esposito asked as Ryan got out of the van. He held his hand out for Ryan to take and step out carefully.

"I'll be okay, Javi," Ryan promised. He squeezed Esposito's hand softly with a small smile. "Don't worry about me." Ryan took a look over Esposito's shoulder and laughed. "If you're going to worry about anyone, worry about Castle. Because if he keeps looking at me like that I can promise Beckett won't be too happy."

"Don't worry, Ry, he's already sleeping on the couch," Beckett answered from inside the van, having heard the conversation from the microphone.

Ryan smiled at the van and then turned back to Esposito. "I've gotta go now," he said almost apologetically.

"Just promise me you'll be safe," Esposito whispered.

"Of course, Javi," Ryan said. "Til the wheels fall off."

Esposito nodded once to the dark street. "Go on then." He added with a smirk, "And kick some ass."

Ryan grinned and there was the troublemaker again. With one last look, he turned around and started to walk, taking a turn down a dark alley.

Esposito watched him until he disappeared and his gut told him to chase after Ryan and bring him back. There was no sense heading for danger if it could be avoided. But Esposito knew, not only being a cop but also a soldier that his safety wasn't worth hundreds of innocent lives if he could help.

When he sat back inside the van, Beckett squeezed his knee. "You did the right thing. He'll be okay."

Esposito nodded absently and stared at the screen in front of them. He could see a map of Manhattan's blocks and a small dot walking down, farther away from them. As long as they kept an eye on that dot, Ryan would be okay.

He pulled his headset up on his ears and heard the clicking of Ryan's heels on the cement on the sidewalk and his soft breathing. He was singing softly under his breath. Some country song he'd been listening to for the past few days that Esposito couldn't find the time to remember now. It was comforting because as long as Ryan kept singing, he was okay.

He was walking around for a few minutes when finally, Ryan's voice said, "I see him coming behind me." He let out a deep breath, his singing coming to a stop.

Esposito waited with bated breath as Ryan's heels stopped clicking. They could hear a man calling out, "Hey, sweetie, you out here all alone?" Esposito frowned. This voice was familiar and by the quirk of Castle's eyebrows, he thought so too.

Ryan's voice came back smooth as if he wasn't nervous at all. He giggled softly, playing the part of a tipsy young woman walking home from the bar perfectly. "I'm just looking for some fun, you know?"

"I think I could help you with that," the man answered. Esposito hated that he actually did this to women that were drunk and couldn't control what they did. It was sick.

"It's my birthday," Ryan claimed.

"I can give you a birthday you won't forget."

There was the sound of a car door opening, Ryan's heels started to click and then the door shut. "Take me some-."

"Kelly?"

Esposito's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach when he realized where he recognized the voice from. They had to get Kevin out of there.

Ryan didn't respond until a few seconds later. "Craig?"

"Oh, babe, we must be meant to be."

"Get him out," Esposito said. "I want him away from that prick."

Robinson turned to stare at him in confusion and fright. "Does he know Ryan? Is he in danger?" He was worried Ryan was already made as a cop.

"He doesn't know Ryan's undercover. He was flirting with him at a restaurant last week," Beckett informed them.

"Good. Ryan can use this to his advantage," Cash said.

Esposito wanted to scream and yell to get his partner the hell out of there but he knew that would only be worse for Ryan and everyone they were trying to save.

And of course, Ryan knew to use it to his advantage. No matter how much he didn't want to. "Can't believe you found me. Must be fate."

"Where's your little friend? Possessive Spanish guy?"

Esposito growled.

"Oh, Javi," Ryan said with another giggle. "He's not here."

Craig laughed, sounding amused by 'drunk' Ryan. "I can see that. Does he know you're out like this? Anyone could drive by and pick a hot thing like you up. Good thing I found you before some strange pervy guy could, right?"

Esposito waited to throw up. He couldn't believe he was actually letting his partner go through this.

"Maybe I wanted some pervy guy to pick me up. They're always the fun ones," Ryan whispered sultrily.

"This is so wrong," Castle muttered next to him, looking about as opposed to this idea as Esposito felt.

"I knew I liked you. How about we go celebrate your birthday somewhere alone?" Craig's came through louder like he was leaning closer to Ryan.

"I'm not your whore. We're not stopping at some skeevy motel. I have class."

Beckett laughed at that because if Ryan weren't in a dangerous situation, him pretending to be drunk was actually hilarious.

"Of course no motel. I have a nice place to show you." He paused. "I hope you don't mind I have a few friends in the back that I'm bringin' alone but I can hand them off to my friends."

"S'fine with me. The more, the merrier."

"You're so hot," Craig breathed.

Ryan answered cheerily, "I know."

"Then we better go before I take you right here in the car."

Esposito tightened his grip on the arm of his chair. They watched Ryan's dot start to move as Craig drove the van. Their driver with his own GPS map in the front started the car to follow Craig.

Ryan's breathing suddenly hitched and Esposito wished he could _see_ what was happening. "Uh, Craig, I think you need two hands on the wheel to drive."

"I can drive just fine with one hand here and the other... _here_."

"Ah, A-actually, no because distracted driving is dangerous." Ryan's voice was proof of how hard he was trying to remain calm.

"I'm gonna kill him if he doesn't move his hand," Esposito promised.

"Distracted driving?" Craig scoffed. "No. If you were over here giving me this kind of attention I'd be distracted. But _this_ ," Ryan sucked in a quick breath. "Is a birthday present for you."

"I'm killing him too," Castle said, sounding angry.

"Let's just move this back to the wheel or else I won't have much to look forward to." Ryan seemed to finally get the hand off of him.

"You can't wear that short of a dress and expect me to keep my hands to myself over here. Don't be such a fucking tease." Craig was starting to sound pissed off.

Esposito gave big credit to Ryan because he was able to stay calm and hopefully transfer the tranquility to Craig.

"I'm just getting you excited for what's to come, ya know? Give you some motivation to get there faster."

The dot increased its speed as it moved along the streets. Their car went faster as well.

"We can have a little sneak peek in here. Come on, I know you want it."

"Is that what he says to all the girls: 'I know you want it.'" Esposito growled. His stomach was in a constant state of feeling nauseous ever since Ryan got into the van with that dickbag, Craig.

"Esposito was right. Is it too late to pull Ryan back?" Castle was furious now. It didn't happen a lot but when it did, it was scary.

"Calm down," Beckett said. "We have eyes on his location and ears on what's going on. We stay on their trail and then we can take out Craig."

"So this Craig works for a restaurant?" Robinson asked.

"He's a waiter at the diner on Madison," Beckett informed them.

"He probably uses his job there to pick up women too," Cash mused.

Esposito scoffed. "That mother fucker tried picking Ryan up when we went there. Thought I wouldn't know he was trying to feel him up."

"Well, if we don't get to him quick. He's gonna get that chance to more than feeling him up now without an angry possessive Spanish guy to stop him," Castle snapped.

"What are you? His fathers?" Beckett rolled her eyes at the boys.

"We care more than his father would. Trust me," Esposito muttered more to himself but Castle gave him a small frown.

Esposito cleared his throat and turned back to face the screen. He was watching the dot move just a block or two in front of them. He tried to drown out exactly what was being said in that van. It was the same: Craig continued to be absolutely disgusting and Ryan tried to change the subject the best that he could.

Suddenly the dot stopped moving.

Esposito felt his heart stop beating as he stared at the screen. The picture was frozen for a few long seconds before it crashed and the screen was black. "What the fuck?" Esposito practically roared from his seat.

Cash turned to their driver. "Is your GPS down up there, too?"

"I've got nothing."

"Shit. Shit. _Shit_!" Robinson yelled. "Get it back up!"

Their tech guy was already clicking away at the computer in front of him. "I'm doing my best. I don't know why the system crashed."

"Wait, shush," Castle said urgently, holding the earphones over his ears. "We can still hear him."

"So this is where the party is?" Ryan asked, presumably as the van came to a stop.

"Tons of fun waiting inside," Craig answered.

"Where was the last spot he was documented?" Beckett asked, her voice sounding frightened as well.

"I don't know. We're a few blocks behind him at least," Cash said, watching the guy work on the computer as quickly as he could.

"Why did we fucking stop then?" Esposito asked. "Keep driving!"

The driver obeyed his command and started to drive down the dark streets. Esposito kept his eyes on the window to see if he caught a glimpse of a van as he continued to listen to Ryan's feed.

They had to find Ryan quick before they lost him for good.


	13. Chapter 13

Ryan was thankful when they finally pulled up to an old warehouse that looked close to falling in on itself. He could finally get out and put some distance between Craig and himself. Esposito and the others would be crashing in soon.

He turned to the back of the van where Craig walked to open the doors. A half dozen girls stepped out. They were all drunk and one could barely stand on her own feet. "You have a lot of friends for the party."

"What can I say? Ladies love me." Craig laughed as he started to lead them all inside.

Ryan followed behind slowly, casting a quick look over his shoulder. His backup was supposed to already be here. He knew they had to stay a few blocks away so Craig never caught on but this was pushing it a little close.

He went inside anyway to keep Craig from growing suspicious. He called him over to the front of the group. "Kelly, sweetie, come here."

Ryan slowly walked to him, wobbling slightly in his heels. Craig wrapped his arm around his waist, letting his hand rest on his ass. "We're going to have some fun tonight. So why don't we all head down this hall?"

Looking down the dark hallway, Ryan knew he didn't want to go down it. "Where are we going?"

"To the party, my dear."

Ryan had to smile and nod to keep his cover up. He let Craig push him down deeper into the hall and farther away from where Esposito would find him. "Is there a window in here we could roll down?" Ryan asked, remembering the code. "It's hot in here."

"Don't you worry. I'll take care of that in a second."

Soon, the hallway came to an end and they walked through doors into an open room. There were bright lights and nothing else except for a few folding chairs. "Ladies, do you mind lining up against the wall?"

Ryan felt his heart beating faster and faster. Where was his team?

"I thought we were celebrating my birthday somewhere private?" Ryan asked, hoping to get him away from these girls.

"Of course we are, but we just have a few things to take care of."

Ryan was debating whether or not he could take Craig on alone when another male voice came from behind him. "Hey, man, got some nice broads tonight."

Ryan cursed under his breath, keeping it low so only the microphone around his neck could pick it up.

"Hey, Bobby," Craig said, tightening his grip on Ryan. "You wouldn't believe it. You remember that chick from the restaurant I told you about?"

The man came in front of them and looked Ryan up and down. He desperately wanted to both pull his dress up and down to cover his chest as this dirtbag eyed him like a piece of meat. "This her?"

"You bet."

Bobby laughed loudly. "Well, ain't that something? You were gonna go lookin' for her but she came to you."

"It's fate." Craig laughed as well as he slid his hand up his dress to hold his ass with only the underwear standing between their skin.

Ryan smiled through his cringe. So even if Ryan refused to help out with the case, he'd still end up here. Just much less prepared.

"I'll go get the water set up, have these beautiful ladies ready and we'll start," Bobby said before turning around and walking back to the other side of the room where there was a door to walk through.

Ryan frowned, trying to think of what water he could be setting up.

"Girls, do me a favor and step out of your clothes," Craig called over to the women. It scared Ryan that they didn't even protest before stripping. He turned his gaze away, unable to violate these poor girls. Ryan was starting to wonder if they were influenced by a little more than alcohol.

"Why are they getting out of their dresses? They're dressed for the party." Ryan asked.

"I have better dresses for you all," Craig answered.

"M-Me?" Ryan stuttered, trying hard to keep up with his act. "But this is my birthday dress."

"Oh come on, a little slut like you. You knew you'd be getting out of this dress tonight." Craig purred, leaning too close to him.

"I didn't imagine it like this," Ryan replied honestly.

Chuckling, Craig said, "Oh, you're right. You've probably been imaging me undressing you since the moment you said your tight little ass in my seat."

Ryan wanted to fight him but there was still no backup. Sure, the phone was still in the car but it couldn't take took long to find where they were in the warehouse.

Craig's hands were on the hem of his dress and pulling it down. He had to tug with some force to get it from around his hips. Ryan's felt himself grow hot at the embarrassment of being stripped down when this was supposed to be an easy 1, 2,3 takedown.

Ryan closed his eyes as the dress fell to his ankles and Craig started to work on his underwear. The bra came off faster than he could ever take it off himself and then his panties joined the dress at his ankles.

Craig grabbed his wrists so he wouldn't be able to cover himself. His eyes trailed down his nude body excruciatingly slow. "I can't wait to get inside your hot little bod."

The second Craig let go of his wrists, he turned around to make his way to the wall. He stood there still, not looking Craig in the eye. The girl next to him was babbling about something but her slurred speech was making the words unrecognizable. She looked young, barely 21, and was struggling to stay on her feet.

"Let 'em go, Bob!" Craig shouted.

Before Ryan could wonder what the hell he was talking about, they were sprayed with freezing cold water. It hit him hard in the face and he gasped, only resulting in swallowing water. He panicked, grabbing the locket around his neck. He wasn't sure if the microphone would work after being soaked.

For the next few painful and long seconds, Ryan couldn't move as the harsh spray of water stung him worse than he thought it could. The longer the water sprayed him, the more he felt like he was underwater drowning. And drowning in ice cold water brought back memories he wished he could keep buried.

Lockwood.

And it was entirely stupid and irrational to find himself being tortured again. He wasn't in that basement and he wasn't swallowing ice water allowing it to slowly fill his lungs. But his mind definitely decided to connect the two events.

When it finally stopped, he was left shivering. The girl next to him lost her balance and would have fallen if Ryan hadn't caught her.

"Thanks," she mumbled. She looked up at the ceiling with a frown. "Didn't know it was supposed to rain today."

Ryan let her fall carefully to a sitting position on the ground against the wall. He kneeled next to her to make sure she was okay and also to cover himself up. Unfortunately, a rough hand was on his back too soon.

"That wasn't too bad was it?"

"Cold," Ryan replied as his teeth chattered. He was still trying to chase the last memories of Lockwood out of his mind.

Craig grabbed his hand and brought him up to his feet. Ryan shivered at how freezing he was and could not hide himself from Craig's hungry eyes. "Now you're all nice and clean."

Of course. They wanted to clean up their products before they sold them to who the hell knew. Bobby came back now that he wasn't controlling the water. In his hand were white hospital gowns.

Craig took one from his hands and said, "I'm going to give my girl here her birthday present. Can you take care of the others for now?"

"'Course, boss." Bobby winked as he looked Ryan up and down one last time.

Craig wrapped an arm around him again and started to lead him towards another door. Ryan wanted to grab that gown from Craig's hands to have a little decency but he didn't think he'd be able to get it.

"Can I have that?" He decided to ask.

"Why? I thought we both wanted you just like this." Craig opened the door and pushed Ryan through. He looked around the small room where there were a dozen cages along the wall. Inside, Ryan could see girls curled up on their sides.

"That water was freezing."

The moment the door was closed and they were inside the room, Craig had Ryan crowded against the nearest empty cage. His back hit the cold metal hard and he hissed in pain. Immediately, Craig was rocking his body against his. "Things are about to heat up, don't worry."

Ryan squeezed his eyes shut when Craig's face went into his neck. His hands were grabbing Ryan's wrists to keep him in place so thankfully, he wasn't groping him with them. He was rubbing himself on him though and the metal bars were painfully cutting into his backside.

"You want this, bitch. It'll be okay." Craig growled before biting Ryan's neck hard enough to hurt but to break the skin.

Ryan wanted to say something to distract Craig but he couldn't get his mouth to work. Then a hand left his wrist and was trailing down his stomach. Just as he cupped him roughly, Bobby's voice came shouting from outside the door.

"Yo, C, we got a problem out here. Girl won't stop puking!"

Craig stopped moving and Ryan went still. Craig groaned and ripped his hands off of Ryan. "I'll be right back, baby." He stormed out the door and could be heard screaming at Bobby the entire way back to the other girls.

Ryan didn't move even after the door slammed shut. He took in a deep breath and let it out shakily. "Where are you?" He asked his necklace in a small voice. Hopefully, Javier could still hear him.

"Don't bother fighting him," a soft voice said.

Ryan jumped slightly as he stared down at the cage next to his. He saw a young teenager sitting in the corner of the cage. Ryan saw the white gown on her and remembered to grab his that Craig had dropped. He pulled it over him and kneeled in front of her cage, "What?" He asked.

She sighed. "If you don't fight him, he gets what he wants and leaves. If you fight him, he beats you close to unconsciousness, takes what he wants and leaves. There's no point in trying to fight him. Trust me."

"I'm not giving him anything."

She laughed sourly. "I thought that too. Now, look at me. I've been here for months and it's the same thing: sex, shower down and then rotting in these cells. But it's better than being with the others. It's better to be here than sold to men who can't even speak English to be some sex toy for their gangs."

Ryan took his her blonde hair and blue eyes. She fit the age as well and her face definitely looked familiar. "You're Cassie."

She leaned closer to Ryan. "Do I know you?"

Ryan smiled softly. "I'm a detective. I'm here to get you free and all the other girls."

She laughed again. "You're here to get me out? You looked just as stuck as me, buddy."

"I have backup coming. They just must have run into a little problem but they'll be here soon."

"I wouldn't count on it," she said, looking down at her feet. "I've been here for who knows how long and I'm still here."

"December 6."

"What?"

"It's December 6, 2016."

"Oh," she said and paused in thought. "I've been here since May 10. It was the day before my junior banquet."

Ryan slipped his fingers through the bars. "I'm going to get you out of here. I promise."

Cassie grabbed his fingers with her own and let her forehead fall to the bars. "Please," she whispered.

Ryan leaned in closer to offer her more comfort when the door came slamming open. Ryan jumped back, hoping to keep the attention from Cassie. It was too late.

"So you've met my little friend." Craig grinned. "I'm sure she'd love to join us but for now I'd like for it it to be just you and I. Special birthday gift, remember?" He grabbed Ryan by the hair and pulled him up.

Ryan hissed and rushed to get to his feet so his weight wasn't being supported by his hair. He pushed him up against the cage again. His hands went roaming down the front of his gown but at least he wasn't naked anymore.

"Aw, you covered up?" Craig whined as his hands moved to his shoulders. Before he could pull the gown down, Ryan grabbed his hands and guided them to his ass. Craig smirked. "I knew you were a little slut looking for a man like me to come make you happy."

Ryan just ignored him. He had to wait until the right moment to knock him out on his ass. If he did it at the right time, he would go down in a second. If he messed up, he would only be pissed.

So Ryan flipped their positions around so he was the one pushing Craig into the cage. He started to roll his hips against Craig to keep him pinned. "You go, baby," Craig moaned, his eyes fluttering closed when Ryan rubbed his thigh on the bulge in his pants.

Ryan smirked and grabbed the collar of Craig's shirt to pull his head closer. "Time for my birthday kiss," Ryan whispered. But instead of bringing Craig's head closer so their lips touched, he slammed his head backward into a metal bar.

Craig's rolled to the back of his head and he fell in a pile of limbs in front of him.

"No fucking way," Cassie said from her cage, her wide eyes on her tormentor's unmoving form.

Ryan didn't waste any time before he was kneeling by Craig's body and he started to feel around his pockets for a key. If he needed to, he could pick the lock with the bobby pin hidden in his hair.

But there was a key so, Ryan was able to unlock Cassie from her cage. He held his hand out for her to grab. He helped her out and the minute she was standing straight, she wrapped her arms around Ryan. "Thank you so much," she said tearfully into his shoulder.

Ryan wrapped his arms around her and said, "It's no problem." Cassie let go and he met her eyes with a smile. "So what do you say we lock his ass up?"

She didn't need to be told twice before she was dragging his legs. Ryan grabbed his wrists and helped her move him into the now empty cage. Ryan handed her the lock to secure the shut door.

"Now what?" She asked.

"Now," he replied, "we hope the next person to come through that door is my partner and not one of Craig's buddies."


	14. Chapter 14

Esposito was going crazy now. He couldn't sit still in this freaking van. They were still driving around, trying to find where the Craig had parked his van. Esposito was sure he probably hid it somewhere before they went into the building.

He was listening to Ryan and felt like the shittiest partner in the world. Ryan had said their code for 'get me the fuck out of here' but still had no help.

Esposito thought his heart was literally going to break into two pieces when they heard Ryan's small voice whisper directly into the microphone, asking where they were.

Ryan was talking to their vic, Cassie for the past few minutes. He was still speaking when their tech guy finally got their systems back up. Esposito screamed at the driver to floor it and they sped down the streets.

A block away, he heard Craig come back into the room with Ryan. He was talking about a birthday gift and was pissed that Ryan had 'covered himself up'. There was too much rustling and moans for Esposito's liking.

They pulled up in front of a beaten down warehouse. He wanted to continue to listen to what was going on inside but he couldn't do that _and_ storm in to save Ryan. So he ripped the headphones off his ears and hopped out of the van. Beckett, Castle, Cash and Robinson followed suit.

"Go in and find Ryan. Anybody that gets in your way, take care of." Esposito ordered the team as he checked his rifle.

He didn't wait before turning towards the warehouse. He ran inside with Castle and Beckett just behind him. They went down a long hallway that led to an open room. They walked through puddles all over the floor and assumed this was where Ryan was when they were all sprayed as it sounded. So they had to be close.

They went through another door to a dark room. Castle flipped on his flashlight to illuminate the room and it shined against the beds all over the room. In the beds were women in white hospital gowns. "Ryan!" Esposito whispered loudly. He walked past past the first few beds, looking to see if he saw Ryan. "Kevin!"

Castle and Beckett started to check the beds as well while Cash and Robinson continued to another room. "We're going to try and find the guys behind this," Cash said as they walked out, a few trained officers following them.

After a minute of searching the entire room, Esposito turned to Castle and Beckett. "He's not here."

"There were other rooms we could check. He took Ryan somewhere else, remember?" Castle said, nodding his head towards the door.

They left the room as Beckett called in the finding of all these women. They ran across the open floor, splashing through the puddles again. They kept their eyes open to make sure no one came up to them.

There was one more door that they saw. They opened the door slowly and the minute he walked through the door, he was jumped. "Shit," he cursed as the sudden weight knocked him into the wall.

"Espo!" Beckett yelled, cocking her gun down at the person on top of him.

"Javi?" Came a soft voice that never failed to make his heart skip a beat.

Esposito turned his head to see who had leeched onto his back and saw his partner. "Kevin?"

Kevin let his head fall to Esposito's shoulder and breathed, "Oh, thank God."

Beckett lowered her gun and laughed slightly. "Gave us a little scare there, Ry."

Ryan scoffed as he slowly dropped from Esposito's back. "I guess we're even then."

"We're so sorry, Kevin. The GPS shut down and we couldn't find you for a few minutes." Esposito put a hand on Ryan's arm trying to look him up and down to check for any wounds.

"Where is this dick face?" Castle asked angrily, coming to the front. With a jerk of his head, Ryan motioned towards a cage against the wall. Castle's eyes flickered from the cage back to Ryan. "Did he hurt you?"

"I took care of him," Ryan answered but didn't address Castle's actual question.

" _Did he hurt you_?" Esposito repeated, not letting his partner slip away that easily.

Ryan huffed impatiently. "Besides for making me incredibly nauseous and freezing cold, I'm fine."

Esposito's eyes went to Ryan's wet hair that was flat to his head. His mascara was slightly runny but all that mattered was that Ryan was safe. Esposito let a relieved laugh out at this thought and pulled him in for a tight hug. "Good job, man."

Ryan's hands immediately wrapped around Esposito and he buried his cold face into his shoulder. "Thanks for coming," he mumbled softly as his fingers dug into Esposito's back.

"Thanks for not getting yourself killed or worse before we came., Esposito answered with a small smile.

"Is this Cassie?" Beckett's voice broke the moment.

Ryan hesitantly pulled out of the hug and Esposito wanted to pull him back in. He looked over to the young girl trying to hide against the wall. "Yeah, that's her." He walked over and took her hand. He looked at her with a smile. "See, I told you my partners would come."

Cassie looked between them all. "So is it over? Am I safe?"

Esposito nodded. "Once you're out of here, we'll get you a change of clothes and bring you to our precinct. Then call your parents to come and get you."

She nodded nervously. "Thank you for saving me."

Esposito smiled at her and then turned to behind her where Craig was unconscious in the cage. "Never thought I'd see this little fucker again."

Ryan handed him the keys to the cage and Esposito gave him the handcuffs. "Here you go, partner."

Ryan looked down at the handcuffs and then nodded, a slow grin spreading across his face. Esposito unlocked the door and walked through. He leaned down and shoved Craig's head hard into the metal ground of the cage. Ryan came in next and secured the cuffs tightly around his wrists.

They stepped out and slammed the cage shut behind them. "Call it in, Beckett," Esposito said as he slipped the lock back in place.

She nodded and rattled off into her walkie talkie that they found their suspect and where he was. Back up will handle the other girls and the men in here. "What do you say we head back to the precinct?"

Ryan nodded his head. "Please."

They all started to make their way to the exit. Cassie held onto Ryan's arm and Esposito walked on the other side of Ryan. Back at the precinct, he'd definitely need to get them both warm towels and clothes that covered their backside. Not that they probably noticed.

Esposito shrugged out of his large jacket and looked over at Castle to do the same thing. Castle caught his eye and pulled his off. Esposito handed his coat to Cassie since she was smaller and Esposito's was the smaller jacket. She took it with a grateful smile and pulled it over herself.

Castle wrapped his around Ryan's shoulders. Ryan turned his head back to give Castle a small smile with his flushed cheeks. "Thanks, Castle," he said as he pulled the coat around himself tighter.

They led them outside where there were dozens of squad cars lined up and flashing their lights. Cassie flinched at the light, probably used to the dim lighting in that room she's lived in for the past few months.

Ryan started to shiver again at the cold air against his still wet body. Esposito wrapped his hands around his arms and started to rub it to give him some heat. "Let's get you two in a car and we'll head back to the 12th."

Castle and Beckett nodded. "We'll get a ride back as well."

"Yeah, there's probably no room in that van for all of us." He found a few familiar uniformed officers in the crowd. "And I'm sure they won't mind giving us a ride back."

They all squeezed into one squad van. Cassie took a seat next to Ryan and Esposito and Castle took the seat on the bench behind her, figuring she wouldn't want to be very close to men just yet. Beckett went in the front next to the driver. "Thanks, Drakken."

"It's no problem, Captain," Officer Drakken said. "We'll be back at the precinct in a few minutes."

They drove down the blocks, passing by more and more NYPD cars as they joined the scene. "So you lost the signal?" Ryan asked once they were close to the precinct, away from the dark allies.

"The program crashed briefly, yeah," Beckett answered. "Esposito was about to kill someone. And Castle wasn't so calm either."

Ryan laughed. "I told you guys I'd be able to handle myself. Even if something went wrong."

"Pulled it kinda close there."

"I did _my_ part," Ryan pointed out. "I was ready to get out of there once we got to the warehouse."

Esposito tried to forget the panic in Ryan's voice as he was led into the building without backup. He could only imagine how scared he was. He was expecting backup and it never came. Not until Ryan had already been through hell. But he was smiling now and while Esposito knew his partner and knew he was still shaken up. He'd live.

"I still can't believe we left you in there with him." Esposito sighed, knowing he let his partner down.

Ryan turned around in his seat to look over at Esposito. He offered him a small smile. "Don't make yourself sick over it, Javi. I'm fine and we busted them. Cassie is safe now. Besides, I've been in much worse before with the mob. So this was almost a breath of fresh air."

"I hope you're only saying that to make me feel better right now. Even though it's not really helping because now I'm worried about when I wasn't by your side against Bobby S."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "It was _years_ ago, Javi. You can put the claws away."

Esposito sighed but let it go. Dwelling on the past wouldn't change it. He could only promise himself to not let Ryan get into a situation like that again in the future.

* * *

Back at the precinct, there was hardly anyone in the bullpen. It was a little after three in the morning and most of the midnight cops were out at the scene. Ryan still had his clothes from before he got changed but Cassie needed something.

So Ryan offered his jeans and sweatshirt to her while he timidly turned to Esposito and asked if he could borrow the change of clothes in his locker. Esposito noddly. "Of course, Ryan, you don't even need to ask."

Cassie went into the bathroom with Ryan's clothes and Esposito brought Ryan down to the locker room. Ryan walked through, keeping his eye out for anyone else inside. They had the room to themselves, thankfully. Esposito went straight to his locker and unlocked it. He pulled out his sweatpants and t-shirt.

"Do you need underwear?" Esposito asked.

"Uh," Ryan stammered. "Yeah, I do. If you don't mind."

Esposito pulled out his boxers and handed them to Ryan. "Don't worry, I changed out my clothes this week."

Ryan smiled at him and stepped into the boxers. Esposito grabbed his elbow when he almost lost his balance. "Easy there," he chuckled.

While Esposito still held onto his arm, Ryan stepped into the sweatpants as well. He pulled them over his belly button but they still pooled around his ankles and would fall past his hips if he didn't hold on to the waistband.

"Um, can you tie it?" Ryan asked as he held it in place.

Esposito nodded, kneeling down so he was able to get hold of the strings. He lifted the white gown so he could see what he doing easily. He double knotted it so it stayed in place and then let the gown drop. He couldn't continue to stare at Ryan's milky stomach.

"I'll turn around while you pull on the shirt." Esposito covered his eyes and turned around. He listened to the rustle of the gown being lifted over Ryan's head and then the t-shirt being pulled on. He didn't turn back around until Ryan said he was okay.

Esposito looked at his hair, still soaking wet and the t-shirt did little to keep him warm. They'd have to grab a towel and a blanket from the closet. "Stay here," Esposito said before running to get them. He came back to Ryan and handed him the towel first. "Here, wrap your hair."

"Wrap my hair?" Ryan asked. "How the hell do I do that?"

Esposito rolled his eyes and said. "Bend over and let your hair fall."

Ryan hesitated but followed Esposito's directions. Then Esposito draped the towel over his head and folded it in where his hair dangled. He kept it together and said, "Now come back up." Ryan flipped his hair back and the towel miraculously stayed.

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Wow, I have a sister and I never learned how to do that."

Esposito shrugged his shoulders. "Mama did it a lot."

Ryan smiled softly at the mention of his mother. Esposito found himself smiling back. He lifted the blanket and wrapped it around Ryan's shoulders. "Here, I know you've still got that chill."

"Yeah," Ryan said. "I wasn't expecting the rinse and it was brutal." He tried to laugh it off but it died down.

Esposito couldn't even imagine being sprayed with freezing pressurized water. "Are you okay?"

Ryan hesitantly nodded. "Yeah." He paused before adding, quietly. "It's dumb...but for a quick second, it brought me back to Lockwood."

Esposito didn't even think of that. He still had nightmares of watching Ryan drown and get one of his kneecaps shot out, but he forgot water had been rough for Ryan the first few months after. Even now, sudden cold water was bound to bring back _some_ memories.

"I mean, I didn't have one of my panic attacks but…" Ryan trailed off, a haunted look in his eyes. Esposito put a hand on his back and guided him to sit down on the bench.

"Hey, it's okay." He put an arm around Ryan and spoke softly, "Even if I didn't have memories of Lockwood, get sprayed like that would fuck me up."

Ryan nodded absently and spent the next few seconds just sitting there. Esposito continued to rub his arms soothingly. Not much longer later, Ryan cleared his throat. "We can head back up now."

He scrubbed the towel into his hair before pulling it off. His hair was still wet but there weren't droplets of water dripping down his back so Esposito didn't make him dry it off anymore.

They headed back up to the bullpen where Cassie was sitting in the breakroom. She looked up when they walked through and gave a soft smile. "Thanks for the clothes." There weren't too big on her smaller frame.

"No problem." Ryan shrugged his shoulders, making sure the blanket didn't fall off.

"We called her parents in so they'll be coming down to pick her up in a few minutes," Beckett told them. Of course, even at three in the morning, Cassie's parents would want their baby back after months of thinking she was gone forever.

Ryan took a heavy seat next to her. "Are you excited to be back with your family?"

Cassie looked at him with a genuine smile. "Yeah. I mean I'm nervous. But it's a good nervous."

"Everything will be fine," Esposito assured her. He had seen his fair share of reunions between parents and lost children. It was touching to see them finally reconnected.

Just as Esposito said this, the elevator doors chimed open. "Where is she? Where is my baby?" A voice yelled.

Cassie jumped to her feet and turned to the doorway of the precinct. "Mom," she said tearfully.

Her parents paused for a split second before they came rushing to her. In a second, they were wrapping her in one the biggest hugs Esposito had ever witnessed. He watched with a small smile as Cassie's mom started to openly bawl into their daughter's shoulder. Even her father was crying as he hugged both his girls.

The reunion lasted at least ten minutes and the others just patiently waited for the family to calm down. Her father was the first to turn away, but still kept an arm wrapped around her. "Who saved my baby?"

Esposito pushed Ryan forward. "My partner, sir."

He let go of his daughter to drag Ryan into a hug. Esposito didn't miss his partner's brief flinch as the older man wrapped his arms around him tightly. "God bless you." He took a few steadying breaths before pulling back and looking Ryan in the eyes. "I wish I could thank you more than this but you have to know how grateful I am for you."

"Detectives Cash and Robinson are the ones that set everything up," Ryan admitted with a slight blush. "I just went in undercover to bring her out."

"They will get their thanks later when I see them. But now I want to thank you on my wife and I's behalf." Cassie's father gave him one last squeeze before letting go to go back to his daughter.

Esposito took a step forward to stand next to Ryan. They watched the family share another round of happy tears again. Esposito leaned over and whispered in Ryan's ear, "I'm proud of you."

Ryan turned to face him fully with a large smile. He studied Esposito's face for a moment before saying, "Thank you, Javi."

Esposito was a little shocked when Ryan let his head drop on his shoulder. He looked down at the head of dark blonde hair and froze. A hard nudging in his back had him turn his head slightly. He looked expectantly at Castle. The writer nodded his head towards Ryan frantically before wrapping an arm around Beckett.

Esposito's cheeks burned when he realized Castle was trying to help him. He turned back around and with Ryan still leaning against him, Esposito wrapped an arm around his small waist. "Do you want to head back before you pass out right here?" Esposito whispered.

Ryan hesitated with his answer, not that Esposito minded because that gave him more time with Ryan on his shoulder. "Yeah, the adrenaline is starting to wear off."

"Let's say goodnight and head out," Esposito suggested. Ryan nodded his head and straightened himself up. Esposito's shoulder felt cold instantly.

Ryan waited for the next pause in sobs from Cassie and her family before interrupting them. "Cassie, I'm going home now."

Esposito grinned because 'home' was his apartment.

Cassie's eyes flew to Ryan and she grinned at him. She unhooked her arms from her parents to throw them around Ryan. "Thank you so much, Detective Ryan."

Ryan lifted his hands to rub her back softly. "No problem, kiddo."

She pulled back and wiped at her watery eyes. "I'll be back to drop your clothes off tomorrow."

With a laugh, Ryan said, "Don't worry about my clothes. Just enjoy your time home with your family."

Cassie let out a happy sob and nodded her head. "I will. All because of you."

Hearing that, Esposito felt himself swell with pride. Because of his partner, a girl was able to go back to her family alive. Most of their cases, they were too late to save a loved one. But now, there was no homicide and Esposito not only felt satisfied to help close a case but he felt so happy to know he had helped reunite one that night.

And no matter how much worrying his partner put him through, the moments like this made it worth it.

* * *

A half hour later, after Beckett and mostly Castle stopped fussing over Ryan, they were back in Esposito's apartment. "Do you want to eat something or just crash?"

"Actually," Ryan said, "I'm going to wash my face and meet you in the bedroom."

Esposito nodded and left him alone, walking down the hallway. Ryan waited a few minutes before following him down the hall. He stepped into the bathroom and turned the light on. Looking up at the mirror, he saw what a mess he looked like.

The perfect makeup and hair from earlier that night were ruined now. His hair looked like he just rolled out of bed and his smudged mascara to make him look like a raccoon. His lips were still a soft shade of pink.

By now, he was itching to get it all off his face. He was aching to get out of his skin entirely. He kept feeling the tingling of Craig's hands where they had touched him. There hadn't been a lot of touching but it was enough to make Ryan sick at the memories.

But when he turned on the faucet water to wash his face, he found himself staring at the splashing water. It was stupid. So stupid. Lockwood was dead and there was no one waiting to hold his head underwater. But for some reason, his heart quickened and his stomach churned violently at just the sight of it.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Ryan willed himself to not be such a baby. He didn't want to relapse with his PTSD after almost five years of being okay. Sure, his therapist warned him it wouldn't always be perfect but why did it still upset him?

With a slow breath, he opened his eyes again. He lifted his hands and cupped them together to catch water but he realized they were shaking too much to hold any water. "Stop it, Kevin," Ryan chastised himself. "It's water."

Against his wishes, he moved his hands under the water and watched his cupped hands fill with water. He slowly and shakily brought them to his face but he didn't think was going to be able to do it.

A hand on his wrist suddenly made him jump with a shout. If his heart wasn't racing a minute, it was now. His wide eyes turned to find his partner staring back at him with nothing but concern in his eyes.

Esposito lifted his hands, bringing them up to his chest and away from Ryan. "I was calling your name. You wouldn't answer," Esposito explained. "Are you okay?"

Ryan nodded but when he couldn't calm his breathing as easily as he'd like, he shook head. "Not really." His partner always had the weird ability to make Ryan want to tell him everything he was thinking.

Esposito raised his arms and asked quietly, "May I?"

Ryan nodded fervently and raised his own arms. He curled and uncurled his fists, grasping at air while he said, "Please."

Esposito didn't hesitate before closing the distance between them. Ryan wrapped his arms around him, trying hard to melt in his arms. Esposito's arms were strong and secure around him.

Ryan took in a shuddering breath, trying to calm himself down Esposito's hand came up to his head and pulled Ryan closer in his arms. "Shh," he whispered soothingly. "You're okay, corazon."

Ryan grabbed the cotton of Javier's t-shirt tightly and focused on his partner's soft voice. A few minutes later, Ryan's breathing and heart finally calmed down. Esposito didn't step out of the hug until Ryan let his hands drop.

"Now that we got that out of the way," Esposito said with a small smile. "I've been holding back since we brought you back."

Ryan found himself smiling back. A hug from his partner always made everything in the world feel right.

His voice turning serious again, Esposito asked, "What's wrong?"

Looking into those warm brown eyes, Ryan couldn't hide his feelings so he said, "He hardly touched me, but-."

Esposito shook his head. "Just because he didn't rape you, Kev doesn't make it any better. You were sexually assaulted and it's okay to not feel okay after that." He paused and said dryly, "I think I'd be more worried if you were."

"I just…" Ryan trailed off, not knowing where to start or how to explain his thoughts to his partner. "You were right. I couldn't do it. I wasn't ready."

Esposito took his hand which relieved Ryan because he had started missing contact from his partner. Shaking his head, he said, "It wasn't your fault, Ry. The mess up tonight was on our part. You weren't supposed to be alone with that guy for so long. Like you said, you did your part."

Ryan smiled softly. "Yeah, it was nice to see Cassie back with her family."

"Exactly. And what happened to you was horrible so don't try to hide it or feel like you let me down."

"I still feel him on me," Ryan said after a few short seconds of silence. "I just want to take a shower and get him off. I'll be okay after I clean up…"

"But?"

"But then I look in the water and see Lockwood. I'm trying not to because it's stupid but-."

"It's not stupid, Kevin." Esposito narrowed his eyes. "Did you know two years after I came home from war, I had a panic attack in the middle of a 4th of July fireworks show?"

Ryan's eyes widened slightly. He knew Javi had PTSD but he didn't know it had affected him for so long.

"My sister found me hyperventilating in my lawn chair. Didn't even know I was crying until she started wiping my cheeks." Esposito shrugged his shoulders. "Hell, sometimes a dumb scene in a movie puts me right back in Iraq."

At Esposito's admissions, he felt a little less worried about his reaction to being sprayed down with the water. Ryan smiled softly up at him but didn't say a word.

"So how about you take a shower to get that jackass off of you. I'll turn the warm water on and wait outside the door. I promise no one will be there holding you under." Esposito said seriously. "I won't let it happen ever again, partner."

Ryan believed him. There wasn't a cell in his body that doubted his partner. But even after Esposito turned on the water and tested to make sure it wasn't a bit cold, Ryan hesitated. He wanted to grabbed Javier's hand and never let go. If he had a bathing suit, he'd put it on and make Esposito take the shower with him. But that was a little too clingy. Ryan blushed, embarrassed by even the mere thought of it.

Esposito noted his hesitation and offered quietly, "I can stand outside the shower. You can pull the curtain over and I'll be right here."

Ryan thought about it and then slowly nodded his head. He'd have the comfort of Esposito being close and Esposito would have the reassurance that if Ryan had a panic attack in the shower, he wouldn't fall over and actually drown. It was a win-win.

"Okay, you get undressed and I'll be right here." Esposito leaned against the wall, closing his eyes.

Ryan pulled off his borrowed clothes and pulled open the shower curtain. His hand reached out blindly towards Javier as he looked down at the tub, small puddle already accumulating water.

"Woah, Ry, I can't-."

"I don't care," Ryan said over him. Esposito returned the hand hold as he took a step closer to the bath. His eyes were still shut but he helped Ryan take his first step into the tub. When he was inside the tub, he let out a deep breath.

At the sound, Esposito said, "See? You're okay." But he didn't make a move to let go of Ryan's hand. Again, he was operating at Ryan's speed.

Ryan took another step closer until he was under the full spray of water. The warm stream was a welcomed sensation. He smiled and let go of Esposito's hand before he dragged him into the shower with him.

"Are you okay?" Esposito asked.

Ryan paused. "Please don't go far," he requested, hoping he stayed put.

"I'll be right out here," he said reassuringly.

Ryan nodded even though Esposito wouldn't be able to see him. He let go of Esposito's hand and lifted his face upwards. He quickly realized he wasn't too fond of being sprayed in the face with water just yet, no matter the temperature, so he turned his head back down.

The warmth fell onto his back and over his shoulders. He grabbed the bar of soap to suds up his hands and started to wash himself off. He didn't care if Craig had touched him there or not, he was scrubbing every inch of his body down. It felt good to finally get the grime from him off his skin, whether he was imagining it or not.

He spent a good amount of time washing that when he finally rinsed off, he was afraid Esposito had left. "Javi?" Ryan asked suddenly, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

"Kevin," Esposito responded right away.

Ryan smiled and let his shoulders sag when he realized Esposito was still out there waiting. He felt bad, as it was probably boring to just sit there and the humidity in the bathroom from the hot water was making it hard to breathe.

But Ryan wasn't ready to let Esposito leave yet. A stupid, irrational part of him was afraid that if Esposito left him, he wouldn't come back to save him. Come back from where and to save him from what, no even Ryan knew.

Esposito must have picked up on Ryan's thoughts with his creepy partner mind reading tricks because a moment later, he broke the silence. He was singing a song softly. It was actually the song that Ryan had been singing earlier that night in the beginning of their operation. Esposito was just trying to assure Ryan that he was still there and wasn't leaving.

Ryan smiled softly and hummed along as he continued to wash his hair and finish up his shower. After spending so long in the hot shower, Ryan wasn't sure he wanted to go back out into the cold. But when he shut off the water, a towel popped in through the curtain.

Taking it from Esposito's outstretched hand, Ryan thanked him and wrapped it around himself. He was used to wrapping it around his waist as a guy but now he had to get used to keeping it tucked underneath his armpits.

"I'm coming out," Ryan announced as he pulled open the curtain.

Esposito was there with his eyes still closed and a hand stretched out if Ryan needed it for balance. Ryan was fine getting out by himself but he took the hand anyway. Ryan watched as Esposito's lip quirked upwards slightly.

"You okay to wait in here while I go grab your pajamas?" Esposito still didn't let go of his hand.

Laughing, Ryan nodded his head. "Yes, Javi." He took his hand from Esposito's and placed them on his shoulders. He spun him around until he was facing the door. "The door is in front of you."

Esposito blindly reached at his waist height until his fingers grabbed the knob. He turned it and as he opened the door, said, "I'll be right back."

Ryan watched him slightly stumble out of the doorway and then turn down the hallway towards his room. Ryan shook his head in amusement before turning to the sink. He looked up at the mirror and the face staring back looked much better than the one that was staring back before the shower.

Taking a deep breath, Ryan turned the faucet on again. He stared at the rushing water and slowly brought his fingers underneath. They weren't shaking this time and his heart wasn't close to beating out of his chest.

With some new found courage, Ryan changed the water to cold. He jumped slightly at the temperature change and wasn't as fond of it as the warm but he wasn't about to break down in tears again.

He turned it back to warm water before grabbing his toothbrush and brushing his teeth. The entire time he kept his eye on the water.

Esposito returned just as Ryan was putting away the toothbrush and toothpaste. In his hands, he held a folded pair of pajamas. "I'll leave these on the counter and be in bed."

Ryan smiled gratefully at him as Esposito exited and shut the door behind him. Ryan slipped into the underwear and pajamas Esposito had brought him. There were nice and warm which was definitely welcomed on a cold night like tonight.

He wrapped his hair in the towel like Javier had showed him and dried it off as much as possible. Then he pulled it off, dragged a brush through the knots and stepped out of the bathroom.

In the bedroom, Esposito was just getting into bed and pulling down the blankets. He looked up at Ryan and said quickly, "I can sleep on the couch tonight if it's too much. I don't-."

Ryan shook his head. "No, stay." He knew Esposito was only thinking of what Craig had done and the effect it had on him. But Esposito definitely was not Craig. Ryan felt safer with Javier right there than if he were left all alone.

"Okay," Esposito agreed. "But if it gets too much-."

"Javi, I'm fine. He barely touched me. And you don't remind me of him."

Esposito looked relieved to hear that and got into bed. Ryan followed and pulled up the blankets around his chest. As he was about to lay down, Esposito turned to Ryan and said, "I left you a mug on the nightstand. I hope it's still warm."

With furrowed eyebrows, Ryan turned to the stand next to him and picked up the mug. It felt hot in his hands so he assumed Esposito had made him a cup of tea. He'd never admit it (even though Esposito could read his partner like a book so he didn't need the admission) that Ryan had developed a fond taste for tea ever since the past week.

But when he looked into the mug, it wasn't full of tea. He was staring down at milk. Ryan couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face as he looked up at Esposito. "You made me honeymilk?"

Esposito shrugged his shoulders with a slight blush that was hard to spot under his tan complexion. "Yeah, I figured it'd calm you down and warm you up."

Ryan brought the drink up to his lips and grinned. He took a sip and it was perfect. More perfect than Ryan could ever make his. But then again, Ryan wasn't a cook, his partner was the one handy in the kitchen.

While Ryan finished up his drink, attempting to cover up his moan after each sip, Esposito read from his book. It was a book all about World War I because even though Esposito called Ryan the nerd, Ryan knew his partner loved to read about the military and knew everything about every war and every weapon and every battle. Ryan thought it was cute that he let him see that side of him.

Ryan took his time drinking the sweetly warm beverage. He was sad when his mug was empty and hoped that maybe Esposito would make it again for him. He set the mug on the nightstand and turned on his side.

Esposito saw him lay down and shut his book. "You could've kept reading," Ryan said in a tired voice. The softness of the pillow and the warm milk were dragging him into a slumber.

Esposito shook his head. "I'm exhausted." He laid down and turned to face Ryan. "You okay?" He asked, softly.

Ryan nodded his head. Now matter how annoying Javier's over protectiveness was, it was nice to see how much he cared for him.

Esposito's eyes fell closed and Ryan continued to stare at him. He was afraid if he closed his eyes, Craig's face would find his way back. But if he kept staring at Esposito, then everything would feel alright. He would be safe.

But he needed to get over this. He couldn't even imagine how Cassie was going to fall asleep tonight. She had been with that man for months, being treated much worse. If Ryan was this upset over an hour with him, that poor girl was probably not getting a good night's rest for months.

He tried to close his eyes but the dark did nothing to help him. He felt like there were shadows moving around him just waiting to-

A hand reached out and grabbed onto his hand softly causing Ryan's eyes to snap open. "Go to sleep, Kevin," Esposito whispered without opening his eyes. He laced their fingers together and didn't let go.

Ryan looked down at their joined hands and smiled. He closed his eyes again and focused on the hand holding his. Esposito was right there beside him and wouldn't let anyone touch him. No one protected him like his partner did.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have this story written out in one big google doc (it's currently at 90k woah) and I break it up when I think it's a good end for a chapter. And I was copying this chapter and realized I had 13,000 words in chapter 15. So I had to split that up into two chapters because as much as I love long chapters, 13k is a lot to read in one sitting for some readers. I apologize if it doesn't end nicely (I usually like cliff hangar-y spots) 
> 
> This chapter was really fun to write...I hope you enjoy it as much as I do:)

Castle had been spending most of his time at his office the past week or two to help Alexis and Cynthia out with researching the spell. But today, he took a day off after just getting to bed at 5 in the morning.

When he woke up at almost two in the afternoon, he let out a groan. He hadn't slept in this late since before he started shadowing Beckett. Beckett was already at the precinct, being Captain she had to be there to wrap up Robinson and Cash's case.

She gave the boys the day off, so they were probably still resting in bed. Or maybe they were doing the opposite of resting. Castle laughed to himself. Those two were so into each other that it hurt to be in the same room alone with them. He often wondered if they knew about the tension between them and suffered through it or if they were just that oblivious.

As much as Castle didn't want to disrupt them, he really needed to call and check in on Ryan. He didn't even get the chance to really talk to the Irishman after they picked him up. He was with Esposito the entire time or with Cassie before they left to get some sleep. Esposito probably had done enough to worrying for the both of them last night, Castle still wanted to make sure for himself that Ryan was okay.

Ever since the change, Esposito had taken over the role of protective boyfriend so Castle took the spot as protective older brother. Well, they actually had those roles even before this mess but they were usually more subtle about it.

So, Esposito would understand if he called up to just hear Ryan's voice. He would be able to tell if he was fibbing about being okay when he answered. He could also use the excuse of inviting the two over for dinner and drinks that night.

It could be a little celebration for succeeding last night. They may not have been much closer to finding a cure but at least they were all alive. That was always a positive.

He rolled over in bed and picked up his phone from the nightstand. He clicked Ryan's contact and held it to his ear. It rang so long, Castle thought it would go to voicemail but at the last minute, Ryan picked up.

"Hello?" He said groggily.

Castle smiled, his voice much more awake than the detective's. "Hey, buddy."

Ryan hesitated before he gave a response. "Castle, not that I don't appreciate your call but what do you want?"

"I wanted to call and see how you were doing. I didn't get a hug or a word from you last night." Castle started to push himself up.

"Well, I can't do anything right now about the hug but I am okay. I would have said the same thing last night." He paused as a yawn interrupted him. "Just a little tired."

Castle couldn't really tell what was the truth from his sleepy voice. He'd have to get him here so he could see for himself. "Hey, what do you think about you and Javi coming over tonight for dinner, dessert and a few drinks?"

"Did I forget a birthday?" He grumbled back.

Castle laughed. "No. I just thought a little celebrating was necessary."

Ryan didn't ask what they were celebrating but he agreed. "Okay, sounds fun. I'll tell Javi after my nap."

"Alright, Kev, see you in a few hours." Castle rolled his eyes fondly.

Ryan barely said his goodbyes before he hung up the phone. Esposito wasn't kidding when he talked about what a grumpy morning person Ryan was. And it wasn't even morning. It was the afternoon.

Castle called Beckett to let her know about his plan and to come home after her shift. Even though she had a lot of work to do, she finally relented and promised she wouldn't work past the end of her shift. She deserved some free time with her family.

He checked in with Alexis to see how the research was going. They weren't getting much closer but Cynthia did take the phone from his daughter to inform him that word had got out about the spell on Ryan and they had to keep him safe from any curious witches.

Castle wasn't sure how they were supposed to do that but he would do everything in his power to keep Ryan safe. He'd have to let the others know later that night at dinner. Esposito would freak out if Castle knew Ryan was in possible danger and didn't tell him.

But Cynthia said it shouldn't be dangerous as long as Ryan stayed low and didn't draw much attention to himself. As long as nobody knew of his location, he'd be fine.

* * *

"Hola mis amigos," Castle greeted with a wide grin as he opened the door. Esposito raised his eyebrows questioningly at him while Ryan smiled excitedly right back.

Castle loved how Ryan fed off on other people's excitement.

"You seem much more chipper tonight," he commented as the two walked past him into his loft.

"Sleeping Beauty needs her sleep, bro." Esposito ruffled Ryan's hair.

"Why do you always tease me?" Ryan whined as he fixed his hair.

"Because you're so cute when you get upset," Esposito cooed mockingly. He ducked under the pillow that Ryan launched from the couch.

Beckett walked in, the pillow barely missing her. She eyed each of the boys then her eyes fell to the discarded pillow. "How old are you three?"

"Old enough to drink." Castle nudged Ryan with his elbow and wiggled his eyebrows at the Irishman.

Ryan smiled back because Esposito was not stopping him from drinking tonight. No one needed to be designated driver; if it got that bad, they could crash at his loft. Ryan deserved a little alcohol after everything he'd been through recently.

"No drinking without dinner," Beckett ordered. She shook her head and mumbled, "I swear it's like I'm surrounded by children."

Before they even finished dinner, the drinks were brought out. Ryan had completely ignored his dinner in favor of sipping his beer. "I missed how good this tasted," Ryan said with a smile.

Castle hid his own grin behind his hand. He barely finished off his first bottle and he was tipsy. "Maybe you should eat a little if you plan on having another," he suggested.

Ryan studied his plate before nodding his head and taking another forkful into his mouth. "I guess so."

Esposito eyed Ryan carefully, ever the protective partner. He hadn't touched his beer yet. Castle thought it was probably because he didn't trust girl-Ryan drinking. Castle was on his second beer himself.

"We should watch a Christmas movie." Ryan abandoned his food again to drink his beer. "Christmas is coming up."

"I've got Die Hard on blu-ray." Everybody knew Die Hard was a Christmas classic. Castle stood up from his seat and Ryan followed him. "We'll set up the movie." He turned to face Beckett. "You two bring in snacks."

Beckett rolled her eyes making a comment about how they would also have to clean up after dinner. Esposito was mumbling under his breath too but Castle ignored them.

Ryan was already on the couch, kicking his shoes off. Castle place his beer on the table and head over to the TV. He set up the movie in a few minutes and when he went back to the couch he found Ryan drinking his beer.

"Hey," Castle said with a mock pout. "That's mine."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "I was thirsty."

Castle rolled his eyes fondly. "I'm going to get another beer. Don't press play til we're all out." He took the remote with him just in case.

Back in the kitchen, Esposito was shutting the dishwasher and Beckett was pulling out a package of cookies. Castle went to the cabinet and grabbed a bag of popcorn to throw in the microwave. He also went to grab a beer from the fridge but Beckett stopped him. "I don't think so. Third beer in under an hour? I know you think you can handle your alcohol but I'm not sitting next to you all night while you puke your brains out, honey."

"I only had one. Ryan took the one I was drinking."

"Oh, so Ryan's had two in under an hour. That's great," Esposito scoffed. "He can barely hold his own as a male with his beer." He poured himself a glass of milk and announced, "Ryan is cut off from alcohol tonight. No more."

Castle laughed. "Party pooper."

"I know we're supposed to be letting him relax but Espo's got a point, Rick." Beckett eyed him, giving him the 'don't you dare do the opposite of what I say' look.

"Have you spoken to Alexis today?" Esposito leaned against the counter next to Castle while they waited for the popcorn to pop. "Have they figured anything out yet?"

Castle shook his head with a sigh. "They were looking into something. If they can't undo the spell, then maybe they can cast another to make him a guy again."

Esposito hesitated, "I'm all for getting Ryan back to normal any way we can but tell me I can't be the only one worried. You saw how bad the first spell was one him." He paused, looking Castle in the eye. "Is it possible to OD on magic? Because I'd take a girl Kevin over a dead one any day."

"I'm sure you would." Castle wiggled his eyebrows at the Hispanic detective.

Esposito stood up on his feet and glared at Castle. "Do you think I'm joking around?"

Castle raised his hands in defense. "Okay, okay, come on. I know you're worried and I"m trying to get you to calm down and relax. You needed this night off just as much as Ryan did."

"Says Papa Bear," Beckett muttered as she put several cookies on a plate.

"We can't just act like everything's okay. We know nothing about magic and witches. We don't even know if the spell is harming Kevin. It's not natural at all and we are just in the dark about all of this as we were a few weeks ago."

"That's what Alexis and Cynthia are for. I really think they'll be able to figure something out. We just have to keep an eye on Ryan while they work."

Esposito's eyebrows furrowed and he paused. "What?"

Castle cursed under his breath. He was going to hide that little tidbit Cynthia had shared with him until, well, probably until after was Ryan was changed back.

"Nothing," Castle said quickly, staring at the microwave. The timer went off and Castle went to get the popcorn but Esposito's hand slapped over the microwave. Castle swallowed thickly.

"Why do we need to keep an eye on Ryan?" Esposito pressed, his voice getting scary.

"Um, it's nothing really. Just something Cynthia mentioned earlier today." Castle waved his hand, trying to get Esposito to even forget he mentioned it. Of course that was impossible with Esposito whose only role in life was to be Ryan's over protective boyfriend.

"Castle, if you don't tell me right now, I will not hesitate to hurt you."

Castle sighed and said, "Cynthia said other witches were keeping an eye on what Callie had done to Ryan. They want the secret or something to the spell that can permanently transform someone." Castle paused. "There's only one of those spells and it happens to be coursing through our friend drunk of his ass on my couch."

Esposito took a moment to figure out what Castle said. "Wait. So, are you telling me that there are more of these freaking witches hunting Kevin?" Esposito lowered his hand from the microwave to run a hand through his cropped hair.

"But no one's getting to him. We both know you wouldn't let anyone get near him and I'm here to help and so is Beckett." Castle assured him.

Esposito nodded but still said, "We need to change him back. If we change him back, they won't have a spell to chase."

"Alexis and Cynthia are doing their best."

"We have to tell Kevin," Esposito said, ignoring Castle.

"Well, right now he's actually having a good time and not hating his existence so why don't we wait until he needs to know. I mean we don't even know how much these other witches know."

Esposito didn't look happy to be hiding something from his partner but he didn't argue with anymore. "Fine. But he doesn't leave our sight when he's outside." He paused. "Just don't let him know you're watching out for him. He doesn't like that."

Beckett rolled her eyes. "Oh, really? He doesn't like being treated like a baby? Who knew?" She sighed and said, "Look, don't treat it any differently than another one of our perps. Just have his back if he needs it."

"Maybe Cynthia's got some sort of protective charm." Castle thought aloud. "I'll give her a call tomorrow."

"Good. Now, we should go join Ryan in the living room before he thinks we left him." Beckett was the first one to head back into the living room. Castle and Esposito followed behind with snacks.

Ryan was right where they left him on the couch. He was staring at the TV screen intently as the video on the main menu kept replaying. He turned to face the three as they walked in. "I didn't press play," he informed Castle.

"Well, that's a relief," Castle said, falling to the couch next to Ryan.

Beckett placed the plate of cookies on the coffee table and a tall glass of milk next to it. "Ry, I brought you some milk. No more beer."

"But," Ryan hiccuped as he held his bottle of beer close to his chest.

"No, buts." She leaned over and grabbed the empty bottle from him.

"Plastered before we even start the movie," Castle commented. "That has to be a record."

Beckett rolled her eyes. "Because he's used to his tolerance with his male body."

Esposito took a seat on the other side of Ryan and said, "That's okay. We're going to figure out how to get you back soon."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders sluggishly. "S'okay. Being a girl's not so bad."

Castle almost dropped the bowl of popcorn as he did a double take. "Is that so, Kevvie?"

Ryan paused before he told Castle, "That's not my name, Rickie."

Castle laughed loudly, patting Ryan on the back and leaning forward to look at Esposito. "I always forget how much fun drunk Ryan is."

Esposito ignored him and addressed his partner, "What do you mean being a girl isn't so bad?"

"It's just not too bad. It's kinda fun now." Ryan reached his hand towards the popcorn bowl but Esposito pushed it away from him. Ryan frowned at him.

"We're changing you back," Esposito said sternly, giving no room for Ryan to argue.

"Okay, I know," Ryan said as he huffed impatiently. "Fine. Can I have my popcorn?" He looked like he regretted mentioning not totally hating his current situation in front of Esposito.

Esposito eyed him and reluctantly passed over the bowl. Ryan smiled, as if he hadn't just been annoyed by Esposito a second ago and happily munched on his popcorn.

They started the movie and sat watching it. Ryan broke the silence sometimes to make a comment that he would only make drunk. Halfway through the movie, Castle heard him whisper in his ear, "Hey, Castle."

Castle's eyes flickered from the TV to Ryan who was pressing into him, his breath stinking of alcohol. Castle peered over at Esposito see the Hispanic detective didn't turn away from the TV. He looked back at Ryan and whispered, "What?"

"I didn't tell Javi why I really like being a girl."

Castle smirked. He also forgot how much a chatty drunk Ryan was. "Can you tell me?"

Esposito glared at them from the corner of his eye. "Can you girls gossip after the movie is finished?"

"Sorry," Ryan said quickly before Castle could even think of an excuse. "We're trying to figure out who has bigger arms: you or Bruce Willis."

Castle sputtered out a laugh as Esposito glared at them with tinged cheeks. The best part was, Castle wasn't sure if Ryan was being a little shit or he actually was comparing the two in his mind. That comment got Esposito to turn back to the movie though.

For a moment, Castle thought Ryan would have forgotten what they were talking about but thankfully, his attention span held on. "Now that I'm a girl, Javi gives me more attention. He stares at me more and holds the door open for me."

Castle's grin turned into a smile. "Really?"

Ryan nodded and his hair fell to his face. Castle helped push the hair behind his ears. "Don't tell him though. It's e'barassing."

"You're secret is safe with me, Kev," Castle said genuinely, patting Ryan's hand.

Ryan nodded and looked down at Castle's hand. He used his fingers to trace Castle's larger fingers. Castle studied him closely for a few moments, wondering what was so entrancing about his knuckles. But then Ryan looked up and Castle realized he was just trying to hide the tears forming in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Castle asked, softly, careful not to catch Esposito's attention or else he'd be all over Ryan. And Ryan obviously didn't want to make a big deal about this.

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. He looked like a little kid as he tried to control his emotions, his lower lip quivering. "I'm just scared."

Castle squeezed Ryan's small hand assuredly. "Don't worry. We won't let Cynthia do anything that could hurt you."

"No." Ryan shook his head, his brow furrowing. "I'm not scared of that."

Castle didn't push him to talk. He knew Ryan would, he just needed a few seconds to gather his thoughts.

"I'm scared that once I'm a guy again, Javi will ignore me."

Castle's shoulders slouched sadly. "You know that's not true. Javier loves you."

Depressed and drunk Ryan was not fun at all. It actually hurt Castle to even see him like this. The last time he had been this upset and drunk was when he had a few drinks after his and Esposito's big fight to demand new partners. It had broken Castle's heart then to see him that way and it broke his heart just as much now.

"Sure," Ryan slurred, his mood now tried and sad. "He loves me. He loves me like a brother. The little brother he can't get rid of." He paused and then turned seriously to Castle. "I mean, do you think I annoy him? I probably annoy him. I do nothing but follow him around the precinct and eat his food and play his X-Box."

"You don't annoy him, Kevin Ryan," Castle huffed. He really hated how insecure their youngest partner was. "He wouldn't want you to hang around him so much if you did."

Ryan just shrugged his shoulders with a frown. Castle regretted letting the conversation get this deep. Ryan was supposed to be a happy, chatty, touchy drunk now, not the tired, depressed, insecure mess he had become.

Castle knew the only person that could make him feel better was sitting on the other side of the couch. He lifted his arm around the back of the couch to poke Esposito in the shoulder. After a few hard pokes, he finally turned to face Castle with an annoyed stare.

Castle jerked his head towards Ryan's direction and the moment Esposito saw his partner, the annoyance died from his eyes. He turned to Ryan and whispered something in his ear. Ryan was hesitant but whispered back. They started up a silent conversation and before long, Esposito had Ryan laughing again.

Castle smiled at the two and turned back to the movie now that his job was done. And a few minutes later, Castle let out his own laugh when feet were being shoved on his lap. Castle looked at the small bare feet in surprise and then followed them to where Ryan was lying horizontally on the couch. His head was on a pillow on Javier's lap and his eyes were shut.

He looked at Esposito's face as he combed his fingers through Ryan's long hair. There was a smile on his face that Castle knew wouldn't be there if Esposito knew someone was watching him. But he didn't, so Castle was able to get a sneak at how Esposito looked lovingly at his partner.

Castle felt like he was stuck in the same episode of the same soap opera. He needed to do something to change that because he was tired of all this unnecessary drama. And the boys were always there to help him with Kate, it was his turn to return the favor. Whether they wanted his help or not, they were getting it.

* * *

Ryan rolled over with a groan. He was certain someone was smashing his head with a giant hammer because where else would the pounding in his brain be coming from? There were noises around him and lights behind his closed eyelids that he wasn't ready for yet so he pulled the pillow over his head.

He wasn't sure where he was exactly. He was on someone's bed, that much he knew. And all the bad experiences he had from being a cop, waking up somewhere he didn't remember falling asleep usually either meant he was knocked out or kidnapped. But he didn't think that was an issue here.

He was determined to ignore the outside world for as long as he possibly could. Even if he was being held hostage, at least he had a soft pillow and silky sheets to ease away his headache.

But he knew he wouldn't be falling back to sleep no matter how hard he tried. His headache was pounding too hard and his stomach was churning too fast. He chalked up all the result of drinking too much, though he can't remember feeling this bad the morning after in a while.

He remembered going to Castle's loft last night and eating some of his dinner. But then Castle handed him a beer and then another and then it got foggy after that. Ryan actually felt embarrassed that he was done in two beers. He wasn't the best at holding his alcohol but he could definitely have more than two without feeling this crappy the next morning.

He figured it had something to do with his female body which was much smaller than the male and wasn't used to the alcohol. There was probably a great scientific answer he could give himself but that was way too much thinking for this early with this pain.

The soft pillows and silky blankets clued Ryan to believe he was in one of Castle's guest bedrooms. Hey, he wasn't a detective for nothing. And it sounded like they were all already starting their day outside in the kitchen.

Except, the only way Ryan was getting out of this bed was if he needed to throw up what little he had eaten yesterday. But he didn't feel that bad currently. Unfortunately, a soft knocking at the door disrupted his attempted sleep. He just wanted to be left alone to die in peace.

Even though Ryan didn't answer, the door creaked open slowly. Ryan dared to peek an eye open to see who was interrupting his sleep. Through his sleep deprived, hangover influenced blurry vision, Ryan could see Castle walking into the room.

Ryan let his eyes shut, not wanting his eyes to burn from the light anymore. He felt the bed dip slightly next to him as Castle took a seat on the mattress. "How are we feeling this morning?" Castle whispered, considerate of his headache.

Ryan moaned unhappily as an answer.

Castle chuckled, his voice still low. "There's a glass of water and Advil here. We're also cooking up some greasy bacon for you."

Ryan tried to pull the pillow over his head but Castle grabbed it. "None of that, Sleeping Beauty. We're all waiting for you."

"Leave me 'lone," Ryan moaned pathetically.

"No can do, sunshine." Castle pulled off a blanket and Ryan blindly reached for the silky material with a whine.

"Go 'way, M'sleepin'," he said as he peeked his eyes open to glare at the writer.

Castle laughed, his voice a bit louder. "'Go away'? That's how you thank me after I feed you, give you beer and advice and my bed to sleep in wearing my t-shirt?"

Ryan's face went pale as he quickly looked down to see he was indeed only wearing one of Castle's t-shirts that fit him like a dress. He felt his cheeks burn in humiliation. Hiding his face in the pillow, he asked, "How bad did I embarrass myself yesterday?"

"Not too badly," Castle answered but there was too much amusement in his voice. "I mean after our little pep talk," Ryan cringed, remembering spilling his doubts to Castle on the couch. He must have sounded like a little baby with all his problems. "You took a nap on the couch while Eugene braided your beautiful golden hair."

"My hair's brown," he mumbled back, though his voice was muffled by the pillow.

Castle kept on going as if he didn't hear Ryan. "We woke you up when the movie ended and you wanted to have a sleepover when Esposito was trying to get you home. So we left you on the couch for a few minutes thinking you'd behave but then we turned to you 3 minutes later and you were trying to pull off your pants."

Ryan pushed his head deeper into the pillow.

"Apparently, you prefer to sleep in your boxers. And no matter how hard we tried, though maybe Esposito could have tried a little harder, you would not listen. So we settled on wearing a t-shirt with the boxers."

"Please let that be it," Ryan prayed quietly.

"Well, Esposito carried you to this bed because he didn't want his partner to wake up on a couch with a hangover. So he put those Bruce Willis arms to good use and carried you in here."

Ryan picked his head from the pillow and looked at Castle. "Please tell me that's it. I went to bed and you left me here."

"Sure, after you kissed Esposito."

"What?" Ryan shot up, regretting the quick movement instantly.

Now that he saw the writer, he could see how hard he was trying to keep from laughing. "I'm kidding!" He waited until his laughter quieted down before he said, "But I, on the other hand, got a kiss."

Ryan knew by the look on his face he wasn't kidding. He let his head drop into his hands and groaned. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Kev." Castle rubbed Ryan's arm softly and Ryan wanted to hide his face even more. "I was dropping off the water and Advil after Esposito brought you in and you wanted to thank me for taking care of you." The teasing in his voice was back and Ryan groaned as he listened to Castle go on, "Now, I wasn't in the room when Esposito brought you in so he may have gotten a kiss on the cheek as well."

"Oh, that's just great," Ryan scoffed as he finally lifted his head to see Castle smiling over at him.

"The only downside of kissing his cheek is the fact that you missed."

"Missed?"

"Yeah," Castle replied. "You should have kissed him here." Castle puckered his lips and made obnoxious kissing noises.

Since Castle already stole his blankets, Ryan kicked him gently with his feet. Castle grabbed his foot after another kick. "I don't want to think about all the humiliation I put myself through anymore."

"Come on, I know I'm laughing but it's just because you're a cute fun drunk," Castle teased but then grew serious. "Except when you got all depressive on the couch. You almost made me cry, man."

Ryan wanted to go back under the blanket but Castle still had a hold on his foot and wasn't about to let go. "I know, I'm sorry," Ryan mumbled.

"No, don't be sorry." Castel paused. "But do you really think that?" When Ryan didn't respond, he clarified, "That Esposito won't like you when you change back?"

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and looked down at lap. He fidgeted under the writer's scrutinization. "Yeah, kinda. Not that I really blame him. Right now I'm a girl and something to look at. Soon, hopefully, I'll be back to boring old me."

"Now, wait a second," Castle said, squeezing his foot. "There is nothing boring about you, Kevin Ryan."

Ryan scoffed in disbelief. He knew Castle was only saying this to try and make him feel better. He was a famous, ruggedly handsome writer that had so many other famous talented friends. Ryan was just the guy he met from chasing after his girl. If it weren't for Beckett, there was no way Castle would have stayed in touch or even become friends with him.

But the more time Castle spent with him or Javi, he started to realize how wrong he was. Maybe Castle actually did care about him just because he was his friend.

"I'm serious. You're easily the smartest person I know, you're funny as hell and you're just a great friend. What else could anyone need?" Ryan blushed at the compliments. "And if you don't believe me, just ask Javier. Boy or girl, his world revolves around you."

"We're best friends but nothing more." All of these emotions crap was making his head hurt more.

"Because neither of you has had the balls yet to ask the other out," Castle stated bluntly. "You tiptoe around each other. So that's why I have my plan to put into action."

Ryan's head shot up. "What plan?"

Castle's smirk was back. "You know that Christmas is coming up." Ryan nodded his head hesitantly. "And every year I hold my Christmas party…" He trailed off, urging Ryan to finish his thought.

"I have no idea where you're going with this," Ryan said after a second.

"You're going to woo him."

"Woo him?"

"Woo him!"

"What does that even mean?" Ryan asked, having a bad feeling that he now knew where Castle was going with this.

Castle rolled his eyes like Ryan personally offended him. "You know...make a move, flirt with him, show him a little something something." He winked as he shimmied his shoulders.

Ryan felt his cheeks burn. "I can't believe we're having this conversation."

"We are, Cassanova. So you and I are going out. We're going dress you up for Esposito and then turn his head next week at my party."

"Fine," Ryan didn't want to argue because his head was still killing him and maybe a small part of him was hopeful Castle's plan would work. "I'll let you play Barbie if I can go back to sleep."

Castle shook his head, standing up. "No can do, princess. You need some water and food in your system. I'll even be nice enough to bring it in for you."

"Ugh," Ryan sighed loudly but really he was touched that no matter how annoying the mother henning was, it showed he cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summer is here (well, after I finish my tests this week and then graduate next week) but I will be getting a lot more writing done now that I don't have school taking up so much time.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a long chapter for you all. Please enjoy:)

"Alright we need clothes, shoes, underwear and make-up," Castle said as they walked into the mall. Ryan groaned. "It won't be that bad." Castle waved his hand.

Ryan sighed. "Fine. Let's just go and get this done."

"First stop is Victoria's Secret," Castle said loudly and Ryan groaned like an embarrassed child.

"I feel like we were just here torturing me." Ryan followed Castle slowly as they walked towards the store. "I have underwear already. Why do I need more?"

Castle rolled his eyes. "You need to have more than just the normal, boring stuff. We need to get the nicer ones-."

"Castle, I don't need you to read off your shopping list in the middle of a mall." Ryan looked around nervously at the other shoppers that were too close.

"Oh, come on, don't be such a prude. You want to make his head spin then we gotta give him a little something to see after the dress comes off." Castle nudged Ryan's shoulder with a grin.

"You make this so hard to do," Ryan whined, his face now the color of a ripe tomato.

"Just come on." Castle rolled his eyes and grabbed Ryan's arm to drag him on. Ryan didn't argue as they walked through the storefront. Castle knew there was no reason for him to be embarrassed; there were plenty of other women in the store shopping for something special. But of course Ryan felt like he was the only one and all eyes were on him.

"We'll make this quick," Castle assured him as he led them to the fancier choices. He let go of Ryan's arm when they reached shelves and shelves of different colors and styles.

Castle started looking through the underwear paired with bras and turned to see Ryan fidgeting, looking anywhere but the underwear.

Castle huffed out a sigh and turned around. "Kevin," he said softly. "If you're really uncomfortable we can leave but if you can stay, we can do this. You need the right fitting bra for a dress."

Ryan nodded but didn't look convinced.

"And these are so much softer. We don't have to go crazy with the lace and thongs. Plus, Beckett always tells me that a great pair of panties and bra make her feel beautiful."

Ryan's face scrunched up. "Okay, I don't need that image in my head."

Castle laughed. "So let's get this done and get to the fun part of shopping."

"When we leave?"

"Nope." Castle turned back around to the shelves and Ryan followed him. He noticed Ryan helping and said, "I'm thinking blue or maybe black."

Ryan started to pinch the fabrics between his fingers and Castle assumed he was finding one he liked. "I don't want to get one that will give me a wedgie."

Castle laughed as he continued looking. "Your preference is noted." He pulled out a pair of lace panties in black and handed them to Kevin.

He tested the fabric between his fingers. "It's okay…"

"Yes or no, Kevin." Castle knew he would say no but he wanted Ryan to know if he didn't like something, it was going right back.

Ryan hesitated but said, "No."

Castle smiled. "We'll keep looking."

They continued to look through the shelves and bins for a few minutes. Castle found nice colored but not soft enough. And then he found soft ones that didn't cover much.

He turned to see if Ryan hadn't found anything he liked. He noticed his hands were empty but he kept lingering on a pair of blue ones. Ryan would never willingly find a pair he liked in front of Castle so he waited for him to walk away from the pair and went over to it.

He felt the material in his hand and it was extremely comfortable. It would just enough to not be considered too raunchy.

He smiled at the pick wed called Ryan's name. He pretended like he didn't notice Ryan's eyes darted to the blue panties in his hand. "Come feel these."

Ryan, pretending he had never seen the pair before, walked over and took it in his hands. He didn't just pinch it between two fingers l, he used his entire hand to feel it.

"So, is this a yes or a no?" Castle asked, knowing Ryan's answer before he called him over.

Ryan nodded his head, trying to hide a smile. "I like it."

Castle wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Great! Now we need a matching bra."

Ryan was a little more willing to help search now that he was more relaxed. He was the one that found the one he wanted and showed Castle.

Castle nodded in approval and then to Ryan's relief, they paid and left.

"See? That wasn't so bad." Castle wrapped an arm around Ryan's shoulders and pulled him into an awkward side hug.

"Speak for yourself."

"Oh, don't even. We both know you can't wait to feel how comfortable they are." Castle let him go when they continued to walk.

"It doesn't matter. Javier won't even see them so we just wasted time."

"You better be referring to the fact that you just don't put out on the first date and not that you won't even get the chance," Castle warned. "Because we both know if you let him, Javier will be all over you."

"What's so different from any other time I've been with him. I mean, he's seen me after in only a towel after showers before. Hell, he's probably seen me without the towel. But he's never been all over me...oh, right, that's right. Because he doesn't like me as a guy."

Castle wished that he could give Ryan his eyes so he could see how Esposito stared at Ryan all the time even before the change. "I've seen him stare at you. I've seen him do anything you ask just because it's  _you_ asking. Trust me," Castle said, gaining eye contact. "He loves you as a guy or girl."

Ryan sighed. "What is it doesn't work?"

Castle scoffed. "Once you see you after this day is done, you'll know exactly why it'll work."

Ryan just rolled his eyes and let Castle drag him to the next store. Castle decided Macy's would have plenty of dresses to choose from. They walked through the store taking the long way to the women's section because Ryan was way too amazed by all the fancy Christmas decorations.

When they finally reached the dresses, Castle laughed at all the Christmas themed dresses in the front. "Hey, you could wear an ugly sweater dress. Or look like a candy cane."

Ryan didn't stop. "Keep walking, Castle."

"Fine. What color are we looking for? Are we getting a long or short dress?"

"Nothing too short," Ryan answered quickly.

"Nothing above the knees," Castle agreed. He had seen Ryan in a short dress and he didn't look bad in it. That was the problem: he looked too good and Castle didn't want any wrong attention on him.

"Maybe just below," Ryan said as he looked through a rack.

Castle searched around for a baby blue because that would look perfect with Ryan's eyes but there were only winter colors. "Maybe a green," he muttered to himself as he went to look through the rack as well.

Castle was pulling a few dresses to the side for Ryan to try on when he called over to Castle from a few racks away. Castle looked over at him and saw the red dress he was holding up. Castle smile and gave him an approving thumbs up.

Ryan looked happy and relieved to have it picked out early so they didn't have to spend hours in the department store. Castle didn't know it was going to be that easy to pick it out. And they found a pair of black flats in a few minutes. It turned out, Victoria's Secret took the most time and thought.

Before they knew it, they were heading back to Castle's loft with a new outfit and a plan.

* * *

Ryan was nervous to say the least. Tonight, he was going to finally let Javier know how he felt. He wasn't sure why he had to dress up to do that but Castle assured him that it would get a good reaction from Esposito.

Their shift was almost over and then they were heading home to get ready for Castle's party. Ryan would have to make an excuse why he was going straight to Castle's loft instead of stopping by Javier's apartment first.

A sudden cup of coffee in front of him pulled him out of his thoughts. Ryan looked up and gave his partner a smile. Javier was always good to Ryan: he got him coffee, helped him with his paperwork, and gave into anything Ryan wanted without even making him ask twice.

Except, now Ryan started to notice more. He noticed the small smiles Javier only gave to him. He noticed the way Javier stared over at him when he turned his head. He noticed the way Javier did his best to always be on Ryan's side and their arms brushing along each other.

Ryan couldn't actually believe it took him this long to realize it. He felt a little bad for Castle and Beckett having to watch them do this for the past 13 years.

Ryan wished he knew Esposito always acted this way because he had feelings for him and not just because they were friends. Now he had to make up for it all. As he held open the door for him and gave him a coat when it was cold and taking care of him. He was being so obvious about it all but he didn't even. Hell, Ryan wouldn't have known if Castle hadn't smacked him upside the head.

"Are you going to keep smiling at me all day or drink your coffee before it gets cold?" Esposito asked with his own smile.

Ryan blinked, realizing he had been staring at him as he was lost in thought. "Sorry," he apologized. Just thinking."

Esposito took his seat across from Ryan. "About Castle's party?"

"Yeah," Ryan fibbed after a second of hesitation. "Castle asked me to pick up a dessert before I head over and I wasn't sure if I should go with cookies or cupcakes."

Esposito stared at him oddly and said, "Okaaay. Well, we can't even go until the day's over so let's check this guy's phone records."

Ryan sighed and turned to his computer. They were investigating another case but Ryan didn't know much about it. He was mostly doing the desk work not because he had to but because he knew Esposito was still a little shaky after the whole Craig incident. And Ryan wasn't perfectly fine but he felt good enough to at least canvas the area. But he didn't want to start an argument with Esposito. And after everything Javier does for him, he can at least play it safe for a few days.

So he spent the day filing through phone records and scrubbing video feeds for alibis. At least Esposito didn't leave the precinct either. He was right next to him the entire day. That was another thing Esposito did after the undercover operation was finished: he didn't like leaving Ryan alone. Even though the fear was irrational for something to happen to him in a police precinct, Ryan knew a lot about irrational fears so he didn't make it a big deal.

When the time came to head out for the day, Ryan stood up and pulled his new coat over his shoulders. It was nice to have his own way to keep warm in the freezing December temperatures outside instead of shivering and then Esposito dropping his coat around his shoulders.

"Where are you going?" Esposito asked, a little bit of worry leaking into his voice.

Ryan frowned and answered, "Supermarket to pick up a box of cookies."

"I can come with you and then we can head to Castle's." Esposito looked nervous and anxious to jump up to his feet.

Ryan wasn't sure why Esposito was so concerned with him running to the store by himself. He wasn't going to get hurt and he could obviously take care of himself. He wasn't even going to the store, not that Esposito knew that. He was just going to the loft to get ready and meet Esposito there.

"No, run home and get ready for the party. I'm okay to go by myself," Ryan assured him before turning around to head to the elevator. He couldn't give Esposito the chance to catch up with him or follow him.

He stepped out of the precinct and hailed a cab. He kept an eye over his shoulder to make sure Esposito didn't come down. He gave the cabbie Castle's address but didn't stop looking behind him until they were a few blocks.

A few minutes into the drive, Ryan's phone was buzzing. It was a text from Esposito requesting for him to call or text letting him know he got everything done. Ryan rolled his eyes. He knew the slip up with their undercover operation was scary but he didn't know why Esposito was making such a big deal about keeping an eye on him.

Ryan texted back a quick message saying he was fine and to stop being such a drama queen. He jumped out of the cab when it pulled up in front of Castle's apartment building. He wanted to run in because it was freezing but stopped when he saw a few snowflakes start to fall.

He smiled as he caught a flake on his hand and then continued to the front door. He walked past the doorman that always greeted Ryan on his way up to Castle's loft. He didn't recognize him but still said, "Good evening."

Ryan smiled back at him and then continued to the elevator. He made his way up to Castle's floor and stepped out. He was just starting to feel the butterflies in his stomach at the thought of what he was about to do. Who he was finally going to just maybe get the chance to be with.

He hurried up to Castle's apartment and didn't hesitate until he was standing outside his door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked once on the door. Castle opened the door right away and Ryan tilted his head in confusion.

"Walter called up asking if Kevin Ryan has a sister and if so, she was probably heading up," Castle explained, stepping aside to let him in.

Ryan smiled. So the doorman did recognize him after years of poker and movie nights.

"We have 45 minutes until the guests start arriving so let's hurry up." Castle pushed him towards the hallway.

Ryan looked around at all the decorations hung up and said, "This looks amazing, Castle.'

Castle nodded his head but didn't stop hi shoving. "Mother put it up with some of her friends from the theater."

"I don't take that long to get dressed," Ryan said, wondering why Castle was rushing him.

"You've got to take a shower," Castle wasn't giving him any time to argue as he shoved him into the bathroom. "Towels, soaps, razor and shaving cream is on the counter. Shampoos and conditioners are under the sink. Help yourself to anything else."

"Wait," Ryan said, turning to face the writer. "I took a shower last night."

"Good. Take another one now. You're covered in a day's worth of sweat and grime."

Ryan scoffed. "It's hard to sweat when you're sitting at a desk all day."

"Nuh-uh." Castle shook his head. "No pouty faces. Just wash up. Scrub well behind ears, under the arms and everywhere else."

"Castle, why-?"

"In case Javier gets a little sneak peek of Victoria's secret, you'll be clean and smelling pretty." Castle winked, shutting the bathroom door after he swiftly left the room.

Ryan sighed. He didn't want to bathe. Although he loved Castle's jacuzzi tub, he just didn't want to get in that tub right now and clean. It wasn't the memories of Lockwood; he was feeling much better after that night.

It was because he knew why Castle wanted him to get all cleaned up. He thought something sexual was going to happen between him and Javier tonight. After all his hard work, Ryan didn't have the heart to tell him nothing was going to because Ryan didn't want to go further than letting him know how he felt.

But if Castle insisted that he take a bath, then he was going to put the jets on and relax a little before the party started. He definitely deserved some time to himself.

* * *

After he left Ryan in the bathroom, Castle grabbed the bags from the mall and carried them onto his bed. He was maybe getting a little  _too_ excited for tonight.

Beckett said it was because he was just a busybody that couldn't keep himself out of people's personal lives. But Castle knew it was because finally, his two best friends were going to get to be together. And they really deserved each other.

He gave Ryan a few minutes to wash up and when he didn't get out after a good twenty minutes, he knocked on the door. "Yo, Kev, c'mon. Party starts in 25 minutes." No response. He tried again. "Kevin, you're clean."

When Ryan didn't say a word back, bits of a conversation from Javier slipped into his memory. Esposito had told him after the water with Craig, Ryan had some trouble with Lockwood. And the his mind went to the first time Lockwood messed up their youngest partner. Baths were not a good time for him.

"I'm coming in, Ryan," he warned, his voice full of anxiety. He twisted the knob, grateful that Ryan didn't lock it and hurried inside. He saw Ryan layin in the tub and he waSn't moving. Castle couldn't see his face but he hurried over and called his name again.

When he reached the other side of the tub and put his hand on Ryan's shoulder, he jumped up. His eyes sprang open and they moved around frantically before settling on Castle. "Wha...Castle?"

Castle heaved a sigh of relief. "You scared me there, buddy."

Ryan seemed to process what was going on and he let out a small shriek. "Castle! What the hell? I'm  _naked_."

"You're also supposed to be getting for a party. Not dozing off in a tub." He started to pull Ryan's arm out of the tub and Ryan tried to push him away.

"Okay, I'm going. Get me a towel." A dark blush was rising in his chest and cheeks.

Castle handed him a fluffy towel and said, "Sit down and I'll do your hair."

"My hair? We don't need something fancy."

Castle rolled his eyes. Ryan was lucky he raised Alexis and knew something about girls. "You need to blow dry it and brush it out. Now hurry up, you've wasted enough time."

Ryan stepped out of the tub and secured the towel around him. He took a careful seat on the toilet lid and turned so his hair was easy for castle to reach.

Castle started combing through Ryan's wet hair. He got most of the tangles out and then started to blow dry it out. Once he was done, his hair would look amazing.

"You cleaned up nice," Castle commented after a few moments of silence.

Ryan just shrugged his shoulders, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

"Aren't you happy? Now when your panties come off, you'll be nice and clean for Espo."

"No one's panties are coming off," Ryan replied, curtly.

Castle frowned. "I know you don't think so, but Esposito definitely wants you, Ryan."

"That's not why," Ryan said with a sigh. "I think he'll want me but I'm not going to be taking them off for him anytime soon."

Castle was confused. What did Ryan want then? "You lost me," he admitted.

After a huff, Ryan said, "I'm a girl now."

Castle tried to run through it in his head. He paused in thought but gave up. "I'm sorry. But you're a girl why-?"

Ryan's shoulders slumped and Castle paused his brushing. Ryan was really torn up about this. "Being naked together leads to something else."

"Yes, that's usually the fun part."

"Not when you don't know what you're doing," Ryan muttered. With furrowed brows, Castle stared at Ryan but let him continue. "I don't know...I mean, the first time I had sex it was at a college party. Didn't know her name and I didn't see her in the morning. That way I could figure out what was right without making myself look stupid in front of someone I knew...someone I love…"

Castle put the brush on the sink and kneeled in front of Ryan. "Kev, you're too hard on yourself all the time." Ryan turned his head so he didn't have to look him in the eyes. "Javier won't care if you're not as good as you usually are. I'm speaking from Javier's point of view here saying that as long as it's you, I don't think he really cares how good it is. You alone will make it perfect."

Ryan looked down at his lap, fixing the knot in his towel. He obviously didn't want to hear what Castle had to say but he didn't care.

"And you've been with girls. You know what they usually do and you've been the guy so you know what they like." Castle rubbed Ryan's arm and stood back up to his feet. "It'll just take some getting used to."

"I'm already going to be nervous. I don't need to add to the fact that it's going to be with Javi. Someone I actually know and love. There's no practice before him."

Castle laughed, attempting to lighten the mood. "Well, I could offer you a practice round before the party but I don't think Beckett will like it." Castle smiled when he heard a soft laugh escaped Ryan's lips. "And c'mon, this is Javier, he'll go slow with you. He knows how you're feeling."

Ryan nodded his head and Castle hoped that he was out of his funk because if Ryan was upset for the rest of the night, he definitely wouldn't be up for winning Javier. "So how about we finish getting ready so we can go see Javier?"

Finally, Ryan lifted his head again and Castle was able to continue blowing out his hair. He had the hair finished and styled casual but he curled it slightly to make it different than how he always did his hair.

Then they hurried into Castle's bedroom, only having 10 minutes until the party started. Castle shoved the Victoria's Secret bag into Ryan's arms. "Put them on." He turned around and grabbed the dress and shoes from his closet. When he turned back to Ryan, he was twisting the bra around so it wasn't on backwards.

"Step into this," Castle ordered, holding the dress out.

With a faint blush to his cheeks, Ryan put one foot in the dress and was putting the other one through when the bedroom door opened. Castle's head whipped to where his wife's voice waS coming from. "Babe, people are already here. Are you two…"

Castle and Ryan froze in their spots. Kate was so understanding because any other wife that walked in on their husband helping another woman wearing only blue lingerie into her dress would not be too pleased.

She crossed her arms over her chest and said, "I'm not even surprised anymore."

"Beckett," Ryan said quickly, "I'm just getting ready for, uh, Javi."

"So that's where that Victoria's Secret bag came from. Your little shopping spree?" She laughed and turned to Castle. "And for a moment I thought Castle was tired of his boxers."

"This blue would look amazing with my eyes," Castle agreed. He turned to Ryan and grabbed his hand for balance so Ryan could finish stepping into the dress.

Once Castle zipped up the dress and Ryan looked down at himself self-consciously, Beckett stepped inside the room with a soft smile. "You look beautiful, Ryan."

Ryan looked up with his cheeks tinged pink. "Yeah?"

"Javier will not know what hit him." Beckett grinned and went over to her dresser. "C'mere and I'll do your make-up quickly. I think Espo is here already."

Castle's eyebrows rose. "What? Already?"

Beckett rolled her eyes and she pulled out her mascara. "He knew Kevin was going to be here. The sooner he got here, the sooner he saw him again."

"Yeah, Javi's been really suffocating with his protectiveness lately. More so than usual," Ryan mused.

"He's probably just on edge since Craig," Castle offered. He knew Esposito was definitely worried about what happened that night but the real reason he was glued to Kevin's side was because he was terrified of Cynthia's warning to keep an eye on Ryan. Not that Castle blamed him but he gave Ryan more space.

"Not a lot," Ryan requested as Beckett brought her wand to his eyelashes.

"Just a little. Your lashes are already so long." Beckett said slowly as she carefully applied the mascara to his eyelashes. Then, she handed him a small clear tube. "It's lip gloss. No color, it'll just make your lips shine."

After she dabbed it to his lips and he smoothed it in, he said nervously, "Cleopatra used to wear a special lip gloss that made her lips look full so she could impress Julius Caesar. Girls' lips are more plump during their orgasm She often used her looks to get what she wanted and gain power."

Castle just stared at him. It was silent for a moment before he said, "As long as you don't nervously ramble, you'll be fine."

"It was on the History channel," Ryan said like that made everything better.

"Okay, so I think we've established that anything you've learned from a documentary in the History channel will not help you woo Javier."

"But sometimes it cute," Beckett spoke up. "When you say something during a case that only people on Jeopardy would have to know, Javier thinks its cute."

"Being a 'nerd, as he says, is cute?"

"As long as you don't mention something like women's lips during their orgasm, then yes.

Ryan nodded. "Okay. Got it. No uncomfortable facts about what happens to the human body during intercourse."

Now he was just being a little shit. Castle hoped that meant he wasn't feeling as nervous anymore. "Just be yourself and you'll do fine."

"I'm going to go out there and start hosting all your guests," Beckett said. She turned to Ryan and asked, "Do you need anything before I go out there?"

Ryan shook his head with a smile. "No, I'm okay. Thank you, Beckett."

She smiled back. "It's no problem. Good luck out there." She gave him a wink before heading out.

Once they were alone again, Castle turned back to Ryan. "Okay," he said, looking Ryan up and down. "You look perfect, let's just fix the skirt…" he trailed off as he fluffed the red dress around his legs. It was a great choice and while he was hoping for a blue, the red was just as beautiful on him.

"At least I'm in flats so I don't have to worry about falling over."

Castle laughed. "That is a plus."

Ryan nodded, looking at himself in the full-length mirror on Castle's wall. He was silent as he turned around slowly to see every part of him. He had a faint smile and Castle came up next to him. "So, how do you feel?"

Ryan looked at Castle through mirror reflection. "Like I have a chance."

"You've always had a chance, you know. Even as a guy. I think this is going to pull Esposito's head out of his quicker," Castle said softly. He didn't want Ryan to believe that Esposito only wanted him for his female body.

After a few moments, Castle asked, "Are we ready?" Ryan nodded. "Shall we, m'lady?" He offered his arm to Ryan.

Ryan giggled and rolled his eyes but looped his arm around Castle's. Castle smiled down at him widely and then lead him through the door to the party. In the hallway, they could hear the voices and music from the living room and kitchen.

Castle looked down at his watch and said, "I'm late to my own party."

"Sorry," Ryan answered a little guilty.

"It's fine. I like to be fashionably late." He looked down at his dark red button-down and black dress pants. "Now I'm fashionable  _and_ late."

Once they entered the living room, Castle started to look around for Javier. He saw Ryan turning his head and knew he was doing the same. "I do not see Prince Charming yet. We shall keep looking," Castle said in a voice that made him sound like a secret spy.

Their hunt was stopped by two women dressed in short green dresses. These two attended every one of Castle's public (and sometimes private) parties because they were the presidents of his fan club. He wasn't sure how they go the information on the invitation but they were always there.

"Hey, Mr. Castle. Nice party you've got here," Lisa, the one on the right said with a bright smile.

"Oh, yeah, everything is so wonderful," Karmen added on. Her eyes were glued to Ryan and Castle felt him fidget on his arm.

Castle nodded with a tight smile. "Thank you, ladies, I-."

"I'm sorry," Karmen interrupted. "I have to ask: who is this young woman?"

Ryan took a small step back when the attention was on him.

"I mean, here you two are arriving together, arm in arm. And there were pictures posted on the site of you two shopping together. Even in Victoria's Secret." She lowered her voice. "I mean, do you have a little deal going on with your wife?"

Castle was used to these kinds of accusations so he kept a steady voice as he denied it. "There is nothing romantic or sexual going on between the two of us." Ryan wasn't so confident and dropped his arm from Castle's, closing in on himself. Castle frowned. He had finally gotten the detective to smile and be comfortable in his own skin and these two girls had to ruin it.

"I told you," Lisa sneered in Karmen's ear before turning to Castle. "Are you two related at all, then? I mean, the eyes, the hair and," she paused, studying their faces. "And the noses too.

Castle laughed shortly. "No. We're only family though friendship, not blood."

"Oh," Lisa almost seemed disappointed. She lifted up her phone and asked, "Can I at least get a picture of you two? I'll be writing a blog after tonight to let everyone know that Caskett isn't in jeopardy."

Castle knew Ryan would not be up for a picture so he shook his head. "I didn't get a chance to do my hair and my shirt is all wrinkled so I'm going to pass on the picture tonight. Sorry, ladies."

They looked even more disappointed but nodded anyway. "Thank you, Mr. Castle. Have a good night."

"Enjoy the party," he said with a smile as they walked away.

"Wow," Ryan mumbled. "Imagine if I split up Caskett?" He scoffed, "I'd be America's most hated."

Castle laughed, glad that Ryan had found his sense of humor now that those girls were back. "I still don't see how we look so similar people think we're related. I mean, yeah the eyes are easy to mistake but our height? That's like Yoda being related to the Hulk."

"When will you stop picking on my height?"

"When you pass 5'."

"I'm 5'2 now and 5'9 as a guy."

"I'm 6'2 and you're like 5'7 as a guy."

Ryan frowned and glared at him mirthlessly. "You're mean."

Castle smiled shamelessly. "I know. Now let's go find your boyfriend, honeymilk."

"I hate you," Ryan told him.

"No, you don't," Castle said in a sing-song voice.

Ryan rolled his eyes as continued to look around the loft for easily spotted him over at the bar. Castle grinned and nudged Ryan slightly. "Here you go."

Rya nodded, taking a deep breath and walked closer to Esposito. He was drinking a beer, taking to a detective from the 12th. "I'm going to call his name and then he'll look over here and see you."

"Sounds good to me," Ryan said, a smile on his face.

They got close enough to them to hear the midst of their conversation. "Dude," Esposito was saying, "That's ridiculous."

"Is it though?" Detective Greter said back. "Think about it."

"I am thinking about it." Esposito laughed. "You think that just because my partner is suddenly a girl, I'd develop feelings for him?"

Castle felt his blood run cold. Esposito just majorly fucked up.

"He's not here, man, don't even lie to me."

 _Please, Javi_ , Castle prayed,  _Don't do this._

"Him being a girl doesn't change  _anything_. We've been partners for 13 years and you think him being a chick would suddenly change all that? Just because he's a girl for now? That's disgusting, man. I mean, he won't even be a girl forever. We'll get him back to normal soon."

"Oh, shit," Castle mumbled under his breath and turned to face Ryan. He had a second glimpse of his face before Ryan was running in the other direction. Castle immediately chased after him.

"Ryan!" He called, avoiding all the weird looks he was getting from everyone around him. "Ryan, please wait!"

But Ryan kept running, shoving through the crowd of people. Castle didn't reach him until he was just in front of his door. He grabbed onto Ryan's arm to stop him from running. Ryan tried to pry Castle's hand off him but he wasn't budging.

"Kevin," he said a low voice. "C'mon, don't let him upset you."

Ryan's head whipped up to stare at Castle. And Castle wasn't so sure the eye contact was better because now he could see how heartbroken his watery eyes looked. " _Don't let him upset me_? After he just said how  _disgusting_ it would be to have feelings for me?"

Castle cringed. "Now, we didn't hear the entire conversation, maybe-."

"Don't you dare defend him," Ryan said in a scary voice.

"I'm not. I just don't want to see you like this."

Ryan scoffed and laughed emptily. "Like what? Dressed up like I'm his fucking prom date? After I dressed up in a dress and panties and make-up for what? To hear him talk to a man I work with about how disgusting I am?"

Esposito definitely did dig himself into a deep hole but Castle knew Esposito cared about Ryan enough to not mean those words. Maybe he was just trying to be a macho guy in front of another detective. "We don't have to talk about this. We can go into my room and we can get drunk and talk about how stupid Espo is."

"I'm the only stupid one here, Castle," Ryan said, his voice close to breaking. "Why did I believe you? Why did I get my hopes up that he might actually like me? Because now I feel like a fucking moron."

"Ryan-,"

"Let go of my arm, Castle."

"I'm not letting you leave."

"I'm not your dog. I can leave your dumb party if I want to. Let me go." Ryan shook his arm, trying to get Castle to let go. But Castle didn't want him to go in this state of mind.

"Just go to my room, take a shower and lie down," Castle pleaded in a soft voice.

"No. I'm going to my apartment and I'm taking off this stupid fucking dress and this stupid fucking underwear and this stupid fucking make-up. And then take a bath and if I'm fucking lucky, I'll finish what Lockwood started 8 years ago and drown in my fucking tub."

Castle's grip on his arm only tightened. "You're not leaving before you calm down." People around them were starting to stare when Ryan's voice escalated.

Ryan's glare melted and his shoulders sagged. His eyes refused to meet Castle's, so he used his free hand to grab Ryan's cheeks and force him to look him in the eye. "Kevin, right now I know how it seems. But I know what we heard isn't what we think it is."

"Why can't you just leave me alone? I'm already mortified. I don't need to go back over there dressed like this just for Esposito to tell me to my face that he doesn't like me. Just leave me alone."

"No," Castle said, pulling Ryan closer. "I'm not leaving you alone because you're in need of a friend right now." He hesitated. "And right now, I'm afraid you'll do something stupid."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Please, I couldn't drown myself if I tried. No matter how much I want to."

"Ryan."

Ryan wordlessly tugged his arm trying to get free.

" _Kevin_."

After a few long seconds, Ryan finally relented. "Fine."

Castle sighed in relief. "Just go lay down, I'll stop the party and then-."

"No, don't stop it because of me. I'll just take a nap in your room until it's over."

"Okay," Castle said and then started to walk him over to the hallway. Castle wasn't letting go of his arm until he was safe in his room.

"I'm not a child. I can walk to your room."

"I know. But you scared me back there and because I love you, I'm making sure you are okay." Castle figured that was nicer to say than he didn't trust him to get there without trying to make a run for it.

The short walk to his bedroom was silent. He opened his bedroom door and finally let go of Ryan's arm. He had gripped it so tightly, there may be a small faint bruise tomorrow. "I'll be back soon, okay? Just stay here and lay down. It'll be okay."

Ryan scoffed and rolled his eyes. He didn't say a word before slamming the door on Castle's face. Castle stared at the door and took a calming breath. Dealing with a moody Ryan was a pain but at least that meant Castle knew he was here and safe.

He had Ryan somewhat managed for now so now it was time to deal with Esposito. Castle growled and his blood boiled, just thinking about him. He better have a good explanation for all of this before he killed him.

Castle stormed down the hall, straight to the bar where Esposito was still sitting, He wasn't talking to Greter, instead he was sipping his beer. Castle grabbed Esposito's shoulder the moment he got behind him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Castle said, anger clear in his voice.

Esposito blinked. "Castle, what are you talking about?" He looked behind him. "Where's Ryan? I thought he was with you."

"Yeah, he was," Castle snapped. "Until you opened your big mouth."

"What are you talking about?" Esposito's concern grew. "Is Ryan okay?"

"Not really but why should he be? After he listened to his best friend who he thought loved him back, call a possible relationship together  _disgusting_."

"Castle, I don't know what you mean."

Castle leaned close and poked him hard in the chest. "We heard you talking to your friend before. About how you could never have feelings for your partner who would literally give his heart to you."

Esposito's face turned white as a ghost. "No, no, no, no."

"Yes, yes,  _yes_." Castle crossed his arms over his chest. "Good job."

Esposito grabbed his arm. "No, Castle, you don't understand. I wasn't calling a relationship with him disgusting!" Esposito ran a hand through his hair anxiously. "Greter was telling me that I only had feelings for Ryan because of his sudden body transformation and I said my feelings never changed. Meaning I loved Ryan as much as a guy as I do now."

Castle's eyes widened when he realized the miscommunication.

"And the only thing I called disgusting was the fact that Greter thought I only liked Ryan because he has boobs now."

" _Oh_."

"Yes, 'oh'."

Castle smiled, letting out a sigh. "I knew there had to be an explanation. There's no way you would do that to him."

Esposito looked around the living room. "Where is he?"

Jerking his head towards his room, Castle said, "He's in my room. He's really upset and I highly suggest you be careful or else he may throw something at your head when you walk in."

"Does he really think I would say that about him?" Esposito asked as they started to walk towards the hallway.

'You know Kevin. He's not very secure with himself, especially now as a girl. Saying he was upset to hear you say that stuff would be an understatement."

"I feel like shit. He shouldn't have heard it like that." Esposito frowned.

"It'll all be fine. Don't worry about him." Castle paused before knocking on his bedroom door. "Ry, I'm coming in with someone who wants to apologize and explain our mistake." He twisted the doorknob and opened the door slowly.

"Kevin?" Esposito called in beside him. Castle flinched, expecting a lamp to be thrown.

"Ryan, are you sleeping already?" Castle asked as they walked inside. But when he walked into the bedroom, he noticed something very wrong...the room was empty.

* * *

Ryan wasn't waiting for Castle to come back. He was getting out of here whether Castle liked it or not. He was surprised at how easy it was for him to sneak out of the loft. He assumed Castle was paying dealing with Esposito or telling Beckett all about his 'tantrum'.

He really didn't need his partners being annoying and too over protective.

He didn't want to even  _see_ his partners right now. He was so humiliated that even Castle had to see him dressed up and excited for the possibility of getting together with Javier. He felt stupid dressed up pretty all for him.

Ryan felt nauseous and wanted to throw up. He wanted to rip off this dress and burn the underwear. The fancy panties and bra he bought just for him. Ryan choked on a sob that he tried to hold back. He was just a fool.

He picked up his speed when he was close to the doors. He ran out of the apartment building and sucked in a deep breath. He immediately shivered, wishing he had a coat to cover his bare arms.

The snow was falling heavily now and accumulating on the streets. His feet were already freezing because apparently flats didn't protect feet from the snow. He could hail a cab hopefully and then go straight to his apartment. If Castle really wanted to find him, he'd come over.

Ryan started to walk toward the curb to find a cab when suddenly, somebody was crashing into him and his back collided with the brick wall of Castle's apartment building.

Ryan's cop instinct kicked in and went to punch the man but his arms were pinned to the wall. The stranger snorted as he leaned close to Ryan's ear. "Well, what do we have here?"

Ryan's first thought was that he was just a thief looking for money or jewels. "I don't have anything," Ryan said, keeping his voice steady. He refused to give this man the satisfaction of knowing he had Ryan a little worried now. He could easily get out of this before or if he had his gun. But no matter how hard Ryan struggled, the man wouldn't let go. Just like Castle was able to keep hold of him earlier.

"Oh, I think you definitely have something, sweetheart," he sneered.

"If you let me go, we won't have a problem. Just let me go." Ryan was already memorizing his face and every freckle and telling mark just in case.

"And if I don't?"

"I'll scream." Ryan narrowed his eyes.

"I don't think that'll be happening," he replied.

Ryan opened his mouth, ready to let a scream rip through his throat but then there was suddenly something being shoved in his mouth and duct tape covering his lips. He screamed but it hardly made a sound.

The man laughed harshly. "That's better." He used his sweaty hand to cover Ryan's nose to successfully cut off his oxygen.

Ryan used his now free hand to try and pry his hand from his nose but he couldn't get it off of him. There was a more feminine cackle joining in and that woman was probably the one that stuffed the rag in his mouth.

"Oh, you've definitely got something for us." He said before finally taking his hand away from his nose. Ryan quickly sucked in as much air through his nose as possible. Before he even regained his breath, there was something hard smashed into the side of his head.

He didn't pass out immediately, instead he fell to his knees. The cold snow did nothing to protect him from from the hard cement. He was having a hard time keeping his eyes open but he wouldn't fall unconscious if he could control it.

His wrists were grabbed by the man's rough hands and he started to drag him across the sidewalk. Ryan wished he had the strength to stop him but the blow to his head really did him in.

"Get the door," he barked at his female companion. He stopped pulling Ryan before his arms popped from their sockets. He was now just lying in snow and probably bleeding from the head and the new scrapes from cement burn. Was that even a thing?

He was hoping someone, anyone, would notice but nobody was walking around the streets in this snow and they weren't in front of the apartment doors. But no one came to his rescue before he was being thrown into the back floor of a car.

He screamed again, knowing it would do him no good. All he heard was another laugh and the door was slammed shut, smacking him in the head and dragging him unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Kevin gets himself in trouble again *sigh* what are we going to do with him? (maybe find a writer that doesn't enjoy whumping him so much)


	17. Chapter 17

"Goddamn it, Ryan," Castle cursed under his breath as they went down the hallway back to the living room.

Esposito tried to keep up with Castle's quick pace. He looked more worried than he should be if Ryan just wasn't in the bedroom. "Castle, what's wrong?"

"Why do you always have to treat him like a piece of shit?" Castle asked, sounding a little crazy.

Esposito grabbed Castle's arm to stop him from getting away. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Ryan always is always on the short end of the stick. Little fight and you push him around until he takes a punch or a bullet for you." Castle was angry again.

"We're not even fighting," Esposito said, narrowing his eyes.

"No, but you're best friends and I don't know why he's left in the dirt so much."

"I didn't know he was there, Castle! And I wasn't even saying what he thought I was saying."

Castle sighed. "But why is Ryan always the one that has to work hard to either recover your relationship or start something?"

"Castle, what…"

"He was going to tell you tonight, Esposito," Castle finally said. "He dressed up nice in new clothes just for you and let me tell you, he felt like shit when he heard what you said."

"I said I was sorry!" Esposito said, his voice breaking slightly at the thought of how hurt Ryan was when heard those words leave his mouth.

"So does Ryan. Let's see if you have to jump in front of a bullet before he forgives you," Castle snapped.

"Hey, what the hell is going on here?" Beckett asked, putting a hand on each of their chests to keep them from starting a physical fight.

"Ryan left." Beckett furrowed her eyebrows and Castle clarified, "After he heard Esposito call him disgusting."

"Hey," Esposito said with a warning finger raised at him. "That's not what I said."

"It's what he heard."

"Why are you two at each other's throats?" Beckett asked, looking between them both.

"Ryan and Castle overheard me talking and assumed I was talking about how I didn't want anything more than friendship with Ryan," Esposito explained, hoping Beckett didn't really think he was that much of an asshole.

"I'm sorry, we only heard about how disgusting it would be to have feelings for him because he was a girl and after 13 years of a partnership, why should anything change? After he spent the past hour and a half getting ready for  _you_." Castle crossed his arms over his chest.

Esposito ran a hand through his hair. He'll admit it sounded bad but he had the best of intentions. "Because it hasn't! I love him today just as much as I met him 13 years ago. It would be disgusting  _of me_  to use the excuse of his new gender to try and get with him."

Esposito was breathing heavy, mostly because he was afraid of how devastated Ryan probably was feeling now. Because of him.

He knew Castle had a point; whenever something happened in their partnership, Ryan was always the one that got the shitty end of the stick while it usually was Esposito's fault. Or at least his fault that he didn't accept Ryan's sincere apologies before the situations were dragged out.

Castle didn't say anything after that and he could see he wasn't truly angry at him. He was worried and upset and lashing out on Esposito.

"Can we stop pulling each other's pigtails long enough to  _find_ Ryan, maybe?" Beckett asked in a low voice. "What did Cynthia tell us  _not_ to do? Leave him alone while they're are still witches looking for him and the spell."

"Maybe he's still downstairs waiting for a cab. He wanted to head back to his apartment earlier to get undressed and take a bath." Castle was already grabbing his keys.

"Wait," Beckett said, "What about the party?"

"My mother is here somewhere. Nobody will even miss us." Castle looked around the living room where there were plenty of people still dancing to Christmas carols and snacking on the different food they had around the room.

That was a good enough answer for Esposito. He didn't really care what happened with the party until Ryan was safe and sound in front of his eyes. There was a great chance that Ryan wasn't even in danger; Esposito was probably, just like always, overreacting.

What were the chances of something going so wrong twice in one week?

With their group, it was more likely than he would have liked to admit.

So the three of them left the party behind and hurried down to the lobby. Castle walked over to the doorman and said, "Did you see anyone leave through those doors recently? A woman, short, blonde-ish hair and big blue eyes."

"Oh, Detective Ryan's sister?" He nodded his head. "Yes, she went through maybe ten minutes ago."

"Did she say where she was going? Or did you see?" Esposito asked, desperately.

The doorman shook his head sympathetically. "I'm sorry, son. I didn't see her leave."

Castle thanked him anyway before the three of them rushed to the snowy street. Immediately, Esposito wrapped his arms around himself. "I hope that idiot brought a coat."

"Unless he grabbed one of mine, I don't think so," Castle said, looking around the street. They couldn't even follow footprints in the snow because a new layer was burying all evidence by the second.

"Let's just head to his apartment," Beckett suggested, staying the calmest out of them all. Castle was still angry and Esposito was still worried and blaming himself.

He couldn't lose Ryan. He promised after the other night he would never let anything happen to him. But then again, he promised the same thing after Tyson and then Lockwood and then the fire...Esposito was too good at letting his partner down.

Tonight was just another one of those nights.

* * *

Ryan was no stranger to hostage situations being a member of the NYPD for almost twenty years. He'd been knocked out and tied up and blindfolded and gagged more times than he could count.

But this was the first time he'd felt so vulnerable.

Usually, he was tied to a chair or chained to a pole and left there until his back-up came and found him. Other times, their perps got a little more creative and decided to throw some good ol' torturing into the fun.

Right now he wasn't hurt -yet- but he was definitely restrained. He was bound to a metal table by his wrists and ankles. He couldn't move anything except turn his head slightly to the left or right.

But the worst part probably how freezing it was in the dark room. He was shivering and his teeth were chattering. Who knew how long he'd been strapped to this just as cold table.

He was stripped down to just his underwear and that was even worse because not only did he feel so exposed but the metal was biting into his backside. He wished he'd been wearing boxers because those would have at least been more cloth between his butt and the surface.

But no, he had to dress fancy for Esposito. The dress hadn't even survived for him to see it and Ryan had a bad feeling his underwear wouldn't either.

He really hoped he was wrong but he couldn't think of why else someone would pick him up off the street and trap him like this. He'd heard the scary stories and he'd seen the victims of sexual assault. Young women, usually, that no matter how hard they tried, couldn't defend themselves.

Ryan felt his heart beating faster as he tried to pull on the metal cuffs digging into his wrists and ankles. He knew he wasn't getting out but he couldn't give up without a fight. He'd give these assholes hell before they even touched him.

His thrashing must have been heard from his captors because a few moments later, the man and woman walked back in. Ryan stopped his struggling to glare at them as they walked into view.

The man laughed loudly when he saw him and Ryan refused to let him make him feel weak. "How're you feeling, darlin'?"

"Perfect," Ryan replied with a strong voice. He hated how less threatening he sounded as a girl. He'd have to work on that but his current position on the metal slab didn't help either.

"Don't worry, it'll all be over soon," the girl said, standing next to the man.

"Oh," Ryan scoffed, "That's a relief." He was rolling his eyes at her but then the man took a step closer to him and his eyes flickered to him.

The man was seemingly studying his face and body as he slowly came up just next to him. Ryan tried to move as far as he could but it was fruitless. The man raised his hand to his cheek and traced his face carefully. "It's beautiful."

Ryan cringed about to tell him he wasn't an 'it' but he stayed quiet. The man's hand trailed down his face and to his neck and his chest and his stomach. Then his hand came back up to his face and he grabbed his cheeks softly. "Absolutely perfect."

"What do you think?" The girl asked, coming behind him. "You think it'll work?"

He scoffed, letting go of Ryan's cheeks and said to her, "I'm not stopping until it does."

Ryan tugged on his bindings, not sure if he wanted to know what they wanted to work. "You two lunatics kidnapped me off the street and tied me down, the least you can tell me is what you want with me."

They ignored him and the girl took her turn to inspect him. Her attention was on his chest where his breasts were barely covered. She used her fingers to prod around them. He wanted to break her fingers but he thought it was better for her to touch him like this than the man.

"They feel real and no scarring."

Ryan blinked. "What, you think I got a boob job? Do they  _look_ like I got them done?" Usually, girls got the surgery to make their breasts large and his definitely were not large.

The woman stared down at him with her head tilted in confusion. Then she turned back to his body like he hadn't said a word. She went down to his panties and lifted the band up so she could get a peek. Ryan squirmed his hips and protested, "Okay, hey, s, what do you want?."

She turned to the man. "Downstairs looks good too."

"Thanks, I'm flattered," Ryan said sarcastically. "Now can you please tell me why-."

"I've never seen such a perfect reaction to a spell of this power."

Then Ryan realized why he was there. "Oh, you're witches?"

Finally, the two acknowledged him again. "What the hell did you think you were tied down for?"

Ryan felt his body heat up in embarrassment. He couldn't even hide it from the two. "I don't know. Something kinky, to be honest."

The man made a face. "Just because you're wearing a hot body right now doesn't change the fact you were a man just a few days ago."

Ryan frowned. He didn't need to be reminded of that. He already knew how disgusting he was.

"We wouldn't have stripped you down completely if you had been wearing pants. But for our spell, we need access to your stomach," the girl explained and Ryan gulped nervously.

"What are you going to do?"

"Get the secret to permanent transformation," the man answered, turning to a small table on the wall. He pulled it closer but Ryan still couldn't see what was on top. "This is the first time one has worked so well."

"Why do you need it? One of you born in the wrong body?" Ryan asked as he tugged on his restraints subconsciously. "Because there are easier ways to go about this than a spell. Trust me: it's painful."

"No, idiot," the girl snapped. "The transformation part of the spell is the same for any spell. You just add your own details on what you want transformed."

Ryan wasn't sure what else they would need to transform but they had to be insane if they thought this was the answer.

"And I hate to break this to you but if you thought the spell was painful, you're in for a ride now." The man pulled a bowl off the table and placed it on the floor underneath the table.

"C'mon, guys, why don't we just ask her about it?" Ryan tried to stop them. Even if Callie was basically on her deathbed, they didn't know that. Hopefully.

"Like that'll happen. She wouldn't tell us if she could."

Ryan bit his lip, thinking of what he could say. "Do you want to end up like her? Look what happened after she used the spell. It's not worth it."

The girl rolled her eyes and said to him like he was stupid, "We're going to work on the spell. We're not dumb."

"Alright, Macy, everything is in the bowl. Just need the blood," the man said as he walked back to the table. Ryan watched him pick up a blade. Those stupid spells almost always required the blood of something like a virgin. The virgins were always the first sacrificed in witchcraft.

Ryan's eyes widened when he saw the blade being lifted to his wrist. He tugged hard trying to get his arm free even though he knew it would do nothing. "What are you doing?"

"You think  _our_ blood is going to tell us about the spell in  _your_ blood?" The man scoffed before lowering the blade to his wrist. He dragged it across his skin, long and deep until there was a steady stream of blood dripping from the wound.

Ryan gasped softly at the pain. He gritted his teeth, trying to ignore it because he knew it was only going to get worse.

"Don't be such a baby. That was the easy part."

Ryan was really sick of this woman. He was about to shove her attitude right back up her ass.

"Give it to me, I'll do the sigil." She extended her hand and he gave her the bloody knife.

"You're the artist," he answered and picked up a book from the table. He showed her the page it was open to and Ryan hated the intricate picture he saw. They were probably using his stomach as a canvas because it was the only part of his body big enough to give them room for the entire thing.

"Can't you figure this out another way? A less life threatening way?" Ryan wasn't begging or pleading just yet but he was trying to convince them not to go through with this crazy plan.

"That'll take too much time to even figure something out." She waved the knife at him before leaning over him. Ryan took in a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe if he didn't see it happen, he wouldn't feel it.

But the minute the blade was ripping through his skin, he felt it. He sucked in a quick breath and squeezed his eyes shut. He was a cop and could withstand torture but having someone carving into his skin was going to be hard to fight through.

The craving continued on and Ryan refused to look down at himself. He barely heard the two's conversation over the beating of his heart. It was thumping loudly in his ears.

He was a little relieved that they didn't seem to get excited at his pain. Too many times, their captors get off on just hurting him for the sake of making him suffer through pain. These two, on the other hand, seemed indifferent to his pain. They didn't look sorry to be hurting him but they didn't happy to be doing it either.

There was too much cutting and he could already feel in the blood welling from his stomach, dripping down his sides and pooling on the table. When she finally lifted up the knife, he let out a shaky breath.

He felt a lump in his throat growing but he swallowed it down, trying to remain calm. He was no longer feeling freezing. He felt beads of sweat dripping down his face and chest. The girl dropped the knife to the table with a loud bang.

Ryan's head shot up to the sound and his eyes caught sight of the red mess on his stomach. Looking at the smeared blood still slowly pulling out of his stomach. He knew it wasn't stopping soon.

"Hang in there, buddy. We haven't even started the spell yet." The man flipped the page in the book. Ryan's wide eyes flickered to him. He shrugged his shoulders and looked away from his face.

Ryan squeezed his eyes shut again and felt warm tears slip down the side of his face. Then he heard the man start chanting Latin words. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to expect other than pain.

It took a moment before he registered the burning in his body. It was bearable until it reached his stomach. It was much worse than the slicing. It hurt enough to make him start squirming desperately in his bindings.

The feeling could be compared to what burning alive would feel like from the side. Or so Ryan guessed. He thankfully never had the chance to know what it truly felt like to burn alive.

He didn't hear the Latin being chanted anymore and he wasn't sure if it was because the witch stopped or if the screams in his head were too loud. His mind was so scrambled by the pain he didn't even know if the screaming was in his head anymore or if he was letting them out.

The only thing he knew is he wanted someone to come find him. And quick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the bonding spell wasn't hard to understand the way I explained it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on vacation tomorrow and I won't be able to update for another 2 weeks so here's a longer chapter that I hope will keep you satisfied until then...

"He's not here," Castle said, even though they all knew that.

Esposito looked around Ryan's empty apartment. His partner had definitely not been in here for a few days by the looks of it. Which made sense because he'd been staying at Esposito's apartment.

"What now?" Esposito asked desperately, hoping Beckett or Castle would have an answer.

"We have to call Cynthia," Beckett said quickly. And even though Esposito knew she was right, he didn't want to. Telling her would mean that Ryan was lost and if Ryan were lost, that meant he could be in danger.

Esposito sighed and nodded his head anyway. "Okay, you're right." He pulled out his cell phone and dialed her number. He switched it to speaker phone as they waited for her to pick up.

"Hello?" Her voice came through the phone.

"Hey, Cynthia, this is Javier Esposito," he said, stalling the bad news.

"Detective, I thought we all had the night off?"

"Yes, but…" Esposito trailed off, his voice letting everyone listening know how worried he was.

"What's wrong?" She asked, her voice urgent.

"It's Ryan. We can't find him," Esposito said quickly, like ripping off a band-aid.

"You can't-- did you not hear what I told you?" She asked angrily. "In order to keep him safe, you need to keep an eye on him. There are dangerous people out there looking for him."

"We get it," Esposito snapped back. "We fucked up. Now will you help us get him back or not?"

"Yes, fine, of course," she replied. "I'll be at the office in 15 minutes."

"Thank you," Esposito said, hanging up the phone. He prayed and hoped that she had a plan.

 

Fifteen minutes later, they were all sitting around a small table in the hidden room in Castle's office. As it turned out, Cynthia did have a plan. But it was Plan B.

"Why can't you just tell us the idea you have in mind?" Esposito asked in exasperation but she just shook her head stubbornly.

She huffed impatiently. "I'm the witch here. Unless you're suddenly the expert, quit backseat driving."

Esposito rolled his eyes. "We don't really have the luxury of time right now. Can't you just use a locator spell?"

"Maybe, if you had listened to my one advice, we wouldn't be here." She glared at him. "'Keep an eye on him', I said. Because bad people are looking for him. I mean, how much more of a warning could I give to you?"

Esposito knew she was right. He was Ryan's partner and as his partner, he was supposed to have his back. Either against dangerous perps or dangerous witches.

"We checked his apartment, we checked around here, his phone is in my room." Castle shook his head, probably feeling his own amount of guilt. "I mean, I think it's obvious, witches are behind this. Can't you ask around?"

"For what? If anyone has a new pet they'd like to share?" Cynthia shook her head again, explaining, "The spell in Detective Ryan is a powerful one that  _everyone_ wants in the witch community--."

"So you've said," Esposito scoffed.

Cynthia continued on, "And they're not going to start gloating until they have the spell and they're the  _only ones_ with the spell."

"So they're going to figure out the spell and then kill him?" Beckett asked, the fear evident in her voice.

"Most likely."

"But that's good," Esposito said. "They won't kill him until they have the spell and you said you weren't able to get anything about it. It's near impossible...right?" He trailed off when Cynthia's frown grew.

"I am a good witch, as you would say. But there are bad witches out there that have access to black magic, like you know. They have the means of ripping the spell from him or getting whatever they want after enough of messing around in the magic." She paused before looking sympathetically at Esposito. "But any means they have will either kill him in the process or leave him wishing they had."

The room was silent as Cynthia's words sunk in. Then Esposito exploded. "Fuck!" He yelled as he swiped his hand across Castle's tabletop. He watched papers and books crashed to the ground. He gripped the edge of the table and stared at the remains of a broken mug caught in the crossfire.

A hand on his back made Esposito realize he was breathing heavy and unevenly. "Hey, c'mon, we'll find him. We always do," the voice was soft and was such a contrast at how aggressive it had been for the past half hour.

"But I'm tired of it, Castle!" Esposito yelled, his voice wavering as he continued. "Why does something horrible always happen to one of us and then the others have to go save them? Can't we just go a day with peace and quiet without having to worry about one of  _dying_ ," Esposito's voice cracked at the end of his mini-rant.

"I wish I could answer that, man, but now isn't the time to figure it out." Castle rubbed his back soothingly. "Now, all we can do is save him. And then chain him to a fucking radiator in the precinct so he can't get away again." Castle laughed slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

"So why can't we use her Plan B?"

"It's dangerous and I don't know if it'll even  _work_."

"Won't know until we try." Esposito stood up, brushing Castle's hand off his back.

"As much as I'm against magic," Beckett started in a calm voice, "I think right now, it's our only option."

Cynthia paused and sighed heavily. She seemed to think it over in her mind and realized that she wouldn't win the argument against the three of them. "Fine," she relented. "We can try it but I'm not promising anything."

Esposito nodded his head. There was no harm in trying.

"The spell is going to be on you, Detective Esposito." She pulled out her old spell book that she always kept in the bag on her shoulder. Leafing through the pages, she said, "I brought most of what we need for the spell. I just need you and it  _should_  work," she mused thoughtfully.

"I'll do whatever I need," Esposito said earnestly.

Cynthia nodded like she hadn't expected anything else. "I'll need your blood in the bowl and then a few words before the spell is complete."

"What kind of spell?" Beckett asked, since Esposito wasn't. He, in truth, didn't care as long as it worked.

"A bonding spell, more or less," Cynthia answered after a few seconds of hesitation. "Usually, it is used between two people to share emotions, feelings and thoughts. It brings two people closer."

"So how is this going to work with Esposito? Ryan's not here to take the other side of it. Will it work?" Castle furrowed his brow.

"I think it will work as I don't know anyone that is longing for Detective Ryan more than his partner." Cynthia was speaking slowly like she was hiding something but Esposito didn't think it was important enough to bring up before they found Ryan. "The spell doesn't work because of the two people, it works because of the pure devotion between the two people."

"And I'll just suddenly know where he is?"

"No, that's the part I'm uncertain about. I'm hoping it will work without having Detective Ryan participate in the spell as well, therefore completing the bond and giving you a set location," she explained.

"So like Jack Sparrow's compass?" Castle asked and Esposito could practically hear Ryan in his head answering in an atrocious accent, " _There should be a 'Captain' in there somewhere."_

"I'm sorry?" Cynthia frowned.

"He follows what the heart wants," Castle clarified.

"Yes, but without it being complete, the connection will be very faint. You'll have to use a lot of energy to even sense something that will give us even a little bit of help," she warned.

Esposito nodded determinedly. "Pay close attention, got it."

Cynthia nodded. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," Esposito said as he stuck out his hand. She brought his hand over the bowl. She sliced his hand carefully and a few drops of blood dripped on the symbols chalked into the bottom of a wooden bowl.

"How dangerous can this get?" Beckett asked, visibly concerned for Esposito.

"Nothing more than pain. But that doesn't mean it's not working. It's just hard for the human body to suddenly have an extra soul, so to speak, present." She rubbed Esposito's arm before she said, "Repeat what I say."

Esposito listened carefully and as she started to recite the spell, he mirrored her words. He wasn't sure what Latin he was speaking but he hoped it was working. He didn't feel any different until he said the last of the spell.

Immediately, Esposito was knocked off his feet. His head was a swirling mess of thoughts and feelings that weren't there only a second ago. But that was beyond bearable compared to the searing pain in his stomach.

"Javi!" Beckett yelled, falling to her knees beside him.

Esposito could barely acknowledge her through the pain. "Something's...wrong…" he said through labored breathing.

"What's happening?" Castle turned to Cynthia. "You said it was safe!"

Cynthia was just as lost as the other three. "I don't understand how this is happening...it was not supposed to do this."

" _Do what_?"

Instead of answering Castle, Cynthia kneeled next to Esposito and grabbed his arm. "Listen to me, Detective. You're okay. It's just overwhelming to have all of your partner's thoughts and feelings in your body as well."

"My stomach." Esposito clawed at it, hoping to relieve any pain. He really hoped Ryan wasn't feeling like this and this was only a side effect from the spell.

"You need to relax and focus for me or else it won't stop hurting." She started to rub his arm soothingly. "You need to separate this in your mind. This pain isn't yours, look down, you're okay. You need to push it away, ignore it."

Esposito gasped as he felt another stab of pain. "Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to ignore this?!"

"If you don't, we won't find your partner."

That was enough for Esposito. He rolled his jaw and focused on something other than the pain. He started to weed through the fear and worry and determination and hope swirling around his mind. _This was all coming from Ryan._

Esposito closed his eyes and could practically see the small spark of hope in front of him. Ryan was somewhere waiting for him. Slowly, Esposito reached out for the small spark and caught it in his mind. The second he caught onto the light, he felt his heart warm.

He got goosebumps as he slowly opened his eyes, having the sudden feeling to go for a walk.

When he opened his eyes, he saw three pairs of wide eyes staring back. He swallowed thickly, barely registering the heat swelling in his stomach. It was uncomfortable but at least he had most of it controlled.

"What the hell was that?" Castle asked.

"Detective Ryan calling for help. It seems the spell is stronger than I'd thought it was going to be," she said, staring at Esposito carefully.

"We better hurry up because if he feels like that, I don't think he's lasting much longer." Esposito shot up to his feet quickly but regretted the action when he swayed slightly.

Castle grabbed his arm. "Careful there, without you there's no rescue mission."

Esposito could tell he was worried for him even after the fight they were in. Esposito patted his arm softly. "I'm okay."

Castle eyed him suspiciously probably because he was just on the floor from the pain and he was still panting.

"Do you know where he is?" Beckett asked, coming up next to him.

Esposito hesitantly nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

There was a lot swirling around inside of him and it made him nauseous but if this was what would help them find Ryan than he was ready to fight through it. He could tell some of what was coming from himself and what was coming from Ryan but it was all jumbled into one big mess.

Esposito knew he was connected with _Ryan_ right now. This feeling surrounding him was no one but his best friend. And he was determined to find him before  _anything_ happened to him.

* * *

The time Ryan's eyes were closed between each blink were increasing steadily. He felt tired and sick. He was no longer freezing cold, instead he felt clammy and feverish.

The two witches were still by his side, taking turns to speak low and make his blood burn. They didn't give his body a chance to even try to stop the bleeding between each time the magic pulled more blood from the slashes in his stomach.

He was hoping the layer of sweat covering his skin would help him pull at the bindings but he couldn't fit even his thin wrists through the buckles. He refused to stop struggling though. He believed that maybe, even after the words he had said, Esposito would still come looking for him.

"Are we ready for the next part?" Macy, at least that's what the man called the attitude-y girl.

"I think," he answered from his spot under the table. He straightened up, holding the small bowl he placed under the stream of blood flowing from his wrist. Ryan stared at him, breathing heavily. Why did they have a next part after they cut into his stomach and drained so much blood.

Macy seemed to see the confusion etched onto Ryan's pale face because she explained, "We needed your blood to create something that would act as an indicator in the spell still living in your body. Combining this with it, we'll be able to hopefully syphon just the transformation spell from your body."

Ryan didn't know what any of that meant and he wasn't sure if it was because he was so light headed from blood loss or if it was because he was a little alarmed at the large syringe in Macy's hand.

"Remember, you have to take his blood the moment I start to recite the spell. That's only a few seconds."

"I know," Macy snapped, readying the needle by his arm.

The man, whose name he still had to learn, brought the small bowl closer to Ryan's stomach. Ryan eyed him carefully as he started to slowly pour the liquid from the bowl into the carvings by tracing the design.

He winced, ready for a burn but nothing happened. He knew from previous experience that that didn't mean there would be no pain; it just wasn't here yet. Of course, it came after he placed the bowl on the table and began to chant in Latin. Ryan was starting to really hate that stupid dead language.

It burned again. It burned worse than before. But Ryan wasn't sure if it was because he was he was already weakened or if it was more painful. He didn't really care.

Lifting his head up slightly, he stared down at his stomach where the carved sigil was leaking a faint glow from his wounds. He was certain that his blood should not be glowing.

He was so invested in the pain of his stomach, he didn't even notice Macy stick the needle in him and take a decent amount of blood. "Got it," she said, waving it slightly. Ryan stared at the syringe with his blood inside, that was glowing a blue as well. The glow only lasted for a few seconds before it slowly faded away, leaving behind a burning stomach.

He moaned in pain as he head fell back to the table. He was too exhausted to hold it up anymore. 

He wanted Esposito to crash through the door and save him but he wasn't even sure there would be saving even if he found him. A wound like this would not be an easy thing to stitch up.

But even if he was going to die here, he just wanted to see his partner one last time. No matter how disgusting he was, he wanted to say goodbye and see him one last time.

* * *

"Left up here," Esposito said slowly. His eyes were squeezed shut as he desperately tried to follow the path his mind was creating. He couldn't see a map and a line to follow but he could feel the longing of something waiting for him. He could be completely wrong but he had high hopes that it was Ryan.

He could still sense everything Ryan was feeling. He felt the fear tugging at his heart. But Esposito tried his best to ignore everything except the longing. If he became distracted, it would take a while to find the pulse again.

As the car continued to drive, his heart beat faster and faster. "He's close," Esposito said. "He feels like he's all around me. I can't, I can't get any more specific," Esposito was freaking out that they had lost the connection.

"Then it's a safe bet to say he's in here," Castle said.

Esposito peeked an eye open for the first time since he got in the car. It turned out that almost two hours of driving had brought them to a forested area with a small cabin almost a hundred yards away.

"Yeah, I think--." Esposito cut himself off with a blood curling scream. He fell forward and smacked his head on the dashboard. That pain was nothing compared to his stomach. He wasn't ready for it and whatever walls he had built up between Ryan and his own feelings and sensations were gone.

Ryan's actually took over Esposito's body.

He was on his knees, pressed against the dashboard and was grabbing his stomach, searching for the hole or the blood. Something must have taken a bite out of him to make it feel this painful. His skin grew clammy and he was suddenly hit with a rush of dizziness.

"Javi, Javier," an arm was on his shoulder but he couldn't hold on to the comfort.

He felt alone and trapped. No one was going to save him in time and he was surely going to die right here in the car. There was nothing more that could be done.

He sat there for a few moments, trying to battle away the pain in his stomach. Finally, when it faded to a dull throb of pain, he fell against the dashboard. It was the only thing keeping him thinking straight.

Someone was pulling at his shoulders and easing him gently back into his cushioned seat. Esposito let his eyes flutter closed and his head lolled to the side. He moaned quietly in pain.

"Detective, you need to listen to me," a voice was the only thing disturbing him. He chose to ignore it because he was too tired to open his eyes again.

"Javier," a more familiar voice spoke up. "You're okay. Open your eyes and look."

Esposito shook his head stubbornly. "Need to see him," he mumbled.

"See who?" Beckett asked, her hand closing around his thigh.

"One last time," Esposito continued, voicing a sudden desire in his chest. "Need to see my partner."

Cynthia was back again and she said slowly, "Detective, this isn't yours. All of your thoughts and pain and feelings. It belongs to Kevin Ryan. You need to let yourself take over again."

"Open your eyes, Javi," Beckett whispered, moving her hand to squeeze his fingers.

Esposito knew that voice. That was a voice he could always trust. So he slowly opened his eyes, trying his best to ignore the pounding headache. He met her big brown eyes as she stared at him in concern.

"We're this close to getting Kevin back. But you have to get up. You're okay. Look," she said as she rubbed a soft hand over his stomach. He looked down, expecting her hand to be covered in his blood but there was nothing.

There was nothing because...he wasn't stabbed or hurt or shot. He was sitting shotgun to Beckett as they drove to find Ryan. He was the one in danger. He was the one waiting to be rescued.

This was all from Kevin: the begging to be saved. But Esposito couldn't help his partner until he bucked up.

He let his eyes fall closed again but, this time he was concentrating on himself. He needed catch all of Ryan and keep it away. It took at least two minutes of deep concentration to finally separate it all. He hated to be pushing Ryan away, even mentally, but he couldn't focus on anything when Ryan was taking control.

He slowly opened his eyes again and the dizziness was gone. He let out a small sigh when he felt okay again. Beckett was staring at him in concern and he knew Castle and Cynthia were doing the same behind him.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, pushing himself up so he sat a little straighter.

"Don't apologize," Beckett said immediately. "What was that? Why were you screaming?"

"Whoever has him...they're doing something to his stomach." Esposito shook his head. "It's painful as fucking hell."

"Then we better get in there," Castle said, moving to open the back door.

"I'm afraid I'll have to wait back until you four come back out," Cynthia said hesitantly.

Esposito turned around in his seat quickly. "What? What if we need you in there? We have nothing against witches."

"I'm sorry," Cynthia said and it sounded like she truly was. "Whoever is in there has the place warded against any witch that isn't them."

"So what do we do?" Esposito asked.

"You go in there and fight for your partner. You don't need me to get him back." She smiled softly and said, "I'll be waiting right here. Get him out as quickly as possible and I will help the minute you're off the property."

Esposito nodded. She was right. Not only would he take on a witch or two for his partner, but he'd take on anyone in the entire world blindfolded with his hands tied behind his back.

"Have the car on and ready for us to run," Beckett order as she opened her door. Esposito followed suit and stepped out of the car. He didn't wait before he started walking towards the front door of the small cabin. At least it wouldn't be hard to find him once they were inside.

He paused once he was just a doorknob turn from going inside and breaking hell loose. He turned to make sure Beckett and Castle were both ready. They nodded in sync back to them. He grinned and turned the doorknob swiftly.

They were quiet as they walked through the living room. The furniture was dusty and old like it hadn't been used in years. Esposito wouldn't be surprised if this cabin was used only for witchy torture.

There were only two doors: one lead to the kitchen and the other led to another room. Esposito walked straight to that one and pressed his ear to the door. He could hear voices inside but he didn't need to listen to  _know_ Ryan was behind the door. Thanks to Cynthia, he knew where his partner was waiting for him by just feeling him.

Esposito counted quietly to 3 before slamming open the door. "NYPD!" He screamed immediately, raising his gun in the air.

There were two others besides for Ryan in the room. One woman and a man, both looking frightened to see them. But most of Esposito's attention was on Ryan who was bound to a flat metal table. He was only wearing his underwear and if he were him, Esposito would have been freezing but Ryan looked to be sweating.

After a few alarming seconds where Ryan didn't respond to his voice, his head finally turned his way. The moment Ryan's watery blue eyes locked on with his, Esposito felt the relief from Ryan hit him hard.

But it wasn't unbearable as the pain and fright had been. This felt good and Esposito actually smiled.

"Drop your guns, Officers," the man, said firmly, grabbing Esposito's attention.

He glared at the man that was now holding a bloody knife to his partner's neck. "Okay, okay," he said and faked about to drop his gun but instead at the last second, he pulled the trigger twice. The bullets lodged themselves into his shoulder and arm.

The knife was dropped to the ground and Esposito watched in satisfaction as the man grabbed his arm with a gasp of pain. Then through his deep breaths, he started to chant quietly. And Ryan started to scream.

Esposito felt the pain himself but he couldn't fall for it again. He was so close to saving Ryan. He needed to ignore the pain and shut this dick up for good. He grit his teeth and tried to lift his gun but he was shaking too much.

Castle must have noticed his struggle because he came out of nowhere and kicked the man across his jaw. With a kick like that, Esposito would be surprised if his jaw  _wasn't_ broken.

Beckett was in action too because she was in a hand to hand fight with the girl. She was trying to take over the dude's spell but Beckett was keeping her busy. After a few blocked punches, Beckett socked her across the face and she crumpled to the ground.

So thankfully, they had those two out of the way. Beckett was handcuffing them together and calling in a squad car to come pick them up. The Suffolk County Police would have to come pick them up and then transfer them to the NYPD.

But that wasn't Esposito's problem anymore. His only concern in the world was closing the distance between him and his partner.

"Ryan," he rushed over and cupped his soft cheeks in his hands. He used his thumbs to wipe at the wet trail of tears.

Ryan blinked up at him and smiled softly. "Hey, Javi."

"You idiot," Esposito chastised at how casual Ryan was trying to sound as he bled out from his stomach. "We need to get you out of here and to Cynthia."

"S'lots of blood," Ryan said, barely picking up his head to look down at his stomach. Esposito followed his gaze and cringed; there was no spot of skin that wasn't covered in blood.

"We're gonna get that all cleaned up in a minute," Esposito promised as he started to unchain the buckle from his wrist. Castle walked over and started to help on the other side.

"His wrist," Castle said softly, carefully holding Ryan's wrist.

Esposito looked over and saw another slice in his skin. That explained the faint stinging in his wrist that would have bothered Esposito more if it weren't for the pain in his stomach. Or at least the pain he used to have. He felt horrible that he could block out the pain with concentration while Ryan had to lay here and endure it.

Without being asked, Castle ripped the sleeve off his shirt and covered Ryan's hurt wrist. Ryan winced at the pain slightly but didn't make a sound. "I'll get his ankles," he then offered as Esposito helped him sit up.

Ryan wavered until Esposito held his arm to keep him steady. He noticed his eyes were drooping shut and taking longer for him to open. "Just hold on until we're outside, okay? Cynthia is going to help you."

Ryan nodded, looking determined to stay awake. Even Esposito was starting to feel the urge to lay his head down and let his eyes fall shut without a care if they ever reopened. Esposito wished Ryan could have felt his feelings like he felt his.

"We're good," Castle said, breaking Esposito from his thoughts.

Esposito nodded and put his arms under Ryan's back and legs. He picked him up easily in bridal style. He was much lighter as a woman than a man. "Let's go."

Beckett looked up at them and asked, "Can you let me know how he is? I have to stay with these two until back-up comes."

"Of course," Esposito answered. "When you're relieved, call us and you'll meet us wherever we're taking Ryan to heal up."

"Heal up?" Ryan asked, his voice weak.

"Yeah, Cynthia is a witch, bro. I'm sure she can heal you."

"Another spell?"

Esposito huffed, walking through the living room towards the door. "I don't like it any more than you but I'd rather try and maybe something goes wrong than just give up and let you bleed out in the car."

Castle stepped in front of them and pushed open the door so Esposito could walk through it. Once he was out of the door and he could see the car in front of him, his legs started to move faster.

He was almost running by the time he was off the property and by the car. Cynthia was in the front seat and Esposito yelled, "Get in the back, Castle's driving. You have to fix Ryan."

Cynthia glanced over their shoulders, probably to make sure no one was following them. The she crawled quickly over the seats to fall into the back. She pushed open one of the doors and Esposito immediately brought Ryan over and laid him in the back seats.

Cynthia brought her hands over Ryan's stomach that was now bleeding steadily after being jostled around.

"Can you fix it?" He asked impatiently.

"I think...I need to properly look him over and I'm going to need herbs for the spell." Cynthia anxiously looked from Ryan's pale body to Esposito.

"I'm driving to the Hamptons. My house is only fifteen minutes away from here. I have plenty of herbs and whatever the hell you'd need. If not, there's plenty of shops in town." Castle was speeding back out of the forest and by the time the wheels were back on asphalt, the speedometer was well past 70.

Esposito turned around his seat next to Castle and leaned over to look at Ryan. He was getting paler by the second if that was even possible. The blue underwear he was wearing was stained red. He tried not to think about how sexy the underwear was and how it was all for Esposito.

"Hang in there, Kev," Esposito said, reaching a hand to rub his leg soothingly.

Ryan didn't respond but instead he was lying still with his eyes closed. Esposito knew he wasn't unconscious because his lips were moving slightly. Esposito frowned, trying to figure out what he was silently mumbling.

Then he remembered he had a bond with Ryan currently that he could use to read everything going through his mind if he wanted to. He tried to control what he got but didn't lower his wall too much.

It took a few seconds to even hear anything but suddenly he kept thinking about  _minutes_. Esposito frowned. What about minutes? He tried to pry a little more and all he got was  _5 more minutes._

Esposito asked, "5 more minutes of what, Kevin?"

Ryan's eyes opened and he looked up at Esposito with a frown of his own. "What?"

Esposito stared at him, knowing Ryan wasn't about to tell him. But the confrontation had Ryan thinking about it more openly and Esposito realized he was asking for 5 more minutes. He was praying.

"You have more than 5 minutes left, Ryan," Esposito said firmly. "We're going to heal you up."

Ryan just continued to stare at him in confusion. Probably trying to figure out how Esposito could have possibly known what he was doing. Esposito stared right back at him.

Esposito didn't look away and did his best to hold Ryan's gaze. They were close to Castle's Hampton house and then Cynthia could work her magic. Literally.

When they finally pulled up into Castle's driveway, Esposito was jumping out of the car before it was parked. He opened the back door and pulled Ryan out carefully, still secure in his arms.

Ryan didn't have the strength to hold back onto to him. So he laid limply in his arms. Castle rushed over to the front door and stuck his key in the lock. He cursed under his breath when he fumbled slightly and then finally got it right on the second try.

They ran into the house, Castle yelling for Esposito to bring Ryan to the master bedroom. Esposito didn't hesitate before he was rushing down the hall to the large room with the bed more than big enough for Ryan.

Cynthia was on his ankles, already pulling the book out of her bag. She was busy with Castle, figuring out what she needed and if they had everything. Esposito barely paid them any attention; he was too busy focused with Ryan.

He took a seat next to Ryan on the bed and wished he could pull out a t-shirt to cover him with but he wasn't sure if Cynthia needed to see his stomach during the spell. Ryan was hardly hanging on between the pain and the blood loss and Esposito knew he was going to fall unconscious soon. Not that it was his fault, he stayed awake as long as physically possible.

He grabbed Ryan's hand in his and pulled it into his lap. Ryan's eyes slowly moved up to meet Esposito's. Esposito was sure if he got any paler, he'd turn whiter than a ghost. Esposito let his wall completely down and let Ryan's emotions hit him full force. If his partner was going to suffer, he was going to suffer as well.

He swallowed thickly as he felt the familiar burning in his stomach. That pain was welcomed compared to the misery Ryan was radiating. He was scared and ashamed and upset.

Esposito wanted to lay down next to Ryan, hold him close and promise him nothing would happen. But he lost that chance by being an idiot. Until Ryan felt better and he could explain himself, he'd have to keep his space.

"We're going to fix this," Esposito said softly.

Ryan didn't say anything for a few seconds. He just continued to breathe heavily, trying to refrain from moving too much. He was terrified, even more so than he was inside that cabin. Esposito frowned, wishing he knew why.

"You'll be okay," Esposito said, again trying to ease his worries. Ryan was always the optimistic one. How was he supposed to be the optimistic one for  _both_ of them?

"What if," Ryan finally started to ask. "What if the next time I close my eyes, I don't open them?"

Esposito tried to smile so Ryan didn't know just how scared Esposito was of that possibility as well. "C'mon, Kev. If a witch can take replace your junk with lady parts, I think they can patch up a little flesh wound."

Esposito's eye flickered down to said "flesh wound" and felt his stomach roll. He quickly looked back up at Ryan so he didn't follow his gaze. When he looked back at Ryan, he was biting his lip, groaning from a sudden jolt of pain as he moved slightly.

Esposito winced as well at the shared pain. He was opening his mouth to speak soft encouraging words to Ryan but Cynthia interrupted him, "Alright, out now!"

"What?" Esposito's head whirled to face the witch that was clearly out of her mind.

"In order to save your partner, I will need perfect concentration. I cannot do that with your soul panicking like it is right now," she said with the last of her patience.

"My soul is not--."

"Detective, please."

As much as he didn't want to leave, Esposito knew it would be for the best. Cynthia knew what she was doing, he didn't. He sighed deeply and took one last look at Ryan. "I'll be right outside. I'll see you after you're healed up, okay?"

By then, Ryan was barely conscious so he couldn't refuse and beg Esposito to stay by his side. Holding back the urge to place a kiss on the top of his head, Esposito gave his hand a soft squeeze before climbing off the bed.

He passed by Cynthia and said in a low voice, "Take care of him." She nodded once and Esposito believed she would do everything in her power to fix him.

"C'mon," Castle said, leading him out of the room. "Beckett just called and she's meeting us here in a few minutes."

Esposito just grunted and fell to the couch. He turned to face the hallway where his partner was fighting for his life and he couldn't even sit with him through it.

* * *

Finally, with that boy out of the room, Cynthia would be able to do her job. She understood his devotion to his partner, but she needed him out of there.

The moment he was out of the room, the atmosphere changed drastically. She could still feel the pain from the detective in the bed but it was nowhere near Detective Esposito's level of disruption.

She walked over to Detective Ryan slowly and shushed him quietly as she caressed a hand through his hair. "Hang on," she said softly. She mumbled an old poem her mother used to recite to her when she was feeling unwell. It as just enough to calm him in his unconscious state.

She knew she had a spell to heal his wounds and give him his strength back, but it was unpredictable. Sometimes it worked, mostly on smaller wounds, and other times it did nothing, mostly on the life threatening wounds.

But being a witch was more than spells and potions. It was about faith in the unknown. And if she'd ever seen such faith in something so impossible, it was the faith that Detective Ryan's little family had in him. Especially his partner.

While the dark black magic worked because of debts to the evils of the world, her magic was given naturally and powered by belief.

Bringing her hands over his stomach, she closed her eyes and started to speak in a soft but strong voice. She felt the heat rolling from her palms into the waiting wound and could only hope it was doing its job.

She kept her mind blank, only the thoughts of healing and replenishing this poor broken boy in her care.

The stomach took a few long minutes to fix up, she only stopped when she felt most pain slip away from the air surrounding her. She opened her eyes and let out a shaky breath. Looking down, she breathed a sigh of relief when all that was left from the sigil carving was the blood. But there wasn't a scratch to be seen.

She wrapped a gentle hand around his wrist and with much less effort, she was able to heal that slice in his skin as well.

Now that his skin was closed like new, she could focus on his severe blood loss. This would definitely take some time, maybe a half hour. But once she was finished, hoping it went as well as she hoped, he would have the healthy color back in his skin.

Thankfully, this step didn't require her to be speaking the entire duration of the process. She only had to keep a hand in contact with him and, of course, her mind clear of anything other than the task at hand.

Even the slightest disruption could stint the amount of blood she was giving him. So she hoped Detective Esposito could sit tight for the half hour without barging in the room.

But she had a feeling, he knew this was all for the safety of Detective Ryan and he would do nothing to jeopardize his partner's life.

Which didn't surprise her. Not after the shock she'd gotten from the bonding spell. The  _half_ bonding spell that should not have been strong enough for Detective Esposito to share his partner's pain and feelings so strongly.

It was one of the most remarkable things she's ever come across during her time as a witch. Any time that spell had been used in the past, even with both halves sharing it, it never worked so well.

It took the power of devotion and love between two soul mates to create a bond that strong.

That kind of power was probably also the thing that was getting Detective Ryan alive through these spells.

She'd be sure to tell them both of that feat when Detective Ryan was awake. She had sensed tension, angry and fierce coming from Ryan when Esposito was by his side. He was confused and lost, wanting to run and hide at the same time he wanted to cling to his partner.

Cynthia didn't know how Castle and Captain Beckett put up with them. If she were one of them, she would have pushed those two knuckleheads together _years_ ago. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from vacation but that just inspired another Disney Rysposito fic so yeah, yet another wip to add to the pile.

"What could possibly be doing that is taking so long?" Esposito huffed, staring down at the hallway again.

"What, you can't sense him?" Castle asked not mockingly but, curiously.

Esposito sighed, looking down at his lap. "I'm trying," he started and paused. "But I can't focus."

Beckett raised her eyebrows. "That's why you're out here with us, isn't it?"

Esposito didn't respond and Castle chimed in, "Well, at least you're not screaming in pain again."

"Yeah," Beckett agreed. "That was a little scary."

"I just want to see that he's okay and to apologize for being such a shitty best friend," Esposito grumbled.

"Yeah, the last time I was with him he wasn't doing so hot," Castle admitted in a low voice. "You fucked him up pretty good in a matter of seconds."

Esposito looked away, feeling ashamed. He didn't want to hear this but only for selfish reasons. He owed it to her partner to at least know what he went through. "He hates me now, huh?"

"Believe it or not, he doesn't," Castle replied. "Kevin Ryan could never hate you." Castle paused before speaking a few words that broke Esposito's heart. "He's too busy hating himself."

Esposito finally looked up at the write with his wide eyes.

"Blamed himself for being stupid and whatnot. He tried to run to his apartment and take a shower, hopefully finishing what Lockwood started," Castle's voice broke slightly at the end of the sentence.

Esposito paled. "No, he…"

"Yes," Castle challenged. "Because he fucking adores you. For some reason no matter how much shit you put him through, he will always put you ahead of everything else. In front of his feelings, his heart, his life, his happiness."

Esposito didn't know what to say to that.

"And that's why it kills me when you put him through the ringer. The first time, I thought you were just testing to see how far he'd go for you, which is pretty damn far, but then the second fight I didn't understand. You pushed him away again until he was drinking himself into a stupor at my bar every night."

As Castle continued to rant, his face growing redder and his voice growing louder, Esposito just sat back and took it. Because he knew he deserved this and more. Castle was absolutely right.

"He loves you so much. I can't even put it in words. Every time you knock him down, he jumps right back up to you. But one day, he won't. One day he'll stop following you around. And then you'll be too late."

Esposito felt his throat close up at the thought of losing Ryan.

"I'm not saying this to be mean." Castle leaned a little closer, a desperate look on his face. "I'm just trying to get you to pull your head out of your ass because  _the love of your life_ is right in front of your face, begging for a chance."

Esposito swallowed around the lump in his throat and said, "I can't... I love him. More than anything in the universe. But...you're right, Castle. I hurt him too much and I can't let him down anymore."

Castle groaned in frustration. "Why are you so thick-headed? Were you even listening to what I was saying? The only thing hurting him is if you're not there for him."

"I'm not good enough for him," Esposito said. "He deserves better than a crappy guy like me."

Beckett ran a hand through her hand and said, "I have never seen such an emotionally constipated caveman before."

"What-?"

"For Pete's sake, Javier," Beckett groaned in exasperation. "How many times does he have your back? How many times is he sleeping on your couch because Madden Night reached the early hours of the morning? How many times does he look at you at smile just because?" She didn't wait for any answers. "I can't tell you because the number is well over millions. But what I can tell you, is that he loves every little thing about you. So stop with this self-pitying crap."

Esposito prepared for the riot act from Beckett now.

"When he wakes up, get your ass in there and be there for him. And I don't mean, become an over protective leech and punch anyone that even looks at him wrongly. I mean, sit there and listen if he wants to talk and maybe even tell him what you're feeling back. Because I don't know if you've realized it but that boy in there wears his heart like it wants to jump off his sleeve and yet he still talks about how he feels. Unlike you, who likes to bury all your feelings under a stoic face, which there's nothing wrong with seeing as I tend to that as well, and never want to talk about how you feel.

"You leave him in the dark, desperately trying to figure out how you're feeling without giving him any clues. And don't try to give me the, 'we're partners and he can know exactly what I'm thinking by the degree my eyebrow is raised'. Because that may work in the past but not now when he's trying to figure out how to feel about him in his temporary female body that makes him even more insecure than he already is."

Beckett took in a deep breath and Esposito was positive she was done scolding him but then she turned to Castle and dished his out.

"And you. You've been yelling at Javier for the past three hours. I know you're bitter and still upset by their fights and for some reason feel the need to play Ryan's father and also punch anyone that looks at him wrongly. But this is Javier and we both know he would never intentionally harm Kevin. Maybe they had a few falling outs that could have been easily solved if they're  _both_ stubborn assholes but they're okay now."

Castle was staring at his wife with wide eyes, waiting for punishment to be over.

"Ryan misheard a conversation. And he's already been in a low spot lately with everything that's been going on so of course even the thought of Esposito not wanting him would be devastating but that's Ryan's battle to fight. We're all on the same side here so can we go back to being friends?"

"I'm sorry," Castle said first, turning to Esposito. "Looking back, I lashed out on you for no reason other than to yell at someone. I just, Ryan's so lost and then tonight when I saw his reaction because of you, I freaked."

"No, I"m sorry, Castle. I get where you're coming from. I'm his best friend, I'm the one that is supposed to be by his side through thick and thin not drag him down." Esposito was glad the three of them cared about his partner so deeply.

"And people say  _girls_ are dramatic. I bet they've never seen my boys throwing their little hissy fits," Beckett grumbled to herself, falling against the back of the couch.

The sound of someone clearing their throat grabbed everyone's attention to the hallway. Cynthia was standing there with a small smile on her face. "If you're all done in here, your partner is fixed up."

Esposito was the first on his feet. "Can we go in?"

Cynthia nodded her head. "Of course. This isn't some hospital where he's hidden away until he's all better. After a few days of rest, he'll be good as new."

A smile spread across Esposito's face as he hurried to her side. He quickly lifted her into a hug, thanking her profusely for saving his partner.

After she got over the second of shock at the embrace, she answered, "It wasn't me that saved him. It was you, Detective."

Esposito stepped away with a frown. "What?"

"Your faith and love for him," she said with a smile.

Esposito felt his cheeks burn up. "What are you talking about?"

"True Love's Kiss," Castle meanly butt in from behind Esposito.

"Weren't you surprised by the force of the bonding spell?" She asked curiously.

"Not really," Esposito said honestly. "Was I supposed to be?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess you've never seen it before to compare it to but yes you should have been." She took his hand and whispered, "You two have something special like I've never seen."

His blush only deepened. "Thanks," he mumbled. She just smiled and stepped out of the way so he could walk down the hall. He didn't hesitate before striding to the door that separated him from his partner.

He could hear sets of feet behind him but he was more focused on seeing Ryan. He opened the door, and he found Ryan lying still on the bed. He panicked instantly when he still saw him covered in his own blood.

"I just haven't cleaned him up," Cynthia said, "but he is okay otherwise."

Esposito barely paid any attention to anyone else. He had to see with his own eyes that Ryan was really  _okay_. He reached out to drag his hand across Ryan's stomach but then thought better of it since he was still in only his underwear and being as ticklish as he was, he'd wake up wondering why Esposito was groping him in his sleep.

"I'll go start the bath," Beckett offered, heading towards the en suite bathroom.

Esposito put his hand on Ryan's shoulder instead to wake him up. After a few shakes, he was blinking his eyes open. His tired eyes landed on Esposito and even though he offered him a small smile, Ryan's face blanched.

Esposito sighed. Of course, Ryan was still mad at him.

Noticing he was wearing nothing but a bra and panties, Ryan grabbed the blanket and did his best to cover himself but it was a struggle since he was laying on it. His bloody stomach caught his eyes and he placed a small hand on it.

"You did it," he said in awe.

Cynthia nodded, helping to pull the other side of the blanket. "I did. How are you feeling?"

"I'm perfect," Ryan fibbed.

Esposito rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest since he couldn't reach out and hold him. "He's got a headache and he still feels dizzy."

Ryan turned a dirty look on him that Esposito was used to being on the receiving end of. "Stop that."

" _This_ ," Esposito said, "Is what saved your bleeding ass."

Ryan huffed but wouldn't meet his eyes. Esposito felt his anger diminish when he sensed the longing for a hug coming from Ryan. Kevin didn't like to stay angry and cold, especially at his partner.

Esposito smiled softly. "I want a hug, too. I thought I was never seeing you again."

Ryan looked a little disturbed now. "How are you doing that?"

"Oh, just a bonding spell," Esposito said nonchalantly.

"You took a spell that  _bonded us together_?" For some reason, Ryan didn't look too happy at that.

"No, Detective, in order to find you, your partner took half of the bonding spell. We weren't even sure it would work for you. But luckily, your partner's love for you runs deep in his soul."

Esposito would have thought the blush on Ryan's cheeks would have been cute if he wasn't fighting his own as well.

"So what? Now Esposito can read all my thoughts?" Esposito pretended like it didn't hurt to hear Ryan call him by his surname.

"No, it will wear off by 24 hours, in not before. But until then, he can feel what you feel and think what you think, yes." Cynthia nodded.

Ryan finally looked at him and said, "Everything?"

Esposito just nodded.

"The stomach had him crying at one point," Castle said, damaging Esposito's pride.

Frowning, Ryan said, "I'm sorry." And he genuinely was sorry, Esposito could feel it, to have put him through the pain. Even when he mad at him.

Esposito chuckled. "Why are you sorry? This is all my fault. I opened my mouth and made you feel like shit."

Flickering his eyes in a panic towards Castle and then back to Esposito, Ryan said, "No, I understand. I'm still a guy behind this pretty body. I wouldn't want you to be with me just because I look like a girl anyway." He laughed but it sounded pitiful. "That  _is_ pretty disgusting."

Esposito fell to the bed on his knees. "Kevin, please stop it. I would never think you are disgusting. You are the most beautiful man I have ever met. Inside and out."

"I heard you, Javier, it's okay--."

"No, you heard me calling  _myself_ disgusting." Esposito watched Ryan's mouth shut so he continued. "Greter was busting my balls because he was convinced that I'm after you for your new body."

Ryan's face showed his sudden understanding as his eyes widened.

"I was telling him I would never suddenly love you just because you're a girl. What kind of partner gets a hard on after 13 years because you look a little different. I promise, Kevin, I would  _never_ think you and me together would be disgusting." He laughed softly That would actually be pretty damn perfect."

"You...you  _love_ me?" Ryan asked softly.

Esposito frowned, replaying his last words in his mind. He hadn't even realized what he'd said. He nodded his head anyway. "Of course, Kevin."

Ryan gestured to himself with a weak smile. "I dressed up for you hoping tonight would be the night," he said, the shame gone, now just slightly nervous.

Esposito laughed. "I can see that. Though, I never saw the pretty dress I was told about."

"Oh, that is cut up somewhere in that cabin," Ryan replied. "I'm glad they at least left me in my underwear. Even if now they're stained."

"Beckett started a bath for you to get all the blood off," Castle said.

Ryan laughed softly. "Another bath? This is my third one in two days."

"If you want, you can stay covered in your blood." Castle shrugged his shoulders.

But Ryan shook his head. "No, I'll go. I just need a few minutes to get up. Still feeling kinda light headed," he admitted even though Esposito already knew.

"I can help you in," Esposito offered out his hand. He could sense the embarrassment from his partner though. He didn't want him to see him unclothed and for some reason, part of him was debating whether or not he should ask Castle for help.

Esposito looked from the writer back to his partner. "You don't need writer-boy to help you, Kev."

Ryan turned to face him with wide eyes. He had forgotten he could basically read his mind. "Javi, I…" Ryan trailed off but Esposito didn't need to listen to what he had to say when he could read him. Ryan realized what he was doing and snapped, "Stop that. No reading my mind or else you're not allowed to be near me until it wears off."

"Oh come on," Esposito laughed. "I'm not, I just want to make sure you're okay."

"It's not funny. I'm fine. I don't need your help." Ryan said petulantly, trying to get Esposito ticked enough to leave him alone. Too bad Esposito knew exactly what he was trying to pull.

"So what, you're in your underwear. I'm more concerned about the blood covering you." Esposito was pulling the blanket as Ryan held it tight to his chest.

A hand pulling him away stopped him from stealing Ryan. "Are you always this annoying?" Beckett asked.

"He needs-."

"A partner who knows what personal space is," she finished with a pointed look. "Once you get out, he can get up and take his bath."

"But-."

"No buts," she fired back, shooing him towards the door. Castle and Cynthia were following behind with small smirks.

Before he knew it, he was on the other side of the now closed bedroom door. He blinked a few time, wondering how he'd let Beckett just shove him out. Castle patted him on the shoulder. "Did you really think because you confessed your love that you'd get to wash him down in the bath? I taught my boy to have more respect than that."

Esposito turned to glare at that dumb writer. "If Beckett stays in there helping Ryan, she can't be out here to stop me from hurting you."

"Not if I kick you out of my house," Castle challenged.

"Would you like to try or should I knock you out now?" Esposito asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

After a few seconds, Castle realized he wouldn't be winning any fights so he let it go and went over to the kitchen, mumbling something about dinner. Esposito just rolled his eyes and followed him down the hall.

He might as well pass the time while waiting for Ryan to get out. No sense in waiting outside the door like a puppy. Esposito wasn't  _that_  whipped. Not yet, at least.

* * *

Everyone except for Esposito left a few hours later, after dinner. Ryan was still tucked into bed like an invalid with his partner obsessing over his every need.

Ryan was grateful that Castle was offering them his Hamptons house to use for the next day or so while he regained his strength. Not that he'd expected Castle to kick him out. But it was nice to be able to rest up.

Captain Beckett gave him the weekend with sick pay and Esposito was planning to use up two emergency days to make sure he was okay. Ryan tried to tell him he didn't need to do that but he was glad Esposito didn't listen. He really didn't want to be left alone right now.

Even if 10 minutes after everyone was gone, Esposito's mother-henning was unbearable. Ryan couldn't even lie to how he was feeling because of that stupid bonding spell. It was incredibly frustrating and embarrassing. He hoped Esposito couldn't read his mind when he thought about him in a less than platonic way.

But he could sense it from Esposito without even having the abilities of the bonding spell. They had both just about confessed that they both loved each other and felt the same way but they haven't had the chance to act on it.

They weren't alone until late at night and even after that, Esposito was too busy making sure Ryan was perfectly okay to even notice the way he was staring at him. He tried to let Esposito know how he was feeling with his stupid bond but either Esposito refused to act on it or he was too busy worrying to even feel it.

It didn't even have to be a kiss. Ryan would have loved for him to just climb into bed and hold him close.

Esposito had left him an hour or two earlier to go to bed. He made him a mug of warm honey milk that Ryan positively loved. Esposito watched him take his first sip and smiled so he had to have been feeling Ryan's feelings. He knew how much Ryan adored that first little sip.

But now Ryan was alone in the master bedroom. It would have been nice if Ryan were able to fall asleep. He'd tried to fall asleep before, only to jump back up in a cold sweat when he only dreamt of masked, scary people carving into his skin.

He wanted to pull the curtain closed on the giant window. It was probably great to watch sunsets and the waves crashing during the day but at night when he was trying to avoid nightmares, the pitch black did nothing to ease his anxiety.

He was convinced he'd be spending the next few hours wide awake until the sun came back up, but there was a soft knock at the door moments later. Ryan didn't hesitate before saying, "Come in."

The door opened and Esposito walked in, wearing his jeans and t-shirt. Castle offered a change of his pajamas but Esposito shook his head. Ryan took him up on that offer and was wearing one of Castle's t-shirts as a nightgown. Castle had taken the stained underwear from him with promises that he would fix them. Ryan told him not to worry about it.

"Hey," Esposito said softly, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Ryan gave him a small smile, hoping he could fool Esposito into thinking he was fine. But he knew even without the spell bonding Javier to him, he'd be able to see past his bullshit. Part of Ryan was grateful for that in times like this. When he wanted to be assured by his partner that everything would be alright. But Esposito always made fun of him for wanting to 'talk about feelings' so he tried not to make Esposito uncomfortable.

"Don't do that," Esposito said with a heavy sigh. "Why the hell do you put up with me? I'm such an asshole."

Ryan frowned in confusion but then remembered his sudden temporary Jedi mind tricks. "Javi…"

"No, Kevin. You're my partner and obviously hurting right now. I don't care if you need to scream or cry and throw things. Whatever you need, I'm here." Esposito moved closer to Ryan and placed a hand on his.

"What if…" Ryan started but trailed off with a shake of his head.

"Kevin, I'm serious. Anything you want." He caressed Ryan's soft hand with his thumb soothingly.

"Can you maybe sit with me?" Ryan asked, not once looking up. "Just until-."

Esposito didn't wait for him to finish before climbing onto the bed and over Kevin so he could settle into the spot next to him. "As long as you don't steal all the blankets." He laid down, getting comfortable on the bed.

Ryan realized that Esposito wasn't planning to sit with him until he fell asleep, he was going to stay with him other night. With a hidden smile, Ryan laid down next to him and once his head was resting on the pillow, his eyes met Esposito's.

Esposito's eyes were full of concern and guilt. He was staring intently at Ryan like he was reading his mind, so tried his best not to think about how much he wanted Javier to close the distance between them and pull him close.

As it turned out, that didn't work because thinking about not thinking about it was still thinking about it. Esposito hesitantly scooted forward and opened his arms for him. After he blinked past the shock, Ryan quickly moved to the space in Javier's arms, tucked close to his chest.

Javier's hand came up to cradle Ryan's head in his hand and run his fingers through his long hair. "You could have just asked," Esposito said. "If you wanted me to hold you."

Ryan laughed softly as he hid his face in Esposito's chest. "I didn't think my macho, special forces soldier partner would be too keen on cuddling."

"I never called it cuddling," Esposito challenged.

"Then what would you call it?"

"Comforting."

Ryan's hand tightened onto Esposito's t-shirt tighter. "Then thank you for the  _comforting._ Maybe I'll be able to fall asleep now."

"If you can calm down maybe I'll fall asleep too. I could barely close my eyes in my room down the hall with all your worrying."

Ryan groaned. "Can't you shut that off?"

"Yeah, but for as much as you share, you still hide quite a lot from me so I"m going to use this to my advantage until it wears off." Esposito began to rub small circle on Ryan's back that helped further his drowsiness.

"It's," Ryan paused for a yawn. "It's not fair."

"Yeah, well, when I'm kidnapped by batshit crazy witches set on carving me open and you need a bonding spell to come save me, then you can think what I think and feel what I feel."

"Feeling and thinking? Didn't know you did much of that," Ryan mused.

"Watch yourself, I can tickle you to death," Esposito whispered.

Ryan just smiled and let his eyes fall shut. He was incredibly tired as he was still recovering from the Jack O'Latern those two wackos tried carving into his stomach. And he could finally trust his surroundings to fall asleep.

No matter who wanted him for the spell or how hard they fought, Javier would never give him up.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the rating of this fic has gone up because this chapter is only smut. 
> 
> It's also my first time ever writing het smut and idk what i'm doing so please go easy on me.

There were lips on his. It wasn't a gentle kiss. It was mixed with passion and teeth. There was a hand in his hair and another on his waist pulling him closer.

Kevin's eyes were closed so he couldn't see who was crowding him close into the alley wall. But he knew this man was familiar, the cologne was a scent he loved to get a whiff of every day. He knew if his brain wasn't overwhelmed with pleasure and neediness, he would have been able to remember his name.

Except there was nothing else running through his mind other than relief. He needed to get the burning pressure growing in his stomach away. He smiled as he felt the lips move down to his neck and start to suck dark bruises into his skin.

He moaned and moved slightly so there would be better access to his neck. But as he moved, his vagina brushed up against the thigh pressing into him. At the slightest bit of attention, he realized he liked  _that_.

He rolled his hips against his partner's leg and when the need burning deep in gut overtook his senses, he began to dry hump him, begging for relief. He was moaning and finally remembered the name to this man as he felt the heat grow in his stomach.

"Javi, Javi, Javi…"

Javier chuckled softly, placing his hands on Kevin's ass to hold him. Their new position made it easier for Kevin to grind up against him.

Finally, Kevin found himself so close to getting the relief his body  _ached_ for. But just as he was one more buck of his hips and he'd be coming, he woke up.

His eyes opened and he let out a small gasp. He took a few seconds to slow down his breathing before he let his eyes close. That's when the mortification sunk in that he just woke up from an incredibly hot, sex dream about his partner.

Ryan's head whipped to the side and he was relieved when he saw the bed empty. At least he hadn't been dry-humping Javier in his sleep like some somnophiliac. Instead, he pulled away from the pillow that somehow had gotten between his legs.

Even after relaxing for a few minutes, Ryan still definitely felt hot and bothered by the remains of his dream. He wished he called his partner's name and let him help him get his release in the real world.

But instead, he'd have to settle for a cold shower to get his mind off of how good it felt to be touched by dream-Javier.

It wasn't even only dream-Javier. Kevin just as well pleasure himself and while it wouldn't be the same as sharing it with Javier, he'd get the much-needed attention.

But he couldn't bring himself to masturbate. He had gotten close once, sitting in Javier's bathroom just before a shower. He couldn't even bring a hand to his chest without the awkwardness of the situation killing the mood.

So he threw the covers off of himself and slowly stood up. He was feeling much better this morning that he could actually stand up and walk on his feet.

Before he could start his journey towards the bathroom, the bedroom door crashed open. Ryan didn't even have time to turn his head before he was shoved up against the wall.

His back hit the wall with a soft thud. Ryan's first thought was that another witch was coming back to get him but when he looked to discover the identity of his attacker, he saw it was his partner.

"Javi?" Ryan asked dumbly, his eyes widening.

Esposito looked down at him, bringing a hand up to run through his long hair. "You're driving me crazy, Kevin Ryan, and I can't take it anymore."

Ryan swallowed thickly. "What?"

Esposito just groaned and answered. "This fucking spell. With whatever the hell you were dreaming about, you were giving me a hard on. All the way in the kitchen. I couldn't take it anymore."

Javier caressed his cheek softly. "What were you dreaming about?" The other hand was resting on his hip, pulling him closer.

Kevin whimpered let out a small whimper and whispered, "You."

Javier smiled. "What were we doing?" He pressed his erection into Kevin's stomach slightly and Kevin felt his hips buck at the touch. "Tell me, armor. Were we having fun?"

Kevin nodded his head rapidly, unable to say a word.

Finally, Javier leaned his lips in closer but stopped when they were an inch apart. "May I?" He asked, softly.

He was trying to kiss him.  _Javier wanted to kiss him._  Before Esposito could change his mind, Ryan regained his voice to say, "Yes, yes, yes."

Esposito grinned and closed the gap between them. Their lips came alive underneath each other and Ryan couldn't help the small moan he let out. Between Esposito's lips and his hand on his cheek, rubbing small circles, Ryan was losing it. But, when he felt a hand start to trail up his side underneath his shirt, Ryan couldn't help his body when he started squirm slightly.

Esposito took his time bringing his hand to Ryan's chest. Ryan was still only wearing Castle's large t-shirt so there was nothing in the way when Javier settled a hand on his breast.

Because Ryan was so worked up, it too little stimulation to have him groan at the touch. He was so surprised at how sensitive he was that Ryan pulled back slightly. He felt cold without Esposito's hand holding him.

Immediately, Esposito was making sure Ryan was okay. "What's wrong? Did I do something?"

Ryan quickly shook his head, feeling his cheeks burn up. How was he was supposed to explain to his partner that he just wasn't expecting to feel  _that_ good from  _that_ little? "No, just, they're more sensitive than I thought."

Esposito frowned. "Thought? You're telling me you haven't checked the goods yet?"

Ryan huffed under his breath and shifted on his feet. "No, I thought it would be too weird," he admitted.

"So you're practically a virgin." Esposito wiggled his eyebrows and moved closer to kiss Ryan's lips again.

"I've had sex before, you know. Just not in this body," Ryan said. He really didn't need Esposito to point out that he had no clue what he was doing. But Esposito was right, as a woman, Ryan was practically a virgin.

"I've heard that a study proved girls' orgasms are  _much_ more intense." Esposito starting to place kisses on Ryan's cheek up until his ear. "So I think you're in for a treat tonight," he whispered.

Ryan whimpered at that thought. He wanted to feel that pleasure all with Javier. If Esposito kept up what he was doing, Ryan wouldn't be surprised if he was coming right here. But he wanted to do this right. Take their time.

He let Esposito pick him up and he helped by wrapping his legs around Esposito. He let the horny part of his brain take over when he rocked his hips against Esposito. It felt so good to feed the pulsing desire between his legs. He wanted to do it again. He wanted to dry hump the fuck out of Esposito until he got his relief. Just like his dream.

Just as he was about to, Esposito laughed and laid him down on the bed. "Not yet, babe."

"Javi," he panted, frustrated that he couldn't just get off. "I want this, I really I do, but I don't know what I'm doing. I-."

Esposito leaned over to kiss his lips and silence him. "Hey, like you said, you've had sex before. You'll be perfect."

He could feel the smile grow on Ryan's lips during their kiss. While Ryan was distracted, Esposito started to pull at the hem of his t-shirt. Ryan went along with motions and soon Esposito had the shirt thrown across the room.

Ryan shifted slightly, feeling his entire body heat up. Esposito was staring down at his now bare chest. Esposito smiled softly down at him and that eased his insecurities away from the moment. He definitely still felt vulnerable but being with Esposito, Ryan wasn't worried. Nobody cared for him more than his partner did.

Esposito's gaze moved from Ryan's face to his bare chest and then to his stomach. He placed a hand on his stomach and ran it up his smooth skin. There were no signs of some psycho cutting deep into his skin only hours earlier.

Esposito's hand left his stomach and made their way to his breasts. Even though Esposito wasn't looking at him, Ryan looked away as Esposito ran his fingers up the side of his boob. Ryan sucked in a deep breath. Esposito was barely touching him and already Ryan was losing it.

Stretching his fingers around Ryan's breast, Esposito cupped his boob. He knew Esposito usually went for girls with larger breasts, but he hoped Esposito wouldn't mind his smaller size. He was still smiling as he played his boob in the palm of his hand and Ryan found himself wanting to smile as well.

With his thumb, Esposito caressed small circles around his nipple. At the attention, Ryan heard himself let out a loud moan. Esposito laughed softly and held eye contact and he moved his mouth to the breast he wasn't playing with.

Ryan watched as Esposito's lips came closer and closer until they were on him. His eyes fluttered shut as he felt Esposito's warm tongue swirl around his nipple. Esposito nibbled the now hard nip between his teeth softly. Ryan definitely like that he decided when he felt the pressure between his legs grow.

He was already wet enough to soak his panties if he'd been wearing any and Esposito had only been teasing him for a few minutes. Ryan wasn't sure if it was because of this being the first time he experienced pleasure as a woman or if his female body was just incredibly more sensitive.

Ryan gasped loudly above him, trying to roll his hips against his partner. "Javi," he practically whined.

Esposito pulled away from Ryan's hard nipple and returned to his lips. He kissed him more hungrily than before. "What's wrong, Kev?"

"I really need you now." The throbbing between his legs was unbearable.

With a chuckle, Esposito kissed his lips chastely. "I've got you, beautiful."

Esposito sat back between Ryan's legs. Ryan really couldn't ignore the pleasure burning in his belly so he whines. "Javi."

Esposito's eyes were black with lust as he wrapped a hand around his thigh. Ryan was so close to getting relief. Esposito just needed to stop teasing him. Finally, Esposito brought a hand to Ryan and began to massage his clit. Ryan knew it would feel good but he didn't know it would feel  _that_ good.

"Javi," he started mumbling his name over and over. "Javi, more." His eyes were squeezed shut as Esposito continued to rub him.

Suddenly, Ryan's eyes shot open when he felt something warm moving up his inner thigh. He looked down to see Esposito dragging his tongue up his wet thigh. That only made Ryan wetter and Esposito knew that.

Once his mouth came close to him, Esposito didn't hesitate. The moment that Ryan felt Esposito's tongue on him, Ryan couldn't even think straight. Ryan's hand shot to Esposito and found the back of his neck.

Ryan knew what Esposito was doing but he couldn't tell exactly what was happening. All he could think about was Esposito's tongue and the heat searing hot and the pleasure building in his stomach.

A hand grabbed onto Ryan's free hand and Ryan squeezed back tightly. Esposito was using his other hand to rub at his clit while his tongue worked magic inside of him. Ryan was moaning and groaning and  _begging_ for more as he thrust his hips in the air slightly.

Esposito hummed in amusement and with one more flick of his tongue, Ryan felt the pleasure run through his body. He arched his back and squeezed his muscles, desperately trying to hold onto that feeling but an impending cramp stopped him.

He fell back to the bed after he could see straight again. He was breathing heavy and his body was covered in a sheen of sweat. He realized he came and Esposito was licking up the last of him from his soaking pussy.

Ryan smiled softly and pulled his hand away from Javier's hair. He let it drop to the bed and he squeezed Esposito's hand softly. After he returned the smile, Esposito pulled away and sat up straight.

"Javi, that was-."

Esposito cut him off with a laugh. "You think we're done?" He kissed his lips softly and his hand as rolling Ryan's nipple between his fingers.

"Javi," Ryan panted, already feeling the warmth in his stomach return.

"If you don't want to we can stop," Esposito said as he continued to kiss Ryan.

Ryan shook his head. "I'll help you now."

Esposito didn't let him move from his position on his back. "No way."

"But-."

Esposito kissed his lips again to shut him up. "You were so beautiful. I want to see it again."

Ryan nodded his head a few times before he actually spoke. "Okay. Please."

Javier smiled softly and Ryan had didn't know what he was thinking about doing but he wanted to find out. One of his hands moved to cup Ryan's cheek while the other moved lower and lower until he cupped him between his wet thighs.

His pussy was already wet so Javier slipped his fingers inside slowly, making sure to stretch him. While he had two fingers inside, the heel of his palm was rubbing his clit and making his body sing in pleasure.

For the next few minutes, Javier used his fingers to fill Ryan and rub him until he thought he was going to explode from all the pleasure. But then he pulled the fingers out and Ryan whined pathetically.

Javier was laughing and the sound of a zipper had Ryan opening his eyes again. He looked to where Javier was kneeling between his legs and now pulling down his pants. Kevin felt himself get even wetter as the boxers came off right after his pants.

Javier was naked and Kevin had a front row seat to take it all in. How hot Javier looked with his cock up against his tan stomach. He remembered the burning he used to feel with a severe case of blue balls.

Kevin reached his hand out towards Javier but it was swatted away. "No way," Javier said. He grabbed his legs and spread them apart wider so he could settle between them again. Kevin knew what was coming as Javier lowered himself to the bed.

Javier leaned over so their chests were flush. Kevin like the feeling of Javier's bare chest against his and he knew Javier liked it too. "Are you okay?" Javier asked and Kevin nodded his head.

That was the confirmation Javier needed before he slowly brought the head of his dick towards Kevin's opening. Kevin couldn't help it when he felt himself tighten up. Javier used one hand to brush his fingers through Kevin's long hair. "You have to relax, baby.I don't want to hurt you."

Kevin nodded his head, doing his best to relax. Javier must have noticed attempts and began to kiss him softly. "It's okay," he promised. "We can take our time."

Kevin became so enamored with Javier's soft lips that he didn't realize he relaxed all of his muscles until Javier was sliding into him. Not exactly with ease though.

Javier was pushing deeper into him and Kevin could feel himself squeeze against him. "Kevin," Javier panted, "You're so freakin' tight."

Kevin bit back any witty comeback in favor of sucking in a quick breath. Of course, he was tight. He currently in the vagina of a virgin. There was a slight amount of discomfort at first as Javier eased himself in but it wasn't that painful. Not worse than he expected.

And the entire time, Javier was caressing his cheek and whispering softly into his ear about how beautiful and perfect he was. It was easy to focus more on the soft voice in his ear. When he was fully inside of him, Javier groaned softly and then slowly began to move.

Kevin hooked his legs around the back of Javier, urging him to go faster. Javier obliged, a determined stare as he grunted with each thrust. Kevin was panting his name over and over until it no longer sounded like a word.

The world seemed to stop turning when Javier hit just the right spot after a few thrusts. Kevin couldn't hold back his loud moan that sounded like it could only be coming from a porno. Javier grinned at the sound and knew exactly where to hit each time.

Before long, Kevin was just a whimpering mess. He could barely make out any words and whatever he could say was just bits of beggings and pleadings. Kevin knew he was close and with one more buck of his hips, Javier had Kevin yelling his name.

The pressure that had been building up in his stomach was gone after it had sent pleasure through his entire body. He came back to his senses just in time to hear Javier let out one more grunt and buck his hips, spilling himself inside of Kevin.

As the last of his cum emptied into Kevin, Javier thrust his hips lazily into Kevin until he came to a stop. Kevin smiled as Javier met his eyes, the orgasm leaving him a state of bliss.

Javier lowered his lips to Kevin and kissed him softly before slowly pulling out of him. Kevin moaned as he felt the heat leave and Javier's cum slowly leak out him. He could feel his muscles tightened around the air, not so tight after being stretched by Javier's impressive size.

Once Javier was up, he rolled over and laid on his side to face Kevin. He brought a hand to cup Kevin's face softly. "And you thought you weren't going to be perfect." He leaned in to kiss him again. And Kevin already knew he was going to be so spoiled by these kisses.

Kevin just smiled at him and moved on his side to face Javier. He winced slightly, still feeling a little sore. Though it was no different from the times he'd bottomed as a male.

"It'll get better," sure enough Javier promised. "The first time is just a little painful."

Knowing Javier was probably worrying, Kevin said, "I'm not in pain. Just getting used to being stretched like that."

Javier grinned, coming closer, "Oh, was it overwhelming for your tight little pussy?"

Kevin shrugged his shoulders and whispered back, "I guess next time I'll just have to be ready before we start." He had felt a pulse between his legs as the thought of stretching himself out for Javier turned him on.

It apparently turned Javier on because he grinned, staring hungrily at Kevin. He placed a hand on Kevin's bare ass and pulled him close. "You're so hot, you know that, right?"

Kevin closed the distance between them and started to kiss Javier, a little less chastely than their previous kiss. "Of course."

"Nobody but me can see you like this," Javier kissed him back roughly.

Kevin nodded in agreement without hesitation. There's no one else in the world he'd trust to see him like this, let alone enjoy it.

After a few moments of greedy kisses, Kevin broke away from Javier and asked, "Why didn't we do this sooner?"

Javier only shook his head, not wanting to waste time thinking of an answer. "All I care about is now we can do it all we want." He paused to suck a dark hickey on Kevin's collar bone. "And let's squeeze in as much as we can in this big bed with a jacuzzi in the other room and a pool in the back before Castle kicks us out."

Kevin smiled and asked, "Where first?"

It only took a second for Javier to think of an answer. His eyes glinted with mischief as he responded, "I think the kitchen table has our name on it."


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are some more poorly written sexy times at the end of this chapter

"You know they're probably fine," Castle said as they walked to the front door of his Hampton house. They had left Ryan and Esposito alone all day yesterday and were trying to call them this morning but no one picked up.

"The least they could do is answer their phones," Beckett said.

"Let's be real here, Kevin is probably still curled up in bed and Esposito is breathing down his neck making sure everything is okay." Castle slipped his key into the lock and opened up the door to reveal his empty living room.

The furniture was all where he left it so no witches had attempted to break in and kidnap Kevin while they were gone. "Ryan? Esposito?" He called out loudly, stepping inside.

Cynthia and Beckett followed in close behind. The moment the witch was through the door, she gagged and threw her hand over her nose. Castle frowned at her reaction. She hadn't acted that way the other day.

"What's wrong?"

"The smell," she managed to say between a pinched nose.

Castle looked around, not finding or smelling the source of Cynthia's discomfort. "Maybe one of the boys left take out somewhere," he suggested.

But Cynthia shook her head. "I don't think those two even had time to eat."

Castle looked over to Beckett but she just shrugged her shoulders, as lost as he was.

Footsteps caught their attention and they turned to the hallway where Esposito was still wearing the clothes he had worn when they arrived. Ryan was wearing another one of Castle's t-shirts that fell past his mid-thigh.

Cynthia turned her disgusted gaze to them. "I was rooting for you the entire time, believe me," she said. "But seriously?"

Esposito frowned. "What's wrong?"

"You stunk her out," Castle said, wishing he knew what smell was attacking Cynthia's nose.

Ryan lifted his arm up and sniffed under his armpit. "I just took a bath, can't have been me." Sure enough, his hair was wet as it left damp trails of water down his shirt.

Cynthia rolled her eyes. "That's not what I'm smelling." She must have realized no one knew what she was talking about and finally said, "Let's just say these two had fun with this place to themselves."

Castle furrowed his brow staring at her. Sure, his place was a lot of fun. In the past when the three of them had a 'Boys' Weekend' they converted the entire house into a laser tag arena. Ryan and Esposito probably got themselves into some trouble these past two days.

But then he turned to Ryan and Esposito and felt like an idiot for not noticing it earlier. Ryan was standing so close to Esposito, he was practically on top of him. And that wasn't weird, they did that all the time, but not when Ryan was wearing nothing but a t-shirt. Ryan had the blanket pulled up around his neck because he didn't like to be around them with no pants or underwear on. But here he was with Esposito a day later, his bare leg pressed up against Esposito's.

And even if he didn't have his great detective/mystery writer skills, it was obvious when he saw the dark hickey on Ryan's neck.

Castle's eyes shot open wider and he wasn't sure what he should start yelling about first. Since Ryan wasn't really his daughter (or son) and wouldn't appreciate him freaking out like an overprotective father on prom night, he chose the other option. "Seriously?! You two better have cleaned my sheets!"

Ryan's face turned beet red and he curled away from everyone, into Esposito. Since the cat was already out of the bag, Esposito snaked his arm around Ryan's waist and pulled him close.

"Oh, they better have cleaned more than just the couch," Cynthia scoffed, her voice sounding nasally from pinching her nose still.

Castle's head whipped to Cynthia when he said in outrage, "What?"

Beckett addressed Cynthia as well, "You can smell it?"

She nodded her head furiously. "Yes, it's a natural scent and sometimes enjoyable. But just like a teenage boy using too much Axe, it can become quite nauseating."

"That bad?" Beckett asked, raising her eyebrows and stealing a glance at Ryan and Esposito.

"It smells worse than a honeymoon suite after being used for two weeks," Cynthia deadpanned.

Castle would have high fived Esposito if it weren't for the fact that he was using  _his_ house and if he still didn't feel that twinge of feeling like a father to Kevin. "You are despicable."

Esposito smiled at him almost smugly. "I tried to hold it back.  _Really_. But Kev was having some  _really_  hot dreams that needed my attention."

"You couldn't have waited two days?"

With a scoff, Esposito answered, "You try sharing a bond with some as hot as him moaning your name in his sleep."

Ryan blushed harder and smacked Esposito's arm. "Javi!"

"Is the spell gone?" Cynthia asked.

Esposito paused and seemed to think for a moment before responding, "Yeah. I haven't felt it since we started. I built up a wall again because there was no way I was feeling everything I was doing to him without becoming a puddle of nerves."

"Okay, okay," Castle quickly said. "TMI."

" _What_? You asked!"

"Not for details," Castle snapped, not angrily, but putting up his show of being completely disgusted by treating his home like it was the stage set for some porno. "Did you two at least use protection?"

"Uh, not including the first time, yeah." Esposito nodded his head and then added, "You're gonna need more condoms, buddy."

Castle opened his mouth to yell at them again but Cynthia interrupted him with something more important, "You're not pregnant. If you're wondering."

Ryan's face paled as he looked over to the witch. "Oh, uh. I hadn't really, uh…"

Cynthia rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Now that you've got ovaries and a uterus in there, you might want to be more careful."

"You can smell that too?" Beckett asked, curiously.

"Not so much as smell, as sense." Cynthia turned to her. "I would sense the beginning of a soul growing inside of the mother."

"Do I really need to give you two The Talk?" Castle asked, enjoying the way RYan's cheeks burned up in humiliation again. Ha, take that for desecrating his bed (and who knows where the hell else) with their sinful activities.

"Did you guys come over for a reason or we can we go? We were going to finish our marathon sex in the front window." Esposito said, causing Castle to splutter. He forgot how well the Hispanic detective could shoot them back.

"Well," Beckett said, unlike her husband she wasn't caught off guard by Esposito's comment. "We were going to have lunch and talk to you about undoing the spell but I don't think Cynthia wants to smell you two as she's trying to eat."

"And I don't think you want to eat on that table until you bleach it...a few times," Cynthia said.

Castle looked over at his table that was lacking its usual centerpiece. He stayed quiet for a moment before turning back to the boys. "Oh, come on!" He yelled.

* * *

They all decided it would be easier for everyone to go out for lunch. Ryan was against the idea until Castle offered him a pair of sweatpants that he could tie around his waist to keep up.

Castle reminded the boys that after this they were keeping emergency sets of clothes in the house.

Ryan and Esposito took their own car since not everyone would fit into one. Castle told Ryan not to distract Esposito while he was driving in any way.

They met at a small restaurant down in town. Castle parked their car next to the cherry red Charger and opened his door to step out. He felt his lips quirk in a small smile when he saw Javier park the car and lean over to catch Kevin's lips in a kiss before they stepped out.

He averted his gaze when they sat back and pretended like he didn't see the affection. "You boys ready to finally eat something?"

Ryan smirked up at him and said, "I don't, Castle. I'm already feeling kinda full from yesterday and this morning."

It took Castle a minute to realize Ryan was being inappropriately nasty on purpose. He shoved him slightly. "Watch your mouth."

"Oh, I've washed my mouth."

"Beckett," Castle whined, turning towards his wife. "Ryan is being extremely gross.

Beckett ignored him in favor of turning to Cynthia. "I forgot we don't take him out in public a lot." Castle was fairly certain he was the "him" in that sentence.

"It's not me that needs to be kept out of public," Castle grumbled, glaring at Ryan.

Ryan just smiled sweetly back. Esposito came up next to him and grabbed his hand to intertwine their fingers.

"Don't dish out what you can't take right back," Esposito warned.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's just go eat." Castle walked past them and into the small restaurant. The hostess immediately recognized him.

"Mr. Castle! It's so good to see you!" She smiled, already pulling out two menus. "Regular spot for you and the Mrs?"

Castle was tempted to tell her to find another table for two close to the bathrooms where Castle wouldn't have to put up with Ryan and Esposito but he was mature about it. "Actually, I'm going to need a table for five. I brought some friends along."

Once she led them to their table, they all st down in the booths. Ryan and Esposito slid in on one side while Castle, Beckett, and Cynthia sat on the other side. Castle wasn't sure why Ryan and Esposito got their own booth when they were sitting so close that they were taking up less room than Castle was.

Everyone ordered lunch except for Ryan and Esposito who hadn't eaten breakfast yet. Castle didn't want want to think about what they were too busy doing. By the dark hickeys all over Ryan's neck, he didn't really need to guess.

"If you two are done making love with your eyes, we have some news about the spell that I think you'd like to hear," Beckett said, staring at the two.

Sure enough, Ryan and Esposito looked away from each other to look across the booth. Ryan's cheeks were flushed and he scooted an inch away from Esposito. Esposito kept his arm around his waist though. "Did you figure something out?"

"We don't have anything concrete yet but we're definitely getting somewhere. Alexis is working on the translations now." She paused, thinking of her words before she said, "It's hard to find a spell with natural magic that can undo something done by dark magic."

"Do you need help?" Ryan asked.

"We won't need you until we figure out what to do." Cynthia smirked and added, "And not to get yourself into any more trouble."

Esposito pulled Ryan closer, undoing whatever distance Ryan had put between them. Not that the younger detective looked like he minded. "Yeah, that's not about to happen."

"If I knew you two were going to be this nauseating, I wouldn't have helped get you together," Castle groaned, covering his eyes.

"Kev and I had to deal with you and Beckett's little game for  _years_. Stop complaining," Esposito snapped.

" _Stop complaining_ ," Castle mocked in a high voice that only earned him a glare from Esposito.

As they waited for their meals to come, Cynthia continued to tell Ryan and Esposito about everything they learned about the spell and how close they were to breaking it. She expected to have a solution within the next few weeks.

By the time their waitress returned and was placing their dishes on the table, Ryan and Esposito found the conversation too boring. So instead, they were having their own private talk filled with smiles, whispers, and kisses. Ryan even giggled a few times.

Castle had never seen two people so grossly in love like this. He needed eye bleach.

"If you two don't cut it out, I will throw up my chicken all over your french toast." Castle smile when Ryan's nose scrunched up in disgust.

Thankfully, distracted by the food, Castle was no longer forced to watch the intro to some porno. Esposito and Ryan were too busy shoveling their food in their mouth. Castle rolled his eyes. "Maybe if you two knew how to use a kitchen, you wouldn't be so starving."

Esposito swallowed the food in his mouth before he said, "Oh, trust me, we know how to use your kitchen."

Castle lifted his fork and waved it in their direction. "One day," he promised, "I'm going to get back at all times you've required me to use brain bleach."

"Do I hear a challenge in your voice?" Esposito asked, a grin on his face.

Of course Beckett tried to stop because every time the three of them got into a 'challenge', it never ended well. There was that one time where Castle had to walk around the precinct all day with hot pink hair. It turned out Kevin bought the permanent hair dye instead of temporary. So it wasn't really Castle's fault that he had to retaliate by switching out the locker room soap for blue hair dye. Naturally, Javier had to have his partner's back and he shaved one of Castle's eyebrows when he passed out during the next movie night. The day Javier was superglued to his seat and had to take off his pants in the middle of the bullpen just to get free was the day Beckett put an end to that. It may have been because Javier enjoyed to go commando certain 'seasons' and that day just happened to be in that season.

Castle smirked at the thought and grinned. The messier the challenge, the better memories they made. "You're on, punk."

* * *

Castle should have known he was going to lose the bet from the moment he saw those two together. Not that it was a real bet. Castle just got tired of making barfing motions every time Javier and Kevin shared a kiss or when they decided it was a good idea to be  _very_ handsy outside the bedroom.

Even in the precinct, Castle wasn't safe. When the two of them thought they were alone at their desks or in the hallway or in the breakroom, they were making everyone nauseous.

Okay. So, maybe they weren't  _actually_ being disgusting and sucking on each other's faces all day. They were only sharing small kisses and then Javier would whisper something on Kevin's lips that would make him smile or giggle and then Javier would kiss him again.

Of course, there were other times that Castle gagged at that really deserved to be gagged at. Because when there was a movie night and Kevin went for more popcorn while Javier used the restroom and neither came back until a half hour later with Javier's shirt misbuttoned and Kevin's bra strap hanging down his arm, it's obvious what they're up to.

It happened more than once with others around and Castle didn't even want to know how often they go at it when they're not being bothered. They were like rabbits. And Castle completely understood the need to be close sweaty after  _years_ of pining but how long until that phase ended?

It was a week ago that Ryan recovered in his Hamptons home and Castle had to call in his cleaning company to do some  _serious_ washing. And they still acted like had just been together for a moment.

That's what the honeymoon was for: spend a week alone, have all the sex you've been holding back on (or not) and then come back home and know when it was appropriate to get a quickie.

Castle wouldn't be surprised if Ryan and Esposito's honeymoon never ended.

But they had managed to keep the X-rated activities out of the precinct. Up until Ryan's third day back on the streets, that is.

Ryan and Esposito were wrapping up their latest case they had just about solved. They were heading out to pick up their suspect that they were positive was their murderer. Beckett told Castle to go out and help them.

Esposito whined about not needing a babysitter but that didn't change Beckett's mind.

So that's why the three of them were walking down the sidewalk to a deli on the corner. Even if Castle didn't have the millions he had, he would never set foot in a place like that for food.

Castle was whispering this to Ryan as they walked through the front door. Esposito told them to shut it before he approached the counter. "Sir, we're the NYPD looking for-."

Before Esposito could say his name, their suspect that had been slicing meat behind the counter quickly turned on his foot and dashed through the door into a room behind the counter.

Esposito cursed under his breath and jumped over the counter to chase after him. Castle followed him and then turned around to help Ryan over. He mumbled a thanks after Castle put him back down on his feet and then they were off into the room.

Their perp knocked down boxes of food and everything on the counters so the small kitchen was blocked and he could get away. But just on the ground, there was a small hole that none of them would have been able to fit through if it weren't for Kevin's new, smaller size.

So Kevin dropped to his knees and slipped under a box that had toppled to its side. Esposito called after him, "Ryan! Get your ass over here!"

He immediately began to throw boxes out of the way and push over others that were too heavy to lift. He stumbled as he tried to climb over the mountain and cursed, "Goddamn it, Kevin."

Castle pulled his arm up as he climbed over the boxes and helped him to his feet. The minute they were able to, they began to run out the back door where Ryan had disappeared to.

The moment they were out in the back alley, Castle felt Esposito grab onto his arm and stop him dad in his tracks. Castle focused on the shadows in front of him and although it was dark, he now clearly saw their perp holding Ryan with a knife to his neck.

To his credit, Ryan only looked slightly frightened. His head was pressed up against the perp's chest so the knife didn't break his skin. His feet barely scraped the ground as he was being held up.

Esposito raised his gun and pointed it towards the sky. "Okay," he said. "THere's no need to do anything stupid."

"I'll kill her," he screamed, his voice wavering slightly. This wasn't part of his plan. Which was good because than it was easier to get the upper hand but it was bad because this guy looked shady and one wrong slip of his hand and Ryan was gone.

"Don't hurt her," Esposito said slowly, taking a step forward.

THeir suspect took a step backward causing Ryan to wince. "Stay back!"

"Steven," Esposito said carefully. "Let her go before you make this any worse. You haven't done anything yet."

Castle stayed close, eyeing the two. He saw the fear and helplessness on Ryan's face but even more, he could see that stubborn Irish side of him. While Esposito was too blinded about seeing his partner being in danger, Castle knew Ryan was already thinking of a way out.

"No!" He shouted. "Here's what's going to happen. You're gonna let us go. I'm gonna get the hell out of here. You won't follow us. I'll let her go once I'm safe and gone. You'll get her back, safe and sound and you don't come lookin' for me again."

"Deal," Ryan said quickly.

"What?" Esposito shouted. "Ryan, the hell are you thinking? You're not going anywhere with this asshole!" Castle could see him twitching to point the gun at their suspect. But he could also see how determined Ryan was looking, like he was going over a plan in his head.

"You heard the pretty little lady," their perp, who Castle refused to call Steven even if that was his name because it sounded too normal for a murderer, sneered. "Don't bother followin' us or the next murder you'll be investigatin' is hers."

Before Esposito could argue that, Ryan elbowed their perp and pulled away from his grasp. He didn't expect to be hit and let go of him and the knife. He turned around and used his foot to kick the blade towards Castle.

Ryan pulled out his own gun as Esposito hurried over pointing his gun at the perp. Castle picked up the knife and joined their side. As the three of them all wielded their weapons down at him, he felt like they were apart of the AVengers. You know, that end scene where they're all glaring at Loki. Castle chuckled at the thought of the sight. He hoped they looked just as scary.

"You fucked up," Castle said, looking from a fuming Esposito to the cowering perp. Oh, yeah, he was going to regret even looking at Ryan the wrong way.

And after they had their perp handcuffed and brought back to the precinct, he was taken straight to holding where he'd wait until his lawyer came. Beckett came over to their desks to congratulate them on a job well done but Esposito's angry voice stopped her.

"How many times were you dropped on your head as a baby?" Esposito roared at Ryan, tough he tried to keep his voice low enough not to draw any attention.

Beckett looked from them to Castle and then back to them.

"Javi, I-."

"Or did you lose brain cells along with your penis?"

" _Javi,_ -."

"I mean, what other possibility is there?" Esposito huffed.

"I know it was a risky-."

" _Risky?_ It was damn life threatening." Esposito snapped. "You know never to negotiate like that. He could barely hold that knife without shaking. You would have been dead with one little mistake."

Ryan ran a hand through his long hair in frustration. "Can you stop interrupting me for  _one_ second?" Esposito didn't say a word so Ryan continued. "I was only trying to help. I know how annoying it is to no longer have a tough guy having your back out there. I know I'm a weak little girl  _but I can still help_."

"You're not a weak little girl, Kevin!" Esposito took a step closer. "God, you're still the strongest person I've ever met."

Ryan took a step closer as well. "Then why are you freaking out about this? I had it handled from the second I went after him! I knew exactly what to do and that it would work."

"Just because you're strong enough to make a decision like that doesn't mean I am!" Esposito was nearly shouting, taking another step closer. He took a deep breath and even his voice so it was back to normal. "I love you, Kevin Ryan, so freaking much. But that also means I can't sit back and watch you almost die day after day."

"Javi…"

" _I can't lose you_ ," Esposito said in a voice so low it was almost a whisper. "So please refrain from doing stupid shit like that again."

Ryan took a step closer and Castle thought he was going to snap right back but instead he said, "I have to use the restroom."

Esposito nodded his head. "So do I."

And Ryan grabbed Esposito's hand to pull him to the restrooms. Castle rolled his eyes at the erection Esposito was horribly trying to cover.

Once they were gone, Castle turned to Beckett and said, "I mean, they could at least try to be sneaky about it."

Beckett shook her head, already walking back towards her office. "Let's just hope they remember to lock the door."

And while, for a quick second, Castle thought about how funny it would be to follow them and interrupt their moment- just to get back at all the times they'd cockblocked him- he really didn't want to see Ryan or Esposito in any state close to doing it against a bathroom stall. Castle shivered at the thought.

He'd leave them alone. This time.

* * *

The second that they were inside the bathroom all alone, Esposito pressed Kevin up against the stall. He wasn't sure which they managed to stumble through. But he didn't hear anyone else inside so he figured they were safe.

He blindly reached behind him to twist the lock on the door. If someone had to go, they'd have to wait until they were finished.

Esposito attacked Kevin's neck with kisses where earlier that night there had been a knife pressed against it. He shivered at that terrifying thought. "Why do you always get yourself into trouble?"

Kevin shook his head, unable to get any words out. His nails were digging painfully into Esposito's back. Esposito smiled at the feeling because that meant Kevin was alive and safe and able to do that.

"You scared the shit outta me," Esposito moaned, moving his lips from Kevin's neck to his chin and finally to his lips.

"Sorry," Kevin barely mumbled. "I wanted," he paused to let out a moan, "to help you."

"I know, baby," Esposito whispered, not wanting Kevin to think he wasn't any help.

There was nothing sweet or innocent about the next few minutes filled with kisses. Esposito felt himself growing painfully hard in his pants as Kevin used one hand to unzip his fly. He shoved down his pants and boxers exposing his burning cock to the cool air. And then Kevin wrapped his small hand around him to stroke him a few times.

Esposito's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he moaned Kevin smiled into the kiss and said, "I want you, Javi."

Esposito could barely get out a response as Kevin's delicate fingers continued to work their magic. "You've got me, baby."

Kevin's finger disappeared. "No. I  _want_ you. Inside me."

Letting out a small whine at the loss of attention, Esposito said, "I don't have a condom on me-."

Kevin cut him off with a hungry kiss. "I don't care. I want to feel you." He moved his lips close to this ear and whispered, "Please."

Esposito couldn't say no to that. He nodded his head a few times before moving to Kevin's pants. He pulled them down and then the panties followed. Kevin went all the way to step out of them and kick them across the floor.

Esposito's hand flew to his vagina and immediately, Kevin started to press himself into his hand. He let out a needy whine when Esposito didn't start touching him.

Since that day at Castle's in the Hampton's, Esposito and Kevin had gotten good at this. Whenever they were alone, they always found themselves having some sort of sex. Whether Kevin was blowing Esposito as he cooked dinner or Esposito was fucking Kevin after they crawled into bed for the night. Or anything in between, really.

It wasn't their fault they wanted to do everything in any place possible. They had been meaning to check 'the 12th' off their list.

Knowing they didn't have an abundance of time, Esposito didn't focus on the foreplay. He had two fingers slipped inside of Kevin stretching him enough to not hurt when he quickly slid in. Kevin moved his hips more, trying to find pleasure from his fingers but Esposito slipped them out before he could find the good spot.

Before Kevin could start whining in protest, Esposito brought his aching cock closer to his pussy. Esposito smirked as he slipped inside him slowly, covering Kevin's lips with his to catch all the moans. Kevin was loud and they couldn't afford to be heard by anyone right now.

Kevin wasn't as tight as he was their first time but he was still tight enough to feel the heat from inside him surround his cock as he slipped inside. He could feel Kevin tightening around him as he began to thrust back and forth. Esposito was pressing himself into Kevin as he grunted, fucking Kevin's hole a little more rougher than usual.

But if Esposito could tell by the way Kevin was chanting his name, he knew he was enjoying it. Kevin was a babbling mess and Javier couldn't find it in him to quiet him. Esposito actually liked the idea of anyone walking by being able to hear Kevin grunting and groaning and knowing only Esposito would be eliciting these sounds from him.

Esposito lost himself listening to Kevin's beautiful whimpers that he didn't even realize he was hitting exactly where Kevin loved until he was squeezing around him and tightened his grip on his shoulders.

Esposito quickly turned to look at Kevin's beautiful face mid-orgasm. His freckled cheeks and nose were scrunched. His pink lips were forming a small circle as he let out small gasps. And this breathtaking sight was only for Esposito's eyes.

With one more thrust, he was coming hard into Kevin, moaning his name into his hair. He bucked his hips forward letting out the last of his come inside of Kevin. He didn't pull out immediately, not until he could think straight again.

When he could see more than just white, he pressed his lips against Kevin's sweaty cheek. He pulled out slowly and carefully but Kevin still let out a small whine. Esposito could only imagine how empty he now felt.

"That was so worth almost dying for," Kevin whispered, the only sound beside for their heavy breathing.

"Next time you want to change it up and go a little rougher, just ask. You don't need to put yourself in danger just to get tied to the bed." Esposito kissed Kevin's lips once more before pulling away.

Kevin stayed where he was leaning against the wall. Esposito liked seeing how he looked after a quick, rough round in the middle of the precinct bathroom. There was no way in hell they'd be able to walk back into the bullpen and deny what just happened.

Esposito ran a hand through Kevin's hair, attempting to tame the mess. Kevin gave him a lazy smile and Esposito knew it was because he had him spoiled with cuddles after sex. Yeah, his partner was a cuddler and there was no way Esposito was saying no to him. But he drew the line at cuddling in a bathroom, not that he thought Kevin wanted that.

"How about we get out of here?" Esposito asked softly.

Kevin nodded, liking that idea. He stepped away from the wall to bend down and pick up his discarded pants and underwear. Esposito was positive he made a show of it so he gave Kevin's ass a light slap. "Let's go before Castle or Beckett come looking for us."

Kevin started to pull on his clothes, cringing at how they clung to the wetness of his lower half. Once he was finished, Esposito couldn't help the kiss he places on his temple. "There's a warm bath with your name on it waiting back at my apartment," he whispered against his hair.

Once Esposito gave them both a once over and decided it would be as presentable as they were going to get, they headed out of the bathroom. Castle and Beckett were both waiting for them at their desks.

Castle took one look at them and laughed. "You two couldn't wait until you got home?"

Kevin shrugged his shoulders. "What can I say, Castle? When you gotta go, you gotta go."

Beckett rolled her eyes. "Just get out of here, you two, before I make you catch up on paperwork."

Esposito grinned, grabbing Kevin's hand. "You don't need to tell us twice."


	22. Chapter 22

It wasn't like Castle took notes on Ryan's daily behavior. But ever since the change, he definitely kept a closer eye on him. So it made sense why he was the first to notice it. That, and also because he had seen it before.

It was hard to catch at first. Ryan would be fine when they came in the morning and then five minutes later, he was snapping at Esposito to give him some space. And then ten minutes after his little outburst, he was back to his normal self.

Esposito had to have been getting whiplash from the mood shifts, no doubt. One moment, he was told to get out of Ryan's face and let him take care of himself and then the next moment Ryan was calling him over just for a kiss.

Another clue was the small detail of Ryan always snacking. He always had something sweet on his desk to eat when he could afford a break during work. He was fairly positive of his hypothesis one afternoon when they brought lunch into the precinct and Ryan had eaten all of his share, as well as Esposito's and some of Castle's.

It took a week or so after the little suprise  _kiss_  in the precinct bathroom for Castle to figure out Ryan (and by default, all four of them) had a serious situation on their hands. It was the day after Ryan dashed into the bathroom to pray to the porcelain gods before Castle decided it was time to confront him.

Castle waited until Ryan was by himself before he approached him. Esposito was probably somewhere getting his partner something to eat because lately he'd been eating everything in sight.

"Hey, Ry, can I talk to you for a second?" He asked in a low voice once he was in front of Ryan's desk.

Ryan nodded and stood up. "Of course, Castle." He followed Castle to hall that was barely ever used in the back of the precinct. Once alone, he asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Castle said immediately, but then paused. "But I think...God, I don't even know how to say this."

Ryan furrowed his brows. "Is it something bad?"

"No...well, I don't think so…"

Ryan shifted on his feet and one hand went up to twirl a strand of his hair. "You're scaring me, Castle. Just say it."

Castle nodded and fumbled out, "Well, you and Espo are obviously, uh,  _together_. I don't really know what you two have talked about or what you've decided as a means of, well, uh, protection," Castle stuttered on as his face grew as red as a cherry.

"Are you asking me if we use condoms? Is this some sort of safe sex lecture? Because even though I'm a new girl, Castle, I know how it works." He gave Castle an amused smile.

Castle sighed in frustration because this was harder than he thought. He shook his head and after a long moment of silence, Castle finally said, "I think you're pregnant!"

Ryan went still and actually looked a bit shocked. "I'm...what?"

"I've been through this before with Meredith and Alexis. That would explain your increased appetite, why you've been feeling sick in the morning recently, your moodiness."

Ryan was really thinking this all over because he didn't even try to defend himself against the 'moodiness'.

"I mean there are some other symptoms that I wouldn't be able to know and if I did, Espo would kill me…" As Castle trailed off, he noticed Ryan started to freak out just a little.

"I can't be pregnant, I can't be." He took a step back and shook his head.

"Hey, it's okay. You'll be fine." Castle took a step towards him.

"No." Ryan brought a hand up to rest on his flat stomach. "You don't understand. I had coffee this morning, I had a beer last night, I've been chasing perps around."

Castle realized that Ryan was afraid he somehow hurt the baby and wasn't actually upset that he was  _having_ a baby. Well, at least not yet.

"You're fine, Kevin. I mean, I don't even know if you are. One beer and a coffee won't hurt it."

"But what if I am?" Ryan curled around his stomach. "What do I do?"

"First, why don't we actually test and see if you're pregnant. Then we'll go from there." Castle nodded, watching Ryan closely.

"Javi is always by my side. I can't do it without him knowing. And I don't want to freak him out." Ryan blinked. "I mean, this is huge. I don't…"

"Don't get yourself so worked up. It'll be fine. We'll go back out and I'll ask if anyone wants lunch. When I go out I'll pick you up a test and then you do it now or you can save it until home."

Ryan nodded his head and straightened his shoulders. "Okay, yeah, okay."

Castle waited for Ryan to look a little calmer before he said, "Let's go, everything is okay." He put a hand on Ryan's shoulder and led him out towards the bullpen. Of course, Esposito's eyes were on them the moment they were in his sights.

Esposito must have noticed the look on Ryan's face and came up to them, voice full of concern, "Ry, you okay?"

Ryan nodded but didn't say a word. Castle spoke up for him to get Esposito's attention away from him. "He was feeling a little hungry so I offered to go pick up some lunch for us all."

Esposito eyed his partner and said, "Man, you eat like you've got a bottomless stomach."

Ryan could only shrug his shoulders, looking sick. Castle knew he had to hurry up to get back before Esposito really started to pry for information. "Well, I'm gonna hurry-."

"I'll come," Ryan said quickly.

Castle noticed Esposito's suspicions only grow. But he nodded his head anyway and said, "Okay. You can help carry the bags."

Castle told Esposito they'd be right back before hurrying after Ryan who was already close to the elevator. They didn't say a word to each other until they were driving for a few minutes. "We didn't use a condom after the chase. When we were in the bathroom."

"That's what I figured," Castle said softly. He remained silent, watching from the corner of his eye as Ryan wrestled with the thoughts in his head. "It'll be okay," Castle promised. "You know we would  _never_ let you go through this on your own. Not Esposito, not Beckett and not me."

"I feel sick," Ryan whispered a few seconds later.

"Maybe," Castle said, "I'm just getting you worked up over nothing. The test will probably come back negative and then you can go back to humping Esposito like a rabbit and next time make sure you're wearing a condom."

Ryan went silent again until Castle pulled up in front of the small pharmacy. He got out of the car and Ryan followed slowly behind. The shop was empty besides for the cashier and them. Castle followed the signs until he found the right aisle for a pregnancy test.

He took the box that would give them the most accurate reading and then turned back around to pay for it. The young guy behind the counter rang it up, giving the two of them an amused glance. Ryan started digging around his pockets when it came time to pay but Castle put a hand on his wrist. He paid for it and then handed the small bag to Ryan.

Castle was expecting him to go back to the car but instead, he walked quickly to the back of the store. Castle jogged for a fews steps to catch up before calming his pace. "You wanna do it now?"

Ryan nodded and didn't stop until they were outside the bathroom. Ryan looked down at the bag and then back up at the bathroom door and then to Castle. "Can you…?"

The question went unspoken but he knew what Ryan wanted. What he needed. Support. "Sure. Of course."

Ryan turned the doorknob and walked into the small bathroom meant for one at a time. Castle followed in quickly before shutting the door behind them. He twisted the lock and watched as Ryan only stood there.

"I don't think it works until you open it up," Castle said, trying to get a laugh out of him.

Ryan's eyes flashed up to Castle in a panic and then back to the bag. He nodded a few times to himself, seeming to get the courage to actually open the box. Finally, he pulled out the box and held it in his hands. Castle expected him to just stare at the box for another ten minutes but he opened it quickly and pulled out a stick.

Castle took the box and bag from him. "You okay?" He asked and waited for a small nod. "I'm gonna turn around until you're finished with your business." He faced the door and waited for Ryan to get the test done. He hummed a song loudly under his breath to give Ryan some privacy. Even if Ryan was the one that wanted him in here.

He owed him some credit because if her were Ryan, there was no way he'd be able to pee with someone else in the room, especially on a little stick. But a few minutes later, Ryan was flushing the toilet and washing his hands.

Castle hesitantly turned around and saw Ryan already staring at him. "So, we wait two minutes and then it'll tell us?"

Castle took a step closer to Ryan and nodded. "We just have to wait."

Looking anywhere but the stick, Ryan said anxiously, "I'm kinda scared about what it's gonna say."

"No matter what it says...you'll be okay. We've dealt with Big Ryan for how many years? I think we'd love to have a Little Ryan running around our feet." Castle couldn't see Ryan's face but he hoped he didn't respond to that comment poorly.

"And if there's no Little Ryan, well then that solves everything, right?" Castle asked carefully and wasn't sure if he imagined how Ryan's shoulder deflated slightly.

"Yeah," he said, nodding his head only once. "Then, Javi wouldn't even have to know about this."

"You don't want him to know?" Castle asked, trying to discreetly get information while they were waiting.

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "It would just be unnecessary stress."

"Unnecessary stress?" Castle repeated.

Ryan sighed. "I don't know. He just doesn't need to know about it. He'd be relieved to know there was nothing."

"Relieved? Why would he be relieved?"

"He doesn't want a kid, Castle."

"How do you know?"

Ryan huffed, growing frustrated at Castle's insistent questioning. "Because, Castle. We haven't even been together for a month, we're both cops and there's no time to raise a kid. I mean, does he even want to be a father? After what his father did to him and mine to me..."

"Kevin, just because Javier's father abandoned him doesn't mean he will abandon you and your possible child. And just because your father…" Castle paused, realizing he didn't know the full story of the elder Ryan.

"Beat me," Ryan said, softly. "But only when he was sober so it didn't happen often."

Castle's wide eyes settled on Ryan. He hadn't expected his dad to be the perfect role model but he hadn't expected him to be an abusive asshole. "Kevin…"

"No," Ryan snapped quickly. "I don't want any pity. You've known me for years and I don't want you to start treating me differently because now you  _know_."

"Does Javier know?"

"Yeah."

"Is that why you think he'll be relieved? Because you think he's afraid of you being a father?"

Ryan shook his head. "No. But  _I_ don't think I'm cut out for this. No matter how much I may want kids, I'm not ready yet. Nor will I ever be."

"And why's that?"

Ryan glared at him. "I told you already. I told you what no one other than my family and partner know."

"I'm honored to be trusted enough to also know but I think maybe Javier wouldn't be as hard on you as you are on yourself." Castle put a hand on his wrist and squeezed it gently. "I think  _he_ would be honored to raise Little Ryan with you."

"Even if I don't have any form of father figure that should be copied?" Ryan asked in a small voice.

Castle smiled at him. "Look at how you turned out. I think Little Ryan will grow up to be just as good as his old man."

"If there  _was_ a Little Ryan," Ryan said back, almost sounding disappointed.

"There's only one way to find out," Castle told him softly.

Ryan nodded, looking down at the test in his hand for one quick second before looking back up at Castle. He stretched out his hand to Castle, "Can you…?"

Castle nodded immediately and took it from Ryan. "Of course." He looked down at the stick and then back up at Ryan. He swallowed and said, "It's negative."

Ryan looked up at Castle with sad eyes. "What? How could it be negative? I thought for sure I was. With what you told me and what I noticed...how is it even possible-."

"It's positive."

"Positive?"

Castle nodded with a small smiled watching as Ryan's wide eyes flickered from Castle to the test and back to Castle. "Why did you say it was negative?" He asked sounding slightly annoyed.

"Because now you know. Sounded pretty disappointed when I said it was negative."

Ryan took the test from his hand and stared down at it. When he looked back up at Castle, he had a smile on his face. "It's positive."

Castle smiled right back at him. "Yeah."

Ryan jumped forward and wrapped his arms around Castle. Castle laughed and returned the embrace. "Congratulations, Mommy," he teased and turned to glance at the test stick just behind his head. "Watch out with that, you peed on it."

With a grin, Ryan pulled his arms back. "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything to needs a 'thank you'," Castle said. "You owe that to Esposito."

"Yes you did. And don't pretend like you don't know." Ryan waved the stick in his hand. "Without you, I wouldn't haven even known where to start."

Castle looked at the pregnancy test- the  _positive_ pregnancy test. "So what are you going to tell Esposito?"

Ryan's smile disappeared. "I'll just tell him the news. And he'll be just as excited as I am. Right?"

Castle put an arm around Ryan's should and was surprised when he leaned into his side. "Of course, he will be." And if he wasn't, Castle was going to beat some sense into him.

* * *

Esposito was doing his best to stand in Ryan's shoes to understand what he was going through. But it was getting tough to act like Ryan's behavior wasn't upsetting him.

Judging from his moods and his increase in appetite and even the nausea, Esposito guessed Ryan was getting his period again. A little more research told him that all of his symptoms were normal. Even his sore breasts lately.

So Esposito was patient and knew better than to smother Ryan too much. But then he suddenly wanted to spend so much time with Castle and not him! What was that about?

They went out to get lunch from McDonald's and came back over an hour later. Seriously, how long did it take to get  _fast_ food. And when he came back, Esposito didn't get an 'I missed you' kiss. Nope. Ryan buried himself in the one of the empty rooms meant for private interviews or when they all shared late dinners around that table.

Esposito had attempted to follow his partner inside but Castle stopped him. "He needs some time to think," was all Castle said before dropping a bag of food on his desk.

Esposito scoffed angrily. What did he need time to think about for? If something was bothering Ryan this much, then he should be able to trust him to talk about it.

But he knew Ryan would only get upset if he pushed so Esposito didn't get the chance to talk with Ryan until a few hours later when they were going home for the day. On the car ride home, Esposito broke the long silence by asking, "So do I need to start stocking up on Starburst again?"

He had meant it as a joke. Rookie mistake.

Ryan turned to glare at him. "Just because I'm not myself today, that automatically means I'm on my period?"

How did this go so wrong so quickly? "What? No! You just haven't been your smiley self lately and I know it hasn't been a month but some girls don't get it regularly."

"I'm not PMSing, Javier." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared out the window.

Esposito bit back the quick reply of, ' _Oh, really? You could have fooled me.'_ He took a deep breath trying to fix what he didn't even know he'd screwed up. "Then what's wrong? Castle told me you had a lot on your mind today."

Esposito tried not to sound jealous that  _Castle_ knew what was bothering Ryan but not him.

"I just...I'm a little nervous, okay?"

"About the spell? You know Alexis and Cynthia are almost there. They said a week max and they'd have the solution."

"It's not about the spell," Ryan snapped.

Esposito tried to think what else could possibly be bothering him. "Did  _I_ do something?"

Ryan laughed but didn't say a word. Esposito groaned in frustration. Why was his partner so damn stubborn? He glanced at him for a second before turning back to the road. "Are you feeling sick again?"

"No. Why?" Ryan asked hesitantly.

"You've been holding your stomach the entire ride." The moment Esposito said that, Ryan's hand flew off his stomach. "It's not your appendix, right?" His voice growing worried.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "It's not my appendix." He added before Esposito could ask, "Yes, I'm sure."

"Just take it easy and let me know if it gets worse," Esposito said, pulling up to his apartment. Ryan nodded but didn't say another word.

"Why are you so protective?" Ryan grumbled as he undid his seatbelt. It was more to himself and he wasn't looking for an answer but Esposito responded anyway.

"Because I love you."

Ryan looked up at him with a small smile. "I love you too," he said softly.

Esposito leaned forward and puckered his lips. Ryan didn't hesitate before he closed the small distance and kissed him. His used his hand to hold Ryan's cheek as they continued to share the kiss. "You're so beautiful. No matter how much you confuse me with your mood swings sometimes."

Surprisingly, Ryan laughed at that instead of snapping at him. So he was happy again, good to know. That was because he was getting a kiss from him, no doubt, but if this was all Javier had to do to keep him happy he'd do it every second for the rest of his life.

* * *

"Man, I'm so stuffed I think I'm going to blow," Esposito groaned, placing a hand over his stomach.

"That's probably because you ate half of the pie," Beckett laughed as she walked into the living room.

With a small grin, Alexis watched her small family settle down after finishing dessert. She always enjoyed when she saw the three of her dad's best friends hanging around the loft. They never failed to bring a smile to her face.

"If I'd known you'd eat me out of house and home, I'd have picked up another pie." Her dad patted Javier on the shoulder as he walked past the couch.

Kevin followed close behind her father, holding a mug in his hands. He walked up to the couch where Javier was sitting. Javier didn't need a word to be said before he was lifting his arm over the back of the couch. Kevin smiled softly and took his seat next to Javier. He nestled himself in the nook of his partner's arm and pulled up his legs. Javier dropped his arm around Kevin and rested it on his hip.

Alexis looked down at her lap to hide her growing smile. She was so happy for those two that they finally were able to be together. She had heard from Cynthia about finding them at the house in the Hamptons. She wasn't that surprised to hear that they were using every possible second to spend under the blankets together. She teased her father about it at first and loved how red faced he got. She didn't mention how it was only a few years ago when she was forced to hear stories about  _his_ nighttime encounters.

Kevin and Javier deserved the chance to spend some time together to have some fun. By now, it looked like they had somewhat settled down. They hadn't done too much 'inappropriate touching', as her dad called it, in front of her. And she wasn't sure if that was just because they didn't want to act that way in front of her. They saw her as Castle's little girl, no matter how old she was, and treated her as so.

She turned back to them and saw Javier drawing small circles on Kevin's side delicately with his fingers. Kevin was sipping his drink contently as Javier held him close, pressing small kisses to the top of his head every few seconds.

Alexis hoped she found someone that treated her like Javier treated Kevin. She wouldn't settle for someone that didn't. She could imagine how Kevin felt, spending every day with a man that never looked at him with anything else but adoration in his eyes.

The conversation Javier was having with her dad was cut short when Kevin's phone started ringing. Javier lifted his arm so Kevin could pull his cell phone from his pocket. He read the screen and he turned slightly pale.

"It's my Ma…" He stared down at his phone for a few seconds before putting it back in his pocket. Alexis had never met his mom before but she knew how much Kevin loved her. He went on and on about her so it shocked her to see him ignore the call.

"What's that about?" Kate asked before anyone else could pry.

"She's probably wondering why I haven't called in the past few weeks. Especially as today is Christmas Eve." Kevin sighed, sounding upset. Javier immediately wrapped his arm back around Kevin to try and comfort him.

"She's just worried about you. You know how she gets," Esposito said as Kevin's phone stopped ringing.

"Yeah, I-." Kevin was cut off by the ringing of Javier's phone. "I bet you another cup of honeymilk that's her."

Javier laughed, pulling out his phone and glancing at his screen. "Looks like I owe you a refill." He swiped at his phone and brought it to his ear, ignoring Kevin's panicked look.

"Hey, Ma," Javier greeted, rubbing Kevin's arm to calm him down. "Merry Christmas." He looked down at Kevin with a grin. "Yes, Kev is here with me."

Kevin shook his head but he didn't move to get out of his grip.

"No, he's not feeling well. I'm thinking he's got the flu. Been in bed all week." Javier paused to let her speak. "He's sleeping right now but I'll let him know you called.  _No_ , you don't need to come out here. I'm keeping an eye on him."

Alexis laughed softly. She couldn't hear Kevin's mother but she knew she was freaking out.

"I will have him call as soon as he's feeling better." Javier rolled his eyes fondly. "Yes, he's staying hydrated and I'm feeding him enough. I promise he'll be okay and he will call-okay, come see you, yes-as soon as he's well again."

Javier smiled and nodded his head. "I love you, too. See you soon, Ma." He hung up and pocketed his phone.

"Is there a reason why you picked up the phone?" Kevin sat up so he could look Javier in the eyes.

"You're mom called me. I can't ignore her." Javier rubbed his arm, encouraging him to lay back down.

"Yes, you can. Just tell her later that you were taking a shower," Kevin said.

"And miss out on the chance to hear your mom worry about her little boy? Never." Javier leaned forward and stole a kiss from Kevin's lips.

"I think you mean little girl, Detective," Castle joined in on the teasing.

"This little girl can still kill you." Kevin glared at him while Javier laughed.

"No teasing Kevin on Christmas Eve," Beckett said, trying to stop the trouble before it started.

"Yeah, what would Jesus say?" Kevin raised his eyebrows.

"Babe, if Jesus saw you and I  _together_ I think the teasing would be the last of his worries." Javier winked at Kevin. Javier kissed his blushing cheek.

"There we go. I knew you wouldn't be able to be mature for one night. Can you at least wait until my daughter is gone before being disgusting?" Her father huffed, though there was no heat in his voice.

Then Alexis' phone started ringing. She grinned over at her dad. "I'll go take this in the kitchen. Kevin and Javier, you two can be as dirty as you want. I'd get a lot in before I come back."

"Evil, evil girl," she heard her dad mutter as she walked into the kitchen.

Cynthia was calling and Alexis hoped everything was okay. She had said they would take a break on the spell for Christmas. She picked it up and said, "Cynthia, is everything okay?"

"It's a Christmas miracle!" Her voice was loud in her ear. "I never believed in that bs stuff. Until now!"

Alexis didn't bother to point out that if witches were real, then so were miracles probably. "Did you figure out what was wrong?"

"Not only did I figure out what was wrong but I also completed it!" Alexis had never heard her sounding so ecstatic. She hoped it was because she was happy to get Kevin back to normal but most of her excitement was probably due to the fact she figured out how to undo a spell of black magic using her white magic. And not just any spell, the transformation spell.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Alexis, we did it. We can turn your friend back into a man. As soon as tomorrow."

* * *

Ryan was thankful for Esposito and Castle constantly bickering. Sure, sometimes it could be frustrating. But at times like these, he loved it.

The moment Alexis was in the kitchen, Esposito was attacking Ryan with his lips. He was kissing him breathless and nibbling on his ear and sucking hard on his neck. He didn't even care that Castle was watching, currently making the sounds of retching.

Beckett was trying to hold back her laughter but when Martha spoke, she lost control. "Boys, please, you're making us all excited and not everyone has a lover to go to bed with tonight."

"Mother," Castle sounded slightly mortified but there was no need. That was just Martha being Martha.

"Richard, like the sight of that doesn't get you all hot and bothered." Martha replied flippantly.

Ryan started laughing even as Esposito continued to kiss him. He could tell his partner was also doing his best to hide his amusement.

"You are talking about Ryan and Esposito, Mother. Whom I consider to be my brothers. I do not need to see them macking each other's faces off," Castle sputtered.

"Aw, are you feeling left out, Castle?" Beckett teased. Castle nodded, making himself look like a kicked puppy to get some attention. "Then, I'm sure Esposito wouldn't mind moving over. You two can share Kevin."

Beckett was good at aggravating all three of her boys at the same time.

"Ew, that is not what I meant!"

"Come near him and you better count your teeth, writer-boy."

"I'm not being passed around like a whore."

Beckett continued to laugh and she had to keep a steady hand on her champagne flute. She was slightly tipsy after her many glasses of wine. In fact everyone was a little buzzed whether from beer or wine. All except for Ryan. He stuck to nothing at first, hoping no one would notice. Of course, Esposito did but he just assumed Ryan was being careful because of his last hangover. So he made him a nice warm cup of honeymilk.

Only Castle knew the real reason why he was staying away from alcohol. And he hoped until he could think more about his situation, he would remain the only one that knew.

Alexis was the one that shattered that hope when she came running back into the room smiling widely. "That was Cynthia! And guess what? She can turn Kevin back to normal tomorrow!"

Ryan couldn't hear Esposito celebrating over the sound of his heart pounding. He turned to face Castle and saw the joking was out of his eyes. They held each other's eyes and he knew they were both thinking the same thing.

If Ryan let Cynthia turn him back, there would be no way his baby could survive in his male body. He'd have to choose over the baby and his old body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah did you expect that?
> 
> yeah probably

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope yu enjoy my fic and let me know what you think. 
> 
> Until next time,


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